The atmosphere in the Fleet Admiral's Office at Marineford was at odds with the bright sunshine and loud training slogans echoing from outside the window. A mix of shock, absurdity, and an inexplicable headache permeated the room.
Sengoku had already read Ghoumil's detailed battle report three times. It had been encrypted, transmitted via Den Den Mushi, and compiled by clerical staff. With each reading, his brow furrowed tighter, almost enough to clamp a passing Sea King.
Vice Admiral Tsuru sat on the sofa opposite him, still elegantly sipping her tea, but a closer look revealed that her fingers, holding the teacup, paused for longer than usual. They were not the only two in the office. Garp sat cross-legged on the floor, completely without decorum, with a small mountain of rice crackers piled in front of him. Uncharacteristically, he wasn't munching away; instead, he was wide-eyed, listening to Sengoku's narration. Kizaru, meanwhile, leaned against the window, hands in his pockets, his characteristic sunglasses reflecting the light, obscuring his gaze, but his slightly pouted lips betrayed his great interest.
"...And that concludes Vice Admiral Ghoumil's full report on the battle to subjugate the 'Giant Axe Pirate Crew'," Sengoku finally put down the few sheets of paper, which felt as heavy as a thousand tons. He took off his frog-shaped glasses and vigorously rubbed his temples.
A strange silence fell over the office.
"Pfft—"
The first to break the silence was Garp. It was as if he had finally processed the absurdity of it all, and he suddenly burst into earth-shattering laughter, bending over backward with mirth, his fists pounding the floor.
"Pffthahaha!! Wahahaha!!! One sentence! Just one sentence and everyone fell asleep?! Even Orne couldn't resist?! Hahaha! Ghoumil's expression must have been priceless! Hahaha! I can't, my stomach hurts!"
His laughter was particularly abrupt in the solemn office. A vein throbbed on Sengoku's forehead. "Garp! Quiet down!" However, Garp couldn't stop, tears of mirth streaming down his face.
Vice Admiral Tsuru gently set down her teacup. The crisp clink against the saucer finally caused Garp's laughter to subside slightly. She looked at Sengoku, her tone calm but with a subtle nuance. "The report mentions that Orne initially resisted the sleepiness and even threw his battle-axe?"
"Yes." Sengoku picked up the report, pointing to a section, his tone even more complex. "Then, the report states—'Captain Levi seemed quite impatient with this, complaining, "Things flying at me are so troublesome." Subsequently, that giant axe, imbued with Orne's full power and capable of tearing through ship armor, "lost all its kinetic energy" during its flight... "like an ordinary piece of iron," and "fell into the sea."'"
He read out the description almost word for word, and with each word, the sense of absurdity in the room deepened.
"'Lost all its kinetic energy'?" Tsuru repeated, a flicker of understanding in her eyes. "It seems he can not only imbue living beings with the concept of laziness, but even objects and the energy they contain can be affected by his ability, making them 'lazy'."
"That's just cheating! Pffthahaha!" Garp couldn't help but slap his thigh and laugh again. "How can you fight like that? The most annoying opponents are those without any motivation! Even the axe is too lazy to fly! Hahaha!"
Sengoku ignored Garp, turning his gaze to Kizaru. "Borsalino, what do you think?"
Kizaru slowly turned, drawing out his words. "Ohh~~~ What a terrifying ability~~~ It's completely unreasonable~~~" He tilted his head. "Compared to making people fall asleep, making attacks 'lazy' seems even more troublesome~~~ After all, if you're asleep, you might still be woken up. But attacks being directly nullified..." He clicked his tongue. "This means that conventional methods can hardly pose a threat to him~~~ Even getting close might become very 'troublesome,' oh~~~"
His words highlighted another key point: Levi's ability came with the strongest defense imaginable built-in.
Sengoku took a deep breath, his head aching even more. He had originally thought Levi's ability was primarily for large-scale crowd control, never expecting it to come with such a near-rule-level absolute defense.
"This report is of great value," Vice Admiral Tsuru concluded. "It preliminarily verifies several important characteristics of Levi's ability: large-scale mental influence, effective weakening of strong individuals, and almost unsolvable passive defense. More importantly," she paused, looking at Sengoku, "it confirms his behavioral pattern—extreme aversion to trouble and using his ability 'efficiently' to eliminate it."
"Efficient?" Sengoku gave a wry smile. "He certainly was efficient. One mission, a pirate crew with a bounty of nearly 190 million neutralized, almost without a single Marine soldier having to fight. But..." He changed his tone, full of helplessness. "What about the aftermath? Ghoumil's report also mentioned that he didn't participate in any of the follow-up work, hiding in his cabin and sleeping the whole time! How do we calculate his merits? Will morale be affected? Are we going to rely on him to just talk his way through all future missions? What will other officers think?"
This was what gave Sengoku the biggest headache. Levi's ability was powerful enough to disrupt the balance, but his personality was completely incompatible with the military system.
"Well~~~ Isn't that great?" Kizaru interjected lazily. "Since he hates trouble so much, why not tie his 'trouble' to Marineford's 'goals'? Just like this time." He smiled meaningfully. "Give him the best treatment, make him feel that Marineford is the most comfortable, most 'trouble-free' haven in the world. Then, any 'trouble'—like pirates—that wants to disrupt this peace will naturally become his target for elimination, right?"
Tsuru nodded. "Borsalino is right. Levi cannot be managed by ordinary rules. He is not a sword to be held tightly, but rather a... comfortable zone that needs careful maintenance and automatically clears away surrounding pests."
Garp finally stopped laughing, wiping tears from his eyes. "Puhahaha, anyway, that young man is too interesting! Next time there's such a fun mission, remember to call me to see it live! Hahaha!"
Sengoku looked at the three powerful figures before him: one enjoying the spectacle, one who had found a kindred spirit in laziness, and one who had already formulated a 'rearing' management strategy. He sighed a long sigh, feeling that the challenges of his career as Fleet Admiral had risen to a new, incredible height.
He picked up a pen and annotated the report: "Ability confirmed, evaluation level: Strategic. Temporarily managed according to the current plan, enjoying the highest level of logistical support. Meritorious records and rewards are to be handled entirely by Vice Admiral Tsuru, directly converted into corresponding material benefits, bypassing regular procedures."
He put down the pen. "Tsuru, when he returns, tell him his 'performance' was excellent, and the Marineford cafeteria's 'secret menu' will be permanently available to him starting tomorrow."
Tsuru smiled slightly. "I think that will be the award he desires most."
Just then, an adjutant knocked and entered, bringing another document. Sengoku took it, and his expression became even stranger. "It's from the Science Unit... a preliminary analysis report on the salvaged 'giant axe'."
He handed the document to Tsuru. She quickly scanned it, a hint of surprise in her eyes. The report stated: "Upon inspection, the giant axe's material shows no abnormalities, but its internal structure appears to have suffered a 'conceptual' impact. All 'activity' and 'energy conductivity' at the microscopic level are significantly reduced, becoming unusually 'inert', almost degenerating into a mere piece of common iron."
In short, the deadly weapon had seemingly become "too lazy" to be a weapon anymore.
Kizaru looked at the report, pouting, and gave his classic assessment: "How... terrifying~~~"
Even weapons could become lazy. Sengoku leaned back, staring at the ceiling, feeling as if he hadn't recruited a soldier, but had invited a god of laziness who could alter the rules of reality. Silence fell over the office once more, broken only by Garp's occasional, irrepressible chuckles.