It was almost 6:30 p.m. in the evening when I reached my dorm. The cold breeze had already started at this time in Shanghai. I immediately got inside my dorm and reached my room. The moment I entered the room and opened its door, Wang Ruoxi was waiting for me. She immediately grabbed me and said, "Zhao Shiza, finally you have arrived. Now tell me what happened on the date today. Just tell me, I was waiting for you for so long." She asked me very excitedly.
I exhaled sharply and said, "Wang Ruoxi, you are asking too many questions at the same time. I have just arrived. Just let me freshen up first and then I'll tell you everything in detail."
After saying that, I went to the restroom to change myself and freshen up. After doing that, I was about to talk to Wang Ruoxi about whatever happened today when my phone started buzzing inside my bag.
"Ooo God, who is disturbing us at this time?" Wang Ruoxi said in frustration.
I smiled and said, "Relax, let me see who's calling." Then I got up and took out my phone from my bag, and there it was—who else could be calling me other than him. I picked up the call and said, "Hello."
He replied, "Hello. Have you reached your dormitory safely?"
"Yes, it's almost half an hour passed," I said.
"Then why didn't you text me? I was worried about you," he said in a very worried tone.
"Yuan, I am your girlfriend, not a five-year-old kid for whom you get so much tensed," I said.
"Yes, you are a five-year-old kiddo, even worse than that," he said.
"Yuan, don't you think that suddenly you are caring for me and worrying for me so much that it's hard to digest?" I asked him.
"So you are doubting me and my intentions, right?" he said.
"No, no, it's not like that. Just thinking… just a few days ago we didn't talk much to each other and suddenly it feels like—" I stopped midway.
"It feels like what?" he asked me.
"It feels like now you can't even breathe without me," I said in one go.
"You are right, my silly girl. I can't even breathe without you now. I know for you it sounds strange and unbelievable, but I don't know how to answer this. Understand it this way—you have worshipped me all these years since the moment you saw me in a drama series on your screen, so you can understand my feelings," he said.
I really didn't know what he was talking about or what he really wanted to say, but I only knew one thing—that now I could feel it. I could feel his restlessness, his impatience, and his worries. These were the things I had craved for all these years from him. But life is so unbelievable that now, when it's actually happening, I am not able to trust it.
All these thoughts were in my mind, and I just said to him, "No, Yuan, you don't need to say anything else. I understand you."
He smiled—maybe because I could feel it through the phone. Then he asked me, "You didn't message me about tomorrow's date place and time. I was waiting for your message."
"Ooo really? But that much I know—my Yuan Yuan isn't busy in his prior commitments," I said.
"Of course I am, but who said I can't make time to think about you? Don't underestimate your boyfriend. I am multitasking," he said.
I chuckled.
From behind, Wang Ruoxi threw a pillow at me and said, "You are taking too long. Come fast, I am waiting for you."
"I am coming, just a few minutes," I said to her. Then she got up, sat at the study table, took out her notes, and started preparing for tomorrow's class test that Professor Wang told us about.
"It's better you study for tomorrow's test till I talk to him," I said to her.
"Didn't you want to prepare for tomorrow's test?" she asked me.
"I'll prepare it later," I said.
Then I returned to the call and said, "Yes, you were saying something."
"Nothing. I am going to hang up. You need to prepare for your tomorrow's test. Just prepare well," he said and was about to cut the call.
But I insisted and said, "Are you really going to cut the call?"
"Hm," he said in his usual tone.
"Don't you want to talk to me a little longer?" I asked him.
He got a little confused and asked, "What happened to my silly girl? Is she alright?"
"Yes, I am just—" I stopped midway.
"Just what?" he asked.
"Just… I just want to talk to you a little longer. I don't know what's happening inside me, but something definitely I am not able to handle. I don't know why," I said.
"Relax. Just relax. Breathe in and out," he said, and I followed it.
"Now tell me what's really happening inside your little heart," he asked me.
"I don't know, Yuan, but every time when I sit quietly and don't do anything, I just feel discomfort in my heart. It feels like… it feels like you are leaving me, that you are not mine and I am not yours. And tears start splashing in my eyes, and a fear comes that I'll never get you, never. And that feeling, that feeling kills me. It makes me feel that nothing is left for me, like I am about to die."
I understand whatever she is feeling now. She loved me all these years without telling it to anyone and carried this feeling all alone inside her. This is the heaviest feeling she has been carrying all alone since all those years. And now when she got me, she is not able to believe it.
I never thought that I would earn a fan like her in my whole life. What did I do to her? Why am I affecting her like this? These questions always come into my mind. Did I really deserve her love for me?
I didn't tell her whatever I was thinking right now, but after a long pause I spoke and said, "I don't know about destiny and faith, but since the day you were born into this world, you are mine. You were born to be mine. This is the only thing I can say to you now."
"Always yours," I replied.
"Always mine," he said.
Like this, the night went on, and we were still talking continuously on call. The call didn't cut. Just like this, it became 6 a.m. in the early morning, and sleep didn't even touch my eyes.
"Yuan, don't you need to do some of your work today?" I asked him.
"I do," he replied.
"Then it's so late now. We'll cut the call. You take rest, and sorry because of me. For giving me reassurance, you didn't sleep last night and kept talking to me even after getting so tired," I said.
"Don't you dare blame my girlfriend for anything, okay?" he said.
"Okay, okay. I am hanging up. zao an (Good morning), bye-bye."
He said, zao an ("Good morning,") and "bye-bye," and then the call ended.
I looked at the clock—it was 6:15 a.m. I immediately grabbed my notes and started preparing for the test in whatever time I had left now…