Why am I still alive?
Every day when I open my eyes and realize I'm still alive, I ask myself this question...
Why am I still alive...?
My name is Yan Chuanlongli. Yan Chuan is my surname, but I hate this surname because it reminds me of my father, a devilish man.
My father was an alcoholic. He would get completely drunk every day and then come home and beat my mother and me. He would always utter all sorts of foul language, calling me a "bastard" and a "mongrel," and would use all sorts of offensive words to insult my mother and me.
Every time I was beaten, I felt like I was living a life worse than death. I felt that living in this world was torture. Sometimes, I even wished that I could die sooner so that I could end this painful life.
Whenever my father started to hit me, my mother would always rush over without hesitation and protect me with her frail body.
But the result was often that the despicable man beat my mother even more violently. Seeing my mother covered in bruises, I was filled with self-blame and helplessness.
Not only that, the children in the village often bullied me.
They often come to my doorstep to mock me, saying I'm a "bastard," a child born from my mother and another man.
They also called my mother a "bitch" and said we deserved to be beaten to death. Every time I heard these words, I would get so angry that I wanted to fight them to the death.
However, because I had been frail and sickly since childhood, I was no match for those children. They easily pushed me to the ground, then picked up stones and sticks from the roadside and mercilessly hurled them at me.
"Haha, kill this freak!"
"You and your mother are both monsters!"
I could only curl up on the cold ground, silently enduring all this violence.
And it is always my mother who saves me.
Whenever this happened, she would rush over, chase away the village children who were bullying me, and then gently lift me out of the mud and wipe the dirt and mud off my cheeks.
"Longli is not a freak. Longli is my precious child. He is not like what they say." My mother gently stroked my white hair, tenderly comforting me.
Seeing my mother's concerned face, I was filled with self-blame and remorse.
I hate myself for not being strong enough to protect her from harm, and I hate myself for not being able to take her away from this terrible hell.
I could only silently endure all of this, silently waiting for the day when I could leave this place and escape this terrible place with my mother.
Night fell, and darkness enveloped the earth, but this brought me no peace or tranquility whatsoever.
On the contrary, it foreshadowed a new round of torment. My father, drunk as a bat, returned home, his heavy footsteps like the whispers of a demon, making my heart tremble.
When he saw the numerous wounds on my body, a mocking smile appeared on his face.
He asked sarcastically, "How come you weren't beaten to death?"
Then, his alcohol-filled eyes stared at my face, and he kept spewing out vicious insults.
"Bastard! Mongrel!" These insulting words pierced my heart like a sharp knife.
However, this is just the beginning.
My father's anger intensified, and without hesitation, he raised his fist and slammed it hard into my body.
Each punch was filled with endless malice and hatred, as if it wanted to destroy me completely.
I couldn't escape it, so I could only silently endure all this pain, and my mother once again rushed out to protect me.
I know that the reason he treats me this way is because he doesn't believe I'm his biological child.
He believed that with his ugly and overweight appearance, it was impossible for him to have given birth to someone like me.
This sense of inferiority was deeply rooted in his heart, making him exceptionally sensitive.
He preferred to believe the rumors spread by the men in the village rather than his wife.
How tragic, Father!
As a man, you dare not trust your wife, yet you are easily swayed by gossip.
I have seen those men before. They would deliberately walk past my house and stare at my mother with their lewd and filthy eyes.
Because my mother was the most beautiful woman in the surrounding area, her beauty was like a bright star in the night sky, making people unable to resist being captivated by her. Perhaps it was for this reason that those men became jealous and fabricated those vile rumors.
This situation persisted for a very long time.
This day seemed destined to be extraordinary. My mother seemed to have sensed something early on. Although she always gave me a gentle smile as usual, I could see an unprecedented tension in her eyes.
That evening, just as my father was about to return, my mother locked me in the basement. She gently stroked my head and said tenderly, "Longli, be good. Promise me you won't come out no matter what you hear later, okay?"
Under my bewildered gaze, my mother closed the basement door, then used some odds and ends to barricade it.
The night was unusually quiet, so quiet it was frightening.
My father didn't come home drunk as usual tonight, but I don't know what he said to my mother. I only know that they had a big argument, and their voices echoed throughout the house.
"I don't think you should be allowed to sell Longli to a place like that!"
Even though I was hiding in the basement, I could clearly hear their heated argument.
I heard the sound of my mother being beaten, and my heart was filled with fear and anger.
I tried desperately to open the basement door to protect my mother, but the clutter piled up above prevented me from pushing it open immediately.
I was extremely anxious and kept trying to push the door open, hoping to get out and save my mother as soon as possible.
Finally, after using almost all my strength, I managed to push open the basement door. I rushed out eagerly, only to see a heartbreaking scene—my mother lying in a pool of blood, her face pale.
The father sat to the side, constantly hurling insults at the mother, while holding a bottle of wine in his hand.
I was stunned. My mother was dead.
That day, my world collapsed.
My mother died, and the meaning of my life disappeared.
I picked up the knife from the ground and rushed at the man, but he easily snatched the knife and slapped me to the ground.
His fists and feet rained down on me, but my mother was dead, and there was no one to protect me.
I slowly closed my eyes; dying like this didn't seem so bad.
Mother, please wait for me in heaven...
Just when I thought it was all over, that adult... that man who completely changed my destiny like a god appeared!
He suddenly appeared in front of me, looking down at me: "Do you want power?"
"Hey, who are you! Who let me into my house!"
My father was also startled by the sudden intruder.
The man ignored him; he just stared at me, at my alluring face: "Do you want to avenge your mother?"
revenge?
Of course I want to!
I nodded without hesitation.
The man smiled.
Under the moonlight, he laughed like a devil from hell.
"Then drink this blood. If you dare spill a single drop, I'll kill you!"
I held it in both hands and drank the blood that tasted like celestial wine!
On that day, I felt an unprecedented power.
My father, who was so powerful and invincible, was easily knocked to the ground by me. I smashed his head with a single punch.
Mother, can you see? I've finally got the ability to protect you.
I finally have the power I've always dreamed of... but my mother is no longer here.