They told us to cook.
And I still think Zhang Bo was either enlightened or insane.
Maybe both. Most geniuses are.
One day, we're prisoners of war.
Next day — aprons.
Chopping boards.
Vegetable prep like we're conscripts in a kitchen battalion.
And then he arrived.
Apron like armor.
Ladle like a divine punishment stick.
Eyebrows sharp enough to cut aircraft-grade steel.
Chef Somchai "Iron-Ladle" Siripong — the man Mr. Zhang Bo and most residents of CSDS called the greatest authentic Thai chef of his generation.
People whispered he was the reincarnation of the Thai Chef God he's the reincarnated of the Thai chef god himself, but while in heaven, he was captivated by the beauty of the moon goddess 'Ou'er'(㛏娥 ) and he made many inappropriate approaches toward her, as a result, he was to reincarnated here to the family of Thai culinary arts to repent in this age and give people joy through his cooking.
To me, he was just a culinary archmage masquerading as someone's retired uncle — the only Thai chef for two-thousand kilometer radius, running a stall in the CSDS vault – market section.
Somchai surveyed our sorry lineup, then clapped his hands once — the sound like divine thunder over chopping boards.
"Two teams!" he declared. "Team A — Tom Yum Gai! (Talgat). Team B — Tom Kha Gai! (Rogan). You've got—let me see… four—no… three hours. Whichever side offends the ancestors less shall live to eat the best meal of your entire miserable life, and it is entirely cooked by my two hands."
Zhang Bo had promised a prize — a Crypthorium unit per person for the winning squad — which made everyone pretended they cared about diplomacy, or the promising of the best meal, and totally not just the battery.
Rogan somehow ended up leading Team B — armed with ladles, misplaced confidence, and an ability to treat any herb like a sparring partner.
I got stuck with Team A — a ragtag troop determined to boil something that might pass for Tom Yum.
"Remember," Somchai added, tapping his glowing ladle like a holy staff, "if I see one grain of sugar in Tom Yum before the lemongrass — divine judgment will descend."
Divine judgment did.
Mostly on me.
"You — tall one! If you bruise the lemongrass again, I bruise your pride!"
Rogan — professional fist-enthusiast, grower of four-day beard sadness — saluted.
Somchai saluted back.
Thus began the Thai Spicy Soup War.
Ingredient Hunt — Raider Recon, Grocery Edition
Zhang Bo called it a peace ritual.
I called it public humiliation with seasoning.
We were sent to gather ingredients.
Like civilian scavengers.
Like humble farmers.
Like children on a school field trip — for soup.
Rogan barked orders to his ragged crew — a squad storming a chili field. He scared some kids and earned a warning from a security android.
"Men! Objective: Limes. Fresh. Plump. Do not fail our 'Citrus Operation'."
One guy brought a cabbage.
Another tried to trade a knife for fish sauce and got lectured by a grandma about "respect for fermented liquids – which is totally sounds irrelevant."
Then Mrs. Hong spotted us.
Owner of the CSDS's best bot-smithing and coding shop.
Keeper of gossip.
Hidden final boss.
"Don't you dare drip sweat on my coriander. Wipe your face first, filthy boy."
I saluted with a smile, same jest as Rogan, I hoped to ease her depression slightly.
It made her angrier.
And then — I saw it.
Behind her counter. On a shelf. Rag-wrapped. Still humming faintly.
Cee-Too's damaged core.
The one Kaodin had tried to replace himself.
The one that saved us.
My chest tightened — the memory hit like the blast.
Flash — screaming, shrapnel, Wawa roaring, light swallowing metal.
I blinked. Reality returned.
Mrs. Hong lectured me about tamarind storage temperature.
Wanchai shuffled by, muttering equations.
Xiao Ying passed with a box of scrap and spare parts, froze seeing me, and whispered, "Don't burn down the market."
Qiran leaned from a stall, smirking.
"If your soup tastes like your leadership, we're doomed."
Elara flicked my forehead.
"Don't think adding sugar and chili to everything makes it authentic Thai, okay?"
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man in jean and leather jacket, leaned in right next to me with a suspicious smile.
"There's a secret herb that can elevate human taste receptors. Find me if you want some."
"I'm sorry, what's your name?" I asked.
"Oh — Garo, I'm also a part of the merchant at CSDS too, pleasure doing business with you soon, my friend." Then, gone as quickly with such a twisted grin.
I hoped Rogan wouldn't fall for whatever scam that was.
Chef Somchai's voice crackled from a nearby speaker—"Talgat, traditional cooking uses salt, not explosives. Please refrain from seasoning the soup with tactical options, and Tom-Yum paste alone doesn't make one Tom-Yum soup, you need Ginger, Galangal, Lemongrass, so pick them as much as you need, but be sure to befriend with the residents working at the plant cultivation lab and offer some help later."
"Oh… uh… okay, thanks for the suggestion."
"I'm watching you, Talgat," Cee-Ar-Tee warned, pointing two fingers at his eyes, then at me — his usual emotionless stare.
I grinned slightly. Maybe that's just how he is… Anyway, so Tom-Yum paste isn't what I thought: ginger, galangal, and lemongrass must be finely ground and mixed into the paste. Okay — I'll get the rest of the team to handle the grinding.
"And, Rogan… that lemongrass is for soup, not interrogation. Stop questioning it like it owes you money.",
Rogan froze staring down at the lemongrass., and then for a second he blurted out laughing very loudly, "Oh, is that so, thank you, I'll keep that in mind then Mr.Unit Cee-Ar-Tee, is it?.
Rogan was arguing with Dan, coriander vs. cilantro, and again Chef Somchai voice buzzing from the speaker interfering their argument—
"Congratulations. You have discovered the ancient culinary art of confusion."
And then, at a nearby cooking station, when someone from Rogan team almost grabbed vinegar instead of lime juice:
"I'm warning you, be cautious for incorrect ingredients though."
Mrs. Hong slapped the bottle away.
"Thank you, Mrs. Hong. We avoid flavor war today."
The Disaster Kitchen
A while after, back in the market makeshift venue, Chef Somchai paced like a war general preparing artillery.
"You! Chop. You! Stir. You — yes you — why are you breathing like that near the basil?"
Rogan raised his lemongrass like Excalibur.
"For peace," he said, as a response to how Chef Somchai glanced at him emotionless.
No one know, but I knew, Rogan, he meant it.
Steam everywhere.
Boiling like grenades simmering.
Rogan crying onion tears.
Chef Somchai hovered like divine judgment with his glowing ladle.
"No, not like that — are you sautéing trauma?!"
I tried to focus.
Team A — Tom Yum Gai. Simple in theory: boil stock, aromatics, Tom Yum paste grinded with ginger, galangal, and lemon grass are added, and chili, fish sauce, lime.
[I guess that should be all]
Team B — Tom Kha Gai. Coconut, lemongrass, galangal, chicken. Rogan's team seems to be doing quite well, too good to be true, especially the smell.
[Although the smell of their soup somehow made me feels hungry too, they smell pretty good though, I never knew Rogan can cook too, always seen him surrounding himself with ladies he captured from raiding same as Korren, but he could only get the leftover from the boss.]
My brain kept replaying the blast moment.
Cee-Too falling.
Kaodin's voice breaking.
Guilt twisting my gut.
Across the room Rogan argued spice ratios with Dan, Rogan, despite his large statue, I never knew he's extremely fearful for the spicy food.
I ignored him.
Somchai sipped my team's soup.
Paused.
Closed his eyes.
Whispered to his ancestors for strength.
"My great-great forefathers did not preserve Thai culinary history for this sort of treason."
Team B — Coconut Crimes
The referee decided to go for Team B first since when testing food, should start from mild taste to spicy and not the other way around.
Team B proudly revealed 'Tom-Kha-Gai' (Thai Coconut Soup with Chicken Meat).
"The aesthetic appearance seems quite good, and the smell is good, a substantial amount of coconut milk added slightly before the end, so it's not became bitter, and yes they have correctly boil the soup with Ginger, Galangal, and Lemongrass too, exactly like the instruction.
"Let's try", as Chef Somchai swoop a spoonful of the soup to nearby his nose to smell it and quickly consume. And I notice he's trying to keep the content and taste the content a few moments before gulping down the throat, and he started frowning his brow, with suspicious face.
"It's smell and taste way too good, if you were my wife, I wouldn't doubt you adding some secret ingredients, but if you are not a professional chef, how could you come across such a lost knowledge of this specific legendary ingredient, speak!", Chef Somchai, with his extensive experience and very detail assessment in food, realize it as soon as he consume just one spoonful of the soup to know that team B is cheating by using a prohibited ingredient !
"How dare you mocking the authentic taste of the regular Tom-Kha-Ghai by adding this legendary herb?"
They shrugged.
"We…. thought you wouldn't notice as long as we grounded them well and add only a small appropriate amount to the soup as the guy had instructed, and we all tasted too…..", and as Rogan's honest red eyes glistened from the effect of the herb, looking nonchalant at the current situation.
Observing him, the witnesses knew exactly what special herb Chef Somchai implied.
Mr.Mark Tuu-Lee, head of the security team, standing nearby, quickly sending eye signal to his nearby subordinates and they are all simultaneously nodded, and they all quickly stepped forward cuff all of the Rogan's team,
"It seems, we're going to need a word with you gentlemen…."
Mr.Zhang Bo intervened.
"No Mark Tuu-Lee, it's fine"
"But sir…"
"I saw the feed, trust me."
He exhaled slowly. "The ingredient in question is an extremely rare legendary herb — classified as an alien plant species from another planet by pre-war records. Ancient people called it 'Gan-Ja.', but we only referred to it by its extracted chemical substance for recreational medicine, so it's fine, no harm intended anyway."
Mark and his men immediately stood down.
Rogan and his team, faces pale moments ago, began to regain color — and even faint smiles.
"It's alright to cook for yourselves," Zhang Bo said, "but this is a competition. If one side uses a secret ingredient unavailable to the other, there can be no fair judgment.
Understood?"
Rogan nodded and his men followed suit nonchalantly- all of them had tasted the soup before handed it for the referee tasting, so they were already in an effect of the herb since earlier, making them partially conscious to their action.
"Chef Somchai, please continue with Team A."
Team A — Tom Yum of Regret (Talgat's Group)
Our team stepped forward proudly.
As Chef Somchai observed along with Mr.Zhang Bo and other witnesses of our proudly present creation:
"Red broth seems accurate – possibly doesn't use the coconut milk, but that's fine, extremely aggressive spicy aroma — still fine.
Coriander on top, still green — added last, good, so the soup taste doesn't turned bitter. But… why is the water level only one-third of the pot?"
He turned to Zhang Bo.
"Would you like the honor of tasting first?"
Zhang Bo grinned faintly, raising a tasting spoon.
"Despite my enthusiasm, I'm afraid I can't. My diet is limited — specific nutrients only, premeasured per day — and I've just consumed my portion. But by all means…" He extended the spoon toward Somchai.
"Well then, here goes nothing" Somchai sighed, quickly smell the soup as his common habit to always smell the food before tasting, and Chef Somchai's entire face cracked a steam of sweat, and before he could react as he might realize something from close-up smell, Mr. Zhang Bo, instead cut his escape route and quickly shoved the spoonful of spicy soup into the chef's mouth.
It would later be known centuries later that Talgat and the men have successfully created the 'Soup of Death'.
He gulped.
Then immediately collapsed.
And every witness presented at the venue, glanced back at our team, and most of their eyes are onto me, as they recognizes me from earlier commute …
"What—?!" I gasped. "What did we do wrong?"
Witnesses rushed in.
"Medic! Quickly! The god of Thai cookery can't die twice in one century!"
Cee-Ar-Tee leapt forward, optics glowing as he scanned the soup.
"No trace of poison detected," he announced flatly. "Only Tom Yum ingredients."
[CSDS SENSOR READOUT — TEAM A: CHEMICAL ANALYSIS]
Ingredient Composition: Chili / Chili Paste — 46 % • Water / Stock — 12 % • Fish Sauce — 9 % • Lime (Juice + Zest) — 7 % • Ginger (Ground) — 7 % • Galangal (Ground) — 6 % • Lemongrass (Ground) — 6 % • Coriander — 2 % • Aromatic Oil / Residuals — 3 % • Misc (Trace Salts & Sugar) — 2 %
Calculated Deviation:10× standard Tom-Yum concentration. Water content insufficient for dilution.
Chemical Indexes:
• Cap. (Heat) Index = 10.4 / Critical
• Acid Index = 2.3 / Irritant-Level
• Sodium Saturation = 9.8 / Unsafe
• Olfactory Overload = Critical
Conclusion:Substance qualifies as Edible Weapon.
Recommended action — neutralize with dairy, camphor, or divine intervention.
"Seems like Team B used a secret ingredient to make the dish taste and smell exceptional," Zhang Bo assessed, "but Team A, despite getting all the ingredients correct, didn't taste before serving. That's the most common first-time error, as a result, you have successfully invent CSDS's signature 'Edible Weapon', I have to thank you guys for the first accidental contribution to our community as well as nearly return our beloved Chef Somchai back to heaven again.
Around the same time that Mr.Cee-Ar-Tee and Mr.Zhang Bo were assessing the incident and how to judge the winner, a CSDS authorized Medic & Alchemist Researcher – in her late twenties, slightly short statue, wearing goggles on her head and a gas mask by the neck while dressed in blue jumpsuit, appeared along with Camphor Inhalant and quickly administered to Chef Somchai.
As Chef Somchai, in his mind, he thought he was already done for, as he saw flashes of memories when he realized something is certainly fishy with the soup and failed to evade the surprising action from Mr.Zhang Bo. And then, as he at a moment, he saw the feint light and a voice calling out my name, so I followed on the path of light, thinking It might be the voice of my dream wife I always longed for, but as I reached the end of light…..
I opened my eyes and I saw, "an angel….?"
"No..ur..I'm a CSDS Medic – named Sasi"
"Finally, Chef Somchai has returned to the mortal world once again thanks to his angel, CSDS Authorized Medic – Ms.Sasi"— as soon as Mr.Zhang Bo notices Chef Somchai, he quickly returned the attention back to him.
Finally realizing himself sitting on Ms.Sasi's lap, he rapidly stood up, slightly blushed, and he immediately scan the room for Talgat. As soon as he located the culprit, the Chef immediately blurted out,
"You boiled hope," he wheezed.
"I saw flashes of my life — my dream wife—" Chef Somchai glanced briefly toward Ms. Sasi, who was standing and smoothing her jumpsuit, not noticing his glance, then he quickly turned back to Talgat. "—my deceased father and mother. I thought I was done for. Learn this: if you're not trying to poison someone, taste your food before giving it to others, or you might cause extreme food poisoning by accident! Is my guess correct? You and your team — none of you tasted it before serving, right?"
And we all nodded willingly.
But, then, Talgat blinked. "Wait, but we just followed your recipe. How did we go wrong?"
A crowd of people facepalmed all at once….
Peace Through Soup — No Winner
We expected punishment.
Instead, Zhang Bo clapped like he'd witnessed diplomacy evolve.
"Amazing," he said. "You achieved mutual humiliation. The first step to peace."
But — there was no declared winner.
Before any prize could be confirmed, Somchai stepped forward and demonstrated the dishes properly: showing the missing paste, the coconut, the exact rhythm of ladling memory into broth. Everyone tasted the real thing — real Tom Yum with paste, real Tom Kha with coconut — and the lesson landed hard.
Talgat's team had boiled bravely and relied on spice where craft was needed. Rogan's team had misread the recipe and stripped the dish bare. Both had failed in their own glorious ways.
Rogan sobbed.
I nearly converted to Thai-cuisine religion.
A raider whispered, "I'd betray any warlord for this soup."
We weren't prisoners or raiders anymore.
We were idiots united by broth.
Peace through chili paste.
Somewhere, Korren probably woke up confused and angry.
Final Note
If Nyla ever finds out I learned to cook before telling her?
I will die. Painfully.
But if Somchai trains me…
I might survive long enough to become:
Talgat, Warlord of Woks.
Defender of Dumplings.
Slayer of Bad Broth.
The Spice Fist.
…Still, I wonder how she is now.