"Let me go, you fucking piece of shit!"
A girl with ash blonde hair thrashed in the slime, small explosions popping from her palms. Each blast tore holes in the villain's body that instantly closed.
Mt. Lady crouched at the far end of the street, clearly too big to maneuver here. Death Arms paced nearby, fists clenched. Kamui Woods had his wooden limbs ready but seemed hesitant to engage. Backdraft focused on containing fires from the girl's explosions.
"Why aren't they doing anything?" a woman next to me demanded, still filming.
A short kid with wild green hair burst from the crowd, sprinting straight at the villain. He hurled his backpack with surprising accuracy, nailing one of the yellow eyes. The villain roared, its grip on the blonde girl loosening for a moment.
The kid clawed at the slime, trying to pull her free. Brave. Stupid, but brave.
"Fuck," I muttered. The lotus pattern pulsed.
I vaulted the barrier and ran forward. The slime villain's attention snapped to me, a tendril whipping toward my face. It splattered against an invisible wall inches from my skin.
"Get her out!" I yelled to the green-haired kid. "I'll keep it busy!"
He nodded, still digging. The blonde girl's eyes were starting to flutter closed.
The villain sent more attacks my way, each one hitting the barrier around me. "Interesting quirk," it gurgled. "But you can't attack through your shield either, can you?"
I grinned. "Watch me."
I thrust my hand forward. The barrier extended like a battering ram, punching through the villain's body. The green-haired kid finally got a grip on the girl's arm and pulled. She came free with a wet pop, both of them tumbling backward.
The villain howled and surged toward them. I jumped between, barrier expanding into a dome over all three of us.
"Deku, you fucking... idiot..." the blonde girl gasped between coughs.
"I'm sorry Kacchan, I just..." The green-haired kid - Deku? - wrung his hands.
"Both of you shut up and stay behind me," I said. The villain slammed against my barrier again and again, trying to find a weak point.
"Who the fuck are you?" the girl demanded.
"Nakamura. You're welcome, by the way."
She tried to stand but stumbled. "I didn't ask for-"
"Save it," I cut her off. "Can you still use your quirk?"
She sparked a few weak explosions. "Not enough to fight."
The villain was getting frustrated, its attacks growing wilder. "I'll crush all three of you!"
"You really won't," I said. The lotus pattern spun faster as I pushed my barrier out, forcing the villain back. Each pulse carved chunks from its body that it struggled to regenerate.
"Young man!" Death Arms called. "Fall back and let the pros handle this!"
I glanced back. "Like you were handling it before?"
I tensed as the villain's tendril shot toward us, but before it could hit my barrier, a massive figure appeared in front of me. The impact created a shockwave that made my ears pop.
"I really am pathetic, huh?" All Might's voice carried a weariness I'd never heard in the videos. His signature smile looked strained as he held back the villain's attack with one arm. "To think these young ones had to step up because I wasn't here..."
The sludge villain recoiled. "All Might? But I thought I'd escaped you!"
"Indeed you did!" All Might's voice boomed with his usual theatricality, but I caught something else in his tone - anger, maybe even disappointment in himself. "And while I wasted time berating myself for letting you slip away, these students risked their lives to save another. That, young listeners, is the mark of a true hero!"
I kept my barrier up, watching as All Might squared off against the villain. The lotus pattern in my eyes spun wildly, almost like it was trying to analyze the legendary hero's presence.
"You know," All Might continued, his massive form tensing for action, "professionals are always risking their lives. That's the true test of a hero!"
The sludge villain launched a desperate barrage of attacks. "Stay back! I'll kill them all!"
"You will do no such thing," All Might declared. He drew back his fist, and I felt the air pressure change. The lotus pattern went crazy, like it was trying to warn me about what was coming. "DETROIT..."
"Everyone down!" I shouted, reinforcing my barrier and bracing myself. The green-haired kid - Deku - was staring at All Might with an expression of pure awe. The blonde girl grabbed his collar and yanked him down.
"SMASH!"
The punch connected with the villain's core. The shockwave that followed made my earlier barrier impacts feel like love taps. Windows rattled in their frames. The very air seemed to compress and then explode outward. My barrier strained against the force, and for a moment I worried it might shatter.
The sludge villain didn't just get hit - it disintegrated. Chunks of slime scattered in every direction, losing cohesion as they flew. The force of the punch continued upward, literally punching a hole through the clouds above.
And then it started raining.
I stared up at the sky, letting the drops hit my face. The lotus pattern had settled into a gentle spin, like it was as awed as I was by the display of power.
"Holy shit," I breathed. I'd seen the videos, of course. Everyone had. But being this close to one of All Might's signature moves was something else entirely. The sheer scale of power required to affect the weather with a single punch...
I let my barrier drop, suddenly exhausted. The lotus pattern settled into a lazy spin.
"That was amazing!" the green-haired kid squeaked. "The way your barrier-"
"Shut up, Deku," the blonde girl snapped.
I steadied her arm. "Hospital?"
"Fuck off, I'm fine."
"Right. Because almost being suffocated by slime is no big deal."
She yanked her arm away but didn't move. "...Bakugo."
"What?"
"My name. Bakugo Katsumi." She glared at me. "Since you're so fucking interested."
I was going to respond, but All Might's shadow fell over us.
"YOUNG ONES!" His voice could really use a volume control. "THAT WAS QUITE RECKLESS!"
The green-haired kid - still hadn't caught his actual name - looked ready to faint from either joy or terror.
"HOWEVER!" All Might continued. "Your quick thinking and teamwork saved young Bakugo's life! Well done!"
He posed for the crowd, then turned back to us. Was it my imagination, or did he seem... thinner for a moment?
"Now then! The paramedics should-"
"I don't need-" Bakugo started, then stumbled again.
"The paramedics," I repeated firmly, "should definitely check you out."
She flipped me off but let the EMTs lead her to an ambulance. The green-haired kid must have left at some point because I couldn't find him.
I tried to slip away in the chaos, but a wooden tendril blocked my path.
"And where do you think you're going?" Kamui Woods asked. "There's paperwork for vigilante actions, even justified ones."
I sighed. My phone was still dead, I was still lost, and now I had forms to fill out.
"Can I at least call my mom first?"
======
[Next time on "Yoichi's Hero Academia"]
I lounged on a stool in what looked like a cheap talk show set, complete with potted plants and an obnoxiously large logo. The camera zoomed in as I gave my best disinterested stare.
"So apparently I need to explain what's happening next episode." I tapped my fingers on the counter. "But honestly, why spoil the surprise? Let's talk about something else."
Someone off-camera cleared their throat loudly.
"Fine, fine." I rolled my eyes. "There's this slimy dude causing trouble, and some angry kid's stuck inside him. Big deal." I examined my nails. "Though between you and me, I could totally handle this without those fancy hero licenses everyone's so worked up about."
The director made frantic cutting motions.
"What? Too honest?" I grinned. "Look, all I'm saying is—"
The studio lights flickered. A familiar white-haired woman stepped into frame, smiling pleasantly.
"I believe what my son means to say is that next time, we'll witness an unauthorized quirk usage incident with potentially severe legal consequences."
"Mom?" I sat up straight. "How did you get past security?"
She patted my cheek. "Security? Dear, I own this studio."
"Since when?"
"Since approximately—" she checked her watch "—seventeen minutes ago."
I stared at her. "You bought a TV studio in seventeen minutes?"
"Technically fourteen. I spent three minutes choosing this outfit." She turned to the camera. "Next episode, witness the dangers of quirk use without proper licensing, and the Hero Public Safety Commission's response to vigilante behavior."
"I wouldn't call it vigilante—"
"We'll also explore the fascinating judicial process for minors who interfere in hero operations." Her smile never wavered. "Including community service requirements and mandatory quirk counseling."
"Wait, what?" I tried to stand, but found my chair mysteriously stuck to the floor. "I don't remember any of that happening!"
"Don't miss 'Consequences and Slime: Yoichi's First Mistake!'" She waved cheerfully to the camera.
"That's not even a good title we are not calling it that!" I struggled with the chair. "And this isn't what happened! Mom, tell them about the—"
"We're experiencing technical difficulties," she said smoothly as static began overtaking the screen. "Please stand by."
"This is totally misleading! There was this awesome part where I—"
The screen went black except for my glowing lotus eyes.
"—and then the sludge guy—"
[Signal lost. Please tune in next time.]