Suddenly, what they were doing wasn't so scary… and it was beginning to feel really
good, too.
His mouth lifted to hers and he kissed her once more, pumping his tongue sloppily into her mouth. It was clear Sea was only a little more experienced than she was at this, but they learned together how to properly French in those minutes, even as one of his fingers entered her and began slowly pumping back and forth.
At some unspoken signal, his hand moved out of her and the sound of his trouser zip coming down was loud in the silent room. The sharp rasping noise brought her back to reality better than a bucket of ice water would have. She was actually going to have sex with him, here, tonight, wasn't she? Her thighs quaked at the thought. Sure, she'd been daring and brave earlier when he'd suggested they try this, but now she wasn't so sure she was ready.
There was absolutely no time to tell Sea any of this, though, as he quickly spread her legs apart, and using his hand, lined his penis up with her opening. Right as she was about to tell him, "maybe we should wait," he thrust. A series of hard shoves followed, as he tunnelled into her virginal channel, opening her wide and splitting her hymen with a powerful shove. Lavender bit her lip to keep from screaming at the searing pain that followed the loss of her innocence, whimpering instead as he inelegantly moved in and out of her at a fast pace.
Godric, this was nothing like she'd expected. She'd known it would hurt the first time, but this was just… terrible. She felt absolutely no pleasure from the act whatsoever.
To her relief, however, it was quickly over. Sea groaned around a kiss, and then stiffened with a cry, his back arching, his hips rolling forward one more time. He came inside her, but she couldn't feel it. Wasn't it supposed to feel warm? Gooey? Sticky? There was nothing except the feeling of being stretched too far, and an ache in her hip bones. When he was spent, he collapsed on top of her, breathing hard.
When he finally recovered a bit of his strength and sanity, there were some kisses, and his arms came around her, but Lavender felt oddly disconnected to what she'd just experienced, as if it had happened to someone else. Her arms refused to obey her mind's command to hug him back, and her lips felt too cold to move. She was numbed by shock.
Her first time had been absolutely horridnot at all the romantic moment she'd imagined.
Abruptly, Seamus pulled out of her body, and it was then that she finally felt the rush of warm fluids as they followed in the wake of his quick withdrawal. Her body was too tender and her pelvis too sore for her to sit up just then, so all she could do was watch as Sea stumbled around, getting re-dressed. When he was presentable, he murmured a series of repeat apologies, and then he turned and left.
He just… left.
How could it have gone so wrong?
Lavender flinched from the memory of what had come after.
Once the dazed astonishment had worn off, the tears had come. They had been scalding and bitter, and her accompanying sobs had been loud. Yet, even in the middle of her regretful snuffling, she'd found a moment of unexpected pleasure: a series of rolling, electric shocks–tiny fingers of stroking, erotic pleasure–had come upon her without warning, caressing up and down her spinal column with a pressure that had had her whole body tightening up. Her eyes had rolled back in her head as the sudden, overwhelming sensation had riotously ridden her every sense, and a moment later, she'd orgasmed. The warm, lovely feeling of peaking, flying, and finally melting had hovered around her senses for a few minutes after that, until eventually the cold of the room had seeped back into her tired bones, and with it had returned hateful reality.
Instead of giving her a sense of peaceful satisfaction and closure, that bizarre, after-the-fact climax she'd experienced that night had only served to remind her of how deficient her first sexual experience had truly been. Her body had been so shocked by what Sea had done to her that it had actually delayed her ability to come! She still felt that to be a totally fucked-up reaction.
She'd gotten up after that and cast the Contraceptive and Disease Charm on her belly, as taught by Madam Pomfrey in her Health and Healing Class. The stinging pain between her legs and the heavy throbbing in her hips had been sheer torture to endure all the way back to her dorm, but it had been a toss-up to say whether it was physical or emotional pain that hurt worse then. It had been especially difficult not to feel so wounded by the feel of Sea's sperm, deposited so casually and indifferently into her just minutes before, finally dripping down her thighs as she'd done the 'walk of shame' back to her bed.
As she'd lain down to sleep in her room later that night, she'd berated herself for having had sex for the first time on the spur of the moment - and all because she'd been hot for Finnigan, and he'd been able to talk her into taking such a big step with a few lush kisses. An even bigger blow was when she'd had to admit the fact that in walking out on her as he had, Seamus had let her know that she'd meant nothing more to him than a hole to fill. As she'd feared, she'd been only a bet for him to win with Dean Thomas. The crush she'd had for the Irish literally did as the name suggested then, and she'd cried to sleep that night.
Her sorrow over the one-off affair didn't abate for quite a long time for her, either. The painful lead weight of regret and the major blow to her pride at being so thoroughly used had continued to press down on her ribcage and linger over her shoulders for months after. Finally, time did its usual favour and abated the worst of it, but it had taken almost two years.
After that, she'd vowed never to be used by another man. If there was to be sexual servicing going on, it would be on her terms. Yes, sir, Lavender Brown had decided to become a take-charge kind of girl when it came to her sexuality, and there was no way in the seven layers of Hell that she'd let a man overwhelm her in that arena ever again–especially the likes of Seamus whore-mongering Finnigan!
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