While the bookseller was looking for titles similar to the ones William usually bought, Alex drummed his fingers on the counter.
He stole quick glances at the window facing the street and at Sven, who waited by the carriage. A part of him hoped to see William appear, because it would have meant that whatever had happened the day before at the brothel hadn't shaken him that much.
But no one walked into the shop.
The bookseller returned to the counter with a decent pile of volumes and set them down in front of Alex. There were about twenty of them, and the stack rose a couple of inches above him.
"They look pretty thick." A few were almost four fingers tall. "What kind of books are these?"
"Mostly essays on magic and herbalism, a couple are philosophical treatises, and there are a few texts that come directly from the empire."
"Are they written in Xianese?"
"Yes. I know he can read it, so I had them brought in especially for him." The bookseller smiled. "He's a good customer. I wish they were all avid readers like him or the princess."
Alex swallowed the veiled criticism and didn't comment. He was fairly sure the man hadn't meant to offend him.
"And then there are novels," the bookseller went on. He pulled out a couple of thinner volumes and handed them over. "To be honest, I didn't think he read this sort of thing. He struck me as a very serious type."
"What's the big deal? Something indecent?"
He flipped through the first few pages and nearly choked on his own saliva. Two men were depicted making love in the middle of a garden, and the artist had made no effort to censor the more explicit details.
He had said it as a joke—he hadn't actually believed William read that kind of thing. Especially considering how he'd reacted at the brothel.
"What are you looking at?"
Alex jumped and dropped the novel. "Myrina! Where did you come from?"
His sister puffed out her cheeks. "From the new releases section." She picked up the book. "What were you reading?"
"Hey, stop! That's not a book for little girls!"
He made a grab for it, but Myrina was faster and opened it. Her eyebrows shot up, her eyes lighting with delight.
"But this is the new novel by Etta Moss!"
Alex frowned. "You know her?"
"Of course! She's my favorite author."
"She's your—wait, you read this stuff?"
Myrina gave him a look that suggested he had said something very stupid. "You're the last person who can criticize my hobbies, brother." She went back to flipping through the pages. "What a lovely edition! I might even buy it."
"No way."
"Please!" She gave him wide, pleading doe eyes. "If you buy it for me, I'll investigate William's love troubles."
"I don't care what he does."
"You're a terrible liar, brother. It's painfully obvious you're just as curious as I am."
He wasn't curious—just… surprised. Confused. He thought he had understood William, but after what had happened the day before, he wasn't so sure anymore.
And then he kept wondering why, when he sat at his bedside days earlier, he had felt the sudden urge to kiss him.
He sighed. "Fine, I'll buy it. But don't tell anyone it was me."
"Deal!"
Alex turned back to the bookseller. "Do you have any books that aren't obscene? If I give him something like that, he might actually turn me into a toad."
"I have some essays, or…" He pulled out a small booklet bound in the style of the empire. "This poetry collection. It's by the same author as a volume he bought last week—I think he might like it."
"And it's not obscene?"
The man shrugged. "I don't know, Your Highness. It's in the language of Xia, but I can't read it."
Alex flipped through the pages, the paper crackling under his fingers. Characters he couldn't read ran vertically down the pages, accompanied by delicate images of flowers, landscapes, and birds. The text and drawings looked as if they had been painted with a brush.
He had seen that painting style before. It was typical of the Empire of Xia.
"Judging by the illustrations, it doesn't seem to be erotic." He handed it back to the bookseller. "I'll take this. And the one my sister has."
A few minutes later, they left the bookstore and climbed into the carriage. They waited for Sven to pay for them, then headed back to the palace.
Myrina was practically glowing, hugging the erotic novel to her chest. Alex, for his part, hoped that the little poetry book from Xia would be enough to smooth things over with William.
"It's a lovely book," his sister said.
"I hope he likes it."
"I think he will. It looks as delicate as he is."
Alex smirked. "Oh yes, he's so delicate, he reads homoerotic novels."
Myrina blushed and lowered her gaze to the book she had asked him to buy for her. "So that's why you were flipping through it."
"Please don't tell him. I don't think he'd appreciate knowing we've discovered his secret."
"I won't. I just didn't expect it."
Neither had he, though in some ways he wasn't all that surprised anymore. William was a complicated mechanism, hard to decipher, but the more Alex discovered about him, the more fascinated he became.
Trapped like a butterfly in a spider's web.
------------------------------------------
However, the perfect chance to give him the book didn't come quickly.
In the days that followed, William showed up rarely, and almost always avoided staying with him any longer than necessary. His tone was flat and cold, as if he were playing a part—and not a convincing one. It felt like the mage he had first met had returned.
Worse, really, because Alex now knew that behind that distance stood a man in pieces, and his heart broke a little more every time he saw him.
So Alex wandered around the palace always carrying the little book with him, hoping to succeed in giving it to the mage.
The chance came a week later, on a rainy evening. The temperature had dropped suddenly, and after dinner Alex had retreated to his rooms and planted himself in front of the fireplace to warm up.
He stepped closer to the window and, glancing down toward the garden pavillion, he spotted a lone figure crossing the garden. A flash of lightning lit up a pale face and long black hair.
William.
What on earth was he doing outside at that hour? And in that downpour?
Alex grabbed the book and a cloak, and left the room.
He hurried downstairs, startling the servants who were lighting the candles in the atrium, and stepped out into the garden. The guards shot him a curious glance, but he ignored them and walked out into the rain.
The rain drummed against the ground, soaking the cloak in moments. Cold crept into his bones, and Alex folded his arms tighter around himself as he quickened his pace.
He reached the pavillion, stepped under its shelter, and pushed back his hood.
"William."
The mage's eyes widened as he sprang up from the wrought-iron seat. "I… I have to go."
"Don't."
William stopped, though he didn't turn to face him. Alex took only one step closer; the last thing he wanted was to make him run.
"There's something I want to give you. So please stay, just for a moment."
William's shoulders slumped, and he finally looked at him with those green eyes. His clothes were drenched, and his black hair clung to his cheeks like trails of ink.
"Why are you here?"
"I could ask you the same. It's late, it's pouring, and it's freezing."
William lowered his gaze. "I needed air. And I needed to feel the rain on my skin. Physical sensations pull me back to reality."
Alex wanted to ask what he meant, but he didn't want to be too bold.
"Are you all right?"
"Now I am. Thank you for asking." William looked at him again. "And why are you here?"
"I saw you and wanted to give you something."
He sat on the bench and offered him the book wrapped in paper.
"It's a gift. I've been trying for a week to find the right moment to give it to you, but it never seemed to be the right one. Honestly, tonight isn't either."
William frowned. "Why do you want to give me a gift?"
"To apologize."
"You didn't have to. You're the prince."
"But I wanted to. It felt like the right thing."
William approached him cautiously, took the gift, and sat down an arm's length away. He didn't open the package.
"I sincerely apologize for the slap. I shouldn't have done that, not to you."
"It doesn't matter; I'm not angry." He sighed. "I can listen to you, William. Whenever you need me, I can be here for you."
"Why? You're the prince, and I'm nobody important."
"You're my Court Mage. We're bound, and I'd like us to be friends. So you are important to me, William."
He offered him his open palm, then remembered the mage hated physical contact. After what had happened a week earlier at the brothel, he would surely refuse his hand.
He started to pull it back, but William rested his fingers on his, and a pleasant warmth tingled across his fingertips. For a moment, he wished he could gently hold them, but he forced himself to hold back.
The contact lasted only a moment before the mage withdrew his hand and placed it on the still-wrapped book. He gave a faint smile.
"Did you get me a book, Your Highness?"
"I didn't have any better ideas, but I hope you like it."
William unwrapped the package, and his eyes widened. "A collection by Master Mo. That's truly a thoughtful gift, Your Highness."
"You like it?"
"Very much."
Alex let out a relieved exhale. "I wasn't sure, especially since I can't read Xianese characters."
"Did you really choose it without knowing what you were buying?"
"I only know the author is one you like."
William stared at him, puzzled, then a spark of understanding lit his eyes. "Did you go around the bookshops in the city asking what they'd sold me?"
"Only in one."
"You could have asked me."
"But then it wouldn't have been a surprise." Alex shot him a sideways look. "Are they poems?"
"Yes, they date back several centuries. The collection is called 'Pillow Poems'."
"And what are they about?"
"Forbidden loves in the imperial court."
Alex gave a small smile. "I didn't take you for the romantic-poetry type."
William turned his gaze away. "The love in books can't hurt me. It's almost comforting."
"Has love hurt you?"
"No, something else did. But I'm afraid love could hurt me again."
The mage didn't elaborate, and Alex didn't ask. Whatever had happened to him must have carved a deep void in his chest.
And he also wondered whether Myrina might have been right in saying William had fallen for someone.
At that thought, a flicker of irritation stirred in his chest.
He forced it down and glanced at the black sky above them, still swollen with all the rain it hadn't yet released, then looked back at the mage.
"I won't go down to the brothel anymore. Until we understand how the Crown's Pact works, I won't do anything that might hurt you, including drinking alcohol."
"I'm deeply sorry if I'm causing you trouble. I wish… I wish I didn't feel your emotions, but I don't know how."
"Is that what you're feeling? My emotions?"
"Only the very intense ones. Anger, sadness, terror, and… desire. And I feel like I've lost control of my body."
William curled in on himself and wrapped his arms around his body, his shoulders trembling slightly.
"I know I have no right to ask, but I beg you, don't make me feel your desire again. It's too strong—I feel like I don't belong to myself anymore. Like I'm dirty again."
Alex reached toward his shoulder but stopped. "I won't do anything that could make you uncomfortable ever again, I promise."
William looked at him, and for a moment he seemed just a confused, wounded boy. "Really?"
Alex smiled at him. "I don't want to hurt you, William. I want to see you smile."
"Thank you, I appreciate it very much." The mage lowered his gaze. "And thank you for being there. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know if I would've been able to come back to myself. You saved me more than you can imagine."
"You did the same for me."
When Alex had discovered he was a magic source and that his entire life might have been built on a lie, William had helped him calm down and regain clarity.
Alex was an irresponsible, impulsive, superficial prince, but he never forgot what others did for him.
And the mage had done far more than duty required.