Nobody ever wanted me, right from the start.
When I was three, Mom ditched me and ran off to another country.
At five, my second brother, Leo, actually poured chili water down my throat. I choked it down, even forced a smile and choked out "delicious."
My third brother, Sam, was worse, deliberately ditching me at the kindergarten gate.
And my eldest brother, Arthur, and Leo? They ganged up with the other kids at kindergarten, cornered me on the way to the bathroom, and let everyone laugh at me.
It wasn't until the neighbor girl, Chloe, got sick, and I got sick too, that my dad, Julian, didn't hesitate. He scooped *her* up for the hospital, and told *me* to die somewhere far away.
But later, Dad looked at me, tears streaming down his face.
"Sweetheart, please call me Daddy just one more time?"
I clutched the hem of my clothes, opened my mouth, but stared blankly, unable to utter a single word.
***
The sky got darker and darker.
Raindrops pelted down, pounding so hard I couldn't open my eyes.
Rain soaked through my hat, seeped into my clothes, chilling me until I shook uncontrollably.
Adults passing by thought I was lost, told me to get out of the rain.
I said, I promised my brother I'd wait here for him.
Good kids get treats.
I waited until the sky turned bright again, but my brother never came.
Until Mr. Davis, the butler, found me.
He seemed to sigh. "Little Miss, Sir has been looking everywhere for you."
"Where's Brother..."
"Master Leo went home last night. Please hurry back with me, or Sir will be upset."
More than my brother, I was terrified of Dad being upset.
I followed Mr. Davis into the car.
Before we even got inside the house, I heard sounds of playing.
"That idiot is probably still waiting at the mall entrance. So dumb. How is she even our sister?" It was Sam, playing with a toy truck.
"You know her," Leo added. "She believes whatever we say. Obeys everything. She'll come crawling back later, annoying as always."
Arthur chimed in, his voice low but filled with dislike. "If it wasn't for her, Mom wouldn't have left."
I stood dripping wet in the doorway. A gust of wind made me even colder.
Seeing me, my brothers looked away, their dark eyes avoiding mine.
Dad came down the stairs, his first words an accusation. "What happened?"
I didn't dare say it was because of my brothers.
"I went out yesterday... and got lost."
Dad's face darkened. "Didn't I tell you not to wander off? To stay with your brothers?"
I clutched my skirt, whispering, "But... I didn't forget the place."
Leo deliberately interjected, "Yesterday, I told her to wait right there, but the driver didn't see her, right?"
Dad believed my brother. His voice filled with anger. "Still won't admit it?"
He pulled out the ruler. "Hands out."
I remembered the last time I disobeyed.
Dad locked me in my room for a whole day.
He was always so busy.
Busy enough to forget he'd locked me in.
By the time I woke up, dizzy with hunger, I finally got fragrant rice porridge.
I didn't want to go through that again.
I obediently held out my hands.
*Smack!* The ruler hit my palm.
"Don't wander off. Can you remember next time?"
My hand trembled, the sting bringing tears that soaked my palm.
"I remember."
"Louder!"
*Smack!* Dad hit me again, harder.
I flinched, sobbing, "I... I remember."
Dad had things to do at noon and left.
The housekeeper, Mrs. Evans, helped me change clothes.
There was only one piece of bread left on the dining table.
Leo made a face at me.
"Crybaby."
"Still trying to tattle? You think Dad will believe you?"
I wolfed down the bread.
Sam brought me a glass of water.
I was thirsty. Looking at my 'gentle' Third Brother, I tilted my head back and gulped down the whole glass.
***
"Was it good?" Sam asked me.
I nodded, smiling, "Delicious." Anything my brothers gave me was delicious.
Soon.
A burning pain exploded in my mouth.
My throat burned, my stomach burned, my chest burned. The pain made me writhe on the floor.
My brothers' laughter echoed around me.
"See? I told you she'd drink it."
"Yeah, 'delicious.' Chili water is *so* delicious."
"See if you dare tattle next time."
I desperately wanted water, but my brothers blocked all the taps in the house.
I ran into the kitchen, climbed onto the counter, and turned on the faucet.
My brothers laughed at me gulping water straight from the tap, saying I looked like a toad.
I drank the cold water over and over.
My stomach bloated painfully.
The spiciness made tears stream down my face. I didn't take two steps before I threw up.
Yellowish filth stained the beautiful carpet.
Mrs. Evans saw the mess and scolded me softly.
"What's wrong with you? Just like your mother, nothing but trouble."
"If you don't learn to behave, I'll have to tell Sir."
Someone picked me up.
But I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I thought of Mom.
I clutched the jade pendant around my neck, the last thing Mom left me.
Was it because I wasn't good?
Is that why she left me?
But Jade has been good. When will Mom come back?
After Mrs. Evans cleaned me up, I hid under the covers.
My stomach ached.
My face burned too.
The bed was huge, but no matter how I tossed and turned, I couldn't get comfortable.
I couldn't sleep for a long time.
Until I heard Dad's footsteps late at night.
I carefully got out of bed, pushed the door open, and peeked out.
I wanted to tell Dad my stomach hurt.
But Dad's face looked scary, dark like the Big Bad Wolf.
"Why aren't you asleep yet?"
"Why can't you ever learn to behave?"
I stared down at my little white feet.
So it *was* because I wasn't good enough? Is that why Mom wasn't coming back?
My lip trembled, wanting to cry again.
But Dad picked me up and put me back in bed.
"Don't be willful next time."
"Okay, Daddy."
He tucked me in. I still wanted to say my stomach hurt.
But Dad answered a phone call and turned to leave.
I knew he was always busy, didn't even eat with us.
I didn't say anything else.
Drifting in and out of sleep, I thought I saw Mom.
Mom left when I was three.
That day, I didn't listen to Mom.
I told Dad that Mom wanted to take me on the carousel.
Dad got angry again. He was fierce.
"Nina, using the child? Have you no shame?"
They fought, fought terribly.
But we still went to the amusement park in the end.
Mom said she was going to buy ice cream, told me to wait right there.
But a beautiful butterfly flew by, and I chased it. Chasing and chasing, Mom disappeared.
Finally, Dad came with many uncles in black suits and surrounded the whole amusement park.
The first look Dad gave me was like a monster about to eat me.
"Where's your mother?"
I burst into tears.
From then on, I didn't have a mother anymore.
My three brothers all thought it was my fault, that I made them lose their mother.
I tried hard to be good, to listen to Dad and my brothers.
If I'm good, Mom will come back, right?
***
The next day, Mrs. Evans dragged me out of bed for school.
My stomach hurt, so I went to the bathroom by myself.
The color this time was different. Like black, but also red.
Mrs. Evans hurried me.
"Miss Jade, if you dawdle any longer, your brothers won't wait for you."
I put the toilet lid down, climbed up, and flushed.
I went to school with my brothers.
In the middle of playing, my stomach suddenly hurt again. I needed the toilet.
Leo blocked my way with his friends.
When I cried in fear, they laughed happily.
Until my stomach hurt so badly, and I couldn't hold it anymore.
A terrible, terrible smell filled the air.
All the kids in kindergarten held their noses and ran far away.
I saw yellow liquid trickling down my pants.
My head felt like firecrackers exploding.
Blasting everything in front of me apart.
"How could I have a sister like you? Disgusting."
"Jade wet her pants!"
"No shame! Five years old and still wetting her pants!"
All the kids laughed at me.
I stood there and cried.
Until the teacher came.
She helped me wash up and changed my clothes.
She said I was still little, it was normal not to have control.
Everyone needs the toilet.
She said maybe I ate something bad.
But I knew this time was different.
I saw the disgust in their eyes. From now on, no one would want to be my friend anymore.
After school, the driver came to pick up my three brothers.
I tried to get in the car.
My brother blocked the door with his body.
"Don't come up here. You're dirty and smelly. So big and still wetting your pants, shitting yourself."
Hearing this, the driver looked at me differently too.
Not like the teacher's look.
My cheeks felt hot.
I lowered my head and silently stepped back.
My brother slammed the door shut.
"It's not far anyway. Just walk back yourself."
Being left alone, I was used to it.
I walked from daylight until dark.
Finally got home.
Pushed open the door.
Chloe, the neighbor girl, was sitting on our sofa.
She was crying.
My three brothers surrounded her, trying to comfort her.
For some reason, seeing me made them angry.
"Did you steal Chloe's stuff?"
***
I was hungry and thirsty, feeling dizzy. "I didn't steal."
Eldest Brother, Arthur, grabbed the jade pendant from my neck.
"Chloe said this is hers. If you didn't steal it, what is it?"
I grabbed my brother's hand, trying to pry the jade back.
It was the first time I'd ever gotten this angry.
"Mom left this for me! I didn't steal it!"
I had always kept it hidden under my clothes, afraid my brothers would snatch it.
Arthur paused for a second.
Sam said, "Mom hates you. Why would she leave you anything?"
"If Chloe says it's hers, then it's hers."
Dad came back from outside too, looked at me.
"What happened?"
I wiped away my tears, trying desperately to explain, "I didn't steal it, really I didn't."
Chloe cried, tugging on Leo's sleeve, "But I have one exactly like it too. It was my daddy's."
Dad's expression changed too.
"You'd better tell the truth."
"I didn't steal... Mom really left it for me."
The neighbor grandma, Mrs. Chen, came over too.
She said, "Our Chloe does have a jade pendant, exactly this style."
Everyone's gaze towards me changed.
Just like the kids at kindergarten.
Disgusted, disdainful.
Arthur said, "Liars get their tongues cut out. Give it back to her."
I didn't understand. Mom gave this to me. How did it become stealing?
"I didn't. I won't give it to her."
Dad, tall and imposing, slapped me right across the face.
"So now you've learned to lie too."
I fell to the ground, scraping my arm.
Tears streamed down.
I sobbed, unable to form a complete sentence, "Daddy... kill... me, I still... didn't... steal."
Dad's hand by his side clenched into a fist.
I closed my eyes, bracing for the blow, clutching the jade tightly.
I knew Dad didn't care about me at all. Otherwise, how could he not have noticed Mom left me this jade?
Finally, Dad relented.
"She seems truly attached to this object. My apologies. How much is it worth? We'll compensate you."
Mrs. Chen said, "It's not expensive. If the child likes it, just let her have it."
Dad's voice was cold. "Mr. Davis, fetch the piece of jadeite, the one from the auction the day before yesterday."
"Yes, Sir."
Dad ended up giving Chloe a piece of jade much larger than mine.
Chloe stopped crying.
My brothers even gave her lots of snacks and toys to take home.
But my brothers never shared their snacks or toys with me.
My stomach growled again.
They looked over at me.
I scrambled up the stairs in fear and hid in my room.
At night, Mrs. Evans told me to come down for dinner.
I clutched my aching stomach, too scared to go out.
I waited for a long time.
Until Dad spoke, "Let her be."
Middle of the night.
My whole body ached.
Couldn't breathe properly either.
I felt like I was going to die, just like the little hamster at kindergarten, stiff all over.
Pushed the door open. The living room lights were on.
I stood on the stairs and saw Dad, and Mrs. Chen.
Mrs. Chen was crying, kneeling before Dad.
"That object was Chloe's father's legacy."
"Now the child is traumatized, running a high fever at night. I'm afraid if we delay, it'll be too late."
"Could you please drive the child to the hospital?"
"If anything happens to the child, what will I do? How can I face her dead father?"
My kindergarten teacher said if you're sick, you go to the hospital.
I could go to the hospital with Chloe.
Only when I'm better can I see Mom.
Has she not forgiven me yet?
My legs went weak, almost tumbling down the stairs.
"Daddy, my tummy hurts, everywhere hurts, I want to go to the hospital..." I couldn't describe the feeling well, but they thought I was lying.
Mrs. Chen knelt down again, crying.
"Little Miss, please don't be like this. Any later, and Chloe won't be saved."
Dad looked at me, his eyes full of disgust.
"You're just like your mother, skilled at pretending. Disgusting."
He started to leave.
I chased after him, my stomach twisting, my body getting hotter.
"Daddy..." I carefully tugged his sleeve.
"Can I go to the hospital with Chloe..."
"Is faking sick for attention fun? Deliberately skipping meals. Purposely making yourself like this. You think you can cover up your mistakes?"
I cried, trembling, "Then... will I be like the little hamster? Stiff on the ground, unable to move..."
Dad got even angrier. "If you're going to die, die somewhere far away."
He violently yanked his sleeve away. I fell backward onto the floor.
I even forgot to cry.
My three brothers stood on the second floor, watching the show.
"You hurt Chloe. This is your punishment."
"How could the Lu family have a sister like you? Liar, thief."
Leo laughed cheerfully.
"How about this? If you can call Mom back, we'll forgive you, okay?"
I looked up naively, "Will it be like with Chloe? Will you give me yummy snacks too? And lots of toys?"
"Will you comfort me too?"
My three brothers nodded.
"Of course. You're our sister."
They coaxed me down to the basement level, locked me in the cellar.
Arthur threw me a phone.
"The first number is Mom's phone. When you get through, we'll let you out."
"This is punishment for stealing."
I fumbled with the phone, turning it on.
Dad had tried calling Mom before, but she never picked up once.
Maybe it was impossible to get through anymore.
But I still tried, again and again.
The phone screen lit up, then went dark.
Finally, the other end picked up.
***
"I told you I'm not coming back. Stop calling me."
Hearing the familiar voice, tears instantly flooded my eyes. "Mommy,"
"Mommy, it's Jade, Mommy..."
I called her name over and over. The other end was silent. Afraid she'd hang up, I rushed to say everything.
"Jade should have waited obediently for Mommy. Shouldn't have disobeyed and chased the butterfly."
My stomach hurt more and more. I felt the air I breathed out was hot, making my head ache.
"Mommy, my tummy hurts, my whole body hurts. Brother misses you too. Mommy, when are you coming back?" I asked cautiously.
I heard soft sobbing on the other end.
"Mommy's not coming back."
"Your father will take care of you. Next time, don't use being sick to trick Mommy, okay?"
"Lying children aren't liked by anyone."
Mom's voice was familiar; she didn't hang up immediately.
I quickly sat up straight. "I'm not lying."
"But brothers don't like me."
"Dad even called me a thief."
"Mommy, I've learned to be good. I won't chase butterflies anymore, I won't disobey you. Can you take Jade with you?"
Mom's voice suddenly turned stern.
"I said, I'm not coming back."
"Tell Julian to stop wasting his efforts."
I didn't understand. "But Mommy, I'm so hungry. Brother won't let me out. Jade will be like the little hamster, buried in the dirt."
The voice on the other end was sharp. Mom was angry. "I said, I don't want you. Call your father."
"Also, it's not because you chased the butterfly that I don't want you. It's because I don't want you! Don't want any of you! Understand?!"
Mommy doesn't want me?
It's Mommy who doesn't want me.
My hand slowly dropped. I didn't even know when the screen went dark.
That little bit of light disappeared before my eyes.
It wasn't because I wasn't good.
Even if I became good.
Mom wouldn't come back.
They were all liars.
Lying to me.
My wails echoed in the basement.
I cried until I had no strength left.
My throat hurt too. I collapsed on the floor and fell asleep.
My mind was messier than when Mom got angry and smashed the whole bedroom.
One moment it was my brothers who liked to tease me, liked to see me scared, liked to see me cry. Standing aside, clapping and laughing.
The next, Mom was standing behind me, watching me chase the butterfly, while she walked away in the opposite direction.
Then Dad slapped me to the ground, his eyes cold and full of disgust.
Then Mom's voice again, like a loudspeaker, infinitely amplified in my ears.
"It's not because you weren't good. It's because we don't want you, understand?!"
I woke up crying in terror.
When I opened my eyes, I was still in the basement.
So dark I couldn't see my fingers.
I was too hungry to crawl up.
Reached out to grab something, but there was nothing, couldn't reach anything.
Maybe everyone really hated me.
A hated child.
Just like that ugly black hamster.
Bullied by the other hamsters in the cage.
Could only hide in the corner in the end.
Waiting for its body to stiffen, then be dug a hole and buried by the teacher.
Something was beating in my small chest, like it wanted to jump out of my body.
The tiny light in the basement slowly faded from my eyes.
This time, I finally didn't hurt anymore...
***
When I woke up.
Dad was sitting beside me, his eyes red.
I instinctively shrank back.
There was a needle in my hand.
My arm felt ice cold.
Subconsciously, I should have made a sound, but I seemed to have suddenly forgotten how to speak.
Dad asked me, "Feeling better?"
I nodded. I couldn't feel the pain anymore.
"Hungry?"
Dad wanted to touch my hand.
I instinctively pulled back. I stared at Dad, a little scared he would hit me.
Dad froze, then retracted his hand.
"Jade didn't steal anything, right?"
I clutched the jade around my neck. It was a lighter green than grass, shaped like a moon.
I remembered Mom saying she didn't want me anymore.
She didn't even want me.
If Chloe liked it, she could just have it.
I silently took off the jade and handed it to Dad.
Dad looked at me incredulously.
"I asked your mother. She did give it to you."
"It was Dad's fault."
"Didn't investigate properly, just believed others."
Looking at Dad's trembling eyes.
I felt nothing inside.
It was different from before. Back then, when Dad misunderstood me, my heart felt like it was being scratched by kittens.
"Can you forgive Dad?"
I stared at him, not knowing how to speak.
Not knowing how to express myself.
For a long, long time.
Dad's tall figure seemed to shrink a little.
He turned his head towards the door. "Everyone, come in."
My brothers walked in, holding piles of snacks and toys.
"Jade, this is the newest Transformer. Brother already assembled it for you. Do you like it?"
Sam's lively face was right in front of me.
But I felt nothing.
Mom didn't even want us anymore.
It wasn't that Jade wasn't good.
They just didn't like me.
Leo held up some snacks. "Good sister, do you like this? It's delicious."
"Didn't you say before you wanted brothers to comfort you?"
I shook my head.
Handed him the jade from my hand.
Leo asked, "For Chloe?"
I nodded.
Leo couldn't quite smile anymore.
"We asked. Mom really did give it to you."
I didn't want to listen anymore. I silently lay down, pulled the covers tight, and turned to face the window.
When the IV drip finished, I needed the toilet.
Getting out of bed.
I heard people talking at the door.
"Such a small child, how could she drink chili water? And then cold water, non-stop diarrhea, didn't any of you notice?"
"And a high fever of 39 degrees Celsius (102.2 F), unconscious for days. It's a miracle she woke up."
"You're saying she won't talk after waking up?"
"It could also be due to psychological trauma. I recommend an evaluation this afternoon."
"Also, I suggest keeping her under observation, see if the high fever caused any intellectual impairment."
Dad hesitated, finally asked the doctor.
"Why is the child suddenly distant from her father?"
The doctor smiled slightly. "Well... could be trauma, the body hasn't reacted yet. Give her some time to adjust."
Afternoon, went to the psychology department. The doctor asked me to draw, I drew.
Asked me questions, I answered.
When Dad got the report, his hand trembled uncontrollably.
I thought he was strange.
The day we left the hospital.
My brothers sat in the car, smiling at me.
I just felt cold all over.
I turned to walk away.
Leo stepped forward to stop me.
"Jade, get in the car."
Before, they would block the car door, wouldn't let me in.
Today was the first time.
Dad picked me up with one arm, told them to get out.
Arthur and Leo sheepishly got out and went to the car behind.
But even spending this short time with Dad made me uncomfortable.
I barely ate two bites of dinner before throwing it all up.
Dad's brow furrowed tightly. He scheduled a nutritionist to come tomorrow.
Also hired a psychotherapist.
Evening.
My kindergarten teacher came to our house.
I woke up groggily and saw my three brothers kneeling in the living room.
"Eldest, you first."
Arthur, always serious, his legs trembled uncontrollably now.
"We were just teasing sister."
Dad brought the ruler down hard on Arthur's back.
His scream echoed through the living room.
"Is this how you take care of your sister?"
Dad pointed at the kindergarten teacher.
"If the teacher hadn't brought the surveillance footage, I'd still be in the dark. Your sister, bullied and humiliated by you."
"Are you fit to be Lu family heirs?"
The teacher tried to intervene.
Dad didn't even glance at her.
"Mr. Davis, see our guest out."
Arthur didn't cry out in pain, just said he knew he was wrong.
Dad asked again, "Locking sister in the basement, whose idea was it?"
***
My three brothers remained silent.
"Then none of you eat. Locked in the basement."
"Jade was locked up for a day and a night."
"You get three days."
Arthur spoke first.
"Dad, it was my idea. Mom left, I always felt it was because of sister."
"Letting my brothers bully sister. It's all my fault."
Sam cried too. "Dad, I just wanted to see Mom. I just thought bullying sister was fun, I never thought it would turn out like this."
Leo said, "Dad, we know we were wrong. We'll definitely treat sister well from now on."
Dad's hand dropped limply.
"Do you still have the chance?"
He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"It's all my fault. Too busy with work, neglected your upbringing."
"Mr. Davis, bring the Lu family discipline rod."
Mr. Davis trembled. "The young masters are only seven, isn't that a bit much?"
"Say one more word, and you get out too."
Soon, the living room filled with the screams of my three brothers.
I didn't go downstairs.
Just like they watched me back then.
I stood on the second floor and watched silently.
Until Dad was tired.
He threw the whip down.
Blood pooled on the floor.
The butler brought a towel for him to wipe his hands.
"No punishment, no lesson learned. Throw them in the basement, three days."
"Get a doctor, don't let them die."
"Yes, Sir."
But back then, no doctor watched over me.
I almost died.
Under the doctor's care, my three brothers were soon lively again.
At dinner, Dad put food on my plate.
It tasted like nothing.
I had just swallowed when I threw it up again.
I stared at them nervously. Afraid they would scold me.
But this time, no one called me dirty.
Dad even pulled me into his lap.
"Still not feeling well?"
My brothers put down their bowls too, looking at me nervously.
I shook my head. I couldn't eat anymore, just felt sleepy again.
I saw tears glistening in my brothers' eyes.
"Dad, sister hasn't seemed to eat much lately?"
Dad's voice was heavy.
"Isn't this all your doing?"
The family nutritionist tried everything to coax me to eat, making pastries shaped like carrots, or my favorite little white rabbits.
Occasionally, I could manage a few bites.
But when weighed, the nutritionist always shook her head.
A few days later.
Chloe, who hadn't come over for a long time, rang our doorbell.
Chloe held a big red toy truck, peeking timidly from behind the door.
"Arthur."
I looked at the red truck in her hand.
Remembered they wanted to adopt Chloe as their sister. In the future, Chloe would be their sister.
Arthur went upstairs. Leo went to pour water.
Sam looked at me. "Is Jade hungry?"
I shook my head.
They completely ignored her.
A little later, the phone rang at home.
Only Chloe and I were left in the living room.
She threw the toy truck hard onto the floor, then started crying loudly.
"Arthur, Leo, Sam! Jade broke my big truck!"
I was sitting on the sofa, turned to run.
Sam stopped me. "Why the rush?"
***
I had lost more weight during this time. Sam could easily pick me up.
Leo offered me a glass of water. "Sister must be thirsty."
Arthur brought out a box of toys, holding it in front of me.
"No need to be envious. Whatever she has, you have too. I have many more, all yours."
Chloe was still crying.
Sam completely lost patience.
"Is this fun? It's not yours, stop saying it is!"
"Our sister can't even lift such a big toy."
"Are you going to get lost yourself, or do we have to throw you out?"
Someone mentioned Chloe's father was a hero firefighter. That night she had a sudden high fever, Mrs. Chen was afraid something would happen, so she deliberately said those things.
But I was innocent too.
Why call me a thief?
I blinked, unable to understand.
Chloe ran off crying, eyes red.
Before, when Chloe cried, if the truck fell, they would have been heartbroken.
Now Brother even threw the truck in the trash bin.
Instructed the butler not to let her in again.
I felt nothing. Just hugged the water glass and drank thirstily.
Struggled out of Brother's arms.
Turned and silently went upstairs, wrapped myself in my little blanket to sleep.
At dinner, Dad was there too.
I still couldn't eat.
Threw it all up.
Dad thought my three brothers were annoying, sent them back to their rooms.
Also put me in my room.
I still pushed the door open a tiny crack.
Heard the conversation downstairs.
The psychotherapist said.
"Through observation during this period. The child has indeed experienced psychological trauma."
"Little Miss, when near you, she vomits after eating. It's a subconscious physiological reaction."
Dad couldn't believe it. "But she used to cling to me the most?"
The psychotherapist's tone was gentle.
"Perhaps it's not just you. Others around her, the environment, might also affect her condition. If you don't believe me, we can do another experiment."
The next few days, Dad and my brothers weren't home.
Said they went out for a picnic together.
Before, I definitely would have cried and insisted on going too.
Now, I felt nothing, didn't want to go.
The nutritionist's meals started to taste like something again.
That day, I ate two big bowls of rice.
My belly was full.
Just three days.
I curled up on the sofa asleep, like a little ball.
Dad came back and picked me up.
He pinched my cheek.
"Our Jade is so pretty. Been eating well these past few days."
Brother also chimed in that I was the prettiest sister.
But they were the ones who called me a toad before.
Toads are ugly.
That very night, I threw up everything I ate again.
Slept until midnight. My stomach felt uncomfortable. Wanted to go downstairs for water.
Dad's face was half hidden in shadow, his voice very low.
"What did they say?"
"Confirmed Little Miss feels immense pressure around you."
"Given the current situation, changing the environment is the only option."
I had never seen Dad look so defeated.
"We've tried so hard. Is there no other way?"
"This is the only method that avoids medication."
"For the child's development, I recommend a change of environment, or sending her to another close relative."
"I won't be coming back tomorrow."
Dad tapped his fingers on the table, one by one. His figure was tall, more handsome than all the other kids' dads at kindergarten.
But he felt cold.
"Okay."
The doctor still said.
"I advise you to seriously consider it, for the child's health."
Dad said nothing.
For a long, long time, Dad turned around and finally saw me standing on the stairs.
His eyes were red again. "Are you hungry?"
I shook my head.
Strangely, after being starved before, now I didn't feel hungry even if I didn't eat.
I saw large tears rolling down from Dad's eyes.
Just like me before.
But my tears wouldn't come out anymore.
I reached out one hand to clutch Dad's sleeve, the other small hand trying to reach up on tiptoe to wipe his tears.
He trembled all over, gently holding my hand.
"It's all Dad's fault."
"It was Dad's paranoia that forced your mother away, that let them treat you like this."
But Dad, you treated me like this too.
Otherwise, how would brothers dare?
But I couldn't say it.
Dad looked at me, tears falling, voice choked.
"Sweetheart, please call me Daddy just one more time?"
***
I clutched the hem of my clothes, opened my mouth, but stared blankly, unable to utter a single word.
Dad held me, letting out low sobs.
"Dad knows he was wrong. Can you forgive Dad?"
I stared at him blankly. This time, I didn't nod.
I remembered how I desperately explained before, that I didn't steal.
If I had admitted it then.
Would Dad have forgiven me?
He would only think I was shameful.
He wouldn't forgive.
Dad didn't push anymore.
He wiped his tears and told me.
"It's late. Sleep."
As before, he carried me upstairs, tucked me in.
But usually, when Mom saw I couldn't sleep, she would tell me stories.
Dad didn't.
The next day, a strong wind blew.
Dad took me and my brothers to the amusement park.
My body felt like it was going to be blown away by the wind again.
The carousel I always wanted to ride before.
Now I didn't want to ride it at all.
Dad asked me.
I just shook my head.
"Then how about Dad holds you while you ride?"
I shook my head too.
Watching the other kids laughing happily.
I stretched my lips, but couldn't smile.
I realized, I seemed different from those kids now.
Before, I wanted Dad and brothers to be like other kids' families.
Hold her in their arms on rainy days, not let her get wet.
Put ugly clothes over her coat in winter.
Not like my brothers, who would just leave me behind.
I didn't want anything anymore.
Didn't want toys, didn't want snacks, didn't want to eat.
Didn't want Mom anymore either.
But they wanted to give me everything.
I thought it was strange.
So strange I couldn't figure it out even if I broke my head thinking.
I threw up again, lots of yellow bile.
Dad held the listless me, brought my brothers, and drove far away.
From afar, I saw Mom wearing sunglasses.
There were many people around.
But the moment I saw Mom, I felt like I came back to life.
Jumped down, threw myself into Mom's arms.
Tears fell from under her sunglasses, landing on my face.
I pounded Mom desperately.
"You don't want me anymore..."
I screamed. Many people around dragging suitcases stopped to look at me.
"You don't want me anymore!"
I finally made a sound, but it was ugly, like an ugly duckling screeching.
Mom cried with joy, picking me up.
"Little crybaby, still love to cry so much."
"Mommy was wrong, Mommy knows she was wrong."
She kept comforting me softly.
Finally, seeing I was a bit better, she took a few steps forward to talk to Dad. "Julian, if you hadn't forcibly kept me by your side, I wouldn't have left her behind. For Jade's health, I hope you won't look for me again in the future."
"Even if you hadn't sent her, I would have come to get her."
"Because you don't deserve Jade."
Dad looked somewhat sad. "You know everything?"
My three brothers cried, calling for Mom.
But Mom walked away without looking back.
Only took me.
On the way, I slept and woke, woke and slept, always clutching Mom's clothes, refusing to let go.
Woke up just to check if Mom was still there.
I fell asleep again, but Mom wasn't there.
I cried in fear.
The next moment, Mom came from behind.
I rushed over and hugged her tight.
"Is Mommy leaving me again?"
Mom chuckled softly, very beautiful. "Do you know why you're called Jade?"
*'Within books, naturally lies a face like jade.'* (This phrase doesn't translate directly with the same meaning/elegance, but the explanation clarifies).
"So I named you Jade, hoping you'd love reading and be beautiful. How could I not want you?"
"But brothers said they'd rather I wasn't their sister."
Mom's eyes lowered.
"It's all Mommy's fault. Should have taken you with me."
"But Daddy wouldn't let us go."
"Jade, you can talk now. Mommy is already very happy."
I hugged Mom tightly, smelling the familiar scent, only then feeling safe enough to sleep again.
This sleep felt like catching up on two years of lost sleep. This time, no nightmares.
***
**Julian's Extra (Father's POV)**
The first time I saw Nina.
She had a boyfriend, at a business gala.
She was the planner from the partner company.
I wanted her at first sight.
Very beautiful.
A pale turquoise dress, like mist curling over river waves.
But she refused.
Using business as a pretext.
I took her by force.
The night she bloomed beneath me, I suddenly felt the Lu Corporation was nothing.
To make her stay obediently by my side, I destroyed her fiancé's company.
Imprisonment, confinement, I used every means.
To prevent her escape, I even had chains custom-made for her slender wrists.
The triplets were conceived during that time.
But the triplets looked too much like me. She didn't like them.
Even fell into depression for a while.
So we had a daughter.
When daughter was three, Nina's condition was still poor.
Until daughter told me, Mom wanted to go out.
I thought this was another of Nina's escape attempts.
After all, in these seven years, she had escaped countless times.
Nina loved daughter desperately.
This point made me lower my guard.
It was also the day we went out that she escaped abroad with her fiancé's help.
It was the first time I lost control with Jade.
Scolded her until her small shoulders trembled uncontrollably.
But if it wasn't for her uselessness, how could Nina have left?
My reach couldn't extend abroad.
So I tried to do business, expand overseas, constantly busy.
The busier I got, the more trouble she caused.
So young, yet repeatedly not coming home on time.
That day, all three brothers were back, but she hadn't returned for a long time. I sent everyone to look.
Finally found her the next day. I hadn't slept all night.
It disrupted the next day's plans. I was angry and anxious.
Couldn't even imagine how Nina would break down if she knew daughter was missing.
Only when Jade was found by the butler did I breathe a sigh of relief.
I remembered again locking her up for half a day last time, she cried until she fainted.
This time I used the ruler, didn't use much force.
She cried, tears covering her face.
I hardened my heart. Because this month, she had already failed to come home on time three times.
So I cruelly hit her again.
Jade immediately burst into loud wails.
She had always been a crybaby. Only Nina could soothe her.
Once she started crying, she couldn't stop.
But I was busy then, didn't have the mind to care.
Came back late the next night, saw her push the door open, fuzzy head peeking out, very cute. But she was barefoot on the floor. Nina also always liked walking barefoot. I was actually very angry.
But thinking about yesterday, I couldn't help but comfort her.
The little one held my hand, actually didn't want me to leave. But a call came from abroad.
I answered the phone, afraid of disturbing her sleep, so I left the room.
Later, they said she stole another family's child's jade pendant.
I couldn't believe it. Nina's child would do such a thing?
But Chloe's father was a hero.
A hero sacrificed for the people.
A child wouldn't lie.
Nina never had such a jade pendant. The pendant looked very old.
Seeing Jade's stubborn refusal to admit it, I got angry and slapped her.
Angry she was like her mother, learned to lie.
In the end, she still bit her lip and denied it. I could only buy the object.
But I forgot, children don't lie, but adults teach them to.
That night, Mrs. Chen came begging, saying Chloe was sick.
Someone sacrificed saving others, his daughter shouldn't suffer like this.
Even without this incident, I would have helped.
But I didn't expect.
Jade, who refused to show her face all evening, would suddenly run out, saying she wasn't feeling well either.
The way she said she wasn't well was exactly like her mother's.
Equally adept at lying.
Just to gain attention.
I didn't have the mind to care for her.
But she actually cursed herself to die.
At that moment, I spoke without thinking in anger.
Said the words that I would regret for the rest of my life.
"If you're going to die, die somewhere far away."
Clearly, I could save a stranger, but not my own daughter.
Cruel and heartless.
Only after investigating did I find out.
It was Mrs. Chen who deliberately taught the child to say that, just to scam some money.
I also called Nina. She said before leaving, she left the child a piece of jade, a later relic from her mother.
I was truly stupid.
That thing looked old. How much could it be worth? Who would steal it?
So Jade might really have been unwell.
The moment I understood, I anxiously looked for her.
But she wasn't in her room, didn't go to school either.
I mobilized everyone to find her, finally found her in the basement.
The child was burning hot all over, consciousness blurred, still calling for Mom in her delirium.
The doctor said, another hour later, and the child would have been gone.
That day I stood outside the emergency room, feeling weak all over.
I didn't dare think, if she died, how Nina would hate me.
I watched over her for seven days. She finally woke up.
But she disliked my touch, wouldn't speak either.
The little cub who used to always cling to me calling Daddy, after waking up, only had strangeness in her eyes when looking at me.
The doctor's report said the child already had psychological trauma.
Neurological damage, inability to speak caused by shock. When she could speak again, hard to say.
I tried to be a good father.
But it seemed too late.
Every time she looked at me, the fear in her eyes felt like digging out my heart.
I didn't understand then.
Later, the teacher showed me the kindergarten surveillance footage.
Only then did I know the atrocities of my three children. They actually bullied their own sister.
So that fear wasn't towards me.
It was also towards her own brothers.
So I personally punished the three children.
But it was already useless.
The former Jade would never come back.
I thought about making amends, but as long as she lived with me, she couldn't eat.
Couldn't sleep well either.
Even when asleep, had nightmares.
Gradually she stopped crying and laughing.
Ate then vomited, got thinner and thinner, paler and paler.
Looked like a strong wind could blow her away.
She had always been the last chip to get Nina back.
That night I repeatedly confirmed the doctor's words, finally decided to send her back to Nina.
The moment she saw her mother, Grandma's little dumpling let out a heart-wrenching cry.
This was the first sound she made in the month since getting sick, accusing her mother of abandoning her.
It was all my fault.
My pathological paranoia was forcibly suppressed by me.
I didn't want to see mother and daughter die in my prison.
Later, I would always secretly go abroad to see them.
After business drinks, lying on the sofa, I looked at the photo in my hand.
A family of three, on a sunset beach. A tall man holding Jade, Nina standing beside them, smiling beautifully.
My tears flowed uncontrollably.
I vaguely remembered again, that day the child was held by the man in the wind, she opened her arms, face full of happiness, "Daddy, Daddy."
But that word "Daddy," she never called me again.
Later, I didn't remarry. After the three brothers came of age, I kicked them out of the Lu family to fend for themselves.
All assets under my name were put into a foundation named after Jade.
I don't ask for her fame or fortune, only wish her a life free of worries.