Setup / World-building
Location: Planet Tinan-555 — an artificial world that looks like an enormous opened tuna can drifting in space.
Its "atmosphere" is oil. Its mountains are compressed flakes of mystery meat. Its core hums like a pressure cooker that's been left on since creation.
Legend: Inside the planet's sealed inner layer lies the A555 Wagyu — a cut so perfect it regenerates after every slice.
Rumor says the Federation used it once to season a black hole.
Opening Scene
The Manny Express shuttle lands with a slurp.
Oil geysers pop around it like angry adobo.
Manny steps out, fists wrapped, apron flapping like a cape.
MANNY:
"Smells like lunch and destiny."
EWAN (covering nose):
"Smells like someone microwaved regret."
The ground trembles—each step squishing under their boots with the plork of canned tuna.
Manny points ahead: a glimmering mountain shaped like a can opener.
"That's the seal. Inside—that's where the meat sleeps."
Meanwhile, in orbit
Arin & Lira watch from the Cooking Cable Van.
Arin's spoon clinks against a coffee mug.
ARIN:
"I give them fifteen minutes before they get marinated."
LIRA:
"They'll be fine. Manny can punch gravity."
ARIN:
"Exactly my point."
Scene 1 — The Oil Fields of Doom
They trek through shimmering rivers of fish oil.
Every gust smells like a thousand fried breakfasts.
EWAN:
"Why is everything slippery?"
MANNY:
"It builds leg strength."
He promptly slips.
Out of the oil rise Tuna Golems—creatures made of compacted flakes and seasoning crystals.
They flop aggressively.
MANNY:
"Finally, something I can tenderize!"
He uppercuts one; it explodes into mayo.
Ewan screams, slips again, and lands mouth-first into a pile of onion rings.
EWAN (muffled):
"Still better than my ex's cooking."
Scene 2 — The Can-Opener Temple
They reach a gigantic chrome fortress shaped like an industrial can opener.
On its gates, glowing script reads:
"Only those who dare to over-season may enter."
Manny grins. "My time has come."
He dumps a kilo of salt onto the gate. It hisses open.
Inside, a massive platform with a suspended tuna can the size of a moon.
Holographic fish swim through the air, whispering old Federation recipes.
EWAN:
"Bro… we're inside a sandwich ad."
Scene 3 — The A555 Wagyu
They approach the sealed chamber.
At its center floats a slab of meat glowing crimson-gold, marbled like galaxies.
It hums—low, steady, hypnotic.
Manny's fists tighten. "So it's true."
EWAN:
"Is it… breathing?"
Manny snorts. "Not for long."
He throws a punch—
—but the meat blocks.
The impact sends shockwaves through the oil atmosphere.
The beef shifts shape—a Guardian Cow made of cosmic muscle and sizzling fat.
Its eyes drip molten gravy.
COW:
"Mooooove, mortal."
MANNY (grinning):
"I've fought hungrier opponents."
They clash—meat and knuckles colliding like drums.
Each hit releases the scent of barbecue and starfire.
Oil rain starts to fall; the planet rumbles.
Scene 4 — Interference
From orbit, Arin watches the readings spike.
ARIN:
"They're fighting steak again, aren't they?"
LIRA:
"Yup."
ARIN:
"...Should we help?"
LIRA:
"Or film it for views."
They broadcast live. The Cooking Cable feed goes viral across galaxies.
Comments flood in:
"Earth chefs unhinged again!!!"
"That meat slapped back???"
Scene 5 — Victory (Sort of)
Manny channels all his strength—The Thousand Tenderize Blows.
With one last punch, he cracks the cow's flank.
A piece of the A555 Wagyu falls, steaming.
The Guardian snorts.
"Take it. But know this—flavor has consequences."
Then it dissolves into gravy mist.
Manny stands panting, meat in hand.
Ewan faints halfway through trying to take a selfie.
Scene 6 — Back on the Ship
Arin slices a sliver of the glowing Wagyu and pan-sears it.
The aroma fills the cabin—sweet, smoky, transcendent.
LIRA:
"Smells… divine."
ARIN:
"Don't say divine. Last time someone said that, a space pope showed up."
They taste it—
—and the ship's AI bursts into tears.
AI:
"Flavor level: illegal. Federation alert triggered."
Sirens wail.
A broadcast message appears:
"Unauthorized Cooking Detected. Chef Ninang Rye Approaching."
Arin sighs. "Great. The gossip godmother's back."
End Hook
Manny clutches the glowing cut.
"Whatever happens next, this meat's worth it."
Lira shakes her head.
"We just declared war on the galaxy over a steak."
Arin smirks.
"Then let's make it medium rare."
Next Chapter 6 — "The Return of Ninang Rye — Gossip, Gravy & Galactic Debt."