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Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: System = Artificial Idiot

Broke? Sure. But not sleeping-on-the-streets broke.

According to his new memories, his penny-pinching parents in this world had at least left him a house. In Kaminmoe—er, Tokyo, by his old world's standards—that was a massive win, right? A whole house in Japan's capital? Jackpot city!

But the retro apartment aesthetic—tiny genkan, rooms so cramped they'd make a capsule hotel blush—didn't exactly scream "dream home" to Satoru.

Still, no weird smells lingered in the air, and the place was clean enough to pass a white-glove test.

He flopped onto the bed, thoughts spiraling like a shounen protagonist mid-monologue.

Transmigrated. No kidding.

No starry-eyed meet-cutes here. Instead, he'd crashed headfirst into Yotsumoto Ryoka—living proof he'd been isekai'd into the pages of an NTR hentai doujin. But he'd defused the crisis like a pro, saving the day with minimal collateral damage and upholding his sacred title as Pure Love Warrior Extraordinaire. Cue the applause—heroic victory achieved!

Back in his old life, his backstory could've made Batman jealous. Now? Still flying solo in this world.

Honestly? Not bad.

He glanced at the room's lone full-length mirror.

Reflected back was Kobayashi Satoru—his first proper look at his new-world self.

Tall and wiry, clocking in around 1.8 meters—a towering rarity among Japanese folks. Skin pale, but not the glowing, idol-tier kind—more like a ghostly, "haven't seen sunlight in years" pallor. Hair a chaotic mess, eyes dull as dishwater, and faint dark circles screaming chronic sleep deprivation. Dude looked like he'd been grinding gacha rolls all night.

Didn't peg this guy as a nocturnal grind master. Guess I'm cursed now.

Satoru smirked.

Setting aside the "debuffs," his face was solid. Sharp jawline, a vibe that screamed end-of-century bishounen—pretty enough to headline a shoujo manga.

Pity, though.

Satoru rubbed his chin, sighing dramatically. "Back in my old life, I was the Gosling of Kansai, the Kitagawa of Kyoto."

[Shameless much? Beep. System calls out Host for egregious self-hype.]

A voice, straight out of A Certain Scientific Railgun's Misaka Imouto playbook, piped up in his head.

"Oh, you showed up."

[Host's not even slightly shocked. Beep. System is miffed Host didn't scream, 'Aaaah, what are you?!']

"You called yourself a 'system.' Why would I lose it? But fine, since you're begging—Aaaah, what are you?! Satisfied?"

[Host's delivery is as flat as a salaryman muttering, 'Too tired, maybe tomorrow.' Beep. System doubts Host's stamina.]

"Enough sass. What's your deal, huh?" Satoru asked. Transmigration was a done deal—might as well come with a system, right?

[I'm a Kagoku-brand 2060 model System, codename: Pure Love. Host can call me 'Ai-chan.' Beep. Ai-chan deems 'Ai-chan' super kawaii and is now adopting it… Ai-chan's online, feeling radiant!]

"Artificial moron?"

[Host's the moron! Creator-sama ran IQ tests during Ai-chan's build. Even minus eighty points, Ai-chan's still genius-tier! Beep. Ai-chan puffs out her 36D assets with pride.]

"Creator-sama, eh?"

[The supreme overlord, the ultimate icon, Ai-chan's kami—way beyond your mortal brain's grasp. Beep. Ai-chan warns Host to stop snooping.]

"So, what's your actual purpose?"

Satoru mentally whispered interface, and—bam—a screen flickered into view.

It was… barebones. Like a Notepad TXT file barebones.

Scrawled in basic Arial were two lines:

Line 1: Acquired Skills

Line 2: Swordsmanship Mastery EX, Bullshitting LV.2

Swordsmanship Mastery EX: The vibe of epic coolness forever trails me.

Bullshitting LV.2: Truth's irrelevant—what matters is if they buy it.

Short, sweet, and painfully blunt.

Satoru vaguely recalled the system's voice before he blacked out—something about the "Swordsmanship" skill being his reward for saving Ryoka. He'd held off asking about it, half-hoping if he ghosted it, the system might stay quiet. Too many isekai systems were walking embarrassments, and this one? Oh, it was shaping up to be a classic.

Utterly pathetic.

Not just pathetic…

This interface was rougher than a middle schooler's first HTML project, radiating budget vibes from every pixel.

"No quests or anything?"

[Ai-chan's all about freedom! Quests trigger based on Host's actions, yo. Beep. Clever Ai-chan gently guides the clueless Host.]

"So if I don't do anything, you're basically dead weight?"

[Technically, yeah, but Ai-chan's got killer features and epic rewards! No way Host can resist the allure. Beep. Ai-chan tugs her collar, flashing her 36D charm to tempt.]

"Real talk: 'Martial Arts Mastery EX' or 'Study Hacks Mastery EX' might've been useful. 'Swordsmanship Mastery EX'? What's that good for? I've never even seen a sword!" What's it supposed to do? Let him kendo his way to glory? Against who?

And Bullshitting LV.2? That's just his natural charisma carrying the team!

[A-Ai-chan only sets up the rewards! What you pull from the gacha is on your luck, Host! So landing 'Swordsmanship Mastery EX' just means you're a non-lucky loser. Beep. Ai-chan pouts, annoyed at Host's blame game.]

"Whatever, I'm crashing. Don't show up unless I call!" Satoru yawned. Heatstroke or not, this body was running on fumes.

[Hmph, Host's clueless! These 'other worlds' aren't like the old days. Without Ai-chan, you'd trip at the starting line! Hey, don't actually sleep! Beep. Ai-chan tries to yank Host's hair but realizes she's handless, sinking into despair.]

"…Zzz." Satoru was out cold.

[Grr, damn it! One day, you'll see Ai-chan's greatness! Beep. Ai-chan vows to make Host taste the pain of 'abusive love's thrill, but chasing love's a crematorium!']

"…"

The system-Host banter wasn't a conversation—it was a mental cage match, one Satoru could dominate. Want silence? Just think sleep, and the system's noise drowned out.

That's exactly what he did.

High schooler, huh.

Half-dozing, Satoru mused. Back in his old life, he was a grizzled uncle. Now, back in high school? Maybe he could soak up some youthful vibes…

As if!

The next day, in Shirao High's classroom, Satoru flipped through a borrowed library book—A General History of Kagoku or something like it.

Kagoku soul, Kagoku pride! I gotta find a way back!

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