I wake up in the morning, and see that a tall building on the other side of the city is on fire through my kitchen window. I sigh and shake my head. I bet this is a typical Tuesday in a magical world.
Speaking of which, I need to design some new spells to make my life easier. I have two goals in mind:
Make spells that are basic and don't require special conditions to activate for fights.
Make spells that enhance my investigative abilities.
I head to the library, and begin. … … … Bam, first spell done. Very versatile.
Elemental Bolt: The user converts mana into an Element. They may choose one of the following: Fire, Ice, Earth, Lightning, Light, Dark, and Pure Mana. Then they may fire a bolt of this elemental mana at a target. Costs 10% extra on Mana because of the versatility.
This can be charged over the course of 10 seconds. Once done, the bolt upgrades to a minor explosion of the corresponding element.
Next I want a defensive move. I've decided on the following:
Dome of Force: A two foot wide dome of force surrounds the user. It repels attacks and magic provided there is mana to fuel the repulsion.
This should hypothetically cover a lot. Simple, but wide open.
Next there's a simple, but very useful spell I've used in many D&D games.
Gust: A powerful burst of Wind that moves the target that is within thirty feet of the user. Can be charged to target multiple people in a 15 foot cone, or a 5 foot circle around the user.
Very nice. Next, I need some utility spells. Let's start with:
Lawyer's Insight (Passive): A spell that enhances the user's ability to read a person and determine if they're telling the truth or lying.
This should help a lot, but it's by no means guaranteed. I'm sure magic that enhances lies exists. Especially since I know a Bard. Fucking weirdo. It's unfortunate that Passive spells like this take a somewhat permanent chunk of my mana I can use throughout the day. I'd only regain it after dispelling this and recovering through rest or something.
After that, I need something for the sake of eavesdropping.
Enhanced Hearing: The user's ears temporarily become increased. Currently could hear a pin drop 300 feet away. Can be turned on and off at will.
This will have to do. Unfortunately my magic isn't strong enough to do something incredible, but with this I could be a great stalker. Not that I want to be one. I want to investigate people. And this will help. Uh, anyway. Now I need something to help me…watch people from…afar…God, I'm becoming a stalker.
Observational Eye: An invisible orb of mana that can see and hear events from afar. Up to 750 feet away. It can record events, and replay them using a small, constant feed of mana.
A very simple scrying spell. The recording part is essential. It will be a useful tool in these court cases.
Finally, I felt like having fun. So I made my favorite spell from D&D.
Silent Illusion: An illusion capable of simple motions created from the user's imagination comes into existence within 30 feet of the user. This illusion fills a five foot cube.
Magic is capable of being cast from this illusion at a heightened cost than normal.
This one is just fun, and enhanced a bit to be strong. I will enjoy creating little chibis on the battlefield, and having them all cast a small fireball. It'll be awesome.
I close my spellbook, and put it in my desk. These are all rather simple, so they should be easy to memorize.
Now then, let's go see exactly what Libra did with those new laws.
Okay, drugs came out kinda dumb.
Possession of any illegal drugs results in one year of prison. Banned drugs are as follows: Marijuana, Patch, Blue Devil Juice, Thumblewax, Third Eye Shrooms, Zodiac Dust, Vampire Fangs, Daredevil's High, Angel Wings, Demon Farts, SuperBro Candy, and Canned Death.
I don't like how all the punishments are the same no matter what. And most of these drugs are dumb. I bet they all do stupid shit.
"Angel Wings makes you think you're in heaven. Literally. It gives powerful illusions of the user's idea of heaven." Libra explains happily.
…Damn, that sounds kinda-I mean, ew. I don't do drugs.
"I sensed that urge to try it. You can't fool me." Libra teases.
"Shut up, I hate drugs. Drugs ruin lives." I think angrily.
"Yeah, yeah, whateverrr." Libra drawls warmly.
I sigh angrily, and move on. My Guard Brutality laws…are laws. They're better than nothing. God, I should've thought that through more. But I didn't want to get the bad end of that.
Guards must have reasonable cause to investigate a civilian. Reasonable Cause includes strange smells, suspicious movement, suspicious items on their person, suspicious actions, or a report from other civilian(s) that the target is suspicious.
Basically anything here.
Guards must carry out investigations in a respectful manner. They must not do any of the following:
Violence without cause.
Make disrespectful comments.
I'm uh, sure that second rule will never be followed. And I take back what I said. This rule is loose as fuck. I'm tempted to try changing the law now.
"Uh, no. I'm making these laws sit for a bit. At least like, a month. Let society feel it out before any change is made." Libra says with firm carelessness.
I sigh and I struggle to make myself continue reading.
Guards must obtain a warrant from the Judge before they can search a citizen's home.
Guards can not use excessive violence against a citizen. They must use non-lethal force if possible. Non-citizens are exempt from this protective law.
"Libra, why!? Why are non-citizens treated like shit in this country!?" I curse angrily in my thoughts.
I see an image of Libra shrugging.
"They don't worship me, so I don't care about them." Libra says nonchalantly.
I glare at both the constitution and the mental image of Libra. This woman-
"Goddess." Libra corrects quickly.
Bitch-
SMACK! Fuck, ow! What the hell!? I just felt some incredible force smack me across the face. I think my cheek is swollen.
"Talk shit again, I'll send you to jail. In fact, it's a law that people can't disrespect me now." Libra says angrily.
"Don't you think that's a bit absurd!?" I think angrily.
"Shut up, I'm the Goddess Libra. I make the laws." Libra says with angry confidence.
Suddenly a new law is formed at the bottom of the constitution.
Don't talk shit about Libra. Punished with a beating from the Guards.
What the fuck? That's just cruel and ridiculous.
A few Guards approach the constitution. When they read the new law, they start high fiving.
"Fuck yeah! Get to beat up some fucking heathens!" Guard 1 says happily.
"Can't wait to show that atheist dude what's up. Next time he'll learn when he says Libra is a bitch." Guard 2 says happily.
I sigh and shake my head. The laws are still pretty loose, but there's been some improvement for sure.
"Henry, you are ungrateful." Libra says annoyedly.
"My goal is to get to heaven. One of us needs to have high standards for it." I mutter angrily.
I feel another smack upside the head, though this one is bearable. Moving on, it's time to leave. I'm checking out the fair.
I am not even halfway to the fair before the city finally gives me what I consider a true greeting. A man walks past me, glaring and flipping me off with both hands. An older man curses at me, and demands I get rid of divorce. And I swear I hear the Bard whistle, which makes a bird shit on my shoulder. It's not my day at all.
When I arrive at the fair, it only gets worse. The guy working the little box at the gate? He's wearing a red and white striped top hat and overalls. He's glaring at me.
"Go fuck yourself. I don't want to let you in." the worker says angrily.
I smile politely, and decide to go for diplomacy.
"Perhaps I could ask you some questions and if I'm-" I say nicely.
"Go fuck yourself. With a cactus. And ghost pepper lube laced with pepper shavings." the worker says coldly.
"Wow, that's a bit cruel. I'm sorry." I say amusedly.
"You think I'm funny? I'll kick your ass." the worker says angrily.
I restrain myself from laughing, and start stepping away.
"Okay, okay. I get it. I'll just leave ya be." I say nervously.
The worker flips me off.
"Next!" he yells angrily.
I move away from the box, and watch other people enter without trouble for a moment. I can't help but notice all the adults are miserable.
"Man, how am I supposed to enjoy the gladiator matches without a blunt?" a guy mutters sadly.
Wait, what? Oh my God, Pordrig is a mess. I have so much to fix. I'm gonna get killed before anything important is done though.
Anyway, how do I get inside this fair? I literally hear people muttering about drugs out here, I'm sure I can find proof of the Bard screwing around here somehow. Hmm, I could adapt to this situation and make an invisibility spell of some kind? But that'd require going back home. And I can't just waste time going home all the time to make new spells. I'll have to make do with my current build.
Let's see. First, I'm going to walk around the outside of the fair to get an idea of what's going on. There seems to be only ropes tied to sticks stabbed into the ground separating this fair from the rest of the city. I'm surprised a city like this still has room for a fair.
Anyway, as I go around it becomes clear this fair is unique compared to what I've known. Their idea of an exotic animal for example isn't an elephant. But a griffin They charge people 100 gold to ride a griffin within a 20 mile radius. It sounds pretty great honestly. And their rides are enhanced with magic. Like a funhouse with portal doors. Or riding a griffin through an obstacle course featuring flaming wings, tight caves, and flying through a storm of fireworks.
And as I heard before, there's a gladiatorial ring in the center. I can barely see it, but with my Enhanced Hearing I can hear the fighting going on. It sounds intense.
"Hey, fuck you doing!? Trying to sneak in here!? I'll have my boys kick your ass!" a man yells angrily.
I turn and see a short man in a black suit with a top hat that has a golden brim. On either side of him is a seven foot tall, very buff man in blue and white striped unitards. They wield large clubs with glowing blue crystals embedded around the tip.
"I uh, er. Well, you see, I'm just a humble man walking by." I stammer nervously.
The short man squints at me, then claps his hands together and smiles.
"My man! You that Henry Sheeves fella? The one who invented divorce and shizzzz?" he says warmly.
Oh my God, someone that doesn't hate me. Thank God. I smile with relief.
"Yes, that's me. Pleasure to meet you sir." I say nervously.
The tall men glare intensely at me, and the one on my right smacks his club into his free hand a few times.
"Should I break his back, boss?" he says angrily.
The short man turns to the angry tall man and smacks the club.
"No, no! We like Henry! Henry is cleaning up this country one law at a time. Ain't that right Henry!?" the short man says happily.
"Uh, yeah, I guess." I say nervously.
"Anyway, as much as I like you Henry, you must pay for a ticket. Rules are rules." the short man says firmly.
"Well sir, I tried but the cashier told me to quote, "go fuck myself." I say nervously.
Both of the tall men laugh loudly for a second while the short man's eyes glare at them. Then he turns to me with a manager's polite smile.
"I'm sorry sir. I'll have to lecture that man about doing that." the short man says annoyedly.
"It's not a big deal. I didn't come to be entertained anyway. I had questions to ask." I say nervously.
"Oh questions, what kind of questions?" the short man says eagerly.
"Well, questions about a certain Bard and his activities here. Green tudor hat, glowing green shoes, has a ukulele and a gold rapier." I say seriously.
The short man's face clouds over with pure annoyance.
"Yes, I know this man well. Cephellion 'Thundercrotch' Dingleberry. He comes here often." the short man says angrily.
The short man's face lightens up, he smiles, and holds out a hand.
"Before we continue, I should use some manners and introduce myself. Bryan Wonderton. Owner of this circus." Bryan says warmly.
I shake his hand with a weak smile and a weak hand. His hand squeezes tightly around mine. He gives me an amused look. He thinks I'm a pussy, and I feel like one.
"So how would you describe the Bard's reputation?" I say seriously.
"He's the scum of society. A womanizer. And worst of all, a drug dealer." Bryan says angrily.
My jaw nearly drops at that one. Medieval drug dealer. Huh…
"So what drugs did he sell?" I ask curiously.
I pull out a notepad and quill.
"He sold that hippie shit Patch. The stuff that's like weed, but also lets you talk to animals. Keeps turning people into activists for the animals, it's ridiculous. We had to get rid of our lions because of them. They started a boycott." Bryan says angrily.
"Wow, that sounds absurd." I say with mild shock.
"He also sold third eye shrooms. It's a hallucinogen that lets you see random bits of other planes of existence apparently. I find them incredibly annoying. Especially because people keep trying to do them, then hang out in the field where we do our shows. Fucking hippie bastards." Bryan says angrily.
"That does sound very annoying. I'd hate that." I say sympathetically.
"And worst of all, Weightless Sand. It makes people levitate and it's just annoying to look at. I don't like it." Bryan says bitterly.
I sigh and shake my head. Pretty sure that one's legal if I remember right. I write it down though, and look up.
"Do you know anything else about the Bard or his Adventurer friends?" I ask seriously.
"Nah, the Fighter never comes here and the Wizard is nice." Bryan says calmly.
"Do you know anything about the Bard's customers?" I ask seriously.
"I know a lot of them are people in the nicer part of town. Like where lawyers like yourself stay at." Bryan says eagerly.
Hmm. Gonna be staring out my window for a bit at some point it seems. I put away my notepad and quill, and smile nicely.
"Thank you sir. That should be all I need. May I ask if you'd be willing to take the stand in court to repeat what you've told me." I say politely.
"Hmmm. Sure, why not? Can't see the harm in it." Bryan says hesitant warmth.
Bryan smiles and tilts his hat to me.
"Good day to you then, sir." he says happily.
"Good day to you as well." I say nicely.
I turn and leave the Fair. With this, I've gathered enough to turn the town against the Bard at least. Useful. Now it's time to move on to the Fighter Balgor. And then the Wizard.
As I leave, a beautiful woman appears in my path. I try to get out her way, but she steps in front of me. I step aside again, and she follows me once more.
I look at her, and notice she is a bit strange. She is tall, pale with black hair that hangs down to her lower back. She has purple eyes with vertical pupils. The first hint she is something that isn't quite human. Then there's the smooth, almost metallic scales around her neck. They reach up to the corners of her cheeks. With a small trail curling up to the center of her cheek.
She wears a dark blue leather coat wrapped tightly around her with a belt. There is a black heart over her literal heart on the jacket. She wears black pants, and black boots with a slightly raised heel.
She crosses her arms and stands firm with a confident grin.
"Henry Sheeves, correct?" the woman says knowingly.
I gulp, and answer nervously.
"Yes, that's me."
She points at me.
"You've changed this continent with just a few new rules. Feels like a new place. I like it. And I have some rules of my own to introduce. So tell me how you made it happen, and I'll give you some very useful information regarding your current case." she explains confidently.
Hmmm…
"Will you stand as a witness?" I ask nervously.
"No. But this is good information." the woman says confidently.
I sigh and try to move past her. She steps in front of me once more, now annoyed. I can't help but smile at the sight. I'm a poor fool who finds it cute when a pretty girl is annoyed with me. However, that won't change my mind.
"What if I give you one piece for free to show how good it all is?" she says with firm politeness.
"What if I just went home?" I say firmly.
"Look, I know how to set up a drug deal with that Bard." she says quickly.
I stop and look her squarely in the eye.
"Explain. Quickly." I say firmly.
"No, first tell me how to make new laws for the continent." she says with amused confidence.
I blow out air and turn away from her so I can think properly. Her face distracts me. Makes me want to say yes just to hear her talk. God, I'm such a loser. But I don't think that-
I feel an invisible hand smack me upside the head.
"It's not fair to be the world's only lawmaker. Teach her how to do it." Libra says firmly.
I sigh loudly and hunch over a bit.
"So it's essentially as this continent claims it is. Except you have to cast it as an actual spell." I say hesitantly.
The woman tilts her head to the side with a confused look.
"You know how they claim they pray to Libra to make laws? You do that while using a bit of mana. Just put it in your spellbook or something, it'll work." I say hesitantly.
"Ohhhh! Huh, I had no idea. I'm not from here." the woman says amusedly.
Oh great, she's not even a citizen and she's gonna make some laws.
"Libra, you maybe should-" I think nervously.
"Nope, everyone deserves the right to make laws!" Libra says happily.
Oh God.
"You okay? You look pale and sickly suddenly." the woman says concernedly.
I wave my hand dismissively as sweat forms on my forehead.
"I'm fine, don't worry about it." I say nervously. "Anyway, I gave you what you wanted. Give me your information." I say firmly.
The woman claps her hands together beside her head and smiles happily.
"Ah yes, let's begin. First, the drug deal thing. It's fairly straightforward. First, you perform a specific beatbox routine based on the drug you want. I know the routines for marijuana, patch, third eye mushrooms, and weightless sand. Here, I've given you some musical sheets." the woman says warmly.
She hands me some papers, and uh, yup. There's musical notes and stuff on here.
"I uh, am not a musician. I'm a lawyer." I say awkwardly.
The woman reaches into her coat, and pulls out a small yellow book. On the cover is a small black and white man with a rectangular hand cupping his hands around his mouth. Below him are the words 'Beatboxing for Losers.'
I hesitantly take the book.
"I believe in ya buddy." the woman says warmly.
I sigh and my knees nearly buckle from the dread of what I may have to do soon. I stand straight and continue.
"You have more information right? It better be good." I say annoyedly.
"You'll appreciate it, I promise." the woman says happily.
"What's your name by the way?" I ask curiously.
The woman stares blankly at me for a moment.
"Anyway, the Fighter Balgor is known for getting in loads of fights. I've gotten together a list of his victims along with their home addresses for you." the woman says with awkward warmth.
She holds out some papers and I take them quickly. I don't mind this but-
"How did you obtain this information? Especially the address bit?" I ask concernedly.
The woman's smile falters into an uneasy, quivering worm.
"So did you know that the party's Wizard is in a shady guild? I have a high ranking official wanting to whistleblow his crimes. Maybe you want to talk to him?" she says nervously.
"Yes, yes I would. Where can I meet him?" I ask nervously.
This woman is handing everything I need on a silver platter. It's suspicious.
"Why are you helping me like this?" I ask nervously.
The woman smiles with relief and flaps her hand up and down dismissively.
"Oh that, it's easy. I don't fucking like them. They and I have crossed paths before, and it wasn't a good meeting. You getting them arrested makes my life easier." she says happily.
"What exactly happened?" I ask seriously.
"Don't worry about it." the woman says firmly.
We stare at each other for a few tense moments. Then I shrug cause screw it, these guys seem like jerks.
"Alright, keep your secrets. Is there anything else you wish to tell me?" I ask calmly.
The woman strokes her chin, and "hmmm" loudly.
"Not yet. But if you ever decide to target their guild, the Adventurers of Balance guild, let me know. They're sketchy." the woman says calmly.
"Sketchy how?" I ask seriously.
"Well, let's say that for the sake of Balance, they take contracts of all kinds. With the binding clause of 'No Questions Asked.'" the woman says encouragingly.
Intriguing. It does sound like a potential target. Perhaps I could force ethics committees on adventuring guilds. Sounds like a good idea.
"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for your time." I say nicely.
"You as well Henry. Good luck with the trials to come." the woman says warmly.
I walk past her without trouble this time, and leave. It appears there's a lot to do.
I'm barely back onto the city streets when I hear the judge screaming angrily.
"Da fuck is Diplomatic Immunity? And why does it apply to Dragons from these clans!? I didn't even know Dragons had Clans!?"
Wow, that is incredibly unfair to the system. That basically legalizes pillaging of cities and what not. … Though honestly, if I think about it for a sec'. It doesn't change anything. What are you gonna do, sue a dragon? It'll kill you and burn the courthouse down. Then the city if it feels like having fun or being mean. And admittedly there's no laws against killing a dragon so hopefully heroes will still respond to any threats from Dragons.
This is not good. Though something tells me that woman isn't going to spread the knowledge of how to make laws at least. Hopefully…
Also, it's obvious now based on the scales, eyes, and these laws she's some kind of Dragon. Bet the adventurers fought her or something, maybe as part of a quest.
Anyway, I see some guards. I approach them.
"Excuse me. Could you point me in the direction of the Barracks? I need to see the Guard Captain?" I ask calmly.
The guards all glare at me. One steps forward, hand on his blade casually.
"What for? Gonna try and press charges against us? Made up some new law to fuck us over more?" Guard 1 asks angrily.
"No actually, I was gonna report a drug dealer." I say nervously.
The Guards' faces light up with glee.
"Oh really? Who's that?" Guard 1 asks eagerly.
"Cephellion Dingleberry. And I've learned how he sets up drug deals." I say nervously.
"Oh boy! Let me take you to the Captain! Can't wait to beat up a drug dealer and take his shit as city property. They split the loot amongst the Guards who make the arrests." Guard 1 says happily.
I uh, tense up a bit at that. Cause that's fucked up. Can't believe they're so honest about it too.
"Okay sir. Lead the way." I say nervously.
The Guards march down the street, and I do my best to follow after them. I basically have to jog every couple seconds while they march with perfect efficiency it seems.
It isn't long till we arrive. It's a fort with a tower on each corner. Most of it stands at around four stories tall, while the towers reach up to six it seems. The towers have red tiled roofs with large rectangular windows winding down its entire length. There's at least one man standing near a window on every floor. On the top floors of the towers I can see a strange, long barrel covered in bright blue lines and glowing runes. I'm assuming they're some kind of laser cannon. They give off those vibes.
The fort itself is made of large gray stone bricks. Along the front walls hangs various banners. I don't recognize any. But I see a lion wearing a crown on one. I assume it represents royalty of some kind. …
"Hey Libra, what kind of government is Pordrig?" I ask in my thoughts.
… …
"Libra?" I ask in my thoughts nervously.
… Silence. I guess she's busy. Can't hang out in my mind all day it seems. Guess I'll have to make a friend to learn more.
We approach the gate of this fort. It's a simple portcullis, I think. A metal frame gate that is raised by chains hidden within the structure of the surrounding walls. Or something. I'm not an engineer, I'm a lawyer.
"Yo fuckfaces! Open the damn gate! We got a witness here!" Guard 1 yells firmly.
A Guard peeks out a window of the left tower..
"Ain't that the prick who made them laws against us?" Tower Guard 1 yells angrily.
"Shut the fuck up and start pulling that chain! We ain't got time for this!" Guard 1 yells angrily.
"Whatever!" Tower Guard 1 yells angrily.
The rude ass steps away from the window, and a few moments later the portcullis starts to raise. I begin to feel tense at the idea of entering this place. Guards here can easily abuse their power.
The Guards walk forward once it's completely raised, and I follow after them. Inside there's a large yard filled with people trapped in pillories. Wooden posts stuck in the ground, with holes for human heads and arms. Trapped inside were dirty men and women, with their crimes labeled underneath their heads on small wooden boards. A man labeled murderer, a woman labeled adulterer, and a man labeled 'Unable to Pay Child Support.' God, it's only been a day or two, how'd that happen already?
We walk through a large doorway into a bare bones, stone lobby of sorts. There's a woman standing behind a counter wearing a black dress with a golden necklace around her neck. A half gold, half obsidian scale hangs off it. The area itself appears chaotic. Some Guards sit leisurely amidst this chaos, drinking mugs of ale as they watch the chaos unfold in their little corners. Or perhaps they're sitting on a random chair. Like there's no theme with the furniture. Based on what I've heard, I bet they just steal nice chairs from people's homes and put them in the barracks.
There's Guards bringing in people in cuffs. Guards in golden breastplates yelling orders. And one man is fighting off two Guards in the corner with just his feet. He's doing some sweet dodges and footwork, along with delivering an occasional good kick. Neat. I hope he's arrested successfully.
"Hey Barbara, where's the Captain?" Guard 1 asks calmly.
"He's in his office, what's this guy here for?" Barbara asks calmly.
"He's here to fucking be a snitch." Guard 1 says happily.
Barbara gasps sarcastically, and pumps her fist.
"Nice. Snitches are the best." Barbara says happily.
"Who's a snitch?" a familiar voice says warmly.
I turn and see him. The Guard who called me out for creating the new laws.
"Oh this guy, he's snitching about a drug dealer." Guard 1 says happily.
"Niceee. Man, Henry Sheeves you ain't that bad." Asshole Guard says warmly.
Asshole Guard walks to my side and puts an arm forcefully around my shoulders. Then he does the worst thing ever.
"Hey guys! This fuck's a snitch!" Asshole Guard yells happily. "His name's Henry Sheeves, he's the lawyer who made drugs illegal, and he's snitching on your dealers! Ain't he great!?" he yells happily.
The entire room freezes and stares at me. The Guards are smiling and giving me sarcastic thumbs up. Some clap slowly. One guy yells "Fuck yeah! Henry Sheeves is the best snitch everrrr!"
The guy who was fighting the guards suddenly dashes away from them, heading right for me.
"If it wasn't for you, I'd still be high out of my mind! Now I must live in reality, and remember my sins!" the man yells angrily.
Briefly clarity strikes him, and he falls to his knees feet away from me.
"Rachelll! It wasn't my fault! I didn't know the marijuana lab could explode! Breaking Green never taught me that!" he yells miserably.
Then he growls angrily, and stands back up. He swings a foot high up at my chin. It connects with a loud crack, and I stumble back into a Guard. They chuckle and step aside, letting me fall to the ground. Then the crazy druggie comes at me with a swift kick to the head. I bring my arms up to block it, and his foot smacks hard into my forearms.
Then I wrap my arms around the guy's leg, stand up quickly, and charge forward. He beats on me as I drive him to the floor. I make a finger up and jab my fingers into the man's side. Then I create electric mana in my hand, and fire it point blank into the bastard.
He shakes intensely as I pull myself away from him. Lightning courses through his entire body, and I can see arcs of it crawl over his body. I glare at the nearest Guard.
"Gonna do something?" I ask angrily.
"Don't tell me to do my job. I'll arrest you for disrespect." Guard 2 says angrily.
"Dude, that's not a law." I say angrily.
"Uh dude. I'm the Guard. I enforce the law, and I am going to enforce these fists all over your face if you don't shut up." Guard 2 says with smug anger.
The Guards laugh and two of them high five Guard 2.
"Alright, enough ruining the bitch's life, let's get him to the Captain." Guard 1 says seriously.
I glare at him with angry disgust.
"You're just fine with this!? Aren't you men of the law?" I snap angrily. "Ya know, I don't think I want to-"
"We will literally leave you to die any time you're in need if you don't commit to this snitching." Guard 1 says firmly.
"Do you have no shame!?" I snap angrily.
Guard 1 shrugs, turns around, and curls fingers over his back to indicate I should follow. I glare at his back for several seconds, then follow after them. Just wait till I can make new laws, you fucks.
As we leave, Guards dogpile the man who attacked me. I assume he'll be in a cell soon.
We walk up a circular stone stairway up to the second floor. Then we head towards the Captain's office. It's obvious it's his, just by the fact his name is plastered across the black door in fine white calligraphy. There's also the Guards flanking his door if it wasn't obvious.
"Captain in?" Guard 1 says quickly.
"Yeah, who's this?" Guard 3 asks seriously.
"A snitch." Guard 1 says happily.
"Nice." Captain's Guards say in happy unison.
Guard 1 opens the door, and we enter an intriguing office. I was always a fan of that psychological thing where apparently a person's room is where one truly expresses themselves. Their favorite decorations on the walls.
This room oozes personality. First, the room is split perfectly in half. One side red, one side blue. Knowing Libra, this may be an obvious hint. Perhaps he's a lawful, violent man like everyone else here.
There's a shelf on the wall covered with medals. I take a brief look at a few. Iron Will, Distinguished Warrior, and Hero of the City. Indeed. He is a violent, heroic man. A former war veteran.
There's a few news article clippings too. Famous arrests of his, I presume. I see several serial killers. And a successful rescue of several hostages during a standoff. He is quite heroic. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions.
I turn to the man and his desk himself. I find a neat desk covered in neatly stacked papers. A quill and ink at the head of his desk. A large black ashtray with a few cigar stubs resting inside. He sits on a black leather, cushioned chair.
His skin is tanned and covered in scars. A terrible scar from his left eye, across his face, down to his lower right jaw. His eyes are dark blue, and intensely focused.
He wears a black steel chestplate with spiked shoulders, black pants with dark blue steel plates covering the fronts of his thighs, knee, and shins. His arms are covered in tattoos. A few glow softly. A red spartan helmet glowing crimson. Black manacles on his shoulders that glow gray. And a sexy mermaid that blows me a kiss. The Captain smacks the mermaid with a casual hand.
"Isn't this the fuck who made Guard Brutality laws?" he says angrily.
"Yes, but today he is also a snitch against some Bard." Guard 1 says happily.
The Captain smiles brightly, and holds out a hand to shake.
"Hello Henry Sheeves. Captain Jack Warsaw. It's somewhat a pleasure to meet you." Captain Warsaw says warmly.
I hesitantly shake his hand with a stern face. He squeezes my hand intensely, and pulls me close.
"This snitching will help a bit to make things good between you and the Guards, especially if it's something good. Do yourself a favor, and make yourself useful to the city if you don't want to end up a dropped case if you ever end up in trouble." Captain Warsaw says with malicious politeness.
I breathe in angrily, and exhale loudly.
"I understand, sir." I say with forced politeness.
I hate bending to authority. But it's clear much must change. And it isn't just the laws. It's the people who are in charge.
"Good. Glad to hear it. Take a seat." Captain Warsaw says warmly.
He lets go of my hand, and I take a seat in a wooden chair. Captain Warsaw clasps his hands together, and smiles warmly.
"So Henry, what ya reporting?" he asks happily.
I sigh sadly and look down at the desk. This doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.
"So, there's a bard named Cephellion Dingleberry. He's a drug dealer." I say slowly.
I explain what he sells and how to set up a drug deal. I also give him the musical sheets and the beatboxing book.
"Well Henry, this is pretty good honestly. That Bard isn't well loved around here. It was good of you to report this. We'll jump on this soon. You may leave." Captain Warsaw says warmly. "Also uh, keep the beatboxing book. We have a few Bards." he says awkwardly.
I almost get angry at how simple this ends. But it's obvious they barely care about me. I bet they'd treat anyone else, even an actual criminal, better than me.
I stand up, take the book, and am led out the Guard Barracks. The gate closes behind me, and I'm back on the city streets,
God, I really need a cigarette. I sigh and shake my head. Time to interview the victims of the Fighter Balgor.
I pull out a map I found at my house, and begin determining where the nearest victim is.