I returned to my seat. Everyone had finished introducing themselves, and several others had solved questions. But I drew the most attention. This was good, but it also increased the pressure on me.
When we reached the end of the lesson, Professor Livia stopped me. "Octavian," she said, "you'll help me in this class. I'm giving you the job of cleaning the blackboard, distributing my questions to students, and setting up a communication group. This way, you'll also open yourself up."
Ah, we're screwed, I thought. I had escaped being humiliated, but now everyone's eyes would be on me while I did these tasks. My life was turning into a stage. And I was an actor who didn't know what to do on this stage.
When the break was called, I looked around. Three guys came over to meet me. While they introduced themselves, I couldn't focus on their names or what they told me. I wanted to avoid guys but didn't want to be rude.
Forcing myself, I said, "I'm sorry, I was so nervous introducing myself that I couldn't focus on your names." They laughed not mockingly, but sincerely.
"No problem," they said and reintroduced themselves. "We need our numbers to form a group, right?"
I hadn't even thought about how to do this, but this was a good start.
I added them to my contacts, saving them with their names. My contacts were empty, I had changed my number for my new life. Only my mother, father, and sibling were in it. The crowd gathering around me gradually increased. Everyone was sharing their numbers.
It was very relieving. The group formation task had been solved much more easily than I expected. However, some didn't join the crowd.
There was little time left before class started, so I was returning to my seat. On the way, I made eye contact with the girl who had given me the tissue. I had listened to her name was Myria. She had blonde hair and green eyes. She looked straightforward, but when you looked carefully, she was beautiful.
When she looked at me and smiled slightly, she noticed I was looking at her carefully for a moment. "Was there something?" she asked.
Hiding my nervousness, I said, "Well... aren't you considering joining the group?"
"No," she said. "Crowded groups send too many messages. I don't want my number spread to everyone either."
At that moment, the "expert" inside me struggled to show itself. Foolishly, with embarrassment, I said, "If you want, you can take my number. If something happens, I'll let you know."
I was very ashamed of what I said. I didn't know if she would refuse or what reaction she would give. But she said, "Okay," and extended her phone so I could enter my number.
For the first time in my life, I had asked for a girl's number, but things had turned around, and I had given my number instead. This was my first step into a new life, and I already understood how comical and complicated it would be.
During the lesson's continuation, I better understood Professor Livia's assistant role. It was as if I wasn't just a student but part of the lesson. I frequently went to the blackboard to clean it. Sometimes, I thought I heard laughing sounds, but I didn't turn to look.
They think, "The guy is good for nothing but wiping the blackboard." But this was a test for me: proving myself and gaining acceptance. While distributing questions, I sometimes had short conversations with students and felt more comfortable. But this comfort was short-lived.
When lunch break came, Professor Livia smiled and said, "Children, that's enough of our classroom jokes for today. Now you can go to lunch."
A joke? I thought. Professor, aren't you making too much fun of one mistake?
Professor Livia pulled me aside as she was leaving. "Octavian," she said, "don't take offense. Sometimes the best way to make someone comfortable is to laugh with them. Besides, now everyone knows who the fastest blackboard eraser in this building is."
Her voice was sincere and playful. This somewhat reassured me.
"By the way," she continued, "go to the cafeteria. Cash doesn't work there; you can only pay with your student card. You need to load money onto your card, but you can link your bank account if you don't want to load it by hand."
"This worked out really well, thank you," I said, though I was embarrassed.
As I walked toward the cafeteria, a voice inside me said, "Eating alone is so sad. When I eat alone, I want to watch something; when I'm not watching something, I have trouble eating." This inner voice made my loneliness even more pronounced.
I should suggest lunch to Myria. Since we exchanged numbers, I have now had the chance to become best friends.
While I was getting carried away with this thought, a handsome, tall boy approached Myria. "Let's go," he said. Myria smiled, and they walked together.
Of course, a voice inside me said. Tall jerks always take good girls. What did I expect? The boy was both tall and handsome. How many years have they been dating?
Just then, the three guys from the first class approached me. One was Marcus, quieter and more withdrawn, with glasses and brown hair. The other two were Cassius, blonde, short-haired, athletic, and Gaius, tall, brown-haired, cheerful.
It's better than eating alone, I thought.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To the cafeteria," Cassius said. "Are you coming too?"
I hesitated. "Well... I was wondering if it would be rude to invite you."
All three of them laughed heartily. "Calm down, Octavian," Gaius said. "Making new friends at this university isn't rude."
"How do we get food, I wonder?" Cassius asked.
"You need to load money onto your student card, but if you don't want to load it by hand, you can link your bank account," I said, immediately selling this information I'd heard from Professor Livia.
"Wow," Cassius said. "You're so fast. When did you learn that?"
We got in the cafeteria line together. The line was very long. What will I talk about with these guys until this line ends? The social test was starting now.
While waiting in that chaotic environment where the clatter of plates, the buzz of the crowd, and food smells mixed, I tried to chat with my new friends. Marcus had vacant stares, as if he had fallen into a dream world. For some reason, I felt a strange closeness to him. I think he's like me, too.
"Marcus," I called out. "Where are you from?"
He adjusted his glasses and said extremely lowly, "I'm from Heroica."
I was surprised. This was the city where my uncle had risen, and my uncle and his cousins still lived there. I was curious about why his voice came out so low. "Are you sick?" I asked.
He looked surprised. But I couldn't read his facial expression thoroughly. I got tense. Were all those things I learned for analysis useless?
"Why did you ask if I was sick?" Marcus asked, also in a low voice.
Did I do something wrong? I thought. "Well... your voice came out very low. I was wondering if your throat hurt."
I saw a slight smile on his face. "No, this is my way of speaking. My voice only comes out this much."
Cassius said, "Marcus is always like this. He's my friend from high school. We used to call him 'silent scream.'"
Gaius asked curiously, "What does that mean?"
"Because he screams inside, his voice comes out louder until those listening get used to it," Cassius explained.
We all laughed heartily. Being friends with guys wasn't so terrible after all.
When we looked at the line, we had advanced quite a bit. "They say the food is good," Gaius said, "especially the desserts."
"Where did you hear that?" I asked.
"From a girl," he said. "I can check with the group." He took out his phone, almost accidentally called someone, then panicked and shut it off at the last moment.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I was about to call someone by mistake," he said.
We all laughed.
The line was very close to us. I nervously studied how to swipe the card and the food-getting process. I went to the front and nervously got my food. The others followed me. I'm good at the mother duck role.
We sat at a table. While eating our food, I looked around. I saw girls and boys sitting separately, as if they hadn't talked. I noticed that the girls sat far from the boys' tables.
I thought, "If I stay with this group, I'll never reach the new me."Communicating with women should have been the beginning of a new life.
When Cassius finished the food in his mouth, he asked, "Do you guys have girlfriends?"
"We're chronic bachelors," Marcus said in a low voice.
While dealing with food stuck in my throat, I said, "I don't have one."
"Why did you get excited?" They laughed.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I replied, laughing too.
Gaius said, "I have a girlfriend. We arranged to stay in the same dorm, but men's and women's dorms are separate, don't worry."
"Then why didn't you eat with her?" I asked.
"Her class started in the afternoon, so she hasn't come to campus yet," he said. "Why did you ask? Were you hoping to meet her friends?"
"No, why?" I replied. "I don't need to be introduced. I'm a bit shy at first, but I can become very close when I communicate with women. I can even help you give convincing answers in places where you get stuck."
"Wow," Cassius said. "Where did you learn such things?"
"This isn't something to be learned," I said. "You don't need to be tactical toward women, just act as your heart tells you. Then everything will go well."
I became a complete liar, I thought. We're eating, but I'm just trying to create a fake image.
Amid laughter and conversations, we got up from the table to go to the afternoon class. For me, this was a beginning.
But how much my year of theoretical preparation would work in real life, I would soon find out...