For the longest time, Lucifer didn't understand what was going on with his brain after his Fall. He was fine the first few years (months? He's not sure; time was different then) with the Rebellion taking most of his thoughts. Then, there was actually building Hell from the ground up with Lilith and the Sins by his side.
Yes, his mind was kept busy then. There wasn't any room to allow his feelings about being cast out to catch up to him. Lilith gave him a purpose, a new purpose, and it scratched that itch of his to Create for a long while. By the time the first sinners arrived, they already constructed the systems that Hell still uses to remain as self-sufficient as possible.
When they were first Created in Her image, they were all bound to Her with their own plans. Despite what many may believe, free will wasn't something the angels possessed in the beginning either. She created them to fulfill one purpose. For Lucifer, his was Creation. For Michael, it was to protect.
The caveat, as Lucifer learned, was that angels were not designed to withstand not performing whatever divine duty they were given. It was a deep rooted feeling of desire that made their very being ache without it. He didn't notice it for the first few years. None of them did.
Not until Hell was done. It started out as a simple soreness. Much like the way one's joints felt after sleeping wrong. Then it evolved into a sharp pain that radiates up your spine at random moments throughout the day. It turns constant.
And soon, it's debilitating. It encompasses your entire being until all you can do is scream for it to stop, only to break further when it never does.
The sins found a loophole in God's design. All they needed was a new purpose, one given by a being more powerful than them. For whatever reason, they had decided to devote their eternal lives to serve Lucifer. Admittedly…he wasn't a huge fan of that notion. He agreed only to ease their suffering; it was his fault they were all down there after all.
It became a ritual for the angels that Fell. Many were ready to undergo the process to renounce God's Will and welcome his instead. He became a master at designing new purposes, ones that were loose enough to where they wouldn't feel the pain once more but also fulfilling a role in Hell that was needed.
For Lucifer, it took about 50 years for him to get used to the pain. There was no stronger being in Hell he could devote himself to, eternally stuck with the purpose given to him upon his Creation. The rubber ducks helped, if only for a second.
Sometimes, that constant ache is the only thing that grounded him when his mind ran away from him.
In the 1700s, humans called it melancholia. It was the first time he stumbled upon a word that fit the symptoms of what was happening to him. The first definition was backwards and clearly misunderstood, and the "treatments'" were even worse. Truly, one of the most uncomfortable moments of watching humanity develop was how they treated mental illness in the beginning. Lucifer wonders how anyone thought shocking children was acceptable.
Slowly, melancholia evolved into depression and now, the current understanding is far closer to what he was feeling. He thought having a label would help but in the grand scheme of things, it did nothing. It didn't stop him from losing himself as the years passed. It didn't stop him from ruining his marriage.
And it didn't stop him from staring at his phone as the alarm he set continued to ring for the past 30 minutes.
Logically, he knows this was bound to happen sooner rather than later. His sleep had taken a nosedive from its already shitty schedule and most nights were spent anxiously running over every interaction he had with his brothers that day. Lucifer was hoping he could last for another two days. Charlie had a rest period planned for then and the perfect opportunity for him to hole himself in his room.
But nope. His limbs felt like they were weighed down by cement blocks and just thinking about getting out of bed was taking up whatever minuscule amount of energy he had.
Lucifer wished he had any valid reasons for feeling like this. You'd think after 10,000 years it would've faded. At least this specific brand of his depression. Lilith leaving him was fresh in his mind and not likely to disappear soon.
His capacity to love was always his greatest weakness.
He wondered how long he could stay up here before Charlie came to check on him. The alarm had finally turned off at some point, basking the room in the red light of Hell's afternoon. He missed breakfast again. He needed to stop doing that.
There wasn't even a reason for him to feel this way. Yesterday had been a good day after the debacle at lunch. The activity Charlie planned that day was fun and Lucifer managed a conversation with Gabriel that wasn't passive aggressive. That's a success in his book.
Then again, that's always how things went for him. If he was lucky, he'd feel the impending shutdown creep up on him a few days prior, making it easier to plan for being out of service for the next while. There were always those specific times of the year he knew it'd get bad for him as well. His marriage anniversary and the day Lilith walked out, which at least were within the same week. The day he Fell.
It was neither of those times and now Lucifer had to find the motivation to grab his phone and tell Charlie he wouldn't be available today. An impossible task it felt like. Past, not in a depressive episode Lucifer set the damned thing out of arm's reach from his usual spot in bed.
The duck shaped clock hanging on the wall in his field of vision tells him it was nearing ten am. He's not sure what his daughter has planned today; she was adamant about the itinerary being a surprise for everyone. Supposedly works better that way. Lucifer trusted her enough not to worry, even if the idea of being caught unawares made his skin crawl.
He could wait until Charlie inevitably comes to check on him but he'd rather not pull her away from whatever important things she's doing. What would he even say to her? 'Hey, sorry but the idea of existing today is too much. Love you.' Yeah, that'll bode over well.
Lucifer frowned, watching the pendulum swing back and forth. He felt detached. Not just from his body but from everything that happened the past few days.
"Are you planning on rotting away all day?" A voice spoke in the space on his bed behind him, far too close for comfort, and the noise Lucifer let out was not a yelp thank you very much. His heart jumped into his throat and he flailed backwards until he flew right off the mattress, landing on his shoulder blades.
Well, that was one way to temporarily part the fog in his mind. Unfortunately for him, he recognized that voice all too well.
His legs dropped to the floor and he pulled himself up onto his knees so he could glare at the person invading his space. It wasn't dignified at all but he couldn't care less. Alastor, in all his persnickety glory, was laying on his side with his hands folded neatly over the microphone that rested on his comforter.
"What the fuck are you doing in my room?" Lucifer grumbled, pushing his hair back only for it to fall in front of his eyes again.
"I've come to collect you, of course!" Alastor beams, waving his hand like it was obvious. "It's time to meet with Cannibal Town's charming overlord. She's quite excited, I must say." Lucifer huffs, crossing his arms to rest his head on the bed. His eyes slipped shut.
"I can't today." He hadn't meant for it to come out so weak but the silence that followed was plenty of time for him to think of some excuse as to why he can't. Pretty sure 'I'm sad, leave me alone' won't be enough to sway the Radio Demon. It'd just give him more ammunition as well.
He didn't have time to follow up as said man spawn behind him, hands sliding underneath his armpits to lift him off the floor like he was a child. Lucifer squawked, turning around to glare even hard at the sheer audacity.
"Now now, Your Majesty. You should know better than to keep a lady waiting." Alastor scolded and seriously, Lucifer was eons older than this fucker. He marched them over to the bathroom, depositing the king rather harshly onto the tiled ground. Lucifer hissed as he rubbed his backside that ached from the collision.
"Get changed! Rosie is expecting us at noon and neither of us appreciate tardiness." His smile sharpened dangerously and Lucifer knew he wasn't getting out of this today. Still, he watched the demon saunter out of his room though the green of his presence stayed nearby on the other side of the door.
He was confused, to put it lightly. Lucifer expected Alastor to be furious with him, possibly ranging on the side of murderous as he subtly attempted to off him for what happened two days prior. He wasn't expecting…this. Whatever it was.
His brain wasn't functioning well enough to dissect possible motives. What he did know was that this meeting with the cannibal's overlord was important, not just to this visit but to Charlie. If he postponed it, there's a greater chance of them taking the angels to Cannibal Town before Lucifer could lay down the ground rules to Rosie.
He didn't want to. But he had to.
Lucifer sighed as his limbs finally cooperated with him. He pulled himself up onto shaky feet, resolutely ignoring the mirror as he snapped his fingers to his usual appearance. A quick tap to the space underneath his eyes placed a glamor over the far too noticeable bags. The corners of his lips tugged down. He'd manually covered them up for nearly 100 years and now, he couldn't even spare five seconds.
No use thinking about it. Lucifer left his bathroom, grabbing his cane as he opened the door. Alastor was waiting for him not so patiently if the loud static was anything to go by. He only spared him a glance before heading down the hallway without another word.
They walked in blissful silence as conversations began to reach their ears. It sounded like they weren't quite in the middle of an activity. Lucifer hoped they were; he's not sure how much socializing he could manage today. He's already spending the afternoon with Alastor and his possibly deranged friend.
Charlie, as always, was the first to spot them as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes flitted between them worriedly before she approached with a nervous smile.
"Hey Dad, Alastor! I'm so glad you could join us today." Lucifer tried to add as much joy as he could into his expression but the muscles in his face felt stiff with misuse. Luckily, Alastor cut in before she could closely examine his appearance.
"Apologies, my dear. I'm afraid your father and I have prior engagements for this afternoon." An immediate sense of alarm caused her eyebrows to fly up, eyes drifting to stare Lucifer down in surprise. His smile, if possible, became more forced than it already was.
"Yes, we're meeting with Overlord Rosie to discuss some…important matters." He really hoped she understood what they meant because he's willing to bet money on the fact Michael and Gabriel wouldn't be happy about them planning the day trip into Hell out entirely.
"Oh my gosh! Dad, you're going to love Rosie!" Lucifer doubts it. "Actually, it would be a huge help if you gave her something for me. Hold on-" Charlie dashed off excitedly, disappearing into the staff area only to emerge a second later with a thick folder.
It was promptly shoved into Lucifer's hands and he fumbled not to drop the entire thing. He went to open it so he could peek at the contents but Charlie threw her arm around his shoulders, practically dragging him to the hotel doors with Alastor hot on their trail.
"Best not to keep her waiting. I'll see you soon! Love you, Dad! Bye, Alastor!" It was shut in their faces. Lucifer blinked, folder still clutched to his chest as his brain finally caught up to the whirlwind that is his daughter.
He allowed Alastor to rest a hand on the small of his back as the numbly followed along to his quiet guidance. It took him an embarrassing amount of time to realize they were actually walking to Cannibal Town and Lucifer's nose immediately scrunched as the smoke and blood ever permeating Hell's air reached his nostrils. They weren't in the city yet, at least.
"Why aren't we using a portal?" Lucifer finally asked after a moment, his voice coming out more monotone than intended. Alastor had removed his hand at some point and was back to his ramrod straight posture.
"You clearly need some time to fix yourself before meeting with Rosie." Alastor responded with a shrug, ever present smile widening as they reached the bulk to Pentagram City. Sinners mulling about had turned to stare at them, mouths agape with both awe and fear. Lucifer paid them no mind but a pointed look from Alastor was enough to turn them away.
"Fix what?" Lucifer glanced disinterestedly at the stores around them. Lots of products he didn't care for. They both stepped around a dead body laying on the sidewalk. Should he be worried how little the smell of decomposition bothers him? Maybe not, it'd probably be more worrisome if he hadn't gotten used to it considering how long he's lived here.
Maybe he should be concerned with how detached he was to all of this, though. He'd probably have to up his acting skills if only to convince his brothers he wasn't a complete monster.
Actually, seeing their reactions to his indifference would be amusing.
Alastor quirked a brow, "that." Was his only response as he gestured towards Lucifer's face. He snapped his head in Alastor's direction so his glare was more effective. A sinner who hadn't seen them coming scrambled out of the way.
"What's wrong with my face?" For the first time that day, his voice had some inflection in his tone. Sure, it was incredulity but it was something.
"Everything, Your Majesty!" Alastor's patented laugh track played in the background of his own chuckle. "This meeting with Rosie will go much better if you are your usual loud, exuberant self. The way to a cannibal's favor is showmanship, after all!"
Lucifer huffed, not dignifying that with a response. That's just typical, isn't it. Everyone prefers the version of him he shows the world, the ringleader and eccentric king that Hell has come to know. He's in that mask more often than not that even he forgets that's not who he actually is either. The second he lets it slip, that lonely and depressed side of him, it turns people away. It's not who they want.
It was exhausting, keeping up that front. Maybe his social battery wouldn't be as bad as it is if it weren't for his habit of faking around everyone. Maybe if he dropped the mask more often, the people that mattered to him would like the real him more than the facade.
Isn't that a thought? The very thing that drove his wife away would be the thing that brought his friends and him closer. He almost let the bitter laugh slip out. Instead, he scratched at his wrist.
"What's in the folder?" Alastor broke the silence, curious gaze settling on said object occupying Lucifer's hands. The king glanced down at it before shrugging.
"Not really our business." This caused the Radio Demon to twist his body enough to where his face was way too close for comfort.
"I beg to differ! As hotelier, it's prudent I know what Charlie plans on sharing with Rosie about the hotel." Alastor made a move to grab it from Lucifer but the fallen angel turned his back to him to shield the file from his grasp.
"Absolutely not! I won't invade my daughter's privacy-" Alastor's shadow snatched the papers from his hands and Lucifer nearly shot it with a bit of angelic power just out of spite. He didn't think that would go over well with the demon in question.
"Hm. Nothing interesting." Alastor tossed it back to him and Lucifer did have to use some magic to prevent it from hitting the pavement. Another glare that was ignored and Lucifer held it much more secure to his stomach.
They continued on with no words spoken between them. Hell was as lively as it always was, though the sinners milling about steadfastly avoided them. In fact, the only people walking on this side of the street were Lucifer and Alastor.
Lucifer rolled his shoulders as the sweat dripped down his neck. It was hot today, as it always was, but this is probably the longest he's spent in the city in a long time. A long time. This was the nicest weather they'd have down here, and they weren't scheduled to have acid rain until next week! He did his best to keep that away because fuck, he didn't enjoy that, but once a month he'd have to allow a big storm to keep the equilibrium and-
He opened the folder to look at its contents, curiosity getting the better of him despite his previous arguments. It was simply some rules that Charlie wanted Rosie and the cannibals to follow during the visit. He made sure to ignore Alastor's knowing look.
"Why aren't you trying to kill me?" Lucifer finally managed to ask because really, when has his curiosity ever bitten him in the ass? He could see the edges of Cannibal Town in the distance, meaning there was probably about ten minutes left of this little stroll. He's kind of surprised none of the damned have tried to approach them. Definitely wouldn't end well but hey, those that ended up in Hell were never the brightest.
"Why would I do that?" Alastor countered, watching gleefully as an onlooker's phone burst into flames when they attempted to record them.
"You reek of my sin. Figured you'd try to off me for what I did." Lucifer shrugs, adjusting his grip on the folders so he could walk more comfortably with his cane. The sinners mulling about changed into the typical dead-eyed appearance of most cannibals the closer they got to their domain.
"Do you wish for death often, sire?" Lucifer didn't answer that. "Besides, you were right! I had been going against our agreement and never let it be known I'm not a demon of my word. Let bygones be bygones, as they always say!"
Lucifer's brows furrowed, unabashedly staring at Alastor as he tried to figure out what the fuck the Radio Demon was up to. From everything he knew about the man, this was very odd behavior. Suspicious even. The man didn't let go of his grudges if his beef with Box or Cox or whatever the fuck his name was said anything. There was no way Alastor was breezing past this.
No way.
…
Fuck, maybe he didn't give Alastor enough credit as a manipulator because Lucifer felt bad about that night now.
Before Lucifer could even think to respond, they came to a stop in front of a building with 'Rosie's Emporium' written out in loopy cursive. Alastor spun on his heels to face Lucifer, smile betraying nothing of what he may be thinking.
"This moping you've been doing won't be of any assistance, Your Majesty. Rosie trusts me and she adores Charlotte but it is you who will have to convince her of whatever restrictions you want to impose." Alastor leans forward, both of his pointer fingers coming to rest on the corners of Lucifer's mouth to pull them upwards.
"Put on a show, my dear!" The door swung open and Lucifer was shoved through the entrance. He swung his arms out to steady himself before he could fall face first into the ground. Everyone turned at the commotion, an immediate hush falling over all the customers at the sight of Lucifer. He straightened up uncomfortably, slapping on that award-winning smile as he adjusted his clothing.
No one moved a muscle, even when Lucifer cleared his throat as a way to indicate he should be ignored. A big ask, really, but could anyone blame him? This was the exact reason he hated going out in public. The stares, the gawking, the whispers. They all made the urge to hide away even stronger.
"Now what's all this-oh!" A tall woman, slightly taller than the deer demon next to him, pushed her way through the crowd until she was standing in front of them. The hat on her head was large, covered in bones and feathers and Lucifer wondered why Alastor thought his hat was tacky when hers was worse.
"Sorry, loves, but I'm afraid I have to close the shop early today. Hush now, you'll get your items tomorrow!" The woman, Rosie he presumes, waved off their grumbling as she ushered them out the door. They were squeezing as close to the frame as possible to avoid coming into Lucifer's personal space so he took a step back. Once the store was empty, she locked the door and turned to them with a dazzling smile.
"Alastor, always the early bird!" The Radio Demon's grin shifted into something genuine as they embraced, an action that surprised Lucifer knowing how much he hated physical touch. It made sense if that only applied to those he didn't consider friends, he supposes.
"Allow me to do introductions!" Alastor's hands found their way to Lucifer's shoulders, shoving him between the two of them. "The very King of Hell himself, Lucifer Morningstar. My liege, this is Rosie, the darling overlord of Cannibal Town!"
Lucifer vaguely felt like a piece of meat between the two sinners with the way their smiles were almost hungry.
Still, he pushed that thought down and spun his cane expertly, bowing at the hip to take her hand and place a customary kiss to the back of it. Never let it be said that Lucifer was anything but a gentleman when it came to royal meetings.
"Pleasure to be meeting you, Miss Rosie. Thank you for setting aside time today for this appointment." She giggled behind her free hand, black eyes somehow expressing mirth despite their lack of color.
"Quite the charmer, you are! I can definitely see where Princess Charlie gets her moxie from." She led them over to a small table tucked into a corner of the shop. Lucifer, ever chivalrous, pulled out the lady's chair to which she laughed brightly and sat down. He took the spot across from her, Alastor opting to stand primly as he always does.
"Would you like any snacks, Your Majesty? Or maybe a beverage?" Rosie opened a box that had fudge with eyeballs in the middle, the lifeless parts staring right at him. He hoped the disgust hadn't shown clearly on his face.
"Don't bother, Rosie. He doesn't share the acquired tastes that we do." Alastor waves her off, disappointment clear on his tongue at the fact that Lucifer wasn't a cannibal. He however, only smiled smugly as he folded his hands over his lap.
"Actually, I would enjoy a cup of blood tea if you have some." Alastor's neck cracked sickeningly at that, eyes widening in surprise at the request. Rosie's own mouth fell into an 'o' before her smile returned.
"Oh my, what a shocker! What preference of blend do you have, sire?" Rosie clapped her hands twice to summon a tea set, the kettle made out of a skull because she stuck with a theme just as much as Alastor did.
"Sweet Ichorian if you have it available." Lucifer snapped his fingers to magically heat up the water to a boil. Rosie nodded eagerly, disappearing behind the counter for a second before coming back with the leaves. He took it upon himself to pour water into both cups, accepting the infuser she handed to him.
"I was not expecting this to be part of your palate, though I am not surprised you chose the sweetest blend from Gluttony." Alastor finally spoke, accepting the cup of Haughty Sanguine that Rosie handed to him. Lucifer took a sip of his tea and hummed pleasantly as the sugary yet metallic liquid hit his tongue.
"I've been alive for longer than Earth has existed. I challenge you to find something I haven't tried." Lucifer smirked, taking another gulp before setting his cup down. He leaned forward enough to fold his hands on the table with a disarming smile aimed towards Rosie.
"Now, I don't want to take up too much of your time so I'll cut right to the chase. Are you aware of the visitors we have at the hotel?" Lucifer wasn't sure how much Alastor has shared with her but he has gleaned that they're fairly close. They didn't work together as much as the Vees do but everyone in Hell knew they had each other's back if push come to shove.
"I am." Rosie took a sip of her tea, Bloody Indolent if he recalls, and he nodded as his eyes drifted to the folder.
"They're going to want to do a day trip into Hell. Charlie was hoping you'd be amenable with us bringing them to Cannibal Town." Lucifer slid the file across the table until she reached over to pick it up. Her smile was small, but fond as she opened it to sift through the papers.
"Of course! Anything for the Princess. She has a way of winning over other's hearts, that one." Rosie quietly went through the folder of guidelines that his daughter requested to be followed. Nothing on it was too much and he really hoped she'd be willing to implement them just for a day.
Lucifer finished off his tea before pouring himself another cup. He wanted the caffeine to be enough to get him through the rest of this meeting. Rosie set the papers down once she was done reading and picked up one of the eyeball fudges from earlier to pop into her mouth.
"I don't mind helping Charlie in this manner. Though, I am curious as to why you're here to deliver this, Your Majesty." She tilted her head to the side, setting aside her now empty cup to tap her fabric napkin against the corner of her mouth.
"I know your cannibals got a taste for angelic blood in the last Extermination. I need to ensure they won't be trying for seconds while the seraphim are here." Lucifer hardened his stare, chin resting on his hands that were propped on his elbows.
"Ah. Well, I will certainly make sure they're in line that day, sire." Rosie mimicked his position, her own smile deadly as she regarded him. "I will say that they're more likely to behave if given an offering."
Lucifer knew exactly what she was suggesting. He finished off his tea as he considered his next move carefully, resting back against the chair and eyeing the overlord.
"I can make arrangements." Alastor, for the second time that day, stared at him in surprise.
"You're going to offer your blood?" Lucifer barked a laugh, looking over his shoulder to give him a smarmy smile.
"Absolutely not. Seraphim blood is addictive and I'd rather not get a whole town of cannibals trying to get a taste of me while I sleep." He mused, gesturing towards his neck. "But I can procure angelic blood. Enough to satiate all their thirsts for a while."
"How generous of you! I'd be remiss to decline." Rosie stood from chair and he followed suit. She stuck out her hand, not in a manner that would seal an actual deal, but one trusting each to keep their end. Lucifer stared at it for a moment before flitting his gaze back up to her.
"Of course, if even a single cannibal attempts to take a chunk out of my brothers or Seraph Emily, I have no reason to fulfill my side of the bargain." Lucifer quirked a brow, daring her to argue but she only smiled wider.
"Understood, Your Majesty." He nodded satisfactorily before shaking her hand. Rosie led them over to the door and Lucifer gave her smaller, more honest smile.
"You are much more pleasant than I imagine, being a friend of Alastor's. He acts as if he had a cactus shoved up his ass." Lucifer gestures with his head back at the demon in question, the loud spike of static pleasing him immensely.
And it made Rosie laugh too which was a win in his book.
"Alastor is a secret teddy bear if you get past that prickly exterior." Rosie whispered as if it were confidential information, and it probably was, but Lucifer's grin grew as he leaned in to nod sagely.
"I'd appreciate it if you two didn't get along more than you already have." Alastor drawled, slapping the stick part of his microphone across Lucifer's chest to push him away from Rosie. He chuckled under his breath at the subtle twitch of the deer's eye.
"Don't be like that, Bambi. Just having a little fun." Lucifer teased, tucking his cane underneath his armpit and bowing to Rosie just in time to avoid the swipe Alastor threw his way for the nickname.
"Thank you for your help, Miss Rosie. Once that day is over, we'll discuss how you want your portion of our deal." She giggled, returning his courtesy with a flourish.
"It's a date then! Next time, do bring along dear Charlie. It's simply been too long!" Rosie shot Alastor with a stern look and Lucifer took that as his queue to leave them to their goodbyes. He spun around on his heels, smile dropping as he snapped his fingers to summon a portal back to the hotel.
He was exhausted. Lucifer wanted nothing more than to crawl back into his bed and let his excessive amount of blankets swallow him whole. Maybe it wouldn't release him until this entire headache was over and he could go back to worry about kingly and fatherly things instead. Hells, he'd even prefer going back to making an obscene amount of rubber ducks.
He was just. So tired.
After one final farewell to Rosie, they both stepped through the portal that dropped them off right in front of Lucifer's door. He couldn't deal with more social interactions today, a two hour meeting was more than enough.
"Not going to share the results with Charlotte?" He nearly forgot Alastor was with him and Lucifer cleared his throat as he regarded the hallway around them.
"Uh…no. I have to — gotta get that blood ready for Rosie." Filthy lie. It would take a simple snap of his fingers for that task. He just needed to be alone.
"Ah yes. How do you plan on acquiring that? I'm sure even the King of Hell himself can't just ask the angels up above to lend poor sinners their ichor." Alastor hummed, flattening the wrinkles on his coat sleeves. He appeared disinterested but those ears flicking towards the monarch gave him away.
Lucifer cocked his head to the side, "you really think the last two Exterminations were the first ones where an exorcist died?" He was three-for-three shocking Alastor today and it was nice to see the deer emote more than his usual.
"Inform Charlie that Rosie agreed. If she has any questions for me, I'll answer them tomorrow." He was trying very hard to suppress how much his shoulders were threatening to sag over the weight of his waistcoat.
"Very well, Your Majesty." Alastor disappeared into the shadows just as Lucifer did into his room. He didn't have the mental capacity to think about why the Radio Demon had been so civil today, or the possible consequences of what he promised to Rosie. He just needed to shut off his mind for a few hours, or until this feeling of detachment went away. Or both.
Lucifer sat down on his bed with a rubber duck in hand, if only to give his shaking hands something to mess with as he stared up at the ceiling for the rest of the day.
Notes
He awoke feeling much better than he had before.
Well, maybe using the word 'awoke' wasn't quite accurate. Lucifer had a trick to dealing with depressive episodes like that, when his mind felt as detached from his body as it did. It was one he could only use if he was confident no one would need him. All he had to do was…stop existing. Literally.
Lucifer was a being of light, no matter his confinement to Hell. The way he chooses to present himself physically is what feels the most comfortable; his hair, skin, stature, eyes, the organs he has, all of it . A tangible shell allowed him to rein in the vast majority of his being, preventing him from spreading himself out too far. Without it, he would be a ball of ever-shining, concentrated Creation with too many eyes and teeth coupled with an invisible force one could feel weighing them down.
No matter that said organs were rather pointless considering they didn't have a need to function. It took him years to learn how to make it seem like he was breathing so as to not freak Charlie out when she was younger.
He's learned, by pure accident, that dissipating his body helps quiet those thoughts. Lucifer spreads the very essence of his being out far, that pressure befalling Hell into what the citizens assumed was the warning of a natural disaster occurring within the next few days. The further his light reaches, the further away his mind becomes.
His mental state must've been worse than he thought considering parts of him ended up all the way in the Sloth ring. That was the only strategy where everything fell silent, leaving Lucifer to just exist in a completely neutral state. No good or bad thoughts, no negative or positive feelings, just nothing. It was nice.
And as much as he wanted to remain that way for a few more hours, Lucifer knew that wasn't in the cards for today. Alastor gave him a valid excuse to avoid his brothers yesterday; there wasn't another one.
The clock in his room alerted him to the fact it was nearly time for breakfast and that's what caused him to pull himself back together. It was a slow process, one he took the time to perform in order to ensure he looked as he always does. The chance of forgetting was higher than one might think.
The shadows of his room were pushed back as gold and crimson magic glimmered across the outline of Lucifer's body, skin and bone forming out of nothing until he was sitting on the bed where he'd originally left. The light disappeared in a flash, dousing the chamber back into darkness as Lucifer blinked his eyes open.
It took Lucifer an embarrassing amount of minutes before his consciousness slotted into place but when it did, he sprung up from the bed with a smile (only momentarily fighting off the sudden dizziness) before he left the room. That little trick did wonders for his mood and while the ever-present weariness buzzed underneath his skin, it was thankfully muted now. He was ready to do whatever activity Charlie had planned today.
The foyer was empty as he expected and distant chatter could be heard from the dining room. Lucifer was in full royal attire today, defenses firmly slotted into place as he opened the door with a flourish. They were just sitting down which meant he wasn't totally late.
"Oh! Good morning, Dad!" Charlie beamed, bending down enough for him to place a kiss on her cheek. He took his usual spot between Emily and Alastor, accepting the plate of french toast that was passed to him.
"Morning, sweetie. Who made breakfast?" It was mouth watering , the wide array of different types of foods that smelled divine. He opted for french toast and a deliciously looking croque monsieur that was still sitting at the perfect temperature. After a very pointed look from his daughter, he put some fruit on there too.
"Azrael and I did!" Emily piped up with a smile, taking a bite of her own sandwich. Lucifer hummed pleasantly as he worked on his own. Azrael and Uriel were always the best cooks out of all of them and Lucifer, loath to admit it, missed their food. A lot.
That first bite was like he was transported back to Heaven itself. He remembered those times he sat at the counter, feet swinging as he kept his siblings company. Azrael helped him tease Uriel, as he always did, and their sister would eventually grow sick of it. She'd throw a glob of batter at Lucifer's face and muss his coiled hair before dragging him into a noogie.
A lump formed in his throat as he thought about her, memories flooding his brain unbidden at the mere reminder. Uriel, the Seraphim of Knowledge, the Virtue of Chastity, and the kindest being to ever grace existence. Her love was special and unique for each of her family members. Perhaps she was the reason he grew to show his affection through physical contact. It was her who'd comfort him when he was upset.
It was her who would hold Lucifer every time he cried because the Elders told him his Creations were worthless. She'd let him stick flowers into the braid of her long auburn hair, the designing of intricate patterns calming him down when his emotions overwhelmed him. No matter what she had on her plate, Uriel took the time to sit with him and hum such lovely tunes until he could speak again.
Azrael had said Uriel tried to contact him after his punishment. A small, burning part of his heart hoped that against all odds, maybe his older sister missed him just as much as he missed her. Maybe he'd get to talk to her again.
"Lucifer? Are you alright?" He snapped his eyes from his barely touched plate to Vaggie, a smile creeping its way onto his face in an attempt to mask what was going through his mind.
"Uh, y-yes! I'm just… peachy ." Lucifer cleared his throat and began to eat again. These meals have gotten better over the past couple days, Angel and Cherri loosening up around their visitors which was a little concerning. Although, Gabriel's discomfort over the spider's blatant flirting was absolutely hilarious and he was not going to put a stop to that unless necessary.
Truthfully, Lucifer often didn't participate in these conversations. The people he was comfortable talking with were busy conversing with the people he really didn't want to speak to. Every now and then, Charlie would drag him into a discussion that he'd happily participate in if only to soothe his daughter's charming yet misplaced worry over him feeling included. He didn't particularly mind, this time around, that he spoke the least during meals.
It ended amicably and Lucifer slotted himself into helping Angel with the dishes. By the time they were done and ready to move on with the day, the steady beat of rain could be heard against the hotel. One of the first things he had done once construction was complete was place a protective barrier around it to ward off the effects of the elements.
Hell, as expected, was an open air realm of eternal punishment. At best, it was uncomfortably hot. At worst, they'd have a month straight of unpredictable natural phenomenons ranging from freak blizzards to fire tornadoes that would put the ones in Wrath to shame. Today was rather tame, if one was used to excessive booms of thunder overhead like Lucifer was.
He did his best to keep away the acid rain and subsequent thunderstorms as really, he didn't want to deal with the property damage that came with it but needs must and Lucifer wasn't all-powerful to the point where he could alter the weather of a place designed by God Herself as punishment.
The barrier would have to do. They gathered in the foyer, surrounded by the gentle hiss of acid dissipating against the building. Every now and then, the insides would be illuminated in purple lighting as a crack of thunder deafened every other noise. Without the fear of the hotel melting around them, Lucifer found it to be rather calming.
"Well, my planned activity today was going to be outside but…" Charlie sighed, frowning for a brief moment before spinning around to face everyone with a smile. "No matter! I'll just switch around some days! Just give me a second to gather everything!"
His daughter and Vaggie disappeared into the staff area, coming back out with handfuls of empty cardboard tubes, construction paper, and every other kind of arts and crafts supplies one could possibly dream of. She dumped them onto the table in front of the fireplace, gesturing for everyone to gather around as she handed out the hollow cylinders.
"We're going to do something a little easier today! I want you all to design your own mailboxes with the materials I've provided for you. After that, we'll just mingle until after dinner but between now and then, I want you guys to write something you appreciate about each person here and slip it into their box." Charlie scooted back enough for Cherri, Angel, and Nifty to start grabbing the materials they wanted. A competition of who could design the best mailbox was already into play and Lucifer found himself rolling his eyes fondly.
He grabbed his own sheets of origami paper, yellow ones, and a few pieces of blue, green, and white construction paper. Lucifer had a vague idea of what he wanted to do and he felt himself start to get lost in the creative process. These kinds of tasks were always his favorite. It was an opportunity to get to do what he was made for, enough to push away that deep-rooted pain for only a little while.
"I know you've only stayed with us for a few days but try your best to think of something thoughtful! Like, maybe someone here helped you with something or you've developed a friendship with them that you appreciate." Charlie addressed their guests this time, watching with glee as all four took to their project with gusto. Well, as must gusto as Michael could muster.
"Everyone here has been welcoming, it'll be no problem at all." The eldest responded amicable, softening ever so slightly as Charlie brightened at the sentiment.
Lucifer didn't talk much as his attention drifted to focus on perfecting his origami ducks. It wasn't a pastime he often indulged in but it was nice to see that he still remembered the steps. He folded a little family, four ducklings following the mama duck, and after fully examining the canvas he was working with, Lucifer decided a pond was needed for them.
He was absolutely putting too much effort into his mailbox but the final product was cute, okay? One side was covered in blue construction paper to appear as a lake surrounded by cattails and long grass. There was a break in the vegetation to show the ducks he made, all adorning black dots for eyes and the beaks colored in orange. On the other side of the tube was an imitation of how he remembered the night sky to be, using tissue paper and paint to create an arc over to the ducks to connect the two pieces. Adding his name above the opening was an afterthought once he saw everyone else had done that.
Charlie was happily adorning her whole thing in rainbows, using thin metal holders to prop them up above the mailbox. Lucifer found himself smiling at the display; nearly 200 years later and she still loved those as much as she had when she was little. Next to her, Vaggie was struggling to create a damaged spear wrapped in what looks like olive leaves. She had opted to go for various symbols that represented peace and while her artistic skills were lacking, the sentiment was heartfelt. Befitting of an angel, no matter how far she fell.
Then his eyes landed on Alastor, who was staring at Lucifer's final product with an upturned nose. His, to absolutely no one's surprise, was modeled after an old-timey radio sitting in a bush of crimson roses. The thorns looked like they were molded from actual razor blades. Lucifer wouldn't put it past the Overlord.
Alastor gestured absently at the family of ducks, an eyebrow cocked as if to convey how childish he found it. An unwarranted opinion considering Lucifer doesn't recall asking him for it. But still, a mischievous smile crossed his lips as he procured three more pieces of origami paper, a single red and two blacks.
It didn't take him long to create the little folded deer complete with two black antlers. Lucifer even added some white, heart shaped spots despite knowing it wasn't entirely accurate but hey, Lucifer got immense joy when he reached over to place the paper creation in the roses of Alastor's box. Said demon was not very happy with the addition, if his glare was anything to go by, but Charlie beat him to any kind of response when he lifted a hand to pluck it free.
"Oh my hells! Dad, that is so cute! I'm so happy you two are getting along well enough to help with each other's projects." She all but squealed, leaning close to get a better look at the origami deer. Lucifer's gaze slid back over to the Radio Demon and his tight smile was more than enough for him to know that he won. The forked tip of his tongue that slipped past his lips mockingly wasn't entirely necessary, he can admit that.
Only, Alastor's smile turned sadistic as he picked up a discarded paintbrush. "You're quite right, my dear! It would be rude of me to not thank His Majesty for such a wonderfulgift." He snatched Lucifer's mailbox before he could protest and started drawing something on the side with the pond and ducks.
Charlie was none the wiser at the little battle brewing between them but Lucifer knew he would get Alastor back for the bloodthirsty wolf eating a duckling he painted in the group of cattails.
~~~
Lucifer was struggling.
It probably says a lot about him that he's spent the better part of two hours now trying to think of what to write for his brothers. Charlie would understand, he was sure, except everyone else seemed to be going about it just fine and he refused to be the only one who didn't put something. Blame his pride or what not but he would not be bested by this.
Charlie and her girlfriend were easy, at the very least, as were the ones for Angel, Husk, Nifty, and Cherri. Theirs was a bit more superficial but there was a long list of things Lucifer could pick from, it was a matter of finding something simple yet true. He even made it a personal goal not to write something relating to his daughter, no matter how much he appreciated their support of her. He wanted them to know he saw them beyond just that.
It was crazy, really, how much this hotel has changed his views on sinners. Lucifer still had his doubts for a majority of them but if he's learned anything from Charlie, it was that people who make bad decisions aren't automatically bad people. He only wished he knew this before.
Well, that was all in the past now. Lucifer slipped a folded paper into Nifty's mailbox that was, unfortunately, covered in dead bugs. To be expected from the tiny demon even if it wasn't the most pleasant to look at.
"Having troubles, I take it?" Alastor was holding a stack of leaflets in his hand, the other wrapped around the stem of his microphone as he came to a stop next to Lucifer. "I can assure you that I don't expect much from you." Cue the laugh track.
"Don't flatter yourself there, Bambi. Besides, you weren't planning on putting anything in mine either." Lucifer rolled his eyes, popping his hip out in a challenge. Alastor's smile widened as he pulled out one of the papers from the middle before dropping it into the king's mailbox.
They stared each other down for a moment, Alastor's expression never wavering while Lucifer's frown deepened by the second. It was most likely some phrase that could be taken as positive on the surface but was really a jab at somewhere he has failed or on his height.
Or, Alastor could be taking this seriously and had written something genuine, albeit small. Both options had an equal chance of happening with no way of telling which possible direction the deer decided to go.
Lucifer scowled as he grabbed another piece of paper, scribbling something on it before shoving into Alastor's box. Despite what he may think, there were a few things he didappreciate about the Radio Demon and not all of them were related to Charlie. He only hoped he wouldn't regret picking one of those in the long run.
Alastor hummed, moving to place his own affirmations where they belonged. One in every single person's mailbox. Lucifer's brows furrowed.
"I don't think I've ever seen you talk to my brothers." Lucifer spun the pen between his fingers, a tic he developed the years he spent doing paperwork. He liked to create new flips or tricks he could do with a writing device and now, he finds himself falling back into whenever he needed to think.
"I haven't but I do love to observe. Which is how I know you've been glaring holes into their little boxes." Alastor tapped Gabriel's, designed to look like a cave peeking out from a waterfall, with the tip of his microphone.
Lucifer scoffed, "and what exactly should I say? 'Hey, I appreciate you abandoning me!' I'm sure Charlie would love that." He flailed his arms out of his side as if to accentuate his point. Alastor leaned back just in time to avoid an accidental swipe to his shoulder.
"You knew them for thousands of years, did you not?" Radio static was a bit heavier on his voice, betraying the annoyance he was trying to hide.
"Well, sure. But that was before-"
"It cannot be hard to think of one thing for beings you have such history with. Use what little brain cells remain in there, sire." Alastor brought his cane to knock against the top of Lucifer's forehead yet the king didn't even have time to glare at him before he dissolved into the shadows and slinked away with a laugh.
Still, Alastor had given him a good idea. The only one he could really think of something to write for was Azrael, something he quickly wrote out to stuff into the cardinal decorated mailbox. For Michael and Gabriel, there just wasn't much he could think of for them. Modernly.
So he opted for something he appreciated about them when he was still up in Heaven. He chose two things he never truly thanked them for, because there was no need for it, but it stuck with him nonetheless. He put them in the proper mailboxes before he could change his mind.
~~~
"Alright everyone, it's time to open them up!" Charlie clapped excitedly, dragging her mailbox closer to her so she could pull out all her responses. Everyone was quick to follow suit and many of them broke out into excited chatter at what was written. Thanks went around, hugs being given by Charlie, and genuine laughter between those that were close filled the otherwise empty foyer.
Lucifer was nervous. His hands shook as he opened the first paper, only for his brows to furrow as he attempted to decipher the scribbled mess of what was supposed to be letters. He thinks it's meant to read 'I appreciate the hissing bugs the ultimate bad boy gave me' and paired with said hissing cockroach that was glued next to it, he's pretty sure this is from Nifty.
At least he hoped so or else he'd have to have a talk with some other person in the hotel. Maybe put them into therapy.
It made him smile regardless, loosening his shoulders as he opened the next one. They were all far kinder than he expected and if his eyes got a little misty, that was nobody's business but his own. It wasn't until he saw Charlie crouch down in his peripheral did he look up. She was holding what he wrote for her, smiling no matter how red rimmed her eyes were.
'Thank you for giving me another chance. It means more to me than I could ever express and I promise, I won't fail you again'
"You didn't fail me before." Charlie muttered, dragging him into a hug that he returned quickly. He did fail her, so many times, and he would do everything he could to make up for it. She may not realize that but Lucifer knew and everyone else knew too.
'I appreciate everything you've given me, Dad. All the fond memories when I was kid and everything you've done for the hotel. Thank you'
It was little events like this that Lucifer loved about his new life. They only lasted for a few seconds but their significance would stay for years, things he would always look back on with fond smiles even if they drifted again.
And it was moments like these that he missed the most when he locked himself away in his depressing ivory tower. Lucifer never wanted to make that same mistake again.
"You…" They pulled apart at the sound of Michael's voice, a shaky edge to the words as he peered at the paper in his hand. "You remember this?"
Charlie glanced at her father before moving back to Vaggie's side. Lucifer took a breath, held it for three seconds and let it out quietly. He turned to face his eldest brother, gaze never leaving his lap.
"Why wouldn't I?" Lucifer cleared his throat, not missing the way other conversations fell silent around them. Eavesdroppers.
"I just-" Michael glanced up. "I figured you wouldn't want to think about before ." There was an actual tilt to his voice, though Lucifer couldn't quite discern what he may be thinking. It was a far cry of the usual neutral tone he spoke with.
Lucifer's pulse was hammer against his throat. He didn't want to think about then. He would give anything to be able to just forget the good times they had, if only to make the betrayal sting less. But he couldn't so he had to manage with the cards that were dealt to him.
"I didn't thank you then." Lucifer gathered the courage to look at him. "I took a lot of things for granted back in the day." There was a lot to unpack from that statement, more than he was willing to do, but it had stunned Michael into silence.
'I appreciate all the times you shielded me from the Elders' words'
He remembers vividly, a handful of centuries after his Creation, the first time he angered one of the Elder Angels. Mother tasked him with developing some new flora but in order to do that, he needed to collaborate with those in charge of the ecosystems to ensure everything functioned properly.
Lucifer found Ariel managing others in the Creation of a frozen tundra. That's where they were going to put the large white bears and arctic foxes but he was to make plants for the rain forest. He remembered the way he flew next to her, speaking excitedly about the kinds of ideas he had for this new place, of how they'd co-exist together and balance all life.
He didn't understand why Ariel snapped at him back then, not until he Fell and had plenty of time to think back on every single interaction he had with any angel. Lucifer never really knew when to shut up, a trait that followed him into Hell. He didn't blame them for being annoying the way they were.
Still, it didn't escape his notice how a lot of his ideas that were deemed 'dangerous' or 'pointless' found their ways onto Earth after he was gone. He was only a little salty about that.
Young, naive Lucifer had run to his big brother in tears. Michael had been the one to reprimand Ariel and he protected him from all the other Elders who got mad at him for just doing what he was designed to do. He should've guess that it wouldn't have lasted forever.
Michael seemed so much stronger than any of them. Bigger, bolder, not allowing injustice to reign free in Heaven. Michael was untouchable to Lucifer. It seemed even he wasn't immune to the pressures of subservience that was asked of them.
"Do you remember that time you and Azrael spent the whole day following Raphael around to see how many leaves you could stick into his feathers without him noticing?" Gabriel spoke after a moment, eyes far away and soft smile on his face.
Yeah, Lucifer definitely remembered that. Raphael was doing his routine rounds overseeing the cultivation of medicinal herbs, too focused on his task to realize the growing collection of leaves in his plumage. They managed to cover the entire top set before he took flight, only to dislodge all the leaves and catch his brothers in their harmless game. The healer chased them around Heaven, wrestling them to the ground until he could throw them in the lake as his retaliation. Despite himself, Lucifer found himself smiling at the memory.
"Yeah, and I totally won that bet. It was Lucifer's turn that we got caught." Azrael smirked, that playfulness shining through that stoic expression.
" What!? No you didn't! He flew, that's how he found out and it just happened to be my turn!" Lucifer slammed his hands on the table so he could lean against them.
"Right but like you said, it was your turn soooo…" Azrael chuckled at the finger pointed in his face. He pushed it away gently with a cocked brow.
" You were the last one to put a leaf in his wings so it was you who lost!" Lucifer yelled incredulously, flapping his hands uselessly in Azrael's direction.
"...You were the first one Raphie dunked in the lake." Michael supplied unhelpfully, earning a glare from Lucifer. He turned towards his daughter as he pleadingly clasped his hands together.
"Charlie, you agree with me, right?" The light of his life, his greatest Creation, and ultimate traitor only smiled apologetically.
"Sorry, Dad. Sounds like you lost." Lucifer huffed, letting his head thunk against the table as he let out his woes. Charlie giggled as she patted his back.
"It was one of the only times any of us were able to get you or Azrael back for your pranks." Gabriel laughed. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "I tried for so long when you reversed one of my favorite waterfalls so it was running upwards, Luci!"
Lucifer sat up with a bright smile, tilting his chin up at the reminder of one of his favorite tricks he used to play. Gabriel couldn't figure out how to reverse the magic the youngest had cast for the longest time. He enjoyed watching the well-kept angel bow his head in defeat after the fifth time he got soaked trying.
"Ha! I can't imagine you would be able to prank me anyways. You never were the stealthy type, Gabi." Lucifer leaned over across the table far enough to sling an arm around Azrael's shoulders. "We were the trickster kings . You peasants could never step up to us."
"Papi Diablo, are ya holdin' back on us? I wanna see this side of ya." Angel crooned in his usual salacious voice, effectively dragging the sinners into the conversation as well.
For the rest of the day, Lucifer found himself laughing and smiling as he reminisced about long-forgotten memories. He was stuffed between Azrael and Charlie, their weights familiar and welcoming as if it was normal. As if it's something he was blessed to have every single day for the past 10,000 years.
There were no thoughts about the Fall. No thoughts about punishments or betrayals or hurt. There was only this moment and for a little while, it felt like it was enough.