The star stops shining when its owner's heart stops. Before me stand those eyes… like embers not yet ignited. Fires burning slowly, as if waiting for fuel to burn to the end.
There are two kinds of people in this world: those standing behind fences, and the silent ones in front of the fire. As for me? I choose to stand on the edge.
I am "the bastard."The one who carries the banner of protection but does not know the meaning of loyalty. The one who pushes the cart of good but leaves it to fall at the first obstacle.I am the hero who sought perfection, then laughed at himself when he realized it was just a mirage.
Even now, as he dies before me… he stands with all his courage, his back to me.He protects me from danger, and I, the bastard, watch indifferently and wonder about the purpose of all this absurdity.
"Run, Ray…"His voice, as if addressing something inside me that died long ago."There's no need to sacrifice. No one will blame you."But I do not hear his words…
I wanted to laugh.If running were an option, I would have left long ago. But no.I do not run, because I am the bastard.And the bastard only knows to stay amidst the fire, watching everything burn until the last moment.
---
'Shhh'
woke up after a light wind from the window hit my face, forcing me to give up trying to return to sleep.Anyway, it was already too late to go back to sleep.
'He looked out the window absentmindedly, feeling as if he had seen a strange dream full of emotions, but no matter how hard he tried to remember it, he couldn't. Feeling that his effort was useless and only a waste of time, he got up, showered, and put on his school uniform.'
My mother was in a deep sleep with her head on the table, but I could see the breakfast prepared carefully.I was worried about her health but also somewhat happy, and how could I not be, as a small laugh escaped me when I flinched after touching her forehead.
"Ray…""You didn't have to force yourself. You know I don't eat breakfast."
'Mira smiled a slightly sad smile, so as soon as Ray noticed, he laughed a little without any real spirit and kneeled before her on one knee.'
"Mom, stop trying to take this habit away from me. You already know it's deeply rooted in me. It's just a habit, not a sickness. Eat first."
'Mira sighed quietly as she watched Ray move away after bidding her properly.'
---
'Mira looked at the food, then her face twisted in a mysterious expression, and she threw it in the trash. There was no way she could eat this food in the first place, she muttered with a small frown.'
"What do I do with his rebellion? He's really a tiring boy. Raising children is hard… isn't it, Mom?""…"
'When she did not receive the answer she hoped for, she turned toward the sofa.'"Why are you treating me like this? It's not as if I am such a bad daughter."
I smiled, thinking that I must have started going a little crazy. Today, I had smelled the scent of fresh blood coming from the sofa since morning, which is impossible. There's no way a long-dead mouse can come back to life. I know that well, yet I still talk to myself sometimes.
---
As I passed through the usual forest path, I could not help but look around. People were scattered in groups; some slept directly on the hard cold ground, and some found a spot among the giant trees.
Most of them were poor and miserable, unable to find a legal home at a reasonable price in the city. This was not strange for Anschlos; for some reason, this kingdom always sought to extract the harshest possible profit from human minds. So once you stop producing, you end up without proper income or afflicted with ep1 disease.
'Shhh'
'He lowered his head in mild pain. It was painful to think about these secondary matters. His brown eyes were unfocused for a while before he inhaled sharply to return them to their cold nature, and resumed the path with more indifference.'
"This is terrible… ridiculous hypersensitivity."
I felt the irony of fate. I, who had been sensitive since childhood, absorbed the negative or positive emotions of people around me without any restrictions or filtering.I was the coldest person. When emotions accumulate little by little, they become impurities to be discarded to reach the specified goal…But unfortunately, I am still human… no human can reach that level of indifference and lack of emotion, no matter what happens.
So all I can do to remove the pain is to clench my jaw and continue walking as if nothing happened.
The true way to live in peace is to ignore emotions and simply step on your heart.