In the real world.
At the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Zhongli finally broke down as he scrolled through the messages in the group chat.
Six thousand years of composure—utterly shattered in an instant.
He stared at Furina's profile picture, black lines practically crawling across his forehead.
Has this young Hydro Archon completely lost her mind?!
"...Sigh."
He let out a long, pained breath.
What could he even say? That he was, in fact, the very Lord of Geo they were accusing the Funeral Parlor of murdering?
Meanwhile, at Wuwang Hill, Hu Tao, just finishing her work, was stunned speechless.
She gawked at the chat, eyes wide, feeling terribly wronged.
Sure, she wanted to revitalize the Funeral Parlor and attract more clients—but this wasn't what she meant!
"Murder the Geo Lord? Since when is Wangsheng that powerful?!"
"If we really were that capable, would I, the Hall Master, still need to go digging graves myself?"
She pouted, swinging her pale legs and kicking at the pebbles on the roadside in frustration.
Over in Mondstadt, at Windrise, Venti was laughing so hard his stomach hurt.
"Ahahahaha! Oh, this is too good!"
"The great conspiracy behind Geo Archon's death… turns out it's Wangsheng Funeral Parlor! Hahahaha!"
Tears streamed down his face as he turned to Gu Chen. "You think there's any chance that's true?"
"Hard to say." Gu Chen shook his head.
It depended on how you looked at it.
From a purely logical standpoint, Furina's "analysis" did have a tiny shred of reasoning—however insane it sounded.
And from another angle… Zhongli faking his own death and orchestrating the entire event technically made her "right."
"Let's just keep watching," Gu Chen said with a grin. "The truth usually turns out even more unexpected than we think."
In the video.
Gu Chen, Lumine, and Paimon followed Zhongli to gather materials for the Send-Off Ceremony.
Their first stop was Jueyunjade, a gem dealer.
"Noctilucous Jade, at least of Radiant quality," Zhongli said calmly.
The shopkeeper froze, then quickly smiled. "Oh, not tourists then—true connoisseurs! My apologies, my apologies! Here, let me show you the best pieces."
Three pieces of jade were laid out, each glowing beautifully—not the kind of stuff miners usually dug up.
"The merchants in the gambling-stone business. Don't trust too easily," Lumine whispered.
Gu Chen nodded and glanced at Zhongli.
Zhongli gave an approving nod. "Excellent. You've already grasped a bit of the Trade City's law of survival."
"So what's your advice, then?" Gu Chen asked, playing along.
"Oh? You'd like me to decide?" Zhongli raised a brow slightly, then smiled. "Very well. The answer is quite simple…"
"Hm? And that would be?"
"Shopkeeper, I'll take all of them."
Zhongli looked up, eyes calm but commanding—his words radiating pure dominance.
[Hu Tao]:!!! Guest Consultant, is this how you usually spend my Mora?! (Hu Tao·shocked)
[Tartaglia]:Don't panic, Miss Hu Tao! He's spending my funds from our past life, not yours! (Tighnari·both ears heard that)
[Mona]:Who has that kind of money?! (Mona·hungry)
[Kaeya]:Looks like Mr. Zhongli lives quite luxuriously. (smirk)
[Venti]:I'm kind of jealous, actually. (Venti·starry eyes)
Why could this old fossil say something so outrageous with such composure?!
Of course—when you're the creator of Mora itself, you literally can't run out of money!
Venti was now officially jealous.
In the video, after some discussion, Zhongli realized his oversight.
Buying all three types meant paying three times the Mora, and the ceremony only required one.
The leftover money could buy Paimon enough food to last weeks.
So they decided to test all three and pick the best one.
When the merchant heard the jade was for the Send-Off Ceremony of the Geo Archon himself, he was moved and offered them at half price.
Thanks to Tartaglia's generous funding (likely because Gu Chen had beaten some sense into him earlier), money was no issue.
Payment settled, jade delivered—they moved on to the next task: purchasing Silk Flowers for the ceremonial balm.
And during that process, Ying'er's performance was… eye-catching, to say the least.
[Kokomi]:Something feels… off.
[Nilou]:She better actually be talking about making balm!
[Barbara]:(Barbara·blushing)
[Kaeya]:(smirking)
[Gu Chen]:(smirking)
[Venti]:They're preparing the offering balm—but all three are perfumes for women! Which scent would the Geo Lord prefer, hmm? (teasing)
[Madame Ping]:Hard to say.
[Zhongli]:…
What do you mean "hard to say"?
Are they seriously hinting at me again?!
In the video.
"The first—Golden Pavilion Charm. Sweet and dreamy. A young girl's favorite."
No reaction from the statue.
"The second—Blossoms of the Shadowed Vale. Elegant and regal. Favored by noble ladies."
Still no reaction.
"The third—Ephemeral Affinity. Gentle and lingering, like mist after rain—popular among mature women. Wait—the statue's reacting!"
Paimon pointed at the idol.
Gu Chen glanced at it and said, "Looks like the Geo Lord's quite fond of that one."
"That's for mature women, right?" Paimon blinked.
Lumine's imagination ran wild as she eyed the clearly male statue. "What if… the Geo Archon is actually a big sister type?"
"Hahaha… who knows," Zhongli chuckled awkwardly. "The Geo Lord has countless incarnations. Perhaps one of them does take such a form."
[Keqing]:Ahhhh, I want to see what the 'Big Sister Geo Lord' looks like! (Xiangling·starry eyes)
[Xiangling]:I heard there is such a legend—that the Lord once took the form of a beautiful lady. Oh, if only we could see it!
[Guoba]:(Xiangling·sparkling eyes)
[Venti]:Big Sister Geo! Let's gooo! (Klee·cheering)
[Klee]:(Klee·cheering)
[Furina]:(Klee·cheering)
[Gu Chen]:My Venti here is dying! His last wish is to see the Geo Lord's 'Big Sister' form before he goes—O mighty Lord of Geo, please grant it! (Klee·begging)
[Venti]:Huh?
[Venti withdrew a message]
[Venti]:Ah! I feel… faint… My body's trembling uncontrollably… I'm coughing blood… I-I'm dying… (weak 5s voice note)
[Azhdaha]:Morax! You dead yet?! If not, come out here in women's clothes! Let me see!
[Vortex God]:Wanna see!
[Madame Ping]:Wanna see!
[Cloud Retainer]:Wanna see!
[Xiao]:I… I want to see it too.
[Yae Miko]:"The Mature, Alluring, and Graceful Lord of Geo"—coming soon!
[Paimon]:Pics! We demand pics! (Klee·pleading)
[Lumine]:If I can't see the 'Big Sister' form of the Geo Lord, it'll haunt me for the rest of my life!!
What is wrong with all of you?!
Zhongli's expression froze.
He'd officially had enough.
This cursed chat group—
He couldn't stand it for another day.
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