The study room reappeared with a white flash as the book slipped from Dean's fingers.
"Matin! I… I," he shouted, looking frantically from left to right.
Where was he? This wasn't the village. He was in some sort of study. He was-. No, he was back in that gray, washed-out world. Tatiana's world, the place where he belonged.
He was someone different, wasn't he? Someone far removed from the dark events he had just witnessed. It hurt. It hurt so much that he was left gasping for air and clutching his chest. The dull surroundings seemed darker to him than ever before. When he felt a cold, skeletal hand on his shoulder, he unconsciously grasped it with his own.
"Hanging from a tree. A fitting end for a violent murderer, no?" Tatiana said with a smile. "Welcome back, Dean. I'll ignore how you rudely ran away from my questioning earlier since you seem so distraught."
Dean looked up at her, his eyes wide.
"You could say Matin was the kindest of your friends, and you just witnessed what he is capable of. So, tell me, Dean. Was he justified in his actions? Do you still wish to consider him a real person and a friend after all he did? Forget not that he brutally murdered your precious Cait. And all she wanted was to kindly offer him a meal," she said with a short laugh.
Yes, he still felt anger over Matin's actions. They had put so much effort into recovering from their ordeal and rebuilding their lives, only for Matin to bring it all crashing down. There was no logical reason to stay near such a person if one wanted a peaceful life.
No, Matin was pushed into committing those actions. If only Dean had been a better friend and helped him rather than foisting his own ideals onto him. In the end, he had been no better than Marianne.
"There's a hollow look in your eyes," Tatiana noted, leaning down to look at him. "Come, all you need to do is dismiss it all as fiction and accept that you cannot save them. If you do, all the pain and death can be erased, and you can keep moving forward in blissful apathy. Those horrible events will no longer be of any consequence."
He knew there was a time, before reading the two prior books, when he hadn't been troubled by these thoughts. Ever since he discovered those two motes of light, those memories, his conscience had been bothering him. Tatiana may have been right. It would be so easy to return to how he was before. Reading eternally, living life after life and not caring or remembering the details of those lives.
"Living out an endless number of lives. There could be no better fate for us both, you know? All you need to do is let go," Tatiana said as she hugged him from behind. "You did enough in the past. No one expects any more from you. Just give it all up."
The pain of loss and the desire to run from it all swirled within Dean's mind as the room became darker and darker. Even Tatiana's touch became faint. Then, when he felt like his mind was about to break in two, he looked down at the book on the floor. The study flashed, and he found himself back in the village square.
He stood alone. The crowd was nowhere to be seen, and yet Matin still hung there, tied to the tree branch. No, it wasn't just Matin. Nicolas, Maria, Addi, and Rosetta were also there. He heard a scream. No, he was the one who screamed as he ran to his friends and tried to pull them free, not noticing that their bodies were cold and utterly lifeless.
He could still save them. If he hurried, he could revive them. He had to. He didn't want to go on without them. As he held Addi's legs, his gaze shifted left, and he noticed other bodies hanging on a separate branch. There, he saw Marianne, Layota, and his father. Absently, he wondered where Oscar, Mitch, and Methaeus were, but that didn't matter. He was openly sobbing now. The pain and shock were too much for his mind to handle.
He looked back up at Addi. He wanted to speak with her again, to joke around and spend each day just having fun and being carefree.
"Can a hero who has outlived all those he loved truly be called a hero?"
Surprised by the sudden voice, Dean turned to find Joan standing behind him. She was looking at him with a rare look of worry on her face. She was back to her ten-year-old self.
"Joan," Dean said in surprise. "You're here? You're alright?"
Joan nodded. She approached him and took hold of his hand.
"Death is nothing to be sad about, you know. They're no longer suffering. In fact, they are very much at peace, preparing for their next life," she said in a comforting tone that was very much unlike her.
Dean looked back at the people he once knew. Their faces were contorted in pain, and tears of dried blood marked their cheeks. How could Joan's words be true?
"Come with me, Dean. If you study the church's teachings with me, you'll find comfort, I promise. Together we can bring peace to this awful world."
He was always jealous of how easily Joan had accepted death. He wondered if he could truly find peace of mind within the religious texts she cared so much about.
"Wait!"
Both Dean and Joan turned around, and Dean saw someone who shouldn't have been there.
"Cait?" he asked, his breath leaving him. "I thought you died. Y-you were in the kitchen, there was so much blood, I-"
Cait gave him a small smile and walked up to him. She too had returned to the age she had been during the massacre at Mount Moore.
"I'll never leave you, didn't I promise you that on the day we married?"
She gave him a gentle hug, and he felt a small bit of his worries fall away.
"Just think of me, spend time with me, love me. In time, you'll forget the pain their deaths have brought you. If you stay with me and love me, then you will find comfort, I promise."
Finding comfort in the arms of another. A burden shared is a burden lessened. That was another way he could forget everything. It didn't sound so bad.
"That won't work!" Joan shouted. "There's no way something as shallow as romantic love could ever heal his wounds. I already asked him to join the church. He doesn't need to dirty himself with carnal desires!"
Cait flinched slightly, but to Dean's surprise, she returned Joan's glare with one of her own.
"It's not just about… that stuff! We can support each other and always be there for one another. That's a very important thing. No, it's having someone to take care of and being taken care of in return! That'll help him move on for sure!"
Suddenly the two of them were having a full-blown argument, and Dean's words urging calm didn't seem to reach them. He felt as if they had tied a rope around him and were pulling him in opposite directions.
"You're just tempting him like a common whore. I thought you were better than that!"
"He needs a caring partner, not some crazed religious fanatic!"
The world around him darkened again, and their voices, though he could still hear them, were becoming slightly muffled.
He blinked.
Both Joan's and Cait's faces had become distorted. He could no longer see their expressions, as both of their faces had become black voids. As they argued, they looked like dolls whose faces had been sliced off. Was he imagining things? He rubbed his eyes, but no, their faces were still hidden behind blackness.
"It was right that you were suppressed and forgotten about! You're not needed! You only bring pain to us!" Joan shouted.
"We should forget the past and the role they gave us. They only ever caused us pain! We found something much better!" Cait replied.
Their voices, much like their faces, had become distorted and broken, sometimes high-pitched, sometimes low. He wanted to go back to not feeling anything, to fade away and not have to continue to exist like this.
Caring for these people, wanting to save them. It had all been a mistake. He wished they would just leave him alone.
A hand grabbed each of his arms. One belonged to Joan and the other to Cait, though they were not themselves anymore but something terrifying. Long black shadows covered their bodies, not just their faces. Their different hair and statures being the only things that allowed him to identify them. Their hands were icy, and they were pulling on him too tightly. It hurt.
"Let's kill all the heretics and make a peaceful world where we can be together!"
"Love me. Let me touch you, kiss you, violate you, kill you. Only you."
The distorted voices from forms he could no longer recognise made him cower in fear. Maybe this was his punishment for letting everyone die. If so, perhaps it was time he accepted it.
"My, you've really gone and done it this time. To think this is the kind of scene you would create. Though, to be entirely honest, some of this horror show is my responsibility. I do apologise."
Tatiana's all too familiar voice reached his ears, and he turned towards her. She looked at the two creatures holding him with distaste before shifting her gaze to the hanging corpses. To his surprise, a tear flowed down her cheek.
Even as Joan and Cait tried to tear him apart, Tatiana embraced him.
"This is why I wanted you to let go, Dean. It's too painful, isn't it? I know that better than anyone. Death is too painful."
Her voice was so gentle. Had he ever heard her speak like that before? Without meaning to, he held her tight as if she were his only chance at being saved.
"Forget all of them. They don't matter. Here, in this place I've created for both of us, death and pain no longer matter. All you need to do is accept it within your heart and then you'll be free from all this."
Yes, he wanted nothing more than to run away. To forget all that he had experienced and merely read as an unrelated bystander. Those things hanging from the branch were nothing more than his own doubts made manifest. The two pulling at his arms, his fear and desire to escape. All he had to do was stop caring, and they would vanish.
Tatiana separated from him and reached out her hand.
"Let's enjoy never-ending stories together forevermore," she said, her scarred face looking beautiful to him in its own way; familiar and comforting.
That was it. All he had to do was take her hand. Death would never matter to him again, and he could stop feeling all this pain. All he had to do was reach out.
As the village green grew darker, he reached out his hand towards his own salvation.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Dean!"
At that moment, the world that had been growing dark suddenly shifted back into the light of day. Something akin to a crack had appeared in the sky, allowing the light through. Both Dean and Tatiana turned towards the source of the voice. Ahead of them, one of the hanging bodies was struggling.
Face contorted in pain, she made a sweeping gesture with her arm, and what appeared to be a blade of condensed air cut the rope around her neck, and she fell to the ground with a thump.
Getting to her feet and gasping for air, Addi stared at Dean.
"After all this time looking, I find you here about to give up? Just what in the name of the Goddess has gotten into you? Don't tell me you were about to give in!"
She took a step toward Dean. Terrified, he took a quick step back.
"Why the hell are you still playing around at reading those damned books and not doing anything about this?" Addi screamed as she grabbed him by the collar. "Not only that, but you were just going to let yourself get tricked because some strange woman was being nice to you? Well, that does sound a bit like you, I guess."
Dean looked at the newcomer in shock.
"Addi, how are you here?" he asked.
Addi clicked her tongue.
"You're the one who dragged my soul back into this body. Honestly, how stupid have you gotten? I know you've always been dense, but this really takes it to a whole other level!"
Tatiana stepped forward, placing herself between Addi and Dean.
"I see you've managed to make it back by some stroke of luck. However, your presence is an eyesore. Leave now!" She demanded.
"Oh, shut up." Addi replied in a bored tone. "I'm here to lecture Dean, not chat with a third-rate creator like you. I'll deal with you after so just sit there like a good little girl, yeah?"
Tatiana's expression twisted as if she were being strangled. Dean couldn't look away from Addi. Her attitude made him feel proud, though slightly embarrassed at the same time.
"Now, Dean. Tell me what you remember. Tell me everything, and you better hope I'm satisfied."
Dean took a moment to find his words. He noticed that the corpses, as well as Joan and Cait, had all disappeared. He glanced over at Tatiana, who was glaring daggers at Addi.
"I- I don't remember much. Only that my name is Dean and that I deserve to be here."
Addi raised an eyebrow.
"No wonder you almost fell for this creature's ploy. Well, I can't exactly blame you for losing yourself. We've both been through so much because of this monster. I hope the old you is still in there somewhere, though."
The old him. He had an inkling of what she meant. The casual young man, full of confidence he became whenever he read a book. Did he really want to be like that anymore?
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
Wait, did he even want to know? Hadn't he been wanting to forget everything until a moment ago? But no, that was not who he really was. Seeing Addi in front of him now, he wanted to know more. He needed to know more.
"I've been acting bloody depressing lately, haven't I? Honestly, it's damned embarrassing," he muttered
It was Addi's turn for her jaw to drop. She looked at him with wide red eyes, and then a massive grin appeared on her face.
"So your usual stupid self is still in there!" She said with glee. "And here I thought you had become a boring idiot. as opposed to a mildly entertaining one, that is."
"Hey, aren't you calling me an idiot either way?" he snapped back.
At that moment, loud laughter interrupted both of them.
"I must say, I should be furious that my ploy was compromised, but seeing this is almost enough to bring a tear to my eye," Tatiana said, seemingly no longer phased by Addi's presence. "I can only assume you've had outside help, Addi."
"I'd thank not to address me with such familiarity," Addi said, crossing her arms. "We don't even know each other."
"But seeing you die over and over again has been one of my greatest joys. I confess, I've grown attached to watching you struggle endlessly only to give up little by little. It's an acceptable act you're putting up at the moment, I must admit."
Addi snickered.
"Well, that may have been true a few lives ago but I've found a new ray of hope. Sorry to disappoint."
Tatiana raised an eyebrow.
"You've made a deal with the devil, most likely. That will only lead to your ruin. Do you even truly know the entity that aided you?"
"Don't know and don't care. Whatever the price is, it can't be worse than what you've been doing to everyone."
Tatiana sighed and shook her head, dismissing Addi's words.
"So, you've finally appeared before me. What difference can you even make?" Tatiana asked, her expression bored. "You forget that you're still trapped in my domain."
Addi smirked as she scratched her chin.
"Well, let's see," she said as she turned to Dean. "What if I told you that despite you thinking that this place is for you and you alone, that all the others are here suffering too?"
Dean heard Tatiana take a sharp intake of breath, but he barely registered it himself.
"The others. You mean…"
"Bates, kill her. Kill her now!"
Dean's memory flashed back to the time Addi was stabbed in the back at the cathedral. He reached out a hand as a well-dressed man suddenly appeared behind Addi. The knife in his hand flashed as it swung forward.
"Woah!" Addi exclaimed as she twisted her body to the side. "I know you're probably scared of my pale face and red eyes, but stabbing me in the back twice?"
The knife missed its target, and Bates made an impressed grunt.
"Should have known that the same trick wouldn't work twice. Even so, few could manage what you have, you pale monster."
"Oh, enough with the albino thing!" Addi said as she swung her arm out towards Bates.
For a moment he seemed to block whatever attack she had directed toward him. However, his smile slowly fell into a grimace, and a split second later, he was sent crashing into a nearby wall.
"Sorry, my lady, this one actually has a lot of… fight in her," Bates said with a chuckle. "I'd like to try again someday, but for now I'll be going."
"Just like that?" Tatiana asked incredulously.
Bates simply smiled as his body dissipated.
"He might be good at taking down regular chumps, but I'm built differently," Addi said in a haughty tone. "Don't bring trash to fight someone as perfect as me."
Tatiana scowled for a moment before shaking her head and smiling once again.
"Very well, a stain such as you might take a bit of extra effort to clean, but I can wait. You've submitted yourself to Dean's fate by coming here, nothing more."
Dean, who'd watch this all unfold, could no longer hold on to his silence.
"Enough about all that! Who are the others? Are they really here? Why do they feel so familiar to me? Please tell me." He asked, looking towards Addi, who nodded.
"Yes. Matin, Nicolas, Maria, Rosetta and all the others. They aren't just some fake people made up by her. They're people we knew long ago and they're stuck here just like us. These 'books' you are reading are not just stories either. They're actual worlds with living people in them."
Dean shook his head.
"This place was for me and me alone. Since when did-"
His own personal hell. A punishment for what he did. What had he done again? Vague images and impressions were all that came to him.
Today we liberate the priestess once and for all.
Get your hands off of me, you filthy beggar!
Vague memories floated to the surface but remained mostly intangible. A man leading an army, facing an enormous wall with the monastery behind it. Another of someone, slapping away the pleading hand of a person destitute.
No others deserved to be here. This place was for him alone. Tatiana had said so herself. Was it all a lie?
"I think our friend over there's been telling fibs," Addi said, tilting her head towards Tatiana, who gave her a withering look in return.
"So those hunches I've been getting were right after all. To think I was willing to ignore all that for a small bit of comfort."
Tatiana looked at them both with a blank expression. Though likely wishful thinking, Dean thought she looked much more tense than usual.
"Yes, I kept it a secret." She confided. "But only for Dean's well-being. What you've just done can never be taken back and will more than likely lead to the worst ending."
Addi placed her hands on her hips.
"If you want something done, do it and worry about the consequences later. Nothing good will ever happen if he stays here with you for the rest of eternity. We have our lives to live, dammit!"
"My, such confidence." Tatiana chuckled. "Tell me, which one of my readers is backing you? Is it that slimy inquisitor, Adalet?"
Addi placed a finger to her lips and gave Tatiana a beaming smile.
"That's a secret!" She said, drawing out the last word.
Soon after, she turned to Dean.
"So what will it be, Dean? Wanna work together like old times? Let's get our friends back and put anyone who goes against us into the ground."
Just like Tatiana, Addi reached out her pale hand to him. He recalled what he saw in the mote of light, how he had once reached his hand out to her in a similar way. He knew now how real and important those memories were, fragmented though they may have been.
"Suppose I have to, since my dear apprentice asked so nicely," he said, taking her hand.
Addi let out a loud laugh.
"You hear that, you pathetic Goddess? I'm gonna grab Dean and all the others and take them all back home with me. Your playtime with them is over!"
Tatiana stood up straight, looming high above Addi.
"My such greed, stealing all my toys. You honestly have no idea how futile your desires are," Tatiana said with a sigh. "Very well, this should make things interesting. It's been a while since we've had such a shake up here. I was beginning to grow bored."
Addi turned to Dean.
"With the two of us together, nothing's impossible, right?" She said with a beaming smile.
Those, too, were words from the distant past. He was sure he had spoken them last time. Had he really been this bloody embarrassing?
He nodded with a smile.
With the two finally able to reunite, the trajectory of their story had changed irreversibly. Whether it was for good or ill had yet to be determined, but with his apprentice now at his side, Dean was ready to uncover whatever truth lay hidden before them.
However, darkness yet remained in both their hearts, which they kept hidden from the other. The same was true for those they called friends. Secrets untold and grudges unsettled. With the future still obscured, they continued bravely on to the next story.