Keziah (28 years old)
"I am the queen of the Daril Kingdom! I am your lawfully wedded wife! How dare you accuse me of trying to kill your mistress's son?! I don't even know what the little bastard looks like. I have been planning for the upcoming New Year's ball. When would I have had time to concoct a plan to kill the brat?"
As I pace in front of my husband's desk he sits behind the desk holding his mistress and her son in his lap. They both shrink away from me as if I might leap across the desk to harm them. Weak—they are so weak. How does Halcyon intend to protect them when they are so soft? They will not survive long in the palace if they don't find their spines. I sneer at them, feeling nothing but disgust for the two frailties my husband has cultivated.
"Sit down, Keziah. Your pacing is scaring Renee and Verron. Also, keep your voice down—you're giving me a headache with all your screeching."
His ever-cold tone makes me pause, and I settle myself and my skirts on the sofa. My whole life, he has been nothing but cold toward me—cold, dismissive, distant, and annoyed. Looking at the perfect image of a family they present before me, I can't help feeling bitter and hateful. I gave up so much to be his wife. I kept my distance from my family, as he requested. To this day, I hate him for making me choose him over them. I made myself so isolated from them that I didn't even discover until someone expressed their condolences to me at a royal banquet that they all died in a fire three months prior.
I handle palace and diplomatic matters competently. I've kept no lover, for I never wanted him to question my love. My fists clench in my dress as I try to appear calm despite my exhaustion and frustration.
I was unruly and willful in my youth, and when I tried to change for the better, no one believed I wasn't up to my old tricks. I regret much about my path to becoming first crown princess and then queen. But I did it all for him. I believed I was the best person to stand at his side. I've wanted nothing but to stand there since our first meeting all those years ago. But now, I see all my efforts meant nothing.
Every week, another responsibility is taken from me and given to her. And now, everyone says I poisoned the child my husband sired with her. After all these years, no one trusts me, and no one is on my side. I hang my head with my eyes closed, unable to bear looking at what should be me and my child with him. He only slept with me on our wedding night to consummate the marriage. He has not spent a night in my bed since.
"Now that you have settled down, I will inform you of your sentence for your attempt on Verron's life. You will be stripped of your title as queen. You will sign this divorce agreement and agree to spend the rest of your life in seclusion far away in the barren hills. I am sparing your life to show honor to the once-great House of Casimir, the Lord Protectors of the Realm. You will die there alone for all the sins you have committed. Karma has finally come for you, Keziah."
My husband spoke slowly and calmly. Yet, having known him for so long, I know he is truly angry despite appearances. I am shocked. Has no trust been built between us after all this time?
"You won't even investigate. You're just going to take their word that somehow, despite being busy and trying to hold everything together since you HAVE BEEN PLAYING HOUSE WITH THAT WOMAN AND HER SON, I had the time and energy to plot the death of your son?! Think, Halcyon. Bloody think for one second and realize that his death would gain me nothing. Why would I try to kill him?"
I pleaded for reason in this unreasonable situation. I prayed that just this once, he would fail to disappoint me.
"I don't need to find a reason for your psychotic games. You know why you did what you did. You should be thankful that Renee is so forgiving and pleaded for your exile instead of your death."
The tender look he gives her—a look he has never given me. The kiss on her head and her son's head—a gesture I never received no matter how hard I tried for him. I was never going to be his choice. I wasted my whole life for his love. I did so many things in my attempt to gain his love.
"It was all for nothing."
I laughed and kept laughing. Loud and uncontrolled, my tears flowed. Somehow, I ended up on the floor. Reaching into my pocket as my laughter calmed down, I looked around the room to see soldiers, officials, servants, and nobility all around me. Watching with various expressions. With a smile and a salute, I tipped back my head and drank the poison.
"NO! What have you done, Keziah? Why have you chosen to die like this? You were finally going to be free of this place. I was going to …"
Someone held me, crying over my dying body. I couldn't hear or see them clearly. I don't remember the last time someone held me like this. It's nice to feel cared for as I leave this world. I'm so tired and deserve rest no matter what they all think of me. I wasn't who they thought I was.
I made mistakes but made up for them a hundred times over. They couldn't see beyond their misconceptions. Only one person outside my family ever really believed in me. I rarely got to see him because of his position. He decided to be an ambassador and often met with his brother, the king, when he returned before leaving again. Only on occasion would he spend half a day with me before he departed. I miss him.
His letters were the main reason I hadn't used this bottle of poison I kept on me before now. His letters helped me become a queen who could help our kingdom prosper when my husband chose to not care. I wonder if this is him holding me now. He promised he would always come see me on my birthday every year so I wouldn't have to spend it alone. Today is my birthday so I hope my only friend in the world is here with me at the end. With a sigh and smile on my lips, I released my last breath.
Here I come, family. I've missed you, and I'm sorry I wasn't a better daughter and sister.