Chapter 17: Trust
Kyle knew exactly what Killua was going through.
The Nen needle, personally implanted by Illumi, was still buried deep in his mind like a vicious curse.
It acted as an over-sensitive alarm. Whenever Killua faced an opponent he rationally assessed as "troublesome"—even if they were equal or weaker—the needle would scream. It twisted his judgment into a paralyzing, irrational fear, forcibly activating his most basic instinct: Run.
Kyle had considered just telling Killua the truth.
But every time the thought surfaced, he pushed it back down. Removing it too early might offer temporary freedom, but it would also rob Killua of the chance to forge a truly unbreakable will by conquering that fear himself.
His "suggestion" to bring Illumi wasn't a real plan—that would be inviting disaster. It was a calculated provocation. A dose of strong medicine for Killua's psyche.
Killua understood his older brother, down to his very bones.
Illumi's suffocating need for control was the darkest shadow of his childhood. He could still vividly remember the time he'd tried to speak to another child his age. Illumi, without a change in expression, had simply... erased that child's life.
That moment had been carved into his heart with an ice pick. It taught him that any "accident," any deviation from the path Illumi had set for him, would be met with ruthless elimination.
Now, he had finally broken free—with his father Silva's tacit approval—like a bird escaping its cage, greedily breathing the air of freedom.
He never wanted to face Illumi again. Not that nightmare.
Even knowing his brother's strength and ability would make him a powerhouse in this new world, he wanted no part of it. The rejection was visceral, instinctive, soul-deep.
"Killua, I know what you're resisting."
Kyle's voice pulled Killua from the cold memory.
"You're afraid of Illumi. But deep down, it's just because your power can't match his yet. That's why he can suppress you so easily."
"But have you ever thought about it? If, one day, your strength surpasses his, that fear will just... disappear."
Kyle's gaze was burning. "A shadow is only a shadow because your back is to it. The only way to truly defeat it is to turn around and face it."
...Face the shadow... to defeat it?
The words struck a deep chord in Killua.
But the instant that thought formed, a sharp, piercing pain shot through his skull.
Illumi's face, emotionless and doll-like, flashed in his mind. His cold, inhuman voice echoed like a broken record:
[Don't try to resist... Don't face an opponent you can't beat... Don't resist... Don't resist...]
The voice had a bizarre, hypnotic power, dissolving the fragile courage he had just gathered.
"Killua?! What's wrong?!" Gon was the first to notice. Killua was clutching his head, his knuckles white. A fine, cold sweat beaded on his forehead.
"Kyle!" Gon looked over, his eyes filled with worry and confusion.
Kyle silently shook his head, his gaze never leaving Killua. He knew what was happening. This was a fog Killua had to walk through alone.
"I... I'm fine..." Killua panted, trying to calm the storm in his mind.
He knew, with his assassin's intuition, that this was not normal.
The moment he had the will to "resist," the pain and fear flooded in. The moment he gave up, it all receded.
That precise, terrifying mechanism...
"It's Nen!" Killua's head snapped up, his blue eyes flashing with a mix of dawning realization and pure rage. "Kyle, did Illumi plant Nen in me? Just now, when I thought about 'facing' him, my head was full of his voice, ordering me not to resist! The more I try to fight, the more it hurts, and the more scared I get!"
Seeing that Killua had figured it out himself, Kyle's eyes showed a flicker of approval.
He nodded, his voice calm, as if stating a simple fact.
"You're right. As far as I know, Illumi is a Manipulator. He uses Nen needles. He must have implanted a special one in your brain. Its purpose is to force you to abandon the fight and run, no matter what, whenever you judge a situation as 'dangerous'."
He paused, glancing at the now-tense Gon. "And in the future... if Gon or I were in a life-or-death situation... that needle might forcibly take over your will, and make you... abandon us, and save yourself."
The words hit the deck like a cannonball.
Killua froze, as if struck by lightning. Abandon Gon? Abandon Kyle? Run away... alone?
That's... that's impossible!
He believed, with all his heart, that Gon was his light. That he would die for his friends!
And yet... the uncontrollable fear, the overwhelming, forced impulse to run... it was so real. For the first time, he felt a profound, terrifying doubt about his own mind.
"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Gon suddenly stepped in front of Killua, like a porcupine flaring its quills, glaring at Kyle. "I trust Killua! He would never do that! Kyle, you're taking this too far!"
Feeling Gon's absolute, unconditional, sun-hot trust at his back, a warmth flooded Killua's chest.
Kyle didn't flinch from Gon's anger. His voice was even steadier.
"Gon, trust is an emotion. Nen is a rule. There are some things you can't overcome with willpower alone. The only thing that defeats fear is facing fear. If Killua can't even stand the thought of facing it, how can you guarantee that needle won't twist his will when a real crisis hits?"
"I trust him!" Gon's answer was instant, his eyes clear and firm. "I don't care what you say, I trust Killua! Besides... you're saying all this, Kyle... but you believe in him too, don't you?!"
Looking into Gon's eyes, which seemed to see through every lie, the corner of Kyle's mouth finally curled into the faintest of smiles.
Of course. This was Gon. Once his trust was given, it was as unshakeable as a mountain.