I told her everything through slurred words and stifled sobs how Clara and I fought, how we've always been fighting.
How I was drowning, how I felt like I was losing my mind.
She didn't interrupt, didn't scold, didn't sigh, didn't ignore my feelings. She just said, " Stay where you are. I'm coming."
Society makes a man feel that, expressing how one feels or being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. Right one I felt empowered and strong I had no idea if it was the alcohol intoxication or the venting of my problem to Sophi. One thing I knew was, I felt great.
Minutes blurred until she arrived, slipping into the bar like a quiet flame of hope in darkness.
There they stood I could see four… no two persons "When did you become a twin..? Are you a twin?" I mumbled in a low voice out of breath.
"Let's go…" She said as she grabbed me by the arm trying to lift me. " Let me take you home." She said gently.
"Noooooo….!!!!" I screamed trying to release myself from her grip. " Never… Never!! Ever…!! Never…!!!" I struggled and got myself free from her grip.
" Ok! Ok! Calm down, but Clara will be worried." Sophi sat down next to me, stretching her hands to meet mine."
" I don't want to see her." My voice raw
"Don't call her either, please."
Sophi hesitated, searching my face, then nodded.
" Alright. You'll come with me then. I can't take you to a hotel in this condition." She tried to stand but I held her by her arm.
"Have a drink with me… just a glass" I looked up into her eyes I knew she could see the pain in my eyes.
"Hmmmmmmm" she took a deep breath and sat down.
One bottle turned to two, two turned to three, and the fourth.
" Jee we need to go, I can't drink again. Already drank at the gala and this again. I won't be able to drive."
She slid her chair behind and stood up "Let's go."
⸻
Her apartment was warm, filled with soft colors that made by belle ache with nostalgia.
She settled me in the guest room, gave me water to drink.
"This will make you feel better." she knelt down and took off my shoes. "You'll feel better in the morning," she said softly brushing her hair behind her ear."Rest now."
"You'll feel better in the morning," she said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Rest now."
She left me there, all I could think of was her pretty face and how she brushed her hair behind her ear.
The sound of a running shower filled the silence, followed by a faint smell of Lavender.
I don't remember standing. Neither do I remember how my feet carried me across to Sophi's room. All I knew was that I needed her. I had caged my feelings for her for so long that they emerged like a volcanic explosion.
The door to her room was slightly open I stepped in.
Sophi stood there nude with her towel on the bed.
I stood gazing from the tip of her toes upwards. Her beauty was astonishing, her curves, damp hair clinging to her shoulders. I was I awe, I took a deep breath "Huhhhh."
She scrambled to get her towel from the bed covering herself up. Her eyes lingered as she looked at the floor "You shouldn't be here, you should be in you're room resting."
I took a step further into the room " You smell… incredible," I whispered, words tumbling out.
" Thanks… please you should leave." She took a step behind. " I will get dressed and come get you anything you may need."
"God, Sophi… why is it that with you everything feels lighter? I… I feel peace, Sophi" I whispered like not wanting any else to hear me.
"Ummm… It's just a phase in you're marriage, I know you will get past it."
I moved gently closer to her I could see the rise and fall of her chest, she was breathing heavily. Her aura felt like I was in the presence of a goddess.
Her eyes widened as I moved closer. She put her hands on my bare chest, pushing gently. " Caspa, you're drunk and I have had more than usual to drink too, you shouldn't be here."
I stepped back and turned to leave but I couldn't. The pain poured out, unfiltered.
" I've always loved you, Sophi," I confessed, my voice breaking.
Her breathing paused. " Caspa…"
" Right from the moment I saw you in the company's lobby. You wore a soft blue silk blouse and a high-waisted navy blue pair of pants." I turned staring into her eyes.
"Your eye silk back in a low bun… I can describe vividly down to how you smelled. You stole my heart Sophi and never returned it. It's always been your Sophi."
Panting, she shook her head, her eyes shimmering with conflict.
" Caspa, don't…"
She stumbled nearly falling, and I caught her guiding her to sit on the bed. My hands were trembling as u clutched hers, my heart panting. My eyes locked onto hers like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline, I could feel a rising giant in my pants.
" So… Soph," I whispered my heart pounding in my ears.
" Tell me the truth. You've never loved me? Never?"
I leaned closer, my breath fast and shallow, the question trembling on my lips like a blade.
" Sophi… Sophi… have you truly never loved me?
She sat frozen. Her silence was thunder.
She slowly looked up gazing into my eyes, her eyes looked watery.
In that moment, I felt the world stand still.
Her lips parted.
The ground shifted beneath us as if everything we had ever been was about to change.
I knew one thing, I wanted that change and I wanted it now.
Sophi drew close to me I could feel her gentle breath on my lips warm, giving this soothing feeling, one I have never had before.
I quickly leaned in even closer to her.
She broke the silence with a whisper, " You want to know how I feel?"