Sato-sensei took me to a medic, who examined me for nearly an hour and applied several Kido techniques. I sat motionless and did everything I was told.
"I don't know what's wrong with you, young man," said the elderly medic at last. "You are simply incapable of using Kido."
"But why?"
"It's unknown." He sighed. "The words of the spells simply don't resonate within you. You cannot activate Kido. Your control is the best I've seen among students, but for some reason, you cannot translate that control into magic."
"But I can use magic. Here."
I used the technique I had invented myself. A flash of light—Furashu.
"Oh," the medic blinked.
"Sorry."
"Hmm…" He thought for a moment and then asked me to repeat it. When I did, he nodded slowly. "Maybe you have a chance—but only to repeat certain simple spells, based on the concentration pattern. I'll give you permission to use the Analyzing Glasses. They allow you to see the flow of reiryoku. Until you learn to feel it, these will help you. This way, you can understand how to concentrate your power. But I'm afraid you won't be able to use anything complicated. Alas, young man."
These words crushed me.
I left the infirmary feeling devastated. My mood was completely ruined.
And then, on my way out, I ran straight into that jerk Kano and his friends. Naturally, they didn't miss the opportunity to gloat.
"So it turns out you're not so great after all!" Kano shouted after me. "You're nothing! Know your place!"
But I didn't pay him any attention. I just wanted to sit in the park and breathe a little—but it began to rain, and I had to take shelter under a canopy.
So I'm not a mage.
I won't be able to use anything complicated. Ever.
Why do I have such good control if I have nowhere to use it? Yes, Shunpo is simpler, of course, but still… I had such high hopes for magic, and now it's all gone down the drain.
And now the rain is dragging me down as well.
"Are you sad?" I heard a voice behind me.
Waking from my thoughts, I saw Rukia beside me. She was soaked through, but she looked content—happy, even.
"Kind of," I replied.
"It's silly to be sad in such good weather," she said, waving her hand.
"Good?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah." She smiled. "This weather is beautiful."
"I'm surprised," I grunted. "I've never liked rain."
"Why not?"
"Unpleasant memories."
"Very unpleasant?" she wondered.
"My friends were killed right in front of me," I said. "Bandits tortured them, and I couldn't do anything. I almost died myself. And the rain…" The memories stabbed painfully at my heart. "It was so heavy and cold…"
"I'm sorry," she apologized.
"It's okay. Why do you like rain?"
"Well…" She crouched at the edge of the gazebo and extended her hand into the falling drops. "In District 78, water was always a problem," she began. "While food could still be stolen, clean drinking water was nearly impossible to get. It was always harder to steal," she added with a sad smile. "And the rains have always been our salvation. When it started raining, we would run outside and lift our faces to the sky. We even believed in a Rain God, because the Soul King never answered our prayers. We put out every tableware we had to collect water. Only thanks to that water, we survived," she sighed. "Only Renji and I survived from our group. The rest couldn't make it. Life is too hard there."
"I know," I nodded.
"Really?"
"I've been to those areas and seen everything."
"Hmm…" She looked at me thoughtfully. "I see. So it's true you can't use Kido?"
"Not exactly. I can use Kido—but I can't read the spells. To me they're just a jumble of words. I can't even grasp their meaning. They'll give me some glasses so I can follow the reiryoku streams, but I'll never be able to use anything complex."
"Is that why you're so upset?"
"Yeah."
"Well, we'll have Hakuda soon. Maybe you'll shine there. You have a fight scheduled, don't you? So don't be downhearted."
"Yeah, I shouldn't be," I managed a smile.
"That's better. Beat him up."
"I will."
And then she got up and ran off.
I stayed there a little longer, watching the rain.
It didn't seem so heavy anymore.
I may have been sad that day, but that same rain once saved someone.
Funny how things turn out.
I think I can accept that. The rain isn't to blame for anything.
So maybe… I shouldn't be so hard on myself?
Yes, I won't become a Kido master—but that doesn't make me weaker.
I've heard that Zaraki Kenpachi doesn't know Kido at all, but he's still a captain.
And there are plenty of people who walk only one path. High control is needed not only for Kido but for Hoho as well. I still have a chance to grow stronger. Yes, I won't be able to help people as much as I wanted, but… it's enough.
With these more hopeful thoughts, I returned to my room.
I have a fight tomorrow.
I'd better get some rest…