I can now speak from experience that living as a hydra isn't so bad after all. It takes a while to get used to moving a gigantic body and also interacting with seven different heads, but once you learn, the rest is easy.
First, food. I live at the bottom of the sea, so I've learned to eat fish or anything that looks appetizing down here. Giant lobsters, giant crabs, giant sharks... everything is giant, not as giant as me, but if I were human again, these things would undoubtedly be called giants.
The only downside is that I have to eat all of it raw, because I can't light a bonfire at the bottom of the sea like they did in Spongebob, so I had to get used to the taste.
Second, I discovered I can stay both outside and inside the water for as long as I want! I don't really know how it works, but it practically makes no difference, I can live in both environments at will. If I had legs, maybe I could also walk on dry land, but I only have a long tail that allows me to swim.
Now, my third and biggest discovery: each of my heads has a different property. I found this out while hunting one of the giant snacks and thought, "Man, I wish I could shoot lightning" so I opened one of my heads' mouths and a bolt of lightning actually came out, frying my prey. After that, with some practice, I learned a way to "vomit" something from each throat.
From what I discovered, I can use fire, lightning, ice, acid, poison gas, sound waves, and the last one is a blue ray. I only had trouble understanding this last one, so far, it doesn't seem similar to the others and doesn't have an immediate effect. For example, fire melts the water, ice freezes, acid causes a strange reaction, poison gas makes a bad smell, sound waves shake things, and this last one... does nothing.
I'll figure it out someday.
After spending some time wandering the sea, which is now my social environment, I discovered a crevice at the bottom of the sea that I use as a home. I can coil up neatly, and it's almost my size, making me relax quite a bit when I want to sleep.
Another advantage of being a hydra: I don't need to fall asleep, at least not for a long time! I can stay active as long as I'm feeding myself well.
These were my discoveries. Now, each day is more peaceful than the last, except that, unfortunately, those fishermen never came back. It's sad, I wanted to have a little chat with them, but instead, I have a bunch of noisy people up above.
I look up, from the bottom of my crevice-home. The surface is full of flashes, it's nighttime, so I guess they're cannons. I never bothered too much, as I don't like getting into trouble with neighbors, but today, honestly, it's crossing the line. I have sensitive hearing, so even kilometers underwater, I can still hear everything.
To be honest, this has been repeating for a few days straight, and I really want to sleep because I had a big meal and need to digest everything...
I raise my seven heads at the same time, all of them furrowing the hydra equivalent of an eyebrow.
"I just want to sleep..."
"Sleep is important..."
"Are they having a party at night?"
"Cannon noise isn't music, idiot!"
I decide to surface. My tail snakes through the crevice, pushing the water, while my multiple bodies align in a movement that only a few weeks ago I couldn't even imagine. The light from the surface increases, and then, I breach the ocean.
The scene is... chaotic.
There are two ships: one larger, full of black flags with extravagant skulls, and the other, a heavy merchant ship, swaying like a drunk on the waves. Both are exchanging explosive kisses via cannons... There are also ropes, screams and smoke. I have no idea who the "good guy" is, because they are unilaterally killing each other.
What I do know is that this is making me pissed off. I open all my throats and let my seven voices ROAR, making the water TREMBLE BEFORE MY GLORY. Oops, got emotional there, sorry.
The people on the ships stiffen, drop barrels, and even let out high-pitched manly shrieks sharp enough to embarrass mermaids.
On the ship with black flags, a man lets go of the cannon and whispers:
"I told you the sea was cursed, Joe..."
"Don't talk to me now, I'm praying."
Then, a person appears who I can only call "captain" by her style.
A woman in a long jacket, deep red leather, a hat with black plumes, and a feline gaze. She looks at me with an expression of horror and... excitement? Why are you smiling so much? You're supposed to be afraid!
She rushes to the bow as if she were facing a dragon with scales of gold.
"GENTLEMEN! Just look at this magnificent monstrosity! That's armor hide for TEN years! That's CARPET for MY cabin! THAT IS MONEY, DAMN MONEY!"
"Captain... are you crying?"
"I AM BECAUSE THIS IS ART, YOU IMBECILE! PREPARE THE CANNONS!!!"
The merchant ship simply rows in the opposite direction. They don't fire, they don't look back, they probably didn't even stop to breathe. Their souls left their bodies before the boat did, the poor things.
The weirdos with eyepatches, on the other hand, see the captain's madness and obey like good fans of a charismatic lunatic. The cannons fire and the iron balls hit my scales.
OW! That hurts, it might just be a pinch, but it still hurts! How offensive!
"Hey!"
"How disrespectful!"
"That hurts!"
"What rude people!"
"I just wanted to sleep!!"
Offended, irritated, and without thinking very well (or at all), I swing my tail and hit the pirate ship.
The impact is so disproportionate that even my heads are surprised. The wood shatters, the hull splits open like a crushed fruit, masts fly, pirates fly, the captain spins once in the air before disappearing into the sea while screaming:
"MY CARPEEEEEEEEET—!!!"
Finally, calm in the middle of the sea... Wait, I did it again! I didn't control my strength!
"Oh no..."
"I destroyed their home..."
"And the furniture too..."
"And the local economy..."
"Oh no, I've become a maritime calamity, damn it."
I sink slowly, all my heads feeling simultaneous vicarious embarrassment.
I descend back to my crevice, muttering:
"I just wanted to sleep... sniff."
Tomorrow, I will look for an even deeper place. It's ideal for a person like me, a chill guy, who also wants peace. Is there any part of this ocean where I can completely hide? That would be a great idea.
Ah, thinking in retrospect, are they okay? Last time I hit the fishermen's boat and didn't even go after them to check. Well, they went in that direction, I can take a very quick look and come back.
I swim back to the site of the naval accident, or maritime tragedy caused by my uncontrolled tail, ahem ahem, with all my heads surfacing above the water.
There they are, floating on pieces of wood, soaked, exhausted, and some embracing the planks as if there wasn't room for one more person to hold on and avoid freezing in the sea. Some are even praying, and one is playing an imaginary violin that, by the thinness and manner, I can hear the note.
Among them, I see the captain sitting on a tiny plank, drenched, with her hat destroyed and the devastated look of someone who just lost their home, job, retirement, and puppy.
"My mooooneeeeyyyy..." she sobs. "My fleet... my monster carpet... my profit..."
A sailor next to her tries to console her:
"Captain... at least we're alive, right?"
"I'D RATHER HAVE SUNK WITH MY SHIP!!"
I let out a collective sigh.
"Oh, my heart..."
"How pitiful..."
"Poor thing..."
"She's going to catch a cold like that..."
I swim toward them, approaching slowly so as not to create another accidental tsunami. I place each of my heads beneath a small group, forming a kind of... living raft.
The pirates scream in fear again, falling back into the sea, but I am faster and lift them all at once, preventing them from fleeing. The captain looks at me as if I had offered her a pillow made of solid gold.
"He... he wants to save us?" she mutmurs, confused.
"Must be a devil's trick."
"Or a good devil's trick, who knows."
"Is there such a thing as a good devil, Joe?"
"I don't know, but nowadays you can believe anything."
I feel several hands gripping my smooth scales, including some dull thumps that I think are from swords that barely scratch my hide.
I steady myself and shoot forward across the sea at high speed. The water parts into a colossal tunnel, as if I were Moses allowing the Hebrews to flee Egypt. Someone grabs a horn I have, and when I tilt one of my eyes, I see that captain clinging to it as if her life depended on it.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!"
Wow, your throat is still great, which means you'll survive.
We arrive at the nearest island. I carefully land each head on the sand, shaking my head so they tumble out somehow. Some even kiss the sand as if it were their own mother.
The captain gets up trembling, still sniffling... and stares at me.
There is gratitude in her eyes, I think? It's hard to read women sometimes, but I can define three simultaneous emotions: anger, fear, and a subtle note of gratitude. It's a mixture of feelings churning in a mental cauldron.
"Monster... giant thing... Thank you."
I smile... well, I try to smile with seven mouths. I don't think it's possible with my current physiology, and even if I tried, I would look like a portrait of a demon.
"Go carefully."
"No cannons today, alright?"
"Sleep well."
I dive again, disappearing into the dark waters and returning to my crevice, but behind me, on the beach, the captain lets out a scream so loud I can hear it even after a considerable distance.
"I... was saved by a creature of the sea. Me? Me?! Captain Bloodfeather?!"
The pirates behind her chime in:
"Oh no, she's starting..."
"This is going to end badly."
Even without seeing her, I can imagine this woman stretching her arm high in an attempt to sound like the leader of the world as she continues speaking.
"I SWEAR! By my honor, by my pride, by my ruined expenses, that I will HUNT that monster! I will capture it, defeat it, kill it, and cure its hide to prove that I don't need the pity of any sea creature!!"
"Captain... but he saved us..."
"Shut up! It's a matter of honor!"
She must have pointed toward the sea by this point.
"DID YOU HEAR THAT, YOU OCEAN CUSHION?! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!"
At the bottom of the sea, my seven heads get goosebumps at the same time.
"...What a bad idea was it to be kind?"
"Never helping anyone again."
"Never."
"Terrible neighbors."
I curl up in my crevice, trying to fall asleep again.