Trrrrring~ Trrrrring~ Trrrri….
It's morning.
I didn't want to open my eyes, and my body refused to move.
My mind, having just woken up, was more than ready to go back to sleep.
'Should I just… go back to sleep?'
Trrrrring~ Trrrrring~ Trrrrring~
As if it couldn't possibly know my feelings, the alarm continued to ring endlessly, urging me to turn it off.
Trrrrring Trrrri….
"...."
Trrrri….
"Agh, seriously…!"
It should know when to stop.
The alarm was starting to get on my nerves, so I decided to just turn it off. While still lying down, I moved only my hand, starting to search the top of my bed.
Slap.
"?"
But….
What I felt wasn't the comfort of my bed, but the coldness of the floor?
Feeling that something was strange, I immediately sat up. My eyes, which had been barely open, flew wide.
I looked around to figure out where I was….
I was lying there with a trash can amidst some buildings.
The buildings weren't too close together, leaving enough space for about three or four people to pass through.
Looking straight ahead and behind me, I could see an open road, and since I was between buildings, it formed a straight path.
'Hmm… Ah!'
After some thought, I figured out where I was.
It was what we would commonly call an alleyway.
'Huh? An alleyway…? I'm sure I went to sleep in my bed in my room, but suddenly I'm in an alley? Was I kidnapped?'
All sorts of thoughts popped into my head in this sudden situation. My mind swayed like a reed in the wind, unable to reach a conclusion.
...ing~ Trrrrring~
"…. The alarm…."
My thoughts were quieted by the sound of the alarm that had felt like my mortal enemy.
'First, should I turn it off….'
Pushing aside my uneasy feelings, I first turned my eyes toward the source of the sound. My phone… was in the breast pocket of my school uniform jacket.
I took out my phone, turned off the alarm that read 7:10, and put it back in my pocket.
'...…? Uniform…?'
I immediately looked down.
Black shoes with laces, gray socks, black uniform pants, a pure white uniform shirt, and a black tie.
Over it all was a black jacket.
An impressive uniform that resembled a suit. They were the familiar clothes I had worn just yesterday.
".... Huh? ...…."
Huh?
My brain froze. I couldn't comprehend the situation at all.
How could anyone possibly understand a situation like this in the first place…?
-Aish, dammit!
While I was bewildered, I heard the fierce voice of a woman, who seemed to be angry.
"Uh, um…. Ah."
I reflexively hid behind a nearby cylindrical trash can, peeking my head out just a little to look towards the source of the sound.
"Seriously, how could you not get it even once? Hahaha"
"Shut your mouth…."
"Shad ya mowth~"
"This bastard… Hey! Get back here—!!"
Tap-tap-tap….
"...???"
Was I seeing things…? Or have I gone crazy…? Could it be that I actually had schizophrenia? I seriously pondered this.
What I saw was someone wearing a black motorcycle helmet, holding a black gun in their hand, with a colorless, circular halo.
The extra character commonly called '1-helmet' by the fandom….
It was a member of the Helmet Gang.
.
.
.
Some time passed.
During that time, in this unfamiliar alley, I tried to make sense of the situation.
"Uh… so…."
I went about my daily routine as usual… then went to sleep.
"Hmm…." I woke up and I was in an alleyway? And there were members of the Helmet Gang from Blue Archive….
Went to sleep -> Woke up in an alley (?) -> Helmet Gang appeared (???)
If this were a test question, I'm confident it would have a 100% incorrect answer rate.
"Mmmhmm...…. Aah! I don't know!"
Thinking about it any further would just give me a headache, so I quit thinking like some mindless creature from a story.
"Haah…. What is all this…."
A sigh escaped me on its own.
I'm confused. I just feel like sprawling out on the ground.
As if it had no sense of timing, my damn biological needs were telling me I had to go to the bathroom.
"Hah…. Should I leave…."
For now, I decided to leave this alley. I couldn't just relieve myself on the street here.
And just standing here won't solve anything.
At times like this, I need to act.
Having made up my mind, I cautiously stepped outside. When I left the alley, I was greeted by a very strange sight.
A sidewalk and a road paved on the ground.
A street that looked similar to a local market came into view, and as if to prove it, there were various shops from food stalls to fruit stores and supermarkets.
Up to this point, it wasn't strange.
It was a scene I would naturally see when leaving my house to go to school.
It's just that….
Among the shops was one that sold all kinds of guns, the passing citizens had animal-like features and walked on two legs.
And there were humanoid robots and delinquent-looking high school girls carrying guns.
"...…."
I had a pretty good idea of what was going on, thanks to the 1-helmet gang member who appeared in the alley.
A place where robots and beastmen exist as citizens, and high school girls carry guns….
I could only think of one such world.
There's no point in hiding it.
Blue Archive.
It was the game I loved, the one that had given me laughter, joy, and emotional moments.
"What in the world…. –! More importantly, the bathroom…!"
Now that I knew what this world was, I clenched to hold in my bursting bladder and quickly started walking to find a restroom.
Fortunately, I was able to find a bathroom easily.
[Man]
It would be strange if there were no public restrooms in the 21st century….
I was so desperate that I asked a nearby robot citizen and barely managed to get here.
"Phew~ …But wait, was my Japanese this good…?"
I was too disoriented earlier to notice anything strange, but while talking to the robot citizen, I realized I could speak and read Japanese naturally.
It was as if I had always used it.
I did get the highest grades in Japanese at school, even scoring a level 2, but… I was never this good at speaking it….
Man, I have no idea what's going on….
"Mmph–? Should I just go in for now…."
Anyway. It was getting hard to hold it in any longer, so I went into the bathroom. I stood at the urinal, hastily unhooked and pulled down my pants to do my business.
Then, as I was about to look down to pull my pants back up.
For a moment.
"…Hmm? …!?!?"
I witnessed a tremendous change.
The hair on my crotch, no, my groin….
It was as if someone had set fire to that dense jungle and burned it all down, not even a root was left.
"...."
Seeing this change, I put on a determined expression, quietly went into a stall, and locked the door.
"Gulp-"
It was a tense moment.
My pants.
I grabbed them…!
"Hoooo- Wheeeeew~"
"3…2...1!"
What I could confirm after pulling down all my pants was that the abominable snowman was finally dead.
This moment, more than any other, felt refreshing.
.
.
.
After that, I took off not just my pants but all my clothes and found that all my hair, except for my eyebrows and the hair on my head, was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.
I could also confirm in the bathroom mirror that things like acne had also completely disappeared.
And I was starting to get a feeling. To get straight to the point.
A dream.
First. This can't be reality.
In a way, that's obvious.
Getting hit by a truck and reincarnating in another world…? Sacrificing yourself to save someone and being rewarded by a god with reincarnation…? Those are all fictional stories.
Second. It's too convenient.
This world is Blue Archive. My favorite game.
Suddenly, I was transported here, and I could read and converse in Japanese perfectly.
On top of that, one of my wishes, to get rid of my body hair and acne, came true? Everything just lined up too perfectly like this.
Third. There is no god.
It has not been observed, therefore, God does not exist.
This is my personal opinion.
We confirm form and properties by seeing, we feel by touching, and we can interact with each other by hearing.
Cannot be confirmed. Cannot be felt. Cannot interact.
Since none of these apply, there is no god.
Therefore, I came to the conclusion that this is a dream.
Well… it feels a bit too realistic for a dream, but lucid dreams also exist, so I didn't pay it much mind.
Grrrrrumble~
…It really was a damn realistic dream.