One Kick Girl — Chapter 88: "The Wi-Fi War Summit"
Shion woke up to the smell of burnt toast.
Which should have been fine—Raon set off small kitchen fires as often as she kicked villains—but this one smelled different. Acrid. Metallic. Like someone had microwaved a laptop.
She stumbled out of her room and found the culprit.
Raon sat cross-legged in front of the toaster oven, a burnt router inside it.
Yuno Pulse stood behind her like an exhausted IT mom.
Synthra Byte was facepalming so hard her holo-hair flickered.
"Let me explain," Raon began.
"No," Yuno said, voice flat. "You never get to start with 'let me explain.'"
Raon held up a hand. "Okay, counter-proposal: let me explain badly."
Synthra groaned. "The router was not a pastry."
"But it had heat issues!" Raon protested. "You fix heat issues with toasting!"
Shion rubbed her eyes. "That's…not even physics."
---
1. The Alliance of Wi-Fi
Manager Kimchi barged in holding a dossier.
"We have intel," he said. "Discordia Beatmare is striking again."
Everyone tensed.
Beatmare wasn't just a villain—she was the global minister of lag, the architect of buffering circles, patron saint of dead connections.
"She's targeting the nation's internet backbone," Manager Kimchi explained. "If she succeeds, online games will hit 2300 ping."
Yuno gasped. "That's worse than Australia!"
Shion felt her stomach drop.
At 2300 ping, Raon would experience her ultimate nemesis: attack animations that lag behind reality. She could kick someone and the explosion would happen two weeks later.
Raon cracked her knuckles. "We fight."
Manager Kimchi glanced at Synthra. "Can you track the signal vector to Beatmare's HQ?"
Synthra's hair glitched, forming neon spreadsheets mid-air.
"Already did. She's holding a villain summit in the abandoned Google Stadia server farm."
Everyone winced.
Even Raon whispered, "That's…dark."
---
2. The Stadia Crypt
Shion expected cobwebs, maybe rats.
Instead she got techno-catacombs.
Ceiling-high server stacks hummed like angry bees. Dust-covered game controllers hung like voodoo talismans. And in the center, a throne made of HDMI cables and RGB keyboards.
Discordia Beatmare lounged on it wearing a dress of black vinyl and neon basslines. Her eyes glowed fuchsia, like nightclub laser beams.
Beside her stood her entourage—the Pitchfork Trio—each holding speakers instead of weapons.
"Welcome," Beatmare purred. "To the Bandwidth Council."
Raon cracked her gloves. "Give back the Wi-Fi, you lag demon."
Beatmare smirked. "Oh? Is the little fighter angry she can't stream anime at 1080p?"
"You take that back!" Raon shouted.
Yuno grabbed her shoulders, whispering, "Ignore her. Stay strong. Think of the One Piece episodes we haven't seen yet."
It worked. Raon's eyes sharpened.
Beatmare gestured dramatically. "We are negotiating the future of internet speeds. Join us…or suffer infinite loading screens."
Shion inhaled. Diplomacy time.
---
3. Shion, Diplomat of Doom
She stepped forward.
"As the tech officer of the One Kick Division, I propose mutual bandwidth de-escalation. You surrender packet throttling, and we return the stolen Singtel hotspot you gave Synthra in exchange for—"
"Wait," Synthra interjected. "That was stolen?"
Shion blinked. "You told me you borrowed it."
"I borrowed it…from a mall."
Shion facepalmed.
Beatmare laughed. "Childish. You think I want peace? I am the buffering circle. The spinning wheel. The eternal pre-stream ad."
She raised her hand.
The server stacks trembled.
A wave of digital crackling surged forward like static tsunami.
Shion braced—until a single kick shattered the distortion.
---
4. A Kick That Bent Bandwidth
Raon stepped into the center.
She didn't shout a one-liner.
She didn't pose.
She simply moved.
Her heel cut the air—an arc of kinetic pressure so pure it sliced through Beatmare's data wave like scissors through thread.
The servers blinked…then rebooted.
All at once, every LED lit up.
The building flooded with aggressive, blinding neon.
Beatmare hissed. "You…you kicked my signal?"
Raon shrugged. "Wi-Fi is everywhere. I kick everywhere."
Shion had no idea how that made sense, but her brain had long ago stopped trying.
---
5. Bassline Armageddon
Beatmare stood from her throne. "Pitchfork Trio. Drop the bass."
Three villains activated their subwoofers.
Their combined sonic pulse shook the foundation. Dust rained from the rafters. Shion felt her bones vibrate.
Yuno swore. "They're using… layered dubstep."
Synthra screamed. "THEY WENT FULL EDM!? THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
Raon cracked her neck. "Good. I hate dubstep."
She blurred.
Kick #1—uppercutting the left speaker tower.
Kick #2—heel drop to the center subwoofer.
Kick #3—aerial spinning kick that tore through the last one like cotton candy.
The bass died mid-wub.
Silence returned.
Beatmare stared.
"How—how are you breaking sound with legs?"
Raon pointed a single finger at her.
"Because you're playing dubstep at 2013 levels. The meta has evolved."
Beatmare reeled as though she'd been slapped.
---
6. The Final Upload
The villain pressed a button.
The room whirred.
A gargantuan server rose from the floor—massive, humming, ancient.
"The Prime Buffer," she whispered. "This machine once slowed Fortnite updates for three continents."
Everyone gasped.
Even Manager Kimchi whispered, awed, "Legendary…"
Beatmare lifted her arms. "I throttle all. I lag all. I—"
Raon kicked her in the forehead.
No hesitation. No buildup.
Just KICK → THUD → villain down.
Beatmare collapsed onto her throne of HDMI cables like a marionette with its strings cut.
Silence.
Synthra blinked. "…That was anticlimactic."
Raon stretched. "If I let her monologue, she gets stronger. Basic boss mechanics."
Shion sighed. "…She's not wrong."
---
7. Post-Battle Debrief
Manager Kimchi inspected the Prime Buffer. "We'll take this to HQ. Maybe repurpose it as a portable VPN."
Yuno clasped Shion's hand. "We did it."
Shion nodded, relieved.
Then Raon slapped her forehead.
"We forgot the router in the toaster!"
Everyone screamed.
Synthra glitched.
Yuno fainted.
Manager Kimchi began praying in Korean.
Beatmare lifted her head weakly and croaked—
"…you monsters…"
---
End of Chapter 88