"You have one year to live" said doctor, "You have stage 4 of lung cancer and its uncurable. Its because you smoke"
"Uhm okay" i said.
I wasn't a person who was sentimental about life. I know that every person's life will end someday, beacuse that's how life works. I think those who fear death the ones who have regrets in their life. If you have regrets then you will see life in a dark way, and life and death are just two sides of the same coin. You need to embrace your mistakes and try to make up for them. Only then you can live your life fullest. Only then you can say "I done everything" and have no regrets.
You might know that you done something wrong, yet you dont feel any remorse, then thats another way of having no regrets. Its your life, your way of living your life, no one can tell you otherwise, your judgement is the thing you must rely on. Of course you should consider other people opinions, but your judgement is the most important.
If something is going to take your life before you can do any of that... thats just sad. But it wasnt your fault. Its simply the circle of life. Thats how i think about life.
Yet when i heard what the doctor was saying, i just thought "this is the end?" I was 19 years old, just finishing high school in slovakia. I started smoking when i was 16. Its my guilty pleasure. I smoke usually with other people and its a way to connect to other people. I think its not wrong even if it brought me cancer, its just the way i was living my life.
But i have always wondered what will i do when i'm dying. Will it be of old age or will it happen instantly in a car accident. But i just felt empty i didnt feel a thing i just wondered about what would people think if i died. Would i cause them any problems? Would anybody be sad? What should i do to console them?
But now isn't the time to think about these things. I have a year to live, and I need to live it to the fullest. I haven't even had a girlfriend, and now I will probably never have one, because I don't want to break her heart. I'll think about these things when I tell my friends and family, which won't be happening anytime soon.
"Thank you, doctor. I believe you have done everything you could," I said. "Have a nice day"