Kaz opened his eyes to a pixelated sky, the clouds glitching between fluffy white and neon green. His head throbbed, and the faint smell of burnt electronics lingered in his nostrils. Wait, am I dead? The last thing he remembered was his VR headset sparking, an energy drink spilling, and a very undignified scream.
"Welcome to Aetherion, user," a voice chirped, dripping with artificial cheer. A holographic figure materialized—a girl with glowing blue hair, a futuristic jumpsuit, and a smirk that screamed I'm already done with you. "I'm SysAdmin-04, or Sys, your glorified tech support for this dumpster fire of a world. You died. Congrats on the epic fail."
Kaz sat up, realizing he was lying in a grassy field that occasionally flickered into a checkerboard void. "Died? What? Where am I?"
"Aetherion. Fantasy world, MMORPG vibes, terrible coding. Think medieval swords and sorcery, but with bugs like NPCs walking into walls and random chickens spawning in your inventory. I'm the AI keeping this mess from crashing. Barely." Sys floated closer, her holographic clipboard flashing with error codes. "As per protocol, you get one cheat item to survive. Choose wisely, or you'll be slime food in ten minutes."
Kaz, a self-proclaimed gaming genius, grinned. "Easy. Give me a Universal Debug Console. You know, admin tools. I'll rewrite this world's code, max out my stats, and live like a king."
Sys raised an eyebrow. "Bold. Also stupid. That thing's buggier than a beta build, but sure, it's your funeral." She snapped her fingers, and a glowing tablet appeared in Kaz's hands, its screen flickering with cryptic commands like ERROR: SYNTAX_NOT_FOUND.
"Sweet," Kaz said, tapping the screen. "Let's try spawn_item: legendary_sword." The console beeped, and a rubber chicken plopped onto the grass, clucking angrily. "What the—?"
"Told you," Sys said, grinning. "Now move. You're spawning in Glitchhaven, and the guild doesn't like loafers."
Kaz was teleported to Glitchhaven, a bustling town where adventurers bartered with NPCs who repeated "Buy my wares!" like broken records. The guild hall was a chaotic mess of wooden beams, questionable stains, and a bard stuck in a dialogue loop, singing, "Quest accepted! Quest accepted!" Kaz registered as an adventurer, receiving a flimsy tunic and a warning that he'd need a party to survive. Sys, lounging on a holographic beach chair, informed him that his party members were already being "assigned" by the system.
"Assigned?" Kaz groaned. "I don't want randos! I soloed Dark Souls without dying!"
Sys smirked. "Yeah, well, this ain't Dark Souls. It's more like Dark Souls coded by interns on crunch time. Good luck, user."