If the universe had a sense of humor—and I was starting to think it absolutely did—it seemed determined to shove me into the center of a cosmic girl war I never signed up for.
Our tiny apartment was already too small for me and my emotional damage.
Add a jealous celestial goddess and a sassy chaos-gyaru?
Yeah.We needed holy water.And maybe a therapist.
✦ Act I: The Apartment Standoff
The moment Yergba stepped past the doorway, Ami's aura shifted.Not bright.Not violent.
Just… cold.
Dangerously cold.
She stood in the kitchen area with her arms crossed neatly, looking like a teacher about to suspend someone for breathing wrong.
"Aki," Ami said, voice too soft, "why is she removing her shoes as if she belongs here?"
"I dunno," Yergba said, popping her bubble gum loudly. "Maybe 'cause I do?"
Ami's eyelid twitched.
"She does NOT belong here," Ami snapped. "This dwelling is too small. It cannot accommodate—"
"Girl, relax." Yergba flopped onto the couch like she owned it. "I don't need much space anyway. I'll sleep on the floor. Or bed. Maybe Aki's—"
Ami's sword materialized.
I panicked so fast my soul nearly flew out of my kneecaps.
"A-Ami! Put the sword away!"
She didn't even blink."This creature does not respect boundaries."
"Uh, EXCUSE me?" Yergba sat up. "Creature? Honey, I have more personality in my PINKY than you have in your entire glowing existence."
Ami's aura flared.The lights flickered.I swear something in the air made a low cosmic growl.
"I will not tolerate disrespect toward the Keeper," Ami said.
"Girl, I'm not disrespecting him," Yergba said casually. "I'm disrespecting YOU."
"A-ALRIGHT BOTH OF YOU—ENOUGH!" I shouted.
They froze.
Ami's eyes immediately softened, guilt washing over her expression. "Aki… forgive me. I lost control."
Yergba shrugged. "He told you to chill. Not me. I didn't do anything wrong."
"You provoked her!" I said.
"Yeah, but like…"Yergba flicked her nails."Did you SEE her face? Worth it."
Ami's aura popped again.
"AMIIIIIIIIIIII PLEASE—!!"
She stopped.Barely.Her aura shrank like a sulking cat.
The silence that followed was heavy.Awkward.Tense enough to crush a small planet.
So naturally, I did what any desperate teen protagonist would do.
"We need… rules."
Yergba raised an eyebrow.Ami tilted her head.
"Rules?" Ami repeated, blinking. "As in… commandments?"
"No! Not commandments! Just… house rules!"
"Like don't murder the other girl?" Yergba asked.
"YES. Exactly like that."
Ami nodded seriously. "I accept."
Yergba grinned. "Sure thing, boss."
Ami glared.
"Don't call him boss."
"I'll call him whatever I want, Ice Queen."
"I will smite you."
"That's not allowed under rule #1, sweetie."
I slammed my head into the wall.
✦ Act II: Dinner Disaster
Dinner was, without exaggeration, the most terrifying experience of my life.
Ami cooked.Yergba watched.I prayed.
Ami moved like a wife from a perfect romance anime—quiet, graceful, delicate. She chopped vegetables precisely, cleaned as she went, even plated things prettily.
Yergba, meanwhile, leaned against the counter like a delinquent hanging out behind the school gym.
"Yo," she said, sniffing the food. "Smells good. Didn't know saints could cook."
Ami didn't look up. "Do not call me a saint. I am a Blade."
"Okay, Knife Girl."
Ami's grip on the spatula tightened dangerously.
I dove in between them again.
"A-Ami, it looks great! C-can't wait to eat!"
She relaxed instantly.Her eyes softened."Thank you, Aki."
Yergba smirked. "Oh he's DEFINITELY your weakness."
Ami didn't deny it.Which made it worse.
We sat down to eat.The moment I took a bite, my soul left my body.
The food was good.Like, restaurant level good.
"Ami… this is amazing."
She brightened so fast the whole room felt warmer.
"I—I am glad you like it," she said shyly. "I had no confidence in human cuisine."
Meanwhile, Yergba shoveled food in like a starving demon.
"S'good," she mumbled with a mouth full of rice. "Way better than that glowing space rock you tried to feed him earlier."
Ami glared."I did not realize humans were so delicate."
"We are," Yergba said. "Especially him. Look at that baby face."
I choked violently.
Ami's aura snapped.
"Do not insult his face."
"Why? He knows he's cute."
"C-C-CUTE?!?!" I shrieked.
Ami froze.Yergba burst out laughing.
"Oh my god, you didn't KNOW? Dude. Your face is like… super soft. Like puppy soft."
Ami turned to me slowly.
"…Puppy?"
"I—IT'S JUST A METAPHOR—"
"Which kind of puppy?" she asked seriously.
"Wh—why does that matter?!"
Yergba leaned in."A cute one. With big eyes. Like the kind you wanna pet."
Ami's aura flared again.
"No," she said firmly. "No one may pet Aki."
"EXCUSE ME??!!"
Yergba snorted. "Damn. You're possessive."
Ami stiffened."I… am not possessive."
"Yes you are."
"No, I—"
"You stare at him like he's your emotional support human."
Ami's face went red.Not glowing-red.Not divine-red.
Human red.
"A-Aki is… important."
My brain melted.
This was too much for a single dinner.
✦ Act III: The Argument Heard by the Gods
After dinner, I told them I was going to shower.
Ami immediately stood up.
"I will guard the door."
"NO YOU WILL NOT."
She paused. "Is it inappropriate?"
"YES. YES IT IS."
"Oh."She bowed politely."Then I will guard from afar."
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO GUARD AT ALL!"
"I disagree."
Yergba sauntered past me."Want me to guard too? I promise not to peek."
I tripped over my own foot.
"A-Ami, keep her away!"
Ami summoned her sword.
"Gladly."
Yergba cackled.
I slammed the bathroom door.
When I came out, steam still clinging to my skin, the apartment was… silent.
Too silent.
I peeked into the living room.
Ami and Yergba sat opposite each other like two opposing generals negotiating during a war.
The tension was so thick you could cut it with Ami's sword.
"I do not trust you," Ami said calmly.
"Good," Yergba said. "I don't want your trust."
Ami's expression grew darker. "Aki is not someone to play with."
"I'm not playing," Yergba said, leaning back with her arms behind her head. "I'm curious."
"Curiosity can be dangerous."
"I'm dangerous."
Ami's eyes narrowed.
Yergba smirked.
"And you're jealous."
Ami flinched.
"I am NOT—"
"Then why are you glaring at me like I stole your boyfriend?"
I DIED ON THE SPOT.
"A-Ami!" I yelled. "Stop! Don't listen—"
Ami stood suddenly, eyes blazing.
"Aki is NOT— not—"She struggled for the word, cheeks flushing impossibly red."Not… that."
Yergba blinked.Then slowly… a grin spread across her face.
"Oh my god," she whispered. "You LIKE him."
Ami froze.
I froze.
The universe froze.
"I—I do not— I— It is not— you are mistaken—"
"Girl, you're glowing pink. You're LITERALLY glowing."
Ami snapped her mouth shut and looked like she wanted to sink into the floor.
Yergba turned to me.
"You knew?"
"NO I DID NOT KNOW!!" I yelled.
Ami stiffened like a startled cat.
"I DID NOT— I never— Aki, please— do not misunderstand— I only— I wish to protect— not because of— not because—"
She buried her face in her hands.
The goddess of eternity was embarrassed.By a gyaru.
This was… insane.
I stepped forward gently.
"Ami," I said.
She didn't raise her head.
"Ami, look at me."
Slowly… shyly… she did.
Her eyes shimmered—not glowing, not fierce—just shimmering with something painfully human.
"Aki…" she whispered. "I… I do not know how to exist here."
My chest tightened.
"I do not understand these emotions," she said, voice cracking. "When I see her near you… I feel strange. And when you look away from me, I feel… frightened."
Yergba's smirk faded.
Ami pressed her hand to her chest.
"Tell me," she whispered shakily. "Is something… wrong with me?"
I stepped closer.My heart was loud, messy, confused, but—
"No," I said softly. "Nothing's wrong with you."
She blinked rapidly.
"You're… just feeling things," I said. "Normal things."
"Normal…" she repeated, voice trembling.
"And that's okay."
Ami stared at me.Not like before.Not like a goddess.Not like a protector.
But like a girl.
A lonely, scared girl trying her best.
Yergba looked away, clicking her tongue like she suddenly felt guilty for even teasing her.
"Tch… emotional damage," she muttered. "Didn't mean to make you cry, Ice Queen."
"I am not crying," Ami said.
She was absolutely crying.
"Ami," I said gently. "You don't have to compete with Yergba."
Ami swallowed hard."…I don't?"
"No. You don't."
Her shoulders relaxed slightly.Her breath steadied.
Then she whispered, barely audible:
"Thank you… Aki."
Yergba stuck her hands in her pockets.
"So what now, Keeper?" she asked. "You got two cosmic girls sharing your apartment. One's a goddess with emotional issues. The other's hot and chaotic. What's your plan?"
I inhaled deeply.
Then said the dumbest but truest thing I could:
"I… want both of you to get along."
Ami blinked.
Yergba choked on her gum.
"THE HELL?" Yergba coughed. "BRO, THAT'S—not how— dude—"
Ami's cheeks turned bright red.
"Aki… you are reckless," she whispered.
"I just want peace," I muttered.
Yergba glared.Ami sighed.
Then, slowly…
Yergba stuck out her hand.
"Truce?" she said.
Ami hesitated.
Then, cautiously…She took it.
"…Truce."
The apartment felt lighter instantly.
Yergba rolled her eyes. "Still don't like you."
"I dislike you as well," Ami said politely.
"But we won't explode each other?"
"Not without reason."
"…Close enough."
They nodded.Almost in sync.
I sank onto the floor, exhausted.
Two cosmic girls.One tiny apartment.
And this was only the beginning.
Because as the night deepened, and Ami quietly brewed tea, and Yergba played with the TV remote like she'd discovered technology—
My phone buzzed.
[WARNING: New Summon Approaching][Prepare yourself, Keeper.]
I stared at the screen.
Ami looked over, eyes narrowing.Yergba leaned in, smirking.
"You gotta be kidding me…"
The gacha was not done with me.
Not.Even.Close.