I returned to the travel house carrying a bucket with five live fish still flopping inside. When I stepped into the living room, I saw all four of them sitting on the sofa. Did they have nothing to do? Were they just chatting?
"Why are you all sitting here? Nothing to do?"
"You're the one who's slow," Jacob replied stiffly, sitting perfectly upright.
He wasn't wrong—I had taken my time catching the fish. I walked toward the kitchen.
"Is that so? Sorry to keep you waiting. Grace, come here."
"Yes."
Grace stood up when I called her. She had already taken off her armor. The space here wasn't very wide, and armor took up too much room. I had taken mine off while fishing as well.
I set the bucket down on the floor, took out a cutting board and a kitchen knife, then grabbed one fish. After patting the water off its body with a towel, I placed it on the cutting board.
Grace came over to the kitchen, watching my actions with a confused look. I pointed at the fish, which was slapping its tail against the board, and said to her,
"Kill the fish."
"...What?"
Grace froze, staring at me. Did she not hear me?
"I said, pick up the knife and cut off the fish's head."
Before Grace could respond, Jacob—who had been sitting on the sofa—walked over and spoke to me from across the sink.
"Karen, is this why you went to catch fish? This is way too sudden. Grace isn't prepared at all."
I had plenty of ingredients stored in my inventory. I didn't need to catch fish for dinner. This was about making Grace face her resolve.
And Grace had been a knight for many years already. She knew what a sword in a knight's hand meant. She'd had more than enough time to prepare—what she lacked was action.
"She's had plenty of time. Grace, you're already far too late. Don't forget why you chose to become a knight in the first place. If you refuse, then you might as well give up being a knight altogether."
If she was afraid of causing harm, then quitting was the better choice. A weapon didn't belong in the hands of someone afraid of its purpose. That would just be a waste.
"Karen, give her a little more time," Jacob pleaded again.
He kept defending Grace. Had he forgotten that Grace was the one responsible for protecting him? Danger could come at any time. If Grace couldn't protect Jacob, then there was no point.
"No. She decides now."
At that moment, Grace—who had been silent this whole time—raised her hand to stop Jacob and shouted,
"I… I'll do it! I'll do it, okay?!"
"Then pick up the knife. Hold the fish with your other hand, place the blade on its head, and cut down."
Grace followed my instructions. But once the knife touched the fish's head, she stopped. She hesitated at the final step.
A few seconds passed. She stayed frozen in that position, her breathing growing uneven, sweat sliding down her cheeks. She was definitely feeling nervous—fear and pressure closing in on her.
I sympathized, but I was starting to lose patience.
"Grace, if you don't cut it, I won't make dinner."
That instantly drew everyone's full attention. Ethefelis and Alice both came over. And for some reason, Ethefelis's gaze toward Grace looked… terrifying. As if she might kill Grace on the spot if dinner didn't happen.
"This isn't right. This is my problem—don't drag them into it. You can skip my portion, but please, you have to cook for them."
Grace looked at me in panic. The hand holding the fish loosened, and she waved frantically, trying to make me change my mind.
I couldn't accept her suggestion.
I'd seen movies about training recruits. If one person made a mistake but refused to admit it, the instructor would punish everyone until the culprit confessed. During that time, the culprit would be cursed and hated by the others.
It tested their guilt toward their companions and forced them to face it.
So as long as Grace didn't act, no one—including me—would get dinner.
"I have no obligation to grant your request. You have two choices: do it, or give up."
Seeing that I wouldn't budge, Grace clenched her fists in anger. But instead of arguing, she calmed herself and asked,
"Mr. Karen… you're already used to killing. Why don't you hesitate at all?"
Today had been my first time killing a person, and it was true—I hadn't hesitated. Because…
"I'm not used to killing people. I'm used to killing living things."
"Have any difference?"
"There's a huge difference. Killing people applies only to humans. Killing living things includes all creatures—every race."
I treated all lives equally. No race was special. That was why I had already grown accustomed to it.
"Then when you kill living things, don't you feel sick? Like you want to throw up?"
"At first, yes."
"Then when was your first time? What did you kill?"
"When I was six. A fish."
"That's way too early. Was it to help your parents?"
Help my parents? Unfortunately, I never had that chance—and never would. But this topic was getting long, and I was already hungry.
"You talk too much. Hurry up. Are you trying to starve us?"
As I said that, I saw Ethefelis nod in agreement. She must have been really hungry. That made sense—she was still growing.
"I have one more question. How did you get used to it?"
…I really didn't want to answer that.
"It's disgusting. Are you sure you want to hear it?"
Grace's face twisted at the word "disgusting," and she almost backed down—but in the end, she steeled herself and nodded.
"...I do. I want to hear it."
"I forced myself to look at their internal structures—muscles, organs, bones. After seeing it enough times, it becomes as ordinary as breathing."
If you wanted to eat meat, you had to understand an animal's body. The first time I cut off a cow's head, blood sprayed everywhere. It was revolting. My heart raced, my hands shook uncontrollably.
But after seeing it enough times, my mind became calm. My heart dulled. Hesitation became nothing but wasted time.
I didn't feel pleasure in killing. I was raised properly—there was no need to worry about me becoming some deranged murderer. In fact, I despised and pitied people like that.
First, they couldn't control themselves. Second, their environment had shaped them that way.
"Karen, stop… I feel like I'm going to throw up…"
"Jacob, you're noisy. Go sit down."
Grace also looked like she was about to vomit. She asked me quietly, without confidence,
"...Can I really do this?"
"This isn't about whether you can or not. You must. You're meant to protect unarmed civilians from threats. To protect the land you were born in—not to be protected by others."
If Grace couldn't do this, then she should just go home and live as a sheltered noble lady.
"I…"
"Do it. I don't have the patience to wait."
Urged by my words, Grace grabbed the fish again and took her stance. Still, she couldn't bring herself to cut.
I pushed her further. I took out my pocket watch and said,
"I'll give you three minutes. If you still can't do it, then I'll ask you to go home. I don't need a knight who can't even kill a fish."
All four of them looked panicked, but no one spoke. I looked down at the watch and started counting.
Two minutes and thirty seconds passed. Grace still hadn't moved.
"Thirty seconds left."
"..."
"Twenty seconds."
"..."
She still didn't act. Her face was filled with panic—and I was getting anxious too. If Grace didn't do it now, there wouldn't be a second chance.
When there were less than ten seconds left, I began counting down.
"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two—"
"AAAAAH—!!!"
Just before I finished, Grace suddenly shut her eyes and screamed. Gripping the knife with both hands, she brought it down in one motion.
After nearly ten minutes of resistance, the fish's head finally separated from its body. Blood spilled out.
The moment Grace opened her eyes and saw what she'd done, nausea hit her instantly. She dropped the knife and leaned over the sink.
"Ugh—!"
As she vomited, I turned on the faucet so she could rinse.
Then I praised her resolve.
"Grace, well done. You've taken your first step into harming. Go calm yourself down. Tomorrow, we'll shorten the time."
"Karen, tomorrow too? Let Grace rest for a few days first."
Jacob was defending her again. Was he really this kind of person?
Still, my answer was no. If don't train every day, you'll return to square one.
"From now on, dinner will be in Grace's hands every day—until she no longer feels fear or vomits."
Grace had a heavy responsibility now. If she wanted to be free sooner, then she'd better get used to it fast.