After visiting Mirelle, I say a quiet vow to stay away from him. I tell myself I'm done being a pun in everyone's game.
I will lay low, do what they expect me to do and look for a plan to make the Council let me go. I'm not going to give up my life for someone else. I don't come here to save or feel sorry for him.
But that vow doesn't last for a day. Staying away from someone whose soul is bound to yours, is like staying away from air.
I can feel his presence everywhere here, his emotions interfere with mine in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I hate the way my body reacts when he is close, the way the goosebumps become visible.
My heart trips. This isn't love, it's something wild and dangerous. The only thing that clouds my judgement and takes me closer, even when my instincts ask me to go the other way.
I intentionally avoid anywhere I might run into him, the dining hall, the training grounds, the walkaway that leads to his room.
I tell myself it's working, that I'm stronger than this bond. Until the whispers start.
They drift through the corridors, carried by careless voices that forget how sound travels. At first I ignore them. But one afternoon, while helping the healers organize supplies, two young omegas talk softly near the shelves.
"…he hasn't taken another Luna since her."
"Would you, if your mate died giving birth?"
Fear grips me, I stop what I'm doing trying to hear more. I don't notice I'm numb, and my feet are glue to the ground.
The omegas continue, not noticing my present. One of them lowers her voice. "They say he went mad for days. Tore through the forest until Mirelle sedated him. After that, he changed. Shut everyone out. That's why no one crosses him now."
The other one sighs. "Poor Alpha. Some say she was too weak for his bloodline. Others say it was an ancient curse."
My fingers tighten around the crate. The room tilts for a second.
So that's it. This is why he is always pushing me away. He still has old scars he is trying to heal from, and he thinks I'm too weak for his bloodline.
Lost in thoughts, someone bumps into me, mumbling an apology. I wave him off and leave before the omegas notice me. I walk out of the place, with different thoughts and probability going through my mind.
"Can I stay with him? Can I bring a solution to his pain? Shouldn't I be happy that he is finally receiving the punishment he deserves?" I run my hands through my hair, my emotions conflicting.
"Rex once had a mate. A Luna. Did she really die bringing his child into this world or is that a cover story?
I want to be happy he is dying, and celebrating the fact that karma is catching up with him faster than we thought. But I find myself being downcast, hoping there is a remedy to this curse.
"It must be the effect of the bond," I tell myself.
Throughout the day, I lie on the bed not sleeping or resting. My thoughts are all Rex and what I should do, I can't find sleep. I turn and turn till it hurts all over.
I thought of how he react when he finds out she is dead because of him. Running wild for love? He might not be as bad as I picture him.
The man who always wears a cold and expressionless demeanour, looking at me like I am his greatest mistake. The same person has once loved someone with so much intensity. Now I think I understand, he doesn't want to feel anything, so he is not scared of losing anything again.
I stand up as soon as the sun comes up and walk down the same walkway I always avoid since I know about the curse. I get to the lower courtyard, my mind begging me to turn back but I don't.
I saw him there alone, training.
He's so focus, he doesn't notice my presence. Sweat tickles down his face as he waves the sword, moving in a professional way. I picked up a sword and blocks his sword before I could think.
He hesitates and I launch at him fiercely, he has no option but to defend himself. I don't give him an opportunity to rest, as I launch another attack this time faster and stronger.
The attack continues for a few minutes, and when either of us is ready to back out, I decide to show him how strong I am. With all the strength in my arm, I hit his sword trying to pull him down. Seeing him distracted, I drove my foot into his knee. He yelps and crumbles to the floor.
I crouch down and pat his shoulder. "I'm not as weak as you think,"
Without me noticing, he pulls me forward putting my back on the grass. I shut my eyes due to the impact.
"Don't brag until you are sure you've won." He said, his tone lace with sarcasm.
I slowly open my eyes, meeting his cold exterior. For a brief moment, I see something glittering in his eyes. Warmth.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, with a rough voice. "What did you do that for?."
"To show you what I'm capable of," I whisper.
He gets off me and walks to where his bottle is, he picks it up and hands it over to me.
"Drink and leave," he declares. "Don't come here again!"
"Why are you always pushing me away? Am I that bad of a person?" I choke out.
He ignores me as always, his expression distant.
"I don't want your love, Rex. I just want to be your friend and a shoulder you can cry on!" I cry out, my voice loud.
"Friend? Did I ask you for that?" He scoffs, backing me. "I don't want you, so leave!"
"Is it because I'm not her," I swallow hard. "Because I'm not your first mate."
"How dare you?!" He turns to me, drifting over.