The two goblins blinked—then heat and hunger flashed in their eyes.
"Sir Ashbourne," purred Larring, smile a touch too tight, "you may have misunderstood. Gringotts deals only in legal business—"
Theo couldn't help a laugh. "Legal as defined by… you. Gringotts writes the standards and polices the standards. And goblins' love of gold is famous. You expect me to believe you sit on rivers of liquidity and do nothing clever with the currents?"
He spread his hands. "I'm treating you as friends. Don't treat me like a fool."
The masks dropped. Both goblins showed teeth.
"Perceptive," Larring admitted. "Very well. We can do it. Student exchange caps exist… but gifts do not."
"We maintain… special donor accounts," the clerk added smoothly. "You transfer pounds; our account gifts you Galleons. Not an exchange. Not under the law."
"Our fee," Larring finished, "is fifty percent."
Theo stood. The temperature fell. "Fifty?"
"In the Muggle world I might hold my nose and pay that—risk is real. Here? Your risk is near zero. Two and a half—and that's me being polite."
"Forty," Larring said, throat dry.
"Thirty," Theo said. "One percent higher and I walk."
A beat. "Deal. How large a sum?"
Theo signed a crisp HSBC cheque. "Start with £50,000."
Both goblins' breaths snagged. Then the smiles came back, brighter.
"Fifty thousand pounds yields 10,000 Galleons. Less our 30%—you receive 7,000 Galleons." Larring's eyes gleamed. "A fortune most witches and wizards never dream of."
"And 3,000 Galleons to you," Theo said mildly. "Not a bad first handshake. There'll be more. This is win–win. So—friends?"
"An honour to befriend a gentleman of your stature," they chorused, bowing elaborately. A parchment contract unfurled, words flowering across it.
Theo glanced at it—then past it, to the pane only he could see.
Nothing.
"System?" he prodded silently. "Where's my talent? We're at least Acquaintance, yes? Where's Wind & Dew Sustenance?"
A single, unlovely line appeared:
[Bond with Xiao Sheng & Cao Bao: Not yet Acquaintance. No reward available.]
Theo stared. "They just said 'friend'—you didn't hear?"
Another line, drier still:
[Words aren't bonds. Saying 'friend' doesn't make it so.]
Oh.
So that was it. Surface brothers. Theirs was the ring of a till, not the ring of friendship.
"Fine," he murmured. "How far from Acquaintance, then?"
[Roughly ten such transactions.]
[Escalation to Close Friend is highly unlikely.]
Theo's fingers curled. Ten runs meant 3,000 Galleons in fees each time—30,000 to buy a maybe. He could afford it. He refused to fund contempt.
And anyway—goblins and wizards went back a millennium in mutual grievance. In canon, goblins still fought ownership claims over Gryffindor's sword like it happened yesterday. Friendship? With money alone? Not bloody likely.
His expression cooled. Larring misread it and hurried to smooth the contract. "Is there a clause you dislike, Sir Ashbourne? I can amend—"
Theo plucked his cheque from the goblin's fingers.
"I don't like you," he said pleasantly. "No deal. Keep your parchment."
For a heartbeat, silence. Then both goblins flushed slate-grey with fury. Nothing offended a goblin like gold withdrawing at the last second.
"Sir Ashbourne," Larring hissed, "are you making sport of Gringotts?"
"Discussing a deal," Theo said, amused, "doesn't oblige me to sign one. If it did, your job would be very easy."
He left them to choke on it. At the outer counter he exchanged the standard student allotment and rejoined Hagrid.
"What'd yeh do to those two?" Hagrid asked, eyes wide at the thunderclouds curdling behind them.
"Nothing much," Theo said. "Didn't like the greed on display. Tugged their beards a little."
Hagrid's grin broke out despite himself. "Good on yeh. Can't stand the lot—sell anything for the right coin. Mind you, goblins hold a grudge. Keep your head up next time."
Theo's step hitched. A new string of text unspooled across the pane—cold, delightful.
[You and Xiao Sheng & Cao Bao part on poor terms. They harbour resentment.]
[Enmity established.]
[Relation: Green-Eyed. Beat them soundly once → Reward: Wind & Dew Sustenance.]
[Relation: Red-Eyed. Beat them thrice → Reward: Chessmaster's Instinct.]
[Relation: Irreconcilable. Slay both → Reward: Falling-Treasure Coin Refinement.]
[Current relation: Red-Eyed.]
Theo's eyebrows climbed.
"…Well. If friendship won't open the door, hostility just kicked it off the hinges."
He kept walking, lips twitching, and Hagrid—entirely misreading the smile—thumped his back.
"Next stop, robes or wands?" the half-giant asked cheerfully.
"Wands," Theo said, eyes amused and thoughtful all at once. "Let's go pick the right piece of wood."