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Chapter 7—Siege of Gold
part III
— SPECIAL. Kazuna's Journal —
[DATE: 24 November]
.
.
I should be sleeping by now.
That's what normal people would do after a long day.
But the noises kept irritating me.
They asked questions instead of giving me answers.
What's the meaning of life?
I don't even know why I am still alive at this point.
They gave me so many chances, even when I never asked for them.
They gave me a place to stay, to feel the warmth for once. To have a home.
They accepted me for who I am. They don't even know who I really am, I don't either. Even though they have said 'you are welcome here'.
But why does it still feel like I'm borrowing someone else's life?
I know I have no choice. But I need to move faster. Or else. They've been watching my movements and I know it.
I don't want any of my family or friends to get involved in this. They didn't know anything.
What should I do?
…Would you still love me if you know who I really am?
.
.
Kazuna lay down while holding the leaf above her face.
A small proof of what happened earlier.
A proof that she didn't imagine things.
Her journal was left open on the desk, and a necklace was on top of it. The one that had a deer symbol on it.
The room was dark except the table lamps were still on. She saw the curtains were closed, only a dim light from outside could enter.
Then, a long sigh came under her breath.
She kept staring at the blank ceiling. It really felt like her body stuck in the bed forever, as if the bed was begging her not to leave.
But she really needs to. Sooner or later.
Kazuna kept motionless on the bed. Thinking about it more and more made her feel sick. She could feel her left chest aching gradually, as if someone was twisting her heart out.
"Shit…" she mumbled. "...Not now please—"
She turned around, embracing herself. Cold.
Only herself who would hold her close.
Eventually, she gathered all the strength she had left to get up along with a small groan. But all of that ended up only with her sitting and doing nothing more.
I don't wanna go anywhere.
Her hands coiled against the blanket. The room suddenly felt too quiet and cold. Too heavy. She hated how easy it was to break when nobody was even hurting her.
She was the one who's hurting herself.
"...I can't."
She brings her tightened grip in front of her face. "...I really can't—"
And for a while, the one that remained was none other than her along with the silence.
I'm fine.
I am always fine.
Nothing will get wrong, never again.
For a second, the place felt distorted away from reality, slowly regaining its control once she heaved a sigh.
Then, slow and steady—she gathered her strength into her legs, and leaped off the bed with the leaf still on her hand.
She didn't waste time to leave her room and started to take the stairs down. A bit rushed, but thankfully she didn't trip over.
Her mother was aware of her sudden presence. "Kazuna? Didn't you say you want to take a rest?"
"I… changed my mind." She took the last step before she paused. "...I'm hungry."
Hearing those words from her daughter somehow made her smile a little.
"You should've told me sooner." Her mother giggled.
But Kazuna was confused about what's so funny about it.
"Come," said her mother. "I just made a miso soup, a new recipe."
She nodded quietly.
Soon after, her mother guided her into the kitchen. While waiting for her mother to prepare, she finds a seat for her to sit down.
Her nails knocked down lightly onto the table one after another. It almost felt like it was the second ticking itself.
"Here you go,"
Her mother placed a bowl with miso soup. The smell was amazingly delicious, she had high expectations for this one.
She clasped her hands together. "Itadakimasu—"
She took the first sip carefully without waiting more.
The taste was… familiar, yet strangely distant. Not because it was unfamiliar, but because it wasn't something she remembered ever having before.
Warm, simple, and real.
It was more fresh and natural for this one.
"How is it?" Her mother waited.
Kazuna froze for a moment while she thought about it, she had no idea how to answer something so normal.
"...It's good," she nodded slowly.
And her mother smiles instantly. "Really? I was worried the homemade dashi would be a little plain..."
"No, I like this one more." She muttered before she took a sip again.
"I think it's more fresh and natural."
Her mother didn't answer for a few seconds before giggling a little bit. "...Glad to hear that then." Her lips curled.
She ate miso soup along with the rice. And her mother was just… watching her silently.
Kazuna noticed that after a while. "...Uhm, is there… something wrong?"
Her mother instantly shook her head. "Nothing," her mother replied with a warm smile. "I just realized this is the first time you've told me what you actually like."
"Oh," she paused. "...I guess so—"
"I'll remember that then." her mother remarks.
"...Remember?"
"Of course. Next time I'll make it this way."
Her mother let out a soft sigh, "Now, now—make sure you finish that up, okay?"
Kazuna hummed.
She finished the miso soup in only a few minutes. The broth was rich in flavor but wasn't overwhelming.
"Thank you for the food…" She murmured before she stood up to take the bowl to the sink.
But before she even could take the sponge, her mother already stopped her.
"No no… what are you doing? Leave the dishes to me, you can take a rest."
"But—"
Her mother suddenly hushed her, "You just got injured on your head, right? I don't want you to pass out."
She had no more words to argue. "...Okay—"
Kazuna walked slowly, and sat back down on the couch, although her hands still felt strangely empty.
She didn't know why something as simple as being told to rest felt unfamiliar.
Rest was something she only did when she had nothing else to do.
Not because someone asked her to.
She let out a deep sigh.
What am I gonna do now…
Then—
Ding… dong…
Her body went tense. Immediately stood up from the couch.
"Ah, Kazuna?" Her mother called. "Could you check who it is?"
It took a moment for her to process it. "...Alright."
She stepped towards the front door. Every step makes a low creak that echoes through the room.
And right when she held the door knob, she took a deep breath.
"Okay…"
She hoped it wasn't someone she thought of.
She opened the door, and…
"Kazuna!" Itsuki greeted warmly.
The first thing she noticed wasn't their faces. It was their voices calling out her name.
It was something familiar, instead of a threat.
She didn't expect this. Well, surprised as well.
"You look less dead now—"
Riku cuts through his words. "Oi, what kind of greeting is that?"
Kazuna shook her head.
"What are you guys doing here…?"
Itsuki stepped forward, holding out a paper bag at her. "This! We wanted to give you this!"
She hesitated for a moment. And when she opened it… the smell of freshly new fried chicken immediately reached her nose.
"Wow…" She blinked a few times. "Thank you… I guess?"
"What's this?" Her mother was suddenly behind her. She almost jumped away.
The others were stunned.
"Ah, are these the friends you mentioned about?" She guessed it right.
Kazuna nodded, "...Yeah, this is… Itsuki, Riku and… Tanaka." An irritated look on her face as soon as she looked at him.
"I see…" Her mother seemed to be trying to memorize it quickly. "...But why don't you use his first name on the last person?"
Kazuna fell silent.
She swore she could see that annoying smirk right in the corner of her eyes.
"He's—"
"Please come inside! I can't let you guys just stand here for too long." Her mother cuts her words before she could even try to explain.
The two brothers exchanged a glance. While Tanaka—
"Why not? Let's go guys—!" He already walked forward.
But Riku grabbed his collar before he took another step. "Nope, we're going home."
Her mother quickly stepped forward to them, "Ah, hold on—why are you guys leaving so soon? You're not in a hurry, yes? "
Her hands clasped together. "Also—! I want you guys to try my miso soup, how's that sound?"
"Miso soup?!" Tanaka bursts out, that grin on his face even wider than before. "I can't just resist a free meal, y'know?"
When Riku tried to pull him away, he just realized Tanaka was already slipping off his hands.
"C'mon you guys, it will be fun," Her mother invited with a smile ever so warmly that even the afternoon sunlight seemed dull in comparison.
Kazuna raised her hand to stop her mother, but seeing it was already too late, she just let it slide this time. It was the first time her mother insisted on inviting someone.
And Tanaka was already on the first line to enter the house. Itsuki followed behind him and Riku hesitated for a moment.
"...Kazuna, is it okay?" Riku asked with a low voice.
"I mean… I can't also deny my mother's request…" She shrugged her shoulders.
He nodded. "Alright then."
Riku was the last one to enter.
———————————————————
As soon as they entered, they sat down on the couch comfortably in the living room. Itsuki was looking around the room with an amazed look, Riku stayed still to keep him composed, and Tanaka lazily leaned backwards onto the couch.
The living room wasn't that large, yet it was neatly organized and spotless. The afternoon sunlight spilled through the windows, painting soft rectangles across the polished wooden floor.
There were a few potted plants resting quietly near the window. It was Kazuna's plants.
Nothing looked expensive, yet everything looked cared for.
"You guys," Kazuna called out to them. "The miso soup's ready."
Tanaka didn't waste the time and rushed forward. Itsuki and Riku quietly followed behind him.
They sat quietly on the dining table before Kazuna served a bowl of miso soup for each of them.
Itsuki grasped his hands, couldn't wait any longer. "Woah…"
"...Enjoy."
"Itadakimasu!" They all said.
Tanaka immediately leaned forward, he was already drooling and his eyes practically shining.
"You made this yourself?" he asked.
"My mother did."
"Even better." He slurped the soup.
Kazuna stared at him. "...Pardon?"
Tanaka didn't answer anything after that. Instead he was busy with the miso soup.
"You…" She tried to hold herself back.
Itsuki ignored their argument and took his first sip. For a moment, he said nothing.
Kazuna watched him carefully, almost expecting some kind of criticism.
Then—
"How is it you guys?" Her mother suddenly appeared behind her, again. But thankfully this time she didn't jump out.
"It's really good," Riku was the first one to answer. "I really loved it, thank you so much!"
"I think so too! Unlike the miso soup I usually had, this one is a lot more refreshing and lighter!" Itsuki nodded.
"I'm glad you guys enjoyed it," Her mother's smile was brighter than ever. "Actually, I'm the one who want to say thank you here—"
A silence.
"This… was her first time she told me that she had friends. Back then… she always came home from school with bruises all over her, and never really talking with anyone in school," Hurt and guilty in her voice as she explained.
All of a sudden, her mother bowed, almost deeply.
"So, I am really grateful knowing that she has a friend now. Thank you so much." her mother added.
Three of them went silent, staring at each other.
A sudden creak voice from the chair, "No, ma'am. Back then, Kazuna saved my younger brother from life and death situation, and as Itsuki's older brother—"
Riku paused for a moment, looking at Kazuna.
Then, he bowed deeply. "I cannot thank you enough."
Kazuna was a bit panicked. It was impressive that he could bow that deeply.
Itsuki instantly followed his big brother. "I am deeply grateful you were there, Kazuna!"
The moment Itsuki bowed to her, her panic just increased more.
"I—It's nothing, please raise your heads…" She leaned forward.
Looking at the scene, her mother let out a relieved sigh. "I see then, well that means you guys are even now." Her mother patted her shoulder lightly.
"Kazuna saved Itsuki, and you guys became her friends," she added. "...Alright now, I shouldn't interrupt you guys."
And just like that, her mother went off somewhere.
Meanwhile Kazuna didn't have words to say, it was only the silence filling the room.
The two brothers continue enjoying the miso soup again.
"Wow." Tanaka looked like a dead pan.
Kazuna already knew what he was going to bring up.
"So it was true that you're a loser."
"Do you really want to—"
"Nu-uh," He stopped Kazuna before she could continue, and literally went eating the miso soup in the middle of the conversation. "...That doesn't change anything."
"It changes, everything."
"Is it so?" Tanaka added. Putting a troubled look on his face.
Tch—
"Finish up quickly and get out of my house."
"Awh, but your mother just invited us—"
"That invitation already expired."
That argument felt like it never ended, the two brothers watching them silently while enjoying the miso soup, also as an exchange of popcorn.
"Are you guys done now?" Riku started.
"We're done," She sighed before she stepped away.
And as she really left, Riku shot Tanaka a look.
"What?"
"Don't try to act so innocent," He put the bowl aside. "You're literally bullying her in her own house."
Tanaka scoffed. "It's not bullying,"
He leaned forward. "It is called teasing, Riku."
"You…"
"You sound a lot more like Kazuna now." He raised an eyebrow.
Riku glared at him. "So what? Are you jealous or something?"
"What? Jealous?" Tanaka was taken aback.
"Tch—" He rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter if I'm jealous—"
"—So that means you really are jealous." Riku paused. "And by the way… I see you looked—strangely patient around her…"
"Huh?"
"Normally you would get annoyed easily around people, especially the girls… your fans, basically."
"Woah, hold on now. This isn't an interrogation room, okay?"
"And now you're trying to change the subject here?"
"Shut up."
And without them noticing, Kazuna was already in front of them, holding a glass of water for them.
She just stood there silently watching them both.
"What?" she paused. "Just ignore me and continue."
Then the whole room was silent.
Tanaka was looking down, trying to hold himself back in. And Riku straightened his posture back.
Meanwhile Itsuki, who was silently watching all of them throwing arguments this whole time, sat stiffly while drinking the water that Kazuna just gave.
"So…" he started. "Are you guys gonna continue?"
"Forget it." Tanaka sighed, and took the glass of water she gave him.
"...I think we should probably leave now," Riku said after chugging the whole water. "Thank you for the miso soup, Kazuna."
"Oh, okay..."
Tanaka immediately reacts. "Wow, are you sad we're leaving?" And that damn smirk again.
"No."
"That was too fast—"
"Well that's the fact." She shrugged her shoulders lightly. "No explanation needed."
"Alrighty you guys…" Riku already stood up from where he sat. "Let's go now, Itsuki."
Itsuki jumped off from the seat. "Okay—!"
"We'll be leaving now," he smiled.
Kazuna didn't answer immediately. "...Yeah,"
Three of them walked to the exit, leaving through the front door. And Kazuna stands at the door.
Normally she would just close it.
But this time—
"See you tomorrow, Kazuna!" Itsuki waved his hand in the distance, before he walked to the gate.
She froze for a moment.
And raised her hand, just slightly. "...Goodbye."
The three figures gradually vanished like a painting was discarded away. But, it felt like they still remained beside her.
A soft light of golden mixed with orange shade kissed her cheek, it was warm. Usually she only feels cold almost every time. This time was different, as if the sun stayed and held hands with her, making the cold go away from inside her.
She tried to turn back, but her eyes couldn't let go of the sight from the gate.
"...Kazuna?" Her mother calls out.
She snapped back. "Yeah?"
Kazuna thought, "Maybe later…"
.
.
.
A slow creak shut faintly behind her. The faint radiance of the moon escaped from the gauzy curtain.
She stayed for a moment standing in front of the door, a hand still remained on the door knob.
A sigh escaped her mouth.
"What a long day…" She mumbled.
She turned around and…
She looked at the table across the room. Instinctively reached her hand to her chest.
Her fingers stopped moving. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe.
She wasn't wearing it, she was sure of it.
But why… the necklace wasn't there?
She remembered that she put it on the journal that she left it open just like that, but only her journal was there.
The room was still the same. The clock was still ticking. The table lamps were still on. There were no signs of it.
She searched everywhere, the bed, the closet, the drawer, her bag, and everything else.
But none. It was nowhere to be found.
Her heart began to race gradually, a bead of sweat sliding down her cheek.
No… no—I'm sure I left it there.
Kazuna checked her journal one more time, she even flipped it over and shook it down, even though she knew it was impossible.
The realization hit like a bullet to her head.
But, something caught her attention. Outside the window. Something perched on the roof in front of her.
She wanted to get it clear, and shifted the curtains aside.
And there she saw it.
A small black figure sat silently on the roof.
A raven.
At first, she thought it was nothing
Until it wasn't the raven that she saw.
It was something metallic reflected under the moonlight.
It was her necklace, on the raven's beak.
She couldn't figure it out how—it could get that.
She checks the window… it was locked. All seemingly perfect, there were no scratches or broken things.
Then how?
Slow and steady… she unlocked the window, deliberately trying to make no sounds at all.
But as she struck forward to catch it, the raven noticed early and flew away.
Shit—!
Kazuna couldn't stop looking around, trying to figure it out.
For the first time in a long while, Kazuna hesitated.
Because it was the necklace, the necklace she always wore. The one that had a proof within.
She had that long before she even met this… family.
She snapped back, and immediately rushed downstairs, but before she did—she took something from her drawer first and continued stepping forward.
She managed to keep her footsteps silent. On the other side of the room, the faint sound of a television filled the silence.
Kazuna turned around, looking at the door that would lead her to the backyard.
It was always like this. In the dark night, using the back door to run away from home.
But tonight, it felt different.
It felt like she was leaving something behind. But she just couldn't figure it out.
Then followed by their laughs echoing. It was none other than her parents in the living room now. They must be watching cartoons with their beloved child now.
Kazuna froze in one place, looking at them sitting comfortably on the couch, seeing them had their moment in life.
And for a second, it felt like she was the one who's sneaking out like a stranger.
Well, she is.
Her feet refused to move for a second. Watching them laugh together, something unfamiliar stirred inside her chest. Yet it was hollow.
That strange feeling lingered inside her longer than she expected. She couldn't even put it into words.
For a brief moment, she wished time could stop.
She wanted to reach out to them and forget about the necklace, surrounded by the people who would love her dearly.
But she knew this wasn't hers to have.
Kazuna forced herself to walk away from the warmth she always wanted all along.
She stepped forward to the back door, the same door she had passed through countless times before.
She knelt down and reached into her pocket, pulling out the small safety pin she had taken earlier.
A habit she wished she didn't have to do again.
The door was always locked after seven. Her mother did it every night without fail.
Kazuna didn't have to try much. Only a few soft clicks echoed in the darkness.
The moment the door opened, the cold night air rushed toward her. It wrapped around her like an old friend.
Familiar.
Yet somehow, she hated that it still felt familiar.
Then, the raven just stayed on the fence. Still had the necklace on its beak.
And strangely, the raven looked directly at her, as if it was waiting for her presence. Or more like an invitation.
Eventually, the raven flapped its wings and flew away into the darkness.
No matter what, she has to get that necklace back. The only thing that connected her to the past.
She runs after it, chasing it down even though she was supposed to stay and rest.
She slipped through the backyard gate, leaving the lights of the house behind her.
The raven flew ahead of her, never too far, never too close.
The necklace swayed from its beak, catching the faint light every time its wings moved.
It was strange.
A bird never flew this slow. Except if it's observing their prey from a distance.
She didn't know why she followed it either. Anything could happen.
Maybe it was curiosity.
Maybe desperation.
Or maybe something inside her already knew where this would lead.
Silence hung on the atmosphere when she ran. Not even a sound of cold breeze calling out, strangely the leaves on trees also holding its breath.
And didn't know for how long she had run. The raven suddenly disappeared.
She turned around to search for it again.
And that's when she realized.
She had gone into somewhere she didn't know.
Only silence surrounded her. Not the peaceful kind.
But she could hear a faint sound of wind again as it passed through the trees.
The leaves moved again, rustled above her, overlapping with whispers she couldn't understand.
Then—
"...I never thought you would accept the invitation,"
A sudden, strangely familiar voice cuts through the silence.
Her body tensed instinctively. She knew who it was. Or more like she couldn't think of someone else right now.
Kazuna only turned her head, just enough to look at the person behind her by the shoulder.
Black suit, looked almost too neat.
Then… golden tooth as he smiled.
Ravel.
"Oh? And I thought you would be more surprised here?"
Kazuna dropped her shoulders low. A sigh escaped from her breath. "Ravel," She repeated his name. As if tasting it.
"...And a raven. Guess that was too obvious, isn't it?"
Finally, she turned around completely facing him.
And… he clapped, out of nowhere.
"Bravo! I knew you're a genius, just like in the description," He let out a dark chuckle.
"...Isn't that right," a pause almost too deliberately. "...Subject-3?"
Subject-3.
She froze immediately. She couldn't move any muscles at all. Not even to speak.
Her ears were drumming and ringing too loud.
No…
"Am I wrong?" he added.
Shit…! But how—
He hooked out something from his pocket.
"This one? The one you seek?" He tilted his head. How dare he add a smirk, as if trying to mock her.
"Funny thing about this necklace," He lifted it slightly, letting the metal catch the moonlight.
"You've been protecting it this whole time." A smile appeared. "But, have you wondered… if it was protecting you—or keeping you?"
"...W—What are you… talking about?" She tried so hard to move her own tongue, but still failed to speak such simple words. "...That necklace—was just a necklace,"
"Oh really?" Ravel tilted his head, studying her expression. Looking over the necklace. "Can't you see it with your own eyes—"
He widened his eyes for a moment, "Ohh… sorry I forgot that your necklace was holding back your ability." A mock.
His fingers curled beneath his chin thoughtfully, his eyes studying the necklace closer as if he was observing an interesting artifact. Though the faint curve of his smile suggested he already knew the answer.
"So—why did you need to chase after this?" He added quickly. The necklace makes a soft ring as it was shaken by him.
"None of your business—just give it… back to me…!" The words came out unevenly. Her throat felt tight, her tongue refusing to cooperate.
What the heck did he do?
Is it because… no… if it does that means—
She knew it. And she hated it. She always had.
She hated that he could make her powerless with just a few words. No, it was only one word that always rings in the back of her head.
She shouldn't have underestimated him.
"Straight to the business, alright… you never change, do you?" He leaned his head to the back, as if this was too easy for him.
"...Then I'll do as your wish,"
A sudden change of his tone was *add description
"Don't you wanna know…" A pause.
"…what's behind you?"
"Wha—"
Before she could finish her words, a soft click echoed behind her.
Not loud. Not threatening either. Almost like a lock being opened.
The moment she turned around—
Her breath stopped.
The world shifted. It was different.
The darkness was gone.
The cold night air was replaced by sunlight warming her skin.
Birds sang somewhere above the trees. The scent of flowers filled the air.
It was beautiful.
Too beautiful.
Kazuna stood frozen.
Is this… a dream?
Everything changes.
She looked down at her boots. She was standing on the grass that looked too green for the grass itself. It looked fake, but it sounded real as she stepped on it.
The wind itself was… calm. Unlike before. This one was lighter.
She stepped forward, didn't really know where the "forward" exactly was.
Kazuna couldn't stop glancing around. Any slight movement coming from the bush was enough to make her jump away.
Then, she stopped.
She knelt down as she saw a figure not too far away in front of her.
She didn't know what it was.
Slowly… she peeked through the bush.
She saw a slender, elegant creature on four legs.
The skin looked too soft and clean for a creature in a wild forest.
She glanced down, then went up.
There when she immediately saw it.
Antlers. It was those antlers.
Kazuna shifted her position to get a better view.
The creature lifted its head slowly.
She immediately put her head down again.
And thankfully, it didn't seem like it noticed her presence.
She peeked one more time.
For a moment, Kazuna forgot to breathe.
It was… a deer. With a delicate, soft white skin.
It felt too mythical.
Followed by a sound of grass crunched down. And it came from the deer who was eating the grass.
But there was something more about it.
Not the appearance. Not the antlers. Or anything else.
It was a feeling.
Like seeing someone she had lost a long time ago.
Like a memory she couldn't remember.
She wanted to reach for the deer, maybe just make an appearance. She felt like she could rely on the deer.
But then—
Her ears started ringing again.
Exposing herself to the deer from a sudden intruding creak came from the bush.
She clenched her fingers to her head. Her breath came short.
Everything's spinning and hazy.
It kept ringing, the same word over and over.
… Three—... Sub… thr—...
It was getting worse each time. Until…
.
.
.
Ring… ring…
Kazuna opened her eyes.
The same ceiling. The same lamp.
Her alarm had woken her up. But she didn't move. She clenched her fist, and she could feel something metallic colliding softly.
She woke up from the bed immediately, glanced down at the necklace. It was in her hand.
The thing she was desperately trying to get back.
Kazuna dropped her hands. Looking at nothing.
She just sat there blankly without doing anything more.
There was only one thing on her head right now.
What the fuck just happened??