The pretty woman watched without expression as I gently lay my wife and Nia next to each other on a mat on the porch. I was careful to smooth their skirts so they retained their modesty.
Behind the pretty woman were ten guards. How they had managed to enter my compound without my hearing, I wasn't sure.
I presumed they must have an artifact.
It would be rude to ask, however. Especially as she was obviously someone important given the ten guards doing their best to appear both nonchalant and menacing at the same time. It's a skill many cultivators seek to hone.
When I was finished, I turned to her and gave a small bow as thanks for her patience.
"I would offer you tea," I said. "But I am forbidden from entering the house."
"Forbidden?" She arched an eyebrow in amusement. She was clearly a lady of good breeding. Only a lady of good breeding is capable of maintaining such an air of humble calm while in awkward situations. "Who would forbid you anything, Great Elder Wey?"
"My wife."
"I see."
I didn't think she did. She was too young for such experience. She hadn't yet discovered her claws.
But I let it pass.
I stared at her instead.
She stared back.
Her guards shuffled on their feet unsure what to do.
"I am Jina Kyoma," she said at last.
I bowed again. "This humble disciple greets Lady Kyoma," I said politely.
Jina didn't blink.
But she did cross her arms.
"My father told me the destruction of the Sect was your doing," she said. "But my brother tells me you also subordinated the Fire Plum Sect. I am unsure what to think, so I had to come see you."
"Destroyed?" I frowned. "My apologies, Lady Kyoma. I was not aware of any destruction-"
"You kicked down the front gates, Great Elder Wey." Her voice was steady. "My grandfather laid the first stones for those gates. We have yet to find those stones. One of the guards believes you turned it to dust. With your fist."
"Ah. Well…. That is…"
"And the cherry tree was my favourite."
"Cherry tree?" I couldn't remember seeing a cherry tree.
"When you charged into the gathered disciples, you unleashed a destructive wave of chi."
"Oh yes," I said, remembering that clearly enough. Not many of the disciples had the strength to withstand it and had died pitifully. "I do remember that."
"The tree was to your right at the time," she sighed heavily. "I used to sit under it as a girl and read. I spent many sunny days in its shade."
"Oh."
"And then there's the roof of my favourite pavilion. My grandmother's pavilion."
"Hmm."
"You threw one of the guards onto it. You broke many tiles, and the chair is now stained with blood." She frowned at me. "My grandmother loved that chair, Great Elder Wey. She treasured her precious moments of peace there. And I would sit with her and drink special plum cordial with her. She made it herself. Out of the plums she gathered in the orchard."
"I like plum cordial," I said.
"I liked that orchard," she said. "But you destroyed the Western Wall, and most of the rubble fell on top of the trees. We will have no plums this year."
"Oh. Hmm."
"Minton Bey."
"Who?"
"A young disciple. With red hair? He was not very talented in martial arts, so he was responsible for collecting eggs from the hens. Who will collect the eggs since you slapped him and left nothing of his body for his family to bury?"
"Well…"
"Great Elder Wey," she said firmly. "My father says you requested to be a disciple. In our sect, a disciple takes responsibility for any destruction they cause to the sect. My father and my brothers were reluctant to tell you this. But I am not so restrained."
"Hmm."
"I expect you to do something," she said.
"Something?" I looked from her to the guards, who fidgeted but gave me no clues as to what she was looking for from me.
"Yes." She turned and, with a regal swish of her skirts, strode away.
Her guards gave me a quick glare, then trotted off behind her.
Leaving me to scratch my armpit and wonder what she'd been trying to say. What could I do about dead disciples or broken gates? And the plums and cherries?
"I'm a demonic cultivator," I muttered. "Not a farmhand."
"Husband?"
I turned to see my wife struggling to lift herself into a sitting position.
"Hmm?"
"I had a silly dream."
"Oh?"
"I dreamed you said there was a dragon in the hills, and that he was a High Grade alchemist."
"Oh," I said. "That. Yes, it's true. I told him I'd introduce you to him. You can both talk about recipes. He seemed happy for it."
"Oh!" She fluttered her eyelashes girlishly as the chance to grow her alchemical knowledge made her giddy. "Husband! Did you do that for your little flower?"
"I did."
She flung herself off the porch and into my arms. Her lips pressing against my cheek. "Husband, you are the best husband!"
"Yes, I know," I said, still disturbed by the words of the Sect Master's daughter. "Now, help me understand something."
"Anything!"
I told her all about Jina and her words.
My wife listened carefully, nodding sagely.
Then, when I'd finished, gave me a long thoughtful look.
"So?" I asked. "Do you understand what she was trying to say?"
Her eyes squinted at me.
Her lips pursed tightly.
"Hmm," she hmmed. Then nodded to herself as though a decision had been made. "No, Husband. I have no idea what she wants. Unless she wants you to fix all those things for her. But that would be ridiculous. We're demonic cultivators, not farmhands."
"That's what I said!"
"Of course you did," she smiled brightly and kissed my cheek again. "You're the best demonic cultivator husband ever."
I nodded at her, happy that she was happy. In truth, I thinks he was thinking more about the opportunity of meeting a dragon alchemist than in helping me resolve things with the Sect Master's daughter.
"Bah," I said at last. "I don't have time for nonsense. I need to go to the Auction House."
"Wait! Husband!"
"Hmm?"
My wife threw herself to the ground in front of me and slammed her head into the earth. Once. Twice. Five times.
"This little flower is sorry, Husband! She has wronged her husband and deserves punishment. She begs forgiveness a hundred times."
I blinked down at her.
"For what?"
"This little flower accused her husband of having perverted thoughts about his slave. It won't happen again."
"Hmm."
"And she accused her husband of molesting young girls and submitting them to slavery."
"Well."
"And she thought her husband was trying to discard her for the precious virginity of a child's- EEP!"
I slapped a hand down onto my wife's collar and jerked her off the ground to stare at her deep in her pretty eyes. "I think that's enough, don't you? Nia is hardly a child. Neither are you. Am I right?"
"Yes, Husband."
I set her down on the ground and patted her head. "Jealousy is a knife in the dantian, my wife. It will give you a heart demon. Be at peace."
"Your little flower shall think on your words, Husband."HUUUU
"Good. Then I'll consider my words to the owner of the Auction House."
"It is your choice, Husband."
"And it is your choice what happens to her in future. As my wife, you are responsible for the household. That includes the slaves. Especially those I didn't want in the first place."
"Yes, Husband."
I patted her head again, smiling at her obedience. She was not a silly girl no matter how she acted sometimes.
"I will take you to meet the dragon when I get back. Please pack an appropriate gift for him. He was most kind while I cultivated and even shared his precious dragon chi."
"Oh!" Her eyes widened. "Husband, did you truly cultivate dragon chi?"
"Yes." I peered off into the distance, feeling the warmth of my core as I struck a noble pose for her to admire. "And I feel I gained some precious insight into the Burning Heart of Flame Path."
"And perhaps gained some stamina, too?"
I closed my eyes patiently. "My wife thinks of dual cultivation even when her Husband is close to a breakthrough?"
I felt a sharp finger prod my chest. "It is my Husband who is the pervert! My husband seems to have forgotten this. But he is old. This is understandable. Perhaps he needs a pill to help his memory. I have a pill for you, Husband. Would you like to eat my pill?"
I left as quickly as I could.