(Trigger warning: contains intense and detailed depictions of anxiety)
The years passed by very slowly.
Though as I got older, they started to go by faster.
It's been 13 years since I was reborn and a lot has happened.
My parents put me through vigorous and grueling training.
Every day I was forced to do pushups, squats, and sit-ups until I passed out.
As endurance training, my father would beat me until I could no longer stand.
They would time how long I could stay on my feet and my record was about thirty minutes.
I had to get to one hour or else they'd execute me and have another child for a prince.
They've already been through five children.
And I could be their sixth.
" Work harder! You wretch!"
My father would howl at me as he whipped me while I did pushup after pushup.
I knew for a fact now that they did not care about me as a person whatsoever.
They only cared about me as a prince.
When I turned 15 I started my sword training.
I had a mentor named Kertem, the best in the kingdom when it comes to dueling.
He wasn't as harsh as my parents when they weren't around.
He was patient with me during our training and never yelled.
He was the nicest person I've met since I was reborn.
And because of that, I developed feelings for him.
(⚠️Kertem was 16 years old⚠️)
One night, we shared our first kiss.
Then things went horribly wrong
My parents came home to see us together and they instantly had him executed.
They said that I needed to mate with a female so I can continue the royal bloodline.
This was devastating for me.
Kertem was all I had in this life, and now my parents took that away from me.
That night I had my first panic attack.
It felt like I couldn't breathe.
I helplessly gripped the sides of my bed as if I was trying to stop myself from falling.
Though I was already in the pit.
And I don't know if I'll ever get out.
" Stop being so weak!"
My mother burst into my room and yelled at me.
She had no sympathy for me whatsoever.
" Princes shouldn't cry over useless filth like him!"
My stomach started to drop
"he tried to manipulate you! You should've been stronger!"
I passed out from sheer distress.
My mother looked down on me with disgust and disdain.
"pathetic"
She muttered and walked away.
Leaving me there to suffer.