Before my marriage took place, I suddenly remembered my first Christmas here with the Knightrose family.
December 24th
As everyone else loves to celebrate Christmas Eve, the household had become busier despite the cold weather. They were vampires and werewolves, so the coldness didn't bother them—unlike me. I was wrapped not only with a thick sweater but also wearing a hoodie and a scarf, which was probably knitted by Lady Alysia.
Anyway, they moved with efficiency, maintaining balance and peace within the household despite their busyness. Every corner of the manor was fully decorated under the supervision of the masters of the house. They prepared a full-course meal from breakfast to Christmas Eve dinner, doubled the cleaning efforts, tended the landscape, and tightened security. But what took my breath away was the enormous pile of gifts occupying the entire living room space, where a huge Christmas tree stood adorned with white and red ornaments.
"Surprise?" Almira teased, grinning from ear to ear, seeing my shocked reaction.
I nodded, still stunned. "Well, who wouldn't be? This is insane." I watched as servants and family members checked the lists and sorted the gifts, making me realize something. "Are these going to be distributed across the land?" Almira grinned, nodding, which was answer enough. "I didn't realize the gifts we received came from here."
Almira smiled warmly. "It's a family tradition," She explained, telling me about their Christmas custom that I will soon be part of once I marry Mirxalyn. The idea of belonging to something meaningful filled my heart with warmth—something I hadn't realized I needed until now. I'm grateful. Then Almira continued, sharing what they mostly gave to everyone: "Besides, we make sure to give what they needed—essentials, goods, learning toys, and even the privilege to have a job the following year."
"No wonder Dad wasn't around much when I was young." I chuckled, remembering the moment when my stepfather couldn't come home.
Almira hummed thoughtfully, "I think back then, he was assigned to train Mikyle in the medical field."
"Now I get why it was easy to communicate with him." I chuckled.
"Perhaps." She giggled, agreeing. Then Almira changed the subject and started wondering about her gift. "By the way, do you have any gift for me?"
My expression dropped—unreadable. Then I teased her flatly, "Why would you think I'll give you one?"
"So mean." She gasped dramatically, hand over her chest as I wounded her. I chuckled at her dramatic antics.
"Stop it. You look ridiculous," I said, still giggling though. Then I sighed, smiling before answering, "Kidding, I have some for everyone who has been a great help to me. I just hope everyone will like it."
"We will, especially my sister." She chuckled. But my smile thinned, and worry crept in.
"About that, I don't have any for her," I admitted with a sad smile.
"You what?! Why?" she exclaimed, surprised.
I shrugged my shoulders, giving my reason, "Because I don't know what to give to her, and besides, how would I know what she likes when I haven't met her personally?"
"Well, you could ask us." Almira patted my back gently, offering assurance before she added, "Whatever you give her, she'll accept it—just not anything that would cause her pain."
"Would a punch do?" I asked teasingly.
"Silly. You haven't gotten there." She giggled, shaking her head before explaining what she meant. "Kidding aside, I mean emotional pain. She'd been through a lot before she became who she is now. So, I'm hoping you'll give her something none of us could give, and the entire world would be pretty much grateful for it."
"Almira, that's a lot of pressure," I admitted, followed by a heavy sigh.
"It won't," Almira said, surely. I was taken aback, unsure if I could pull myself together and meet their expectation at the same time. I know I'm doubting myself, and I can't help it due to what I've been through. Then, when I heard Almira's reassuring voice, catching my attention, "Just think of her, feel her, and maybe you'll know what to give."
She patted my shoulder, leaving some encouragement, and then I sighed. "I don't know what to do or what to give…"
***
I wasn't being lazy while everyone was busy preparing for the upcoming Christmas Eve; they simply didn't let me help. I felt like I was in the way—still weak, and my assistance might slow them down. So, I decided to roam around the mansion, checking on their progress like a supervisor. But honestly, I just don't know where to put myself at the moment.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips as my feet took me somewhere in the courtyard to a small greenhouse that I hadn't noticed before. It wasn't filled with greenery or flowers but with candlelight holders and lanterns arranged at every corner. They lit up as soon as I stepped inside, and the chandelier above shone, illuminating the space where dust and dried petals lay scattered on the floor.
"What is this place?" I muttered as I found myself in front of a well-preserved piano. "Why is the piano here?" I touched the keys on the piano, and a gust of wind barely brushed my skin as I sat on the bench. "Since I'm doing nothing, let's try something."
I haven't played piano ever since that tragedy. I stopped touching any instruments. But now, feeling the keys beneath my fingertips, adrenaline rushed through me. I began pressing the keys, creating a random melody, and checking each sound, which was still great. Then I played a song that reflected my feelings at the moment called Wherever You Are by South Border.
I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand, looking at the stars
Wishing someday I will find true love
Would it be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Would it be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart, to your heart
I began singing the song, expressing every word in the lyrics with emotion that had been tucked away for a very long time. It was radiating in this melody—a deep longing hidden among the nightmares from my yesterday.
The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hope it'll find its way to you
Wherever you are
Its deepest longing, despite the pain scarred on my body, carved like a nightmare I couldn't shake, my heart still wished for someone to find me.
I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply through the sky
Watching birds as they fly by
Hoping someday faith will bring me true love
Would it be nice to hold someone
So dear and near your heart
Would it be nice to hear those words
I love you from the one
That you love, that you love
I wished. I deeply wished for someone who wouldn't just see me as their mate but more. Someone who sees beyond my weakness and the past I went through and a kind of love that accepts my heart as a whole.
I'd love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
Selflessly
Someday you will find your way
To where. Ohhh
Yeah
Yeah, ohhh
I poured all of my longing and the wish that had been sealed for years into this song, expressing my feelings no one had heard before. Hoping someone would hear my heart, find me, see the truth behind the weakness, and accept everything about me. Hoping to share a love that went beyond the mate bond.
I repeated the chorus of the song, and later, when I finished, I wiped my tears that I didn't realize had fallen. I chuckled sadly, "Oh my God, I hope my fiancée will see past this weakness I turned into. And if she's truly my mate, I hope our marriage won't be based on our mate bond," I silently prayed. I was hoping for something better—a good thing for my heart. "Because God, I don't know if I could hold heartache from a mate again." I cried silently. I bared my feelings that I haven't let out before. It was a hidden feeling, a wish, a last hope that nobody knew or heard from me. I cried everything until I heard a rustling sound somewhere in the greenhouse, which made me jump. "Who's there?!"
But there was nothing. I wanted to ignore it, but something was twisting in my gut, telling me to check it out. I wiped my tears before I stood up and checked where the noise came from. As I got close, there was a huge canvas resting in the corner, covered with thick, dusty cloth. Curious, I pulled the cloth away only to see how majestic the painting was, and I gasped.
"Wow. This Fenrir..." I muttered softly, surprised to see the same midnight blue-furred Fenrir from my dream here. The meticulous details of the fur and tribal tattoos made the painting striking and magical, as if this painting wasn't made through the mind's fantasy. It captured its majestic beauty and power, and the eyes seemed to stare back at me. Subconsciously, I touched the painting gently, feeling the roughness from old paint mixed with years of dust, but it felt alive and whispered a name from my dream. "Sage."
I was awed, ignoring the sting on my head, and kept tracing the strokes gently, getting lost in it. But when I touched the same mark on the Fenrir's temple, a jolt surged through me. The sting in my head intensified. I yelped and jumped backwards, but hitting the ground, I felt a woman's body—a familiar cold-warm body against my back. When I turned, I was relieved because it was my annoying mate and my savior, the one I hoped was my fiancée that I'm going to marry soon.
"I—I didn't mean to be here if I'm not allowed. It's open, and I had nothing to do, and—ahm, yeah…that's it…I guess," I muttered sheepishly as I defended myself, avoiding her gaze. But I felt it. I felt her stare at me, and when I glanced at her, she was about to reach out, but I suddenly felt dizzy—really bad. "What the…" I fell into her arms, where she pulled me close, carrying me carefully. Then I muttered a soft apology before things went blank. "Sorry."