You know, for a very long time, i thought I'd have an somewhat decent life, despite all my struggles & Pain and suffering, i always knew i could always come back to her, she would comfort me, she would tell me it's okay and that everything will be alright, even if it wasn't going to be alright...
Her smile made me so happy, it was just having a beer after an long day at work, the moment you drank that beer, you felt like everything was going to be fine, that's what her smile was for me, an cure to my illness, a way for me to somehow justify living in this world. But watching her lose that smile even if it was an for second, made my whole world shatter, i wish i could go back and ask her to marry me, ask her to stop working at that bar, ask her to stop worrying about me and let me worry about her. I wish, i could take it all back. But i can't, because this cruel world took her away from me. All i can see was her smile, the moment before she died, it was repeating all over my head, and her words repeating to me..
"I want you to find happiness, I want to you to smile"
These words were repeating in my head, again and again. I just want them to stop, i don't want to go through all that pain again, I'll do anything to make it stop, but at the same time, i was burning with rage, this world took everything away from me. The only good thing that was still left of this world was taken away from me by force, i worked hard, i demanded nothing from this world, all i ever asked for was that she was by my side forever, but this world doesn't reward the good, it only rewards the evil. So I've made up my mind, if i live long enough to see another day, I'll dedicate my life to finding peace & happiness, I'll be as selfish as humanly possible, screw being nice, it doesn't give you anything at the end anyway, i want to live for myself, live up to her expectations, to live life the way she always wanted, To find true happiness, To live up to my potential.
Drowning in that black ocean, I could feel the water on my body, i knew i was drowning, but i was unable to die ,it felt weird, like I'm falling down into a void but at the same time, i was floating, i had never felt something like this before in my entire life, is this what death is all about? floating in complete darkness with no one around you, though it felt like forever to me, to my brain it felt like if only two minutes had passed.
I wonder if this is how she felt when she died, was she floating in complete darkness with no one around her as well?, Was she lonely at the end? She suffered in her life as well but still choose to follow her own path, yet in the end, she was all alone.
If i had died a second before, perhaps i could've met her before we parted ways, one last time, maybe i could've felt the warmth of her hands, maybe i could've felt the softness of her lips, perhaps she'd get concerned about me again, saying how reckless I'm for doing what i did, or she'd hug me and never let go. But the reality was that i was drowning, at least that's what it felt like, my ears were full of water, I felt like my hearing was muffled but at the same time, i could hear everything perfectly, as if someone was controlling the environment around me. Despite how quiet it was, it felt like someone was watching over me from afar, someone who knew what i was going through, from the outside i had no emotions, but deep inside i was afraid, what was going to happen with me now? Was is this feeling i have right now?, so many questions, but due to how lonely and quiet it was in this black ocean.
I had so much time to think about what i really wanted in life, it felt like an eternity, drifting into nothingness. I relived the moment i lost it all, tormenting myself, my hatred was fueling my passion for vengeance, to make humanity suffer, to make those rats, who choose to be ignorant, acknowledge my existence. My thoughts were never this clear before, that burning rage in my heart, my hatred, were all i could feel.
That emptiness was truly something, the peace and quiet, it was like a dream come true but without the happy ending part, it was like experiencing an infinite loop of hell, You're all alone and there's no one there to comfort you, who knew dying would be such an boring experience, i was about to completely accept my fate, to come terms with my demise. Till i heard the voice....
"Do you wish to see the world burn?, Do make those who wronged you suffer"
To Become darkness itself?" The Voice said
The voice sounded feminine, Her voice was warm, comforting, i felt like i was talking to Noora, even if it was for a second, hearing her voice meant the world to me, I never knew that i could be this emotional, i had accepted my fate from the beginning, to come in terms with pain & suffering, so emotions were something i rarely experienced. But today i was so glad to experienced those emotions, since honestly, i wish i could've used these same emotions in the past to express my love to her, to say that i want her to marry me, that she was my whole world. This voice made me feel better, like this wasn't the end of my journey, perhaps i could start all over again? perhaps i could find her again? i had so many questions i wanted to ask but the voice stopped talking, like she was waiting for an answer...
The emptiness and the loneliness started getting to me again, i had accepted my fate but i saw a shiver of hope, maybe i wasn't doomed Afterall. I tried asking her questions, hoping she'd answer.
"Where am i? Who are you? What is this place?"
"You sound so similar to Noora, do you know her?"
"Do you have any idea how long I've been here?"
"Am i really dead? Or am i just dreaming?" I Questioned Her
So many questions i had in my mind, The voice choose not to answer any of them, Perhaps she was only interested in getting the answer to her questions? could she be looking for the right answers? This whole thing was so confusing to me, i had no chance to even understand anything or come in terms with it, i wish Noora was here, she knew exactly what to say and what to do, but guess you can't have everything in this world, huh.
"What if i say No?" I asked
"You will be sent back, To the endless void." She said with a aggressive tone
It felt like, the voice wanted me to say "Yes", i don't know why but the way she asked her first two questions, felt like she was able to feel my rage, she felt my hatred towards this world, she wanted me to accept her? I realized that i could use this opportunity to fulfill my selfish desires, to live the life i wanted to, the voice was the only thing right now, who knew exactly what i felt. So maybe i should say yes, but i have my doubts about this, since I've never ventured out of my way to explore the unknown, could i be making a mistake? Maybe. But i have nothing to lose at this point and i will give up anything, sacrifice everything to get what i want.
"Yes" I said with a firm tone
"You've made an great choice."
"Congratulations. You have been granted the authority to command a force that breaks the very foundation of creation,"
"Andhkar," she hissed, the sound echoing the infinite void.
End of Chapter....