The chains of the swing set groaned. It was a rusty, high-pitched squeak that sounded like a dying bird, echoing rhythmically across the empty Academy courtyard.
Squeak. Thud. Squeak. Thud.
Naruto kicked the dirt, scuffing the toe of his sandal. The morning air was cool, smelling of damp earth and the leftover mist that clung to the Hokage Monument. He stared at his feet.
He hadn't slept well. The nightmare had been vivid—a massive, purple snake unhinging its jaw to swallow a toad whole. The sound of the toad's bones crunching had woken him up in a cold sweat.
"That's the last time I eat the discount cup ramen before bed," Naruto muttered, rolling his eyes at his own poor life choices.
He gripped the cold iron chains. The metal bit into his palms.
Jiraiya was gone. The old pervert had walked out the gate yesterday, leaving the village feeling a little bigger and a little emptier.
Get stronger, Pervy Sage had said.
Naruto sighed, leaning his head against the chain.
PUSH.
Hands slammed into his back.
"Whoa!" Naruto yelped, his legs flying up as the swing launched forward violently.
He scrambled for purchase, swinging back down. He twisted in the seat, ready to yell at Kiba or Shikamaru.
"Hi."
Sylvie stood there. She was wearing her casual gear, hands on her hips, looking unimpressed. Her glasses reflected the morning sun, hiding her eyes for a second before she tilted her head.
"Sylvie-chan?!" Naruto blinked, gripping the chains to stop the momentum. "H-how long have you been standing there?"
She rolled her eyes. "Does it matter? Do you know how many times I've watched you sitting here looking like a kicked puppy? Do you know how a swing works, Naruto? You're supposed to move."
Naruto started to get embarrassed, a flush rising on his cheeks. Then he paused.
"I KNOW HOW A SWING WORKS!" he shouted, pointing a finger at her.
Sylvie grinned. It wasn't a nice grin; it was a instigator's grin. "I see you've still got your morning energy. Good. Get up."
"Why?"
"Because—"
"Yo."
The voice came from everywhere and nowhere.
Naruto and Sylvie spun around in perfect sync.
Leaning against the solitary tree near the fence, reading a small orange book with intense focus, was a man with gravity-defying silver hair.
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" they both yelled.
They didn't hesitate. They launched.
It wasn't a coordinated attack; it was a dual-pronged tackle of pure relief. Naruto hit him low, Sylvie hit him high.
"Oof—hey!" Kakashi grunted, stumbling back against the bark. He managed to keep his book aloft, but just barely.
He looked down at them, his single visible eye widening slightly. He hadn't expected this. He expected questions, maybe a complaint about being late. He didn't expect to be nearly knocked over by aggressive affection.
"You guys..." Kakashi sighed, patting Naruto's spiky head awkwardly. "I was only gone for a month."
"YOU WERE IN A COMA!" Sylvie yelled, pulling back to punch him in the flak jacket. "FOR LIKE A MONTH! YOUR BRAIN SHOULD BE AS SMALL AS NARUTO'S RIGHT NOW FROM ATROPHY!"
"YE-HEY!" Naruto protested.
Sylvie elbowed him in the ribs without looking. "I cope with trauma through humor, sue me."
"YOUR HUMOR IS ILLEGAL WHEN I'M HOKAGE!!" Naruto shouted back.
Kakashi's eye closed into a crescent moon. The wrinkles at the corner deepened. He chuckled, a muffled sound behind the mask.
Sylvie turned back to him, poking him hard in the chest. "So? Explain yourself. You were half-dead yesterday."
Kakashi scratched his cheek through the mask. "Well..."
The hospital room smelled of lemon antiseptic and fear.
Tsunade stood by the bed, cracking her knuckles. CRRRRRRK.
Medical Ninja Iyashi grimaced, stepping back. Hinata, standing in the corner with a clipboard, shivered visibly. Shizune clutched Tonton the pig like a riot shield.
"Ahem." Tsunade cleared her throat. Green chakra flared around her hands—dense, terrifying, and loud.
"Creation Rebirth... sort of," she muttered.
She raised her hand high.
"LIVE, GODDAMMIT!"
WHAM.
She punched Kakashi directly in the center of his chest.
The bed frame cracked. The mattress compressed. Kakashi's eyes shot open, and he inhaled so sharply it sounded like a vacuum seal breaking.
Naruto burst out laughing, "You got punched to life by a granny!"
Sylvie stares at him deadpan, "You are absolutely lying."
Kakashi rubbed his sternum absentmindedly.
"Let's just say... Lady Tsunade has a very 'hands-on' approach to medicine."
He pushed off the tree, sliding his book into his pouch. The air around him shifted. The lazy, late-for-everything vibe evaporated, replaced by the sharp, metallic edge of a Jōnin.
"How about you two show me what you've learned while I was napping?"
The Third Training Ground was humming with the sound of cicadas. The sun was high now, baking the grass and heating the three wooden stumps in the center of the clearing.
Kakashi reached into his pocket. The sound was nostalgic.
Jingle.
He pulled out two silver bells.
"Round 3?" Kakashi asked, dangling them.
Naruto and Sylvie smirked. It wasn't the cocky smirk of genin who didn't know better. It was the smirk of soldiers who had seen the elephant.
"Okay," Sylvie said, adjusting her glasses. "But if we win this time—"
Her eyes darted to Naruto. On cue, Naruto slammed his fist into his palm.
"We see what's under that mask!"
Kakashi scratched his head, feigning reluctance. "Sure. Why not? Let's see what you can do."
He pocketed the book. He dropped into a casual stance.
They'll probably come with taijutsu first, Kakashi analyzed. Naruto will lead, Sylvie will flank—
Sylvie and Naruto simultaneously bit their thumbs.
Blood welled up. They slammed their hands onto the grass.
"Summoning Jutsu!"
"GAMAKICHI!"
"TSUYUYU!"
POOF. POOF.
Two clouds of smoke exploded.
Kakashi's eye went wide. His brain stuttered. Wait. How long was I gone?
"What's up!" Gamakichi, the orange toad, landed next to Sylvie with a wet plap. "Oh! Hi!" He waved at Sylvie, ignoring Naruto completely.
"YUUUUUU!!!"
A white and blue slug the size of a cat sproinged into the air and POPPED onto Sylvie's shoulder.
"SYLVIE-CHAN SMELLS LIIIIKE—INK! AND SUGAR! TSUYUYU WANTS SUGAR!" the slug squealed, vibrating with chaotic energy.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Pop-pop-pop.
Three more Narutos appeared.
Kakashi instantly regretted his life choices. This wasn't a spar. This was a raid.
"Go!" Sylvie commanded.
The battlefield dissolved into chaos.
Gamakichi puffed up his cheeks. "Water Style: Starch Syrup Gun!"
He fired three high-velocity globs of sticky water. Kakashi dodged left—and ran straight into two Naruto clones swinging kicks at his head. He blocked, sliding back.
"Tsuyuyu, slime him!" Sylvie yelled.
The slug spat a stream of acid-slime. Kakashi substituted with a log (CRACK—the log hissed and melted).
He landed near the riverbank.
"Gotcha," Sylvie whispered.
She slammed her hands onto the wet ground.
"Stillwater Domain: Muddy Boots."
The chakra rushed through the earth. The mud beneath Kakashi's sandals didn't just get wet; it turned into a vacuum. It seized his ankles, heavy and unnatural, locking his feet to the ground.
"Eh?" Kakashi looked down. Ice release? No... viscosity manipulation?
"OH MY GOD I GOT KAKASHI-SEN—" Sylvie screamed in victory.
POOF.
Sylvie snapped her fingers, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Kakashi appeared behind where she had been standing, his kunai raised. "That was a good try, bu—"
The air behind him screamed.
It was a sound Kakashi knew. A sound he associated with a yellow flash and a masked man and a tragedy.
"RASENGAN!"
Kakashi whipped his head around.
Naruto—the real one—was airborne. In his hand was a swirling sphere of blue destruction, roaring like a trapped typhoon.
Kakashi tried to spin. He tried to move.
But Sylvie was there. She grabbed his left arm. The Naruto clones grabbed his right arm. Gamakichi wrapped his tongue around one leg. Tsuyuyu glued herself to the other.
He was pinned.
And an A-rank jutsu capable of grinding rock to dust was inches from his chest.
"Nope," Kakashi whispered.
POOF.
The Rasengan slammed into... a puff of white smoke.
"GAH!" Sylvie yelled, stumbling forward as her target vanished.
The Naruto clones leaped into the way, taking the hit to save Sylvie. They exploded into smoke, sending a shockwave through the clearing that knocked Gamakichi onto his back.
In a tree, fifty yards away.
Kakashi leaned against the trunk, breathing hard. He looked at his vest. There was a scorch mark near the pocket where the Rasengan had grazed him before the substitution.
He looked at the kids below, who were arguing about who missed the tackle.
Kakashi scratched his head. He started counting his fingers, doing the math.
"Was I in a coma for three years...?" he muttered to himself. "Because that... that shouldn't be possible."