Philip Hartwell stopped at the edge of the forest and let out a long sigh, feeling the humid air and the smell of earth mixed with a metallic tang, as if the forest itself had teeth.
"I've never… but never ever… been in a forest in my life," he muttered, fiddling with the nonexistent vest in his mind that he imagined as emotional armor. "And now I'm the only one responsible for disappearing monsters. Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic."
The first step was slow, heavy, as if every leaf and branch were conspiring against him. The ground seemed alive, trembling slightly under his feet. Philip looked up at the lilac sky filtering the magical sunlight, blinking as if mocking him.
"Great… even the sun conspires. What a lovely place. Love a stroll in the park… only with monsters, out-of-control magic, and zero GPS."
He took a deep breath and continued, walking among trees that twisted to touch each other, leaves shimmering, and whispers that seemed to come from nowhere. Philip scowled and muttered:
"You know, people talk about fantastic adventures… sword, honor, glory, romance… but nobody ever mentioned anxiety, blisters on your feet, or fear of breaking your leg on the first turn. Absurd!"
A bush moved. Philip stopped, eyes wide, arms raised defensively."Who's there? Show yourself! I know karate, you know!"
A small creature, looking like a cross between a cat and a mushroom, stared at him and then suddenly vanished, leaving a strange smell in the air. Philip huffed."Of course. Disappears like it's normal. Who needs visible monsters anyway?"
He started walking faster, trying to find a pattern, any logic. Each step was a battle between his survival instincts and the need to get the job done. Philip muttered loudly to himself, like he was hosting an interdimensional podcast.
"Great. Giant trees, treacherous ground, creatures that appear and vanish, me with no magic… yes, excellent career choice. Who sent me to reincarnate in a place clearly not made for humans?" He kicked a rock, which, due to pure cosmic bad luck, bounced back and hit his ankle."Ah, perfect! Even the physics here has a sense of humor."
Still grumbling, he continued:"Speaking of which… did I reincarnate or transmigrate? Because I read some novels like that and honestly, none of them prepared me for this. In all of them, the protagonist wakes up in the body of someone rich, beautiful, with infinite powers… I woke up with back pain and a 'technical support' badge."
He raised his hands, indignant at his own fate."Useless. All useless. Nobody wrote a survival manual for magic idiots without magic. Ah, yes, the powerful hero, chosen by the gods… where's the manual for the guy who has to reset stuck spells and listen to an elf complain about dimensional bugs? Now that's a risky job!"
Philip passed a twisted log that seemed to be laughing at him."And to make it worse, the system that sent me here clearly doesn't do maintenance. Bet some cosmic intern pressed the wrong button. 'Oh, look, I sent a human with no magic into the world of mages! How fun!'"
He stopped, looked at the sky, and pointed his finger, exasperated."If anyone up there is listening… congratulations! Mission accomplished! I am the system error!"
For a moment, the forest responded with silence. No sound, no wind. Just him, standing there, sweating, breathing heavily, wondering if he had really lost his mind. Then the wind blew again, lifting glowing leaves that swirled around him like a gentle vortex.
Philip blinked."Ah, great, now the forest is applauding me. Wonderful. I'm in a cosmic comedy episode and forgot to charge a fee."
He moved forward carefully, still muttering."This is why transmigration should come with its own technical support. Like: 'Hello, welcome to the afterlife. Do you want the package with magic, sacred sword, or infinite sarcasm?' Honestly, I don't even remember clicking 'accept the reincarnation terms and conditions.'"
The distant sound of a roar echoed through the woods. Philip stopped walking and muttered, voice trembling:"Ah, cool. Monster sounds. Because every magical forest needs a horror soundtrack. Couldn't just be a cute little bird, no…"
He took a deep breath, trying to convince himself it was okay."Calm down, Philip, calm down… you've dealt with worse. Printer on strike, boss yelling on the phone, client crying because the computer 'ate the files.' This is just a version with more trees."
A few minutes later, he tripped on a huge root and nearly faceplanted."Oh my God… I changed my mind… my life was simpler before, look… jammed printers, forgotten passwords… I could handle that! This… this is almost suicide!" He leaned against a tree and looked up, trying to maintain some dignity."And nobody understands that I have no idea how to deal with magical forests."
He took a deep breath and began observing small details: leaves that seemed to glow with their own light, roots intertwining in impossible patterns, and the sound of soft footsteps that vanished as quickly as they appeared. Philip scratched his head.
With each second, the forest seemed more alive, more aware of his presence. A cold wind blew, scattering leaves across his face. Philip stepped back, raising his hands as if bracing for an explosion.
As he advanced, a clearing appeared, and Philip crouched to examine the ground. Ghostly footprints glimmered faintly, disappearing when he approached.
Suddenly, something leapt from behind a tree—a large creature with fluorescent eyes and sharp teeth. Philip raised his arms, his voice desperate."Calm down! I don't want to kill anyone! I just need information!"
The creature stared at him and then vanished again. Philip huffed."Great, great… look at that. Who needs monsters that show up when they just disappear to drive me insane?"
He began walking in circles, trying to organize his thoughts. Every tree looked like the last, every shadow seemed to move on its own. Philip rested his forehead against the nearest tree and muttered:"I… I'm going to lose it. This is going to kill me before the monsters do. And I survived seven years of call center… This is way crueler."
But even in the middle of the chaos, Philip began to notice something. The patterns of the footprints, the glow of the leaves, even the sounds that disappeared and reappeared… it all had its own logic, even if he couldn't yet decipher it.
"Alright… maybe it's just… look, observe, deduce. That's it. That's how I solve this. I don't use magic, but I can use… brain and infinite patience. Fantastic."
He took a deep breath, feeling the tension drain from his shoulders."Okay, Philip… you're alone, powerless, surrounded by a forest that seems like a walking bug… but you can do this. You always do. And if you survive, you can complain forever and ask for a raise… maybe."
Time passed, and slowly, he began to follow the footprints that reappeared and disappeared, mentally noting patterns, times, and probable locations. Every time a monster appeared and vanished, he muttered motivational words… or grumbled, depending on the situation.