You brought me a document… a divorce petition.
You looked at me, sad, with those black eyes… shining, filled with a void that hurt.
“Why?”
“Why are you doing this?”
I don’t understand!
I watched you in silence, speechless, wondering what had happened.
We were doing so well… what went wrong?
You always waited for me at home with a smile, after I returned from work.
Did you feel lonely? I thought everything was fine. Just yesterday we were eating with the children…
We have three kids, just as you wanted.
I saw you giving them love, watching them with such marked happiness…
I don’t love those children,
but if they share something of yours,
I tolerate them.
You looked so happy… what did I do wrong? What happened?
I couldn’t form a single word.
You left without looking back,
your brown coat in tow,
your black hair shining in the light of the room.
My mind snapped back.
I got up, desperate, running:
“Where are you? Merclet!”
The children were crying, shouting:
“Mom… mom… and dad?”
I just looked at them, indifferent. I only wanted to find you.
Ezclet.
You were there with your bags, waiting for a taxi outside our home.
I moved the children aside and closed the door on their faces, running toward you.
It was snowing heavily.
“Why are you leaving me?” I shouted. “Why are you doing this?”
“Do… you love me?” you asked.
“What?”
The taxi driver shouted:
“Damn it! Are you getting in or not?”
I threw him money.
“He won’t leave. —Go away!”
The taxi drove off, and you looked at me.
“I don’t understand… why are you here, desperate? Why are you coming to me? WHY?”
“How do you mean why?” I said.
You pressed your lips together, still shining in the snowfall, hesitating, and said:
“We’ve been together since we were kids.
I always followed you. I admired you… I loved you.
When I asked if you wanted to be my partner, you said yes.
And I felt so happy…
But it was like giving a dog a treat.
When you said we should marry,
I felt like I could die of happiness in that instant…
but your eyes were empty.
“This person doesn’t love me, but I don’t care.”
Leina… I didn’t care.
Really, if only once you had said ‘I love you’… even if it was a lie…
I would have fought even harder,
because I wouldn’t care if you didn’t love me.
I could love for both of us… I thought.
But I couldn’t bear that burden…”
“Well… you didn’t even say that lie,” you whispered.
You looked at me, tears forming, tired, your eyes empty.
I widened my eyes, gasping as I listened to you.
I always felt the distance between us.
I knelt before you, hoping for your affection.
I thought when our child was born,
you might change a little… but you didn’t.
They are not loved either… just like me.
“Don’t worry.
_I’ll come back for them tomorrow.”
“Ezclet… I LOVE YOU.”
You stopped.
You barely turned your face toward me, snow falling between us,
the steam of your breath trembling in the cold air.
You looked at me.
Your black, tired eyes
shone for just an instant.
And you answered, in a voice so broken it barely sounded human:
“It’s too late… for that lie, darling.”
I fell to the ground.
But yesterday… yesterday everything was fine.
My heart raced, as if it might tear out of my chest,
and I struggled to breathe.
You love the children.
The children… I thought, as madness gripped my throat.
I opened the door.
They were crying.
Their faces red, swollen, trembling.
“Dad… Dad is leaving us!
We can’t let this happen… kids.”
I looked at them.
And suddenly they began to scream:
“DAD!! Dad, no!!
Don’t go!
Stay with us!
Please!”
Their little arms stretched toward you, as if the air itself could hold you.
I ran even more, crossing the street that separated us.
I fell hard.
And you… were coming toward me.
I saw a glimmer of hope.
A small, sickly light that maybe I could capture you again,
to strike your pity and your empathy.
My knee…
As you approached,
I dug my fingers into the wound,
letting the blood flow,
so it would hurt even more.
“Are you okay? Are you okay?” you asked.
I saw your sweat falling,
the marks of dried tears on your face.
“I can’t… get up,” I gasped.
Please… don’t leave us…
You were surprised.
I already had it.
I just had to press a little harder on your heart.
I cried.
Maybe because of my personality, my temperament,
my nature… you didn’t feel right beside me.
But please…
I beg your forgiveness…
“I love you,” I said, breaking down.
I love you too much.
The children love you.
I want us to be together…
We are a family…
You were surprised to see my tears.
Kneeling before you, my wounded knees,
I took your chin and forced you to look at me.
“Truly… I love you.”
Your eyes,
crystalized with tears,
trembled.
As you lowered your gaze,
your long lashes wet.
The children ran over.
“Mom is hurt! Nooo…” they cried.
The oldest threw himself into your arms.
“Dad… Mom needs you…
Don’t leave us, please… Dad…” he sobbed.
In my mind, only one dark thought existed:
these children serve me in some way.
Please, change your mind… please…
“Do you really love me?” you asked, voice broken.
“Yes… I have always loved you,” I whispered.
And I kissed your forehead.
When my lips touched your forehead,
you closed your eyes tightly,
as if that gesture hit your soul directly.
Your breathing trembled.
Your shoulders too.
And then I heard it.
A sob.
Small, contained…
one of those you always hid
to not appear vulnerable.
You brought a hand to your face,
pressing your eyes.
Your chest rose and fell in soft spasms.
And then…
as if something inside you finally broke,
you hugged me.
It wasn’t a warm hug.
It was a desperate, painful hug,
as if fearing that letting go would make something more important than yourself disappear.
I felt your strength envelop me,
your body trembling,
your pain sticking to mine.
The children clung to your clothes,
surrounding us both.
“I don’t know…” you murmured against my neck.
“I don’t know what to do, Leina…
I don’t know what to feel…
I only know I’m tired…”
Your voice cracked in my ear.
I held you tighter.
I kept you as if it were my last duty in this world.
“We’re here…
we’re with you,” I whispered.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
You buried your forehead in my shoulder.
Your tears soaked my skin.
“I…
I didn’t want this to end like this,” you confessed, gasping.
“I didn’t want to hurt you…
nor them…”
I felt you surrender a little.
A thread.
A fracture that could unite us again.
“Come back home,” I said softly.
Just… come back.
You closed your eyes, trembling.
You carried me in your arms,
and we crossed the street.
Upon arrival, you opened the door again.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, scared.
“I must gather the bags,” you replied.
“No… don’t do that,” I whispered sadly.
I couldn’t allow you to leave at that moment.
It was too important. Too fragile.
“We can tell Luis… —the porter— to bring them later.
Besides, the kids are soaking wet.”
As if destiny wanted to help,
Michel sneezed.
Then Lalet…
and Zuzuley.
Good, I thought.
The cold would be my ally.
I made a sound of pain,
pretended,
with my knees.
You turned quickly,
looking at me with sadness.
“I’m sorry… it’s my fault…” you exclaimed, touching your forehead,
as if you were the one who committed a crime.
“Children, please… take off your wet clothes,” you said softly.
I went to the bathtub and opened the tap.
Hot water filled the room with a faint steam.
You came carrying a first-aid kit.
You kneeled
and took my bloody knees with care,
as if touching something sacred,
or fragile that could break at any second.
Your hands trembled.
The children, half-naked,
watched us silently,
as if they knew that night
could decide the family’s fate.
I looked at you.
And without thinking… I kissed your lips.
You froze for a few seconds,
then hugged me
like a small child finally finding comfort.
“All these years… did you feel this way because of me?” I whispered.
“Let me undo it all… let me fix it.”
You trembled.
Then, smiling through tears, you said:
“All right…
we will always be together.”
The children laughed, happy,
throwing towels into the air,
running toward us.
They jumped on the couch where we were.
“Wait, guys!” you said, laughing.
Your laughter… so alive.
We hugged tightly,
as if that moment could save everything.
“Dad, can we all sleep together tonight?
Please…”
You looked at me, waiting for my answer,
as you always did before…
And I knew
I had you in my hands again.
“Of course,” I smiled at them.
We slept covered, hugging.
You sang a soft song,
and I felt relaxed,
hearing your voice.
The next morning,
no one was beside me.
I woke up startled
and saw a note on the table:
“Darling, I took Michael and Lalet to school.
Also Zulezuley.
She wants a doll.
I love you. I’ll be back home in 2 hours.”
I smiled.
I got ready for work.
But it started taking too long.
Three hours… four…
The television was on:
“Highway accident.
Truck veers off and crashes,
spilling its entire load.
Devastating scene.
Confirmed dead: 18.”
I froze.
“What…?”
My mind emptied.
I prayed.
I never prayed.
“Please… please… don’t let it be him… no… no…”
The phone rang.
I trembled as I answered.
“Excuse me… you are listed as the emergency contact for this phone.”
My heart stopped.
“Your husband is…” the voice said, cold, as if it were just data.
“I’m sorry… but your husband has passed away.”
The world shattered.
“And the children too.”
I felt the air leave me.
A hollow, a void.
A silent scream in my throat.
“We know this is a huge loss…” the voice continued, but I could no longer hear.
“Please… come.”
I ran to start the car.
The keys shook in my hand.
I don’t remember how I drove… I only remember arriving.
A man came out to meet me.
“I… I’m sorry, ma’am,” he said, looking down.
“This will be very hard to see.
Apparently, your husband was in the third row of the highway.
From what I’m told… he’s unrecognizable.
You must be strong.”
He took a deep breath before continuing:
“And the children…
I’m so sorry, it’s even harder…”
“I want to see my husband,” I interrupted.
My voice broke, yet it remained firm.
The doctor nodded.
“All right, ma’am… but… prepare yourself.
My legs trembled with each step.
Every step felt like wading through a frozen swamp.
I needed to see him.
I had to see him.
I needed this to be a nightmare.
“I know it’s hard,” he said behind me,
“but the body is… unrecognizable.”
Unrecognizable.
That word pierced my chest.
Unrecognizable?
No. No, no, no…
I approached the gurney where that… mangled flesh lay,
swollen, twisted.
My breath broke.
“No… you’re not… my love…
you’re not…” I whispered, begging it to be a lie.
Begging for a lie, I reached out and touched his cold flesh.
My head ached as if splitting into a thousand pieces.
“You promised me…” I whispered through sobs.
You promised we would be together…
You did it!
But reality was there, cold, motionless,
and nothing I pleaded could change it.
Every heartbeat I felt was a blow of emptiness.
The silence of the room became deafening.
The cold of his body sank into my soul.
“No… it can’t be…” I groaned, pressing my face against his lifeless chest.
“Ma’am… now, please, come see the children,” said the man, his voice muted, looking at me with pity.
I didn’t care.
“I don’t care,” I said.
None were alive. What good are they?
At least if one were alive, I would have a piece of Ezclet with me.
I only want to be with my husband. Please… leave.
The man looked at me, surprised by the coldness in my tone,
trying to offer some comfort,
but he understood that nothing could reach me.
My world shrank to him.
To his cold, lifeless body before me.
Everything else… the children, life… had vanished.
I touched his long, fine fingers,
searching for that happy face,
but it was only mangled flesh,
with his abdomen,
with my heart.
I stared, unbelieving.
I tore my arms, thinking I could wake him.
But it wasn’t so.
Some people came in,
for signatures and paperwork,
and I… no longer understood my existence.
I saw the tables. Around them, the utensils that had touched my husband.
“You know, I cannot go on if you are not here.”
I directed my gaze to the scalpel.
I cut my veins,
mixing my blood with his cold flesh,
as my real tears fell.
Kneeling before him, the blood fell endlessly.
Until I no longer heard the dripping.
I opened my eyes.
The sun hit strongly.
Several women surrounded me, dressed in maid outfits, moving with almost ritual silence.
In front of me, a man held a book. His white clothing shone, pure, and his platinum blond hair fell brilliantly.
Golden jewelry adorned his ankles, softly tinkling with each movement.
Ahead, a serene lake stretched out. Swans glided elegantly across the water, leaving shimmering ripples in the light.
My eyes moved from one place to another, not understanding.
My hands… were no longer the same. Small, delicate, different. My body had changed too.
The dress I wore was adorned with flowers and golden embroidery. Beautiful.
I lifted my face.
“Where am I?”
Author: Caleb Y.Y.