Walking was nice, even though I was shivering. The rain sliding off of the umbrella in steady lines seemed to curve away from us, dripping onto the damp concrete. It muted everything in a wash of sound with the constant drumming of pitter-patter, pitter patter.
The air was cool and smelled faintly of wet stone, like it'd been washed clean with a lingering earthy tinge.
Yue padded along next to me.
Somehow she'd ended up following me.
The pale, white umbrella that Yue clutched cut through the grey sheets of rain. Something cold seeped into my heart as we walked, a feeling I couldn't quite shake. It'd been a while since I'd walked anywhere with anyone.
"Yunhua, what's wrong?"
Yue's voice snapped me out of my stupor. I'd been slowing down my steps without realizing it.
"Oh—sorry. I was just—" I waved vaguely with one hand.
Yue looked at me with her cherry-red eyes. They were the only jewels of colour I could make out in the wash of grey.
Yue tilted the pale umbrella to my side to better cover me and rain rolled off of her shoulders, soaking her white uniform shirt. A gentle curve crested her lips. "Come on," she smiled. "How much further is your house?"
I stared at her.
"R-Right. It's this way," I managed. We took a turn.
Guiying's back filled my mind as we walked, accompanied by her voice.
「 'Keep up, Yunhua. We don't want you getting a cold, do we? And don't you want to get home?' 」
Guiying would stride slightly ahead with her longer legs and her beautiful back. Naturally, since she held the umbrella, I would keep up. Or I'd be caught in the rain. But I guess that was just the nature of our relationship then, and I was glad that it had happened.
…Yue kept my pace alongside me underneath the rain, smearing the streetlights into pale little halos.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter…
Rain poured off of Yue's shoulder like glistening dewdrops of mercury as she held the pale umbrella over my head. I nudged the handle over to her side. "Your shoulder is getting wet."
Yue just smiled and gently pushed back. "Don't worry about it."
…Maybe it was because I was walking with someone, but memories of Guiying came crashing down on me with the rain drumming on the concrete. We passed by a small cafe where Guiying used to bring me on dates. I remember the exact seats we used to sit at. She was one for planning, after all.
I remembered everything.
「 'No spice,' Guiying said once before I could open my mouth. 」
I had hesitated.
Guiying had smiled.
「 'You always regret it. Don't make that face.' 」
…I bit my lip and clenched my hands. Even though it was warmer here, with Yue, cold seemed to follow me wherever I went. Not to mention Yue herself—
*Vrrrrrrrr—Splash!*
A car drove by, kicking up a puddle and dousing us with frigid water.
"Mother—!" Yue bit back her words and glared at the fading orange taillights before she turned to me. "Are you okay?"
Yue was standing on the street side, so she'd been completely soaked. The water completely soaked through her shirt, turning it opalescent as it clung to her skin. I quickly averted my eyes. Her midnight hair stuck to her forehead as beads of road-water dripped down each strand.
She blinked droplets of water from her cherry eyes.
I began to shrug her blazer from my shoulders but she stopped me before I could offer it to her.
"Keep it on," she smiled, shaking her head. "I'm fine. No one will see anything anyways, with this rain. Come on. Let's get you home."
I glanced up at her face. She blurred, her outline softened by water and streetlight. My bare, chilled, legs froze to the concrete.
For a stupid second, she looked like Guiying.
…It reminded me of some things. This kind of thing happened with Guiying before too, didn't it? I remember Guiying's voice as she walked forward, even when she was soaked. Her voice was always steady. She was always so strong.
Guiying would take the umbrella and start forward without looking back for me, and I would stumble after the sound of her footsteps splashing against concrete.
I was never as strong as her. Or smart. Or anything, really. Hehe.
I really did admire her.
…Maybe I still do?
The rain thickened, drumming louder.
「 'Come on, Yunhua. It's just a little bit of water. Don't get caught out under the rain.' 」
It was Guiying in my head again.
Cold coiled tighter around my chest, hooking my ribs, tugging my heart downward. I hugged Yue's blazer closer. More cold spilled into my ribs, cracking everything as more and more memories of Guiying spilled out of my head and into the rain.
Yue stopped.
"Are you okay?"
Her voice sounded like they were muffled, as if it had to swim through water to reach me. The rain drummed on.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter.
Voices from past me and Guiying threaded through it.
「 'Cold, so cold…' 」
「 'Guiying, wait! Please. I'm tired.' 」
「 'Do you know how long I was waiting for you outside?' 」
...
「 'You're overthinking, Yunhua.' 」
「 'That guy back at Liu laoshi's room? He was a family friend, Yunhua. Nothing more.' 」
「 'Like I said, you're overthinking, Yunhua. Drop it. You're the one who made me wait so long.' 」
Each sentence sank into my chest.
「 'But—!' 」
The rest of the words smeared, words collapsing into noise. It's so cold here.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter.
「 'Y[]u— [][][]— How can I not—' 」
So, so, cold.
The rest of the words washed into the rain as we reached my house. My eyes were bleary. All I could see was grey and rain.
The door burst open and muqin ran to me, snapping her umbrella open. Rain clattered against the dull fabric like frantic fingers. "Yunhua! Thank goodness you're home. I was just wondering if I should come pick you up from school."
Then she saw Yue. Her gaze flicked from me to her, curious. "Ah. A friend?" She smiled, polite, warm. "Thank you for bringing her home. Would you like to come in?"
Yue blinked, clearly startled. "No, a yi[1], thank you. There's really no need. I can just walk home—"
"I insist." Muqin stepped aside, already ushering us toward the doorway. " You're soaked. I'm sure Yunhua's Guiying wouldn't mind."
…
I'm sure Yunhua's Guiying wouldn't mind.
The words felt like someone'd rammed a lance of frigid ice into my already cold chest. I stood there, soaked and shaking. The echo of Guiying's voice pressed against my ears.
「 'It hurts, Guiying.' 」
「 'It hurts so much...' 」
The rain outside didn't stop.
[1] 阿姨 (CN) - Refers to a maternal aunt, but can also be a polite way to refer to any woman similar in age to your parents.