"He's actually cooperating!"
A flicker of relief and vindication sparked within Hiruzen Sarutobi's pained heart. It seemed his former student wasn't completely lost to the darkness; when faced with a common, village-level threat, even Orochimaru could make the rational choice.
With their temporary alliance forged in mutual terror, the two unleashed their jutsu with full, desperate power. Hiruzen's Earth Release: Swamp of the Underworld expanded violently, its murky, churning diameter doubling in an instant. The solid tiles beneath Namikaze Raimon's feet instantly dissolved into a sucking, bottomless mire.
"So, the Hokage himself has no intention of letting me leave peacefully," Raimon mused, his expression darkening into a sinister scowl.
It was becoming painfully clear.
Even after his death, the political currents in Konoha had flowed in a way that made his existence… inconvenient. He had a sinking feeling that Minato's life had followed its tragic course despite his warnings.
As he slowly began to sink into the grasping mud, not a single trace of worry crossed his face. Instead, a familiar, predatory grin returned.
"If you want me dead, Old Man, then you'll have to experience the same 'treatment' I gave Ōnoki of Iwagakure!"
Trapping him was a fool's errand. To think a swamp and some snakes could hold a master of the Flying Thunder God Technique was pure arrogance.
"Flying Thunder God Technique!"
In a flash of yellow, Raimon vanished from the swamp just as it closed over his head. Orochimaru's Hidden Shadow Snake Hands struck nothing but empty, churning mud.
The air distorted behind Hiruzen Sarutobi.
"Sensei! Behind you!" Orochimaru shouted, his voice uncharacteristically sharp with alarm.
Hiruzen's head whipped around, his blood running cold. Namikaze Raimon was already in mid-air, his body coiled for a devastating kick, his leg a blur of motion aimed with surgical precision.
"Nani?!"
"Hiden Gokui Taijutsu Ougi! Urutoraman Hishō Kyaku: Dansei no Jinzō no Akumu!"
(Ultimate Secret Taijutsu Technique! Ultraman Flying Kick: The Nightmare of a Man's Kidneys!)
BAM!
The kick connected squarely with a sickening thud, the force concentrated on Hiruzen's lower back. The impact sent the aging Hokage flying like a ragdoll. He crashed through several of the thick trees Hashirama had created, splintering wood and groaning in agony before finally slamming to a halt against a larger trunk.
"Guh… Cough! Cough!"
Hiruzen hacked, a spatter of blood dotting the ground before him. A white-hot, searing pain erupted from his kidney area, so intense it drained the color from his face. He tried to push himself up, to regain his stance, but the sharp, nauseating agony forced him to double over, dry heaving against the tree.
Namikaze Raimon landed lightly a distance away, a look of mock concern on his face. "Yare yare~ Sarutobi-jiji? What's wrong? You're looking a little green around the gills. Could it be… you're pregnant?"
"Y-You demon…" Hiruzen managed to gasp, his body trembling. Now he truly, viscerally understood why the Tsuchikage, Ōnoki, had developed a chronic back problem and a deep-seated phobia of blond men. This wasn't just pain; it was a violation of one's very core.
Through the blinding hurt, one coherent thought managed to surface. Thank the Shinigami… the reinforced plate held. My backside, at least, is safe.
"You insolent whelp! Attacking the reigning Hokage! Such treachery!" Senju Tobirama's reanimated form pointed an accusatory finger, a smug, disdainful look in his cold, red eyes. "It seems your allegiances are as questionable as those of the cursed Uchiha clan!"
Namikaze Raimon blinked, utterly flabbergasted.
"What the—? How in the world did you make that connection?!" He stared at the Nidaime. "Are you senile, or were you just born with a Uchiha-shaped stick up your—?" He cut himself off.
If Tobirama weren't an immortal Edo body, he'd be introducing him to the full, agonizing portfolio of his stone-based medical ninjutsu right then and there.
Seeing Hiruzen taken out of the fight in a single, brutal move, Orochimaru's face darkened considerably. He silently commanded Hashirama and Tobirama to move in front of him, forming a defensive line. The only one present who could potentially match Raimon's impossible speed was the jutsu's creator himself, Senju Tobirama.
"Do not celebrate prematurely, Raimon-san," Orochimaru hissed, his confidence in his ultimate technique still flickering. "You are about to face the two most powerful Hokage in Konoha's history!"
He had to believe that. Namikaze Raimon was a monster, but the Shodai and Nidaime were legends. His Edo Tensei, while imperfect, should still be more than enough to handle one rogue element.
"Pin him down!" Orochimaru commanded, his voice a hoarse rasp.
In response, Hashirama simply clapped his hands together. The very forest he had created on the rooftop stirred to life. Thick, powerful tree roots, moving with the speed of striking pythons, erupted from the ground and snaked through the air, aiming to ensnare the yellow flash.
"Such a waste of potential," Raimon muttered, shaking his head in genuine disappointment. Orochimaru's research talents were, arguably, the greatest in the world. But by controlling these legends like puppets, he was stifling their true, instinctual combat genius. If they were fighting freely, this would be a much more serious challenge.
"Flying Thunder God Technique!"
"Flying Thunder God Technique!"
Two identical declarations echoed simultaneously. Both Raimon and Tobirama vanished from their positions in a blur of space-time ninjutsu, reappearing in the same instant behind a startled Orochimaru.
Clang! Thud! Bam!
Tobirama's forearm blocked Raimon's kick. What followed was a breathtaking display of high-speed taijutsu, a flurry of blows and parries too fast for the normal eye to follow. It was a contest of skill, speed, and centuries of combat experience.
"You know," Raimon grunted, ignoring a punch that shattered his jaw—only for it to instantly reform from swirling ash, "this Edo Tensei body is incredibly convenient!" He retaliated by driving his fist straight through Tobirama's chest, the paper-like substance tearing and then immediately beginning to repair itself. "This is the proper way to brawl! No holding back!"
"This madman… he fights with no regard for the rules of combat!" Tobirama's grimace deepened, his mind flashing back to the soul-deep pain still echoing from his earlier injury. This was not a dignified fight between shinobi; it was a street brawl with a specter.
"Wind Release · Lightning Release Secret Ultimate Taijutsu Technique! Thousand-Year Fire Dragon Thunderbolt Spiral Drill!!"
The dreaded, high-pitched whirring filled the air once more. Seeing the crackling electric drill form in Raimon's palm, Tobirama felt a phantom, yet very real, pain lance through his being. His legendary composure finally shattered.
"Brother! Help!" he yelled, his will overpowering Orochimaru's control for a split second as he used the Flying Thunder God to instantly teleport behind his older brother, using the Shodai as a human shield.
"Hehehe~ Is it really that scary?" Raimon's grin was wicked. Seeing the mighty Nidaime Hokage flee from his signature technique was deeply satisfying. His gaze then slid from the cowering Tobirama to land squarely on Orochimaru, making the Snake Sannin's skin crawl.
"Perfect. Now it's your turn for a taste!"
"Flying Thunder God: Drill!"
He vanished. Before Orochimaru's enhanced reflexes could even process the movement, Raimon had materialized behind him. The blindingly fast, electrically charged drill was already making contact with its intended target.
ZZZAP-THWACK!
Orochimaru's body convulsed, his legs buckling as an unimaginable pain, both physical and spiritual, erupted from his nether regions. With a strangled, guttural cry that was half-hiss, half-roar, he was sent spinning through the air like a discarded toy, crashing into a large tree next to the still-recovering Hiruzen. The back of his pants was visibly scorched and torn.
...
"O-Orochimaru was defeated… in one move?!" Kakashi Hatake muttered, his single visible eye wide with disbelief.
"One of Konoha's Legendary Sannin… beaten so decisively!" Might Guy's jaw was on the floor, but it was quickly replaced by a blazing fire of excitement. "SUCH PASSION! SUCH YOUTHFUL POWER! A REAL MAN'S BATTLE IS DECIDED WITH FISTS AND KICKS!"
"So this… this is the power of the demon who haunted the entire shinobi world," Kakashi whispered, his expression grim. If this man had survived the Third War, what nation would have ever dared to raise a hand against Konoha? And who within the village would have ever dared to speak ill of his father, the White Fang?
...
Inside the barrier, Orochimaru lay on the ground, his body twitching, his face a mask of pure, unadulterated agony.
"So… this is why… the survivors of his techniques… chose suicide…" he rasped, each word a struggle. "This pain… is not meant for mortal beings to endure!"
He coughed, blood trickling from his lips. "But… I… am no mere mortal!"
Then, in a display that was both fascinating and utterly grotesque, his jaw unhinged. A pale, mucus-covered arm emerged from his own throat, prying the mouth open wider. Slowly, a completely new, fully-formed Orochimaru crawled out of the old one's mouth, leaving a sloughed-off skin-suit behind.
"Every time I see that, it never fails to be utterly repulsive," Namikaze Raimon commented, his eye twitching in disgust. He fought down a wave of nausea at the sight of the new Orochimaru, glistening with amniotic fluid.
"How do you like that?" Orochimaru taunted, his new vocal cords still raspy as he used his long tongue to lick the mucus from his face. "I've dedicated years to studying the secrets of life and death! So what if a body is damaged? I am eternal!"
This damn snake lady… does she have to be so vile? Raimon internally complained. He had to admit, however, that Orochimaru had found a truly unique path to cheat death.
The look Orochimaru now gave Raimon was one layered with a new, profound layer of fear. The memory of that pain was now seared into his very soul, a chilling sensation that made his new body's backside feel unnervingly vulnerable.
"You truly are an unkillable cockroach," Raimon stated, his voice a mix of genuine revulsion and reluctant admiration.
"I, Namikaze Raimon, hereby bestow upon you the title: The Shinobi World's Immortal Cockroach!"