"Yessssss!"
This isn't skipping.
The school is officially closed.
A day when staying home is the right thing to do.
Thank you, Hand Man!
As I was doing flamenco in celebration, someone knocked on my room.
What's this? When I opened the door, Mom's pitch-black acorn eyes were there.
Eep.
"You're disturbing the neighbors. What are you making noise about this early in the morning...?"
"It's not like that, Mother! School's closed! I was just celebrating!"
Thud—Mother's Hand grabbed my head.
She squeezed with just enough force that felt like my skull would crack.
"Ow ow ow ow ow."
"Why are you celebrating that school's closed? Stop saying stupid things and help with at least one household chore. Like cooking."
"Noooo, I don't wanna!"
Mom is cruel.
She knows I can't cook, yet she does this to me without hesitation. She probably doesn't know that there are things you should and shouldn't do to people.
Demon, devil, piglet!
"Ow ow ow ow?! Ow?!"
"You thought something rude just now, didn't you?"
"I didn't! Oh wait, sorry for thinking piglet!"
When I apologized desperately, she let go.
I collapsed to the floor in relief.
I thought I was going to die.
"Sigh... What does Katsuki see in this thing?"
"Huh? What about Kacchan?"
"Nothing. More importantly, come here. Since it's a good opportunity, I'll teach you some simple cooking even an 'idiot' can do."
I wish she wouldn't emphasize the "idiot" part.
Ugh, what a pain.
Mom, just you wait.
I don't think resisting further would do any good, so I obediently followed Mom to the kitchen. There were eggs on the counter.
"Mom. What are you making me do?"
"You're making sunny-side up eggs. Easy, right?"
"Don't mock me!"
Mom is seriously underestimating me.
This is so easy I could do it while doing a handstand—oh wait, I can't do handstands.
"Well, try it anyway."
"Yes, yes. Really, Mom. I'll make as many as you want. How about I make breakfast starting tomorrow?"
"Just try it."
"Okay, okay."
I cracked the egg on the edge of the table.
Then I elegantly split it and dropped it onto the frying pan.
The yolk and white wobbled on the pan, asserting their freshness.
Ta-da!
"And?"
"Hm?"
I don't understand what Mom's saying.
I put it on there, I put it nicely on the pan.
The yolk didn't break, isn't that amazing? Right? Right?
"And?"
She's not praising me at all.
What, did I miss something?
Huh? It landed cleanly, right? It did, didn't it? Or didn't it?
I got worried, so I scooped it up with a spoon to check the underside.
It was perfect, not a scratch.
Ta-da! I looked at Mom, but her face said "And?"
"What's the one you usually eat like?"
"The one I usually eat? Soft-boiled and runny, delicious."
"That's not what I mean. Does it look like this when it's on your plate?"
It's wobbling. Really wobbling.
...Now that she mentions it, it feels like it's usually firmer.
"Oh, I forgot to cook it."
At the words that slipped out, Mom's stern gaze pierced me.
It hurts, really hurts. It actually feels physically painful.
I at least know how to use the stove, so I reached for the knob—
"What?"
There's no knob?!
"Mom! You planned this!"
"We replaced the stove a long time ago."
D-damn it, if she says that, I have no comeback! That's cheating!
But this is genius Souko-chan.
Confident in my somewhat decent skills with machines, I calmly faced it. And decided to rely on the tools of civilization.
"Hello, Kacchan?"
"What do you want this early, you idiot—"
"Don't rely on other people!"
"Ow?!"
"Hey! What are you doing?! Huh?!"
I got hit hard on the head and my phone was taken away.
Moreover, Mom answered my phone without permission, lightly said "Sorry to bother you on your day off, Katsuki," and hung up. What tyranny! Unforgivable! This is an invasion of privacy! I'm super mad, Mom!
"What are you looking at? Hurry up and continue."
"Grrrr!"
Mooom!
If it's come to this, I'll show you what I can do!
And so began the Cooking War.
The fierce battle pierced the heavens, split the clouds, and parted the seas. Mom started watching Korean dramas partway through.
Two hours after starting, I finally arrived at the truth.
"Sunny-side up eggs are high-class cuisine."
"I didn't think you'd be this bad."
In front of the burnt eggs, I broke down crying.
It wasn't so much sadness as being unable to bear reality's harshness.
Because I didn't know!
I normally skipped home economics class!
I'd come back when everyone was done and get some from them!
And I'd get scolded for it!
Also, Mom, you see my report cards, don't you? You know, don't you?
That's dirty! Mom is dirty! To do something like this to demean her cute daughter—too dirty!
"...Sigh. Do exactly as I say from now on. Then you'll be able to do it."
"If it were that easy, I wouldn't be struggling!"
"You can do it. First, start by heating the frying pan."
Huh? Heat the frying pan?
What are you talking about? A frying pan with nothing on it? Heat it?
"Have you gone mad, Mom?"
"The only mad one here is your head. Come on, start."
Then I tried doing exactly as Mom said.
It was done in about five minutes.
I cried.
"—And that's what happened, so I wanted to be comforted. Mainly I wanted you to treat me to ice cream and cake."
"Don't pretend you explained anything! I didn't hear a single thing, you hear me?!"
When I went to Kacchan's house, Kacchan came out.
I thought Mitsuki-san would come out, so this was a slight miscalculation.
Well, I probably would've ended up in Kacchan's room eventually anyway.
"After what happened yesterday, tch!"
"Now, now, pardon the intrusion. Where's Mitsuki-san?"
"She's not here right now—hey! Don't just walk in!"
Ignoring Kacchan's yelling, I invaded the house.
Casually opened the kitchen fridge, casually grabbed juice and my personal cup, casually flopped on the living room sofa, casually turned on the TV and entered recorded movie viewing time.
This is the one that aired the other day.
I thought it seemed like something Kacchan's dad would like, and I was right.
"Why are you more relaxed than me, dammit!"
"Don't mind me."
"Of course I mind! Whose house do you think this is?!"
Kacchan's energetic today too.
It's somehow reassuring.
Oh.
"Hey Kacchan, hey Kacchan."
"What?!"
"A present for good boy Kacchan."
"A pres—?! Wh-what?!"
Even while making a scary face, Kacchan properly accepts things when handed to him—he's a good kid who values possessions. Sometimes he blows things up, so he's not completely good though.
Kacchan's face was sour as he stared intently at what he received.
"Oi, what's this?"
"..."
Thinking about it again, it's embarrassing.
What I brought in a container is technically sunny-side up eggs to me, but from Kacchan's perspective, it probably looks like some unidentifiable substance.
Even from the perspective of the now-perfect girl Souko-chan who can make real sunny-side up eggs, it's an incomprehensible substance, so there's no excuse.
Why did I bring it? I couldn't bear to throw it away.
I couldn't bear to throw away the proof of two hours of battle.
But I'd rather not eat it myself.
So I brought it here.
Yes, QED.
"Oi, stupid girl, look at me."
"Souko-nyan doesn't understand human language-nyan."
"That's a one hundred percent understanding response!"
Kacchan shook me back and forth.
I want to tell him to stop because I'm getting motion sick.
I feel like it won't end unless I say something, so I decided to obediently confess.
"S-sunny, sunny-side up eggs."
"..."
Kacchan's eyes are scary.
What's with that look like you're about to kill someone?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry for giving you a failed product!
"...Sigh. That thing you were making noise about on the phone earlier?"
He sighed.
I thought he'd yell at me, but he sighed!
What's this? I'm incredibly annoyed, you know?!
As I was thinking about punching him, Kacchan closed the container lid.
"Tch, what a pain."
And with just that, he disappeared into his room with the container.
Wait, he's eating it?
He's eating what I brought?
No, I felt bad about throwing it away, you know?
That's why I brought it for him to eat, you know?
Forcefully, though. Forcefully.
But wait, he's eating it?
He's eating it willingly?
Can he even eat that?
What? Did he do something bad?
Is it punishment?
Did he do something he needs to atone for?
Penance?
As I was feeling conflicted about Kacchan's actions, I heard Mitsuki-san's voice from the entrance.
"Oh my! You came, Souko-chan! Sorry, I was out shopping... What's wrong?"
Mitsuki-san squished my cheeks for some reason.
"You're warm. You don't have a fever, do you?"
"A fever?"
"Your face is a bit red, you know?"
Huh? Um, yeah?
Hmm, it's that, what is it?
I don't know.
"Maybe the room was hot."
"I don't think it's that hot though? Well, whatever. I bought something good just now! Ta-da, cream puffs! You know that new Western confectionery shop that opened in front of the station, right? The one that always has a line."
"Ooh! I know, I know! The expensive one!"
"That's right! The slightly expensive one! Actually, it turns out it's a shop run by my husband's acquaintance, so today I asked them to set some aside for me! The limited edition ones!"
"Ooh!"
The ones that are always sold out when I go!
The ones I sent Kacchan to buy multiple times but gave up on because he never could!
"Since it's a special occasion, let's have tea together with these, okay?"
"I'd love to!"
After that, I had a relaxing tea time with Mitsuki-san before going home. The cream puffs were delicious. I somehow got Mom's portion too, so I properly brought it back. Eat it on the way? Nope, nope—if she finds out, the consequences would be scary, so I won't.
On my way out, Kacchan handed me the empty container and said "I can't believe you brought this garbage," so I punched him.
I'm probably not in the wrong.
I think.
***
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