We approached the doors of the retirement home, and Laura was with Church, both of them looking inside. It seemed awfully quiet, and the door was jammed by a broom through the handles, keeping it from opening. Church gave the door a hesitant knock before Laura scoffed and knocked really loudly. The screech of a crow was heard, and it must have been startled by the noise. Patti's ears went back as it started to feel a bit eerie.
"Hey, I don't think anyone is here," I said. "There's no dead monsters or any signs of, you know, a struggle." Church looked back at me with a scared look.
"How did they get out of here?" Church asked. That was a really good question. This was a retirement home, and while not particularly big, I'd guess it could house maybe twenty people. Where the hell could they have gone? I turned to Jay, who was doing something with her tentacles. I turned to her.
"Jay, what are you doing?" I whispered. She jumped up for a second and quickly looked over to me. Two of her tentacles were knotted up.
"I'm tied up," she whispered back while gesturing with her eyes to her tentacles. I choked back a laugh as Laura let out a noise that startled us both. We looked, and her face was pressed against the glass.
"I see someone!" she exclaimed. Jay and I crowded around to take a look inside. It looked like how I imagined an old folks' home would look. Old, tweed couches, an old CRT television inside a wooden frame, and lots of pill bottles. It was also very dusty looking, as if no one had been inside for decades. The main activity room led to a hallway in the back with doors lining either side, going to the private living spaces. That's when I saw the outline of a woman shuffling her feet down the hallway. Holy shit, it was another person! I could see there was information floating above her head, but I couldn't make it out from this distance.
Before I could ask everyone what they thought we should do, Laura began banging on the glass and yelled, "Allo! Allo!" The shadowed figure clearly was startled and looked to the front entrance and saw us. She then put her head down and shuffled quickly to one of the rooms. I let out an exasperated sigh and turned to Laura.
"Why did you scare her?" I asked. Laura whirled around to stare up at me. I had at least a whole foot of height on her, but she looked intimidating to me. She cocked her head to one side as Jay, Church, and Patti backed up a little.
"If this is grandma's house, and that is grandma, how was she going to hear a little knock knock knock? She is old, and precious, and might need our help. I am a person of action!" Laura said. I looked to the others, and they all shook their head no at me. Laura never took her eyes off me, however.
"I… uh…" I began to stammer. I was really put on the spot and didn't know what to say. As I stumbled over my words, Laura continued on.
"You two go around the back and make sure they don't sneak out that way. Church, you stay here in case she comes back. Patti and I will try to find a way inside. If anyone sees anything, call it out, and make sure they know you're friendly, okay? Don't go scaring her needlessly!" Church then gave Laura a salute and took up position with his face pressed against the door. Jay nodded in agreement with her, and to my surprise, I found myself nodding as well. What the hell just happened?
Before I could think about it more, Jay began walking away to the side of the building. I caught up with her as Laura and Patti went exploring around the other side. Jay had gotten her tentacles undone and had a serious look on her face.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked as we walked. Jay didn't answer immediately, but took a moment to think with one of her tentacles tapping her lips.
"Max, we need to hunker down soon for a bit and talk about things. How much longer is the cooldown on your Get Into Jail Free Card?" she replied. I took a look, and it said twelve hours. I told Jay this, and she replied, "As soon as we can, we should go in there for a while, okay?"
"Okay, Jay, whatever you want," I replied. We reached the back of the nursing home and found piles of ash at the back door. It must have been two or three feet high of this gray powder, just all in a mound. Jay and I exchanged looks with each other before I approached it. It looked very fine, like burnt paper. I knelt down to examine it, and as I did, the world froze briefly. I could see red words that said DANGER. What the hell? It's like when Othryn attacked me, and then I got worried when I remembered that. Everything went back to normal, and I looked back at Jay, who was looking at the ash.
"Jay, did you see that?" I said, and as if the world was answering, the backdoor opened up. I looked up and saw a little old granny with curlers in her hair, a flowing muumuu, pink slippers, and those thick, full light-blocking sunglasses that glaucoma patients use. Above her head, I read the following:
Shelley Kelly - Human - Eye Gunner - Age: 86 - Current Race: Human
I smiled at her, and she let out a little scared noise. Shit, I have to remember I can't smile while I'm a skeleton, it's scary from what everyone says. Then Laura's words came into my mind. "Don't go scaring her needlessly!" she had said. I stood up to apologize, but the granny spoke first.
"Danger, Dick!" she exclaimed. She then pulled off her light-blocking sunglasses, and her eyes were closed. She then opened them, and light shot out, blasting me in the chest. I was thrown to the ground and scraped along the dirt, digging a trench. It hurt something fierce as I heard Jay yelling for help. I could see my health bar was going down quickly, and I struggled to reach my hand into my pocket. It finally fished its way inside to grab my ignitor, and I struck it inside my pocket, not risking pulling it out.
I turned into the rotten angel form and began flapping my wings furiously, which managed to pull me out of the way of the beam. I was beating my wings so hard to get away that when I did, the excess force shot me sideways into a dumpster. My health was crazy low, and I pulled a rotten health potion out and struggled to get it to my lips. The granny was still blasting as Church, Laura, and Patti came to the back. I felt the healing powers of the potion rush through me, helping me regain my strength.
Jay rushed over to me as I stood up uneasily. She looked me over, and I made a motion with my hands to tell her it was okay. The granny, Shelley, was still blasting away when an old man came up behind and tapped her on the shoulder hurriedly. The eye beams ceased as she closed her eyes, and the man helped her put the sunglasses back on. I approached them with Jay by my side as I saw the man pull out something I knew quite well. It was a "Get Into Jail Free" card. I started to wave my hands in a no gesture and began to say, "It's okay!" when he activated the card, disappearing the two of them.
We all approached the back door where they stood, and stood near the pile of ash, which was scattered from the action. I was breathing heavy when Laura slowly looked at me. "What did you do?" I let out another big breath of air and faced her to reply.
"We came to this door, I saw this ash, and she opened the door and started blasting!" I said. Laura narrowed her eyes at me.
"What happened before she started blasting?" she asked. I went to reply, but closed my mouth. She knew. Somehow, she knew, and I wasn't going to risk lying to her. She scared me.
"I said hi…"
"What else?"
"And… I smiled."
"GOD DAMN IT, MAX!" Laura blew up. "I told you not to scare the granny! Your smile is scary as shit while you're a skeleton! We're getting you a new form as soon as possible, one that doesn't scare or smell like rotten eggs!"
"Yes, I agree! Add it to the damn list of stuff to do, okay?" I said. We all stood in silence for a second, cooling down when Jay spoke up.
"Did you see the card he had, Max? Are those the jail cell neighbors from earlier?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders when Church spoke up.
"Dude, that was Richard and Shelley Kelly! Is this where they come back to when not in there?" he asked. Patti was sniffing the ash when she sneezed into the pile, blowing some of it up in the air. I nodded to the backdoor.
"Well, let's go check this out and wait for them to come back. We can apologize when they're out of jail." I said. Laura kept her eyes on me as I walked into the back of the nursing home. The lights were off, but the bright outdoor moonlight provided some illumination. I held my hand back towards Church, who was following, and called for a flashlight. He reached into his bag and pulled one out to hand to me. Jay came up beside me as we entered further inside.
"Let's see why grandma's house is special," I said to Jay while shining the light around.