Woke up with the worst headache known to mankind.
Like, if migraines were a sport, I'd be breaking Olympic records right now.My ears were ringing, my skull was pounding, and I wasn't even aware of where I was, or how completely un-cute I looked while being half-dead on the ground.
It took me a good thirty minutes to realize one horrifying truth:I wasn't in L.A. anymore.
(Imagine me trying to take a selfie right now: #IntoTheWoods #SendHelp #LoveNatureMyAss)
"But seriously… where the hell am I?" I muttered, reaching for my phone.No service.No bars.No Wi-Fi.No civilization.
This was the end.
And this wouldn't have happened If only I'd stayed home.
If only I'd listened to my instincts instead of playing sidekick to a bunch of mad scientists.Note to self: next time your gut says don't go, maybe don't go.
While my brain tried to reboot, I heard voices.Two women. Arguing. Coming closer.
Except, they weren't speaking English.Or Spanish.Or any language I'd ever heard in my life.
"The hell kinda science onion ring portal did they toss me into?" I whispered.
I crouched low and hid behind a rock near a waterfall. Not because I looked bad, please, I'm still a twenty-first-century baddie, but because I was not about to be seen dressed like a time-traveling fashion disaster.
The women came closer. Fetching water from the stream, dressed in those long, layered outfits that looked straight out of a museum exhibit.
"Great," I muttered. "Either I'm in a historical reenactment… or I've actually lost my damn mind."
I started scanning for a better hiding spot. The ground was slick with moss, the air heavy and cold, but damn—the scenery was beautiful. Calm. Like one of those nature paintings you'd scroll past online, pretending to be deep.
Then the younger girl got too close to my cave.Asian. Long, silky black hair. Big curious eyes. Dimples. She had that baby deer in a meadow kind of innocence.
And, of course, she had to be adorable while I looked like I'd wrestled a raccoon.
Her mother, at least I assumed that's who she was, called out something sharp, probably a "stay close!" kind of warning. The girl waved her off and wandered toward a tree instead.
A cherry blossom tree.Pink petals fluttered down like confetti.
My chest tightened.Cherry blossoms.
Japan? No. I would understand a little.
China? Maybe.
What other Asia country has cherry blossoms.
And then it hit me, Korea?
Ohhh-no.
No, no, no, this can't be real.
The one Asia country I try not to pay attention to.
This must be a fucking Joke
Then the universe decided to spice things up with a snake.
A big one.Slithering right toward her feet.
"Hell no," I hissed, bursting from my hiding spot before I could think.
The girl screamed.The snake lunged.I swung a broken branch like a sword, heart pounding in my throat.
Of course, she looked more scared of me than the damn snake.I gave her my friendliest smile, big teeth and all.Bad idea. She flinched like I'd flashed fangs.
The snake struck again, fast as lightning.I yanked her behind me.My camping reflexes kicked in, thank you, Camp Blue Ridge Survival Week. And with one wild swing, I flung that scaly bastard straight off the cliff.
Victory lasted three seconds.
The ground cracked beneath us.We both went down.
I twisted mid-fall, trying to shield her. My head hit something hard. Stars exploded behind my eyes.
When I came to, she was still staring at me, wide-eyed, trembling, her hands clutching her skirts.
"I'm not gonna hurt you," I whispered, motioning with my hands.Universal sign language: Peace, chill, not a murderer.
She didn't understand a word, but she stopped backing away.
Then I felt it.Something warm sliding down my neck.
Blood.
"Shit." My knees buckled. My vision blurred.
The girl's expression shifted from fear to concern. She took a cautious step forward. I could barely make out her voice, soft, melodic, foreign.
The world tilted sideways.I stumbled back.
My heel slipped on the wet stone.Light fractured.
And before everything went black again, I muttered:"Hell no… not again."
The last thing I saw was the cherry blossoms spinning above me like pink stars.
What the hell does the universe want from me?
I swear, science is gonna pay for this.