Yes, you are, he said while holding me close to him.
I looked into his eyes and said, but Xu Yuan, it's not appropriate, while looking down.
He placed both of his hands on my cheeks and said, why is it not appropriate?
Because what if someone finds out? It's not good for your career, and you are at such a good stage in your career. I really don't want to become an obstacle in your career, I said.
You'll never become an obstacle in my career. In fact, you are the best thing that has happened to me, he said while smiling.
Okay, if you want, then we won't let anyone know about it. But you have to be my girlfriend. We won't tell anyone, but you are my girl.
I looked down for a while and didn't say anything.
He exhaled sharply and asked me, are you really thinking about whether to say yes or no?
No, Xu Yuan. It's not like that. My answer has always been yes. It was yes way before you even asked me, I said.
Then why are you taking so much time to answer me? he asked.
I'm just finding an appropriate word for that, I said.
So did you find it? he asked.
Yes, of course I did, I said while smiling a little.
What is it then? Tell me, he asked.
It's that I can't be your girlfriend, I said.
What? Did you really find that way right? he asked shockingly.
No, no, Xu Yuan, relax. First listen to me. Let me complete, I said.
I can't be your girlfriend because I'll be your secret girlfriend, I said.
He took a deep sigh of relief and said, you are too much. You just scared me so much.
I laughed.
Okay, my secret girlfriend, what would you like to do now? he asked.
Nothing. I just want you to drop me at my dormitory as soon as possible, I said.
I'm not in the mood for that. Maybe we can go somewhere to eat something together, he said.
No, Xu Yuan, not today. Your secret girlfriend has very important tests in the upcoming days that she needs to attend, and I haven't told you yet that because of this, I won't be able to come to the set for shooting for the next three days.
What? he said in shock. You just became my secret girlfriend, we both confessed to each other, and now you're telling me this?
I looked down. I know, Xu Yuan, but try to understand, I said.
Understood, he said.
So fast? I asked astonishingly.
Hmm, just one condition, he said.
What condition? I asked.
Stop calling me Xu Yuan, he said.
I laughed a little. So what should I call you then? Don't ask me to call you those cliché names that every couple uses.
No, I'm not asking that. Just call me Yuan only, he said.
Yuan, I repeated.
Okay, my Yuan… Yuan, I said.
That's better. Now your appeal has been accepted, and you get those three days' leave, he said while patting my head.
I laughed and said, okay, okay, Mr. Xu Yuan.
He looked at me.
Oh sorry, sorry… Yuan, Yuan… my Yuan, I corrected myself immediately.
He chuckled and said, always yours, Yuan.
Forever and ever? I asked.
Yes, forever and ever, he replied.
You know what, Yuan? When we hadn't met each other, I never thought that in this life I would ever get a chance to meet you. I just thought I would die without even meeting you once, I said.
Don't say such words about my girl, he said in a different, serious expression.
What words? I asked.
These "die" and all. I can't hear such things about my girl, he said.
Even if your girl herself says it? I asked.
Yes, even if my girl herself says it. She doesn't have the right to talk about herself like that, he said.
I could feel he became a little angry about it, but I continued.
Okay, I take my words back. But it still feels like a dream to me—a long dream that I never want to wake up from. And if it really is a dream, then I want to live in it for my whole life, I said.
He smiled a little and said, you silly girl, are you still thinking it's a dream?
I paused for a while and then said, Yuan, you don't know. I didn't even dare to dream about this—that I would ever get you and that we would express our feelings to each other. This was a dream I didn't even dare to dream because somewhere in my heart I knew it would never come true. You were not mine. We were so far away. You would never know about me. You know what? Earlier, I thought I would love you one-sidedly for my whole life. But look how things turned out differently. One day we stood in front of each other. Trust me, Yuan, this is nothing less than a dream. Nothing less than a dream, I repeated as tears started falling.
Hey, stop, you silly girl. Don't you dare make my girl cry, he said.
But you don't know… living all these years knowing I could never have you was so hard for me. Sometimes I lost control and cried badly. I cried alone so no one would see me and ask why I was crying. Sometimes my emotions were out of my control. I felt pain in my Mr. Heart—I felt pain here, I said while placing my hand on my heart. But every time, I wiped my tears, stood up, and told myself that if this was the path I chose, then I would walk on it my whole life.
You don't know—one-sided love is so painful. And the biggest setback of one-sided love is that there is no painkiller for it. Especially in my case, it was worse because I loved a celebrity—not just any celebrity, but such a big one, the biggest face of the C-drama industry, with billions of fans and admirers all over the nation. Someone so unreachable, so far from me. And I couldn't even tell anyone because I knew they would laugh and make fun of my love for you. I couldn't handle that, so I stayed silent. But every time, a huge fear came into my mind.
I looked into his eyes and said, if anyone—anyone other than you—ever touched me, I would die. I would die right away. I started crying even more.
He hugged me tightly and said, I got you. I got you. Don't think about things that haven't happened. And it's your Yuan's promise—no one, no one will ever be able to lay a single finger on you. And even at the worst—which will never happen—but even then, they will have to fight me first before reaching my girl.
He kissed my forehead again and again and said, don't worry, my silly girl. I'll protect you. You are mine to protect, and I am always yours.
But deep inside, he thought to himself, God, did I really deserve this girl? Why did you give her to me? She loves me so madly. What if she hurts herself while loving me? I can't handle that. Why did you give me such pure love? Do I really deserve it? But I won't question you, because you have given me the best gift of my life. And now that you've given me her, I will never return her. I'll keep her close to my heart like this always and protect your precious gift.
Yuan, I said in a tiny voice after crying.
He said, hm.
There are so many people—so many fans—who love you and admire you. But only I got you. I can't digest this fact. Why me? I asked.
He opened his eyes and said, why not you? Tell me—because no one ever loved me the way you love me.
I blushed a little.
And now it's my turn to love you, he said.
Yuan, I want you to love me the way I love you, I said.
He smiled and said, it's very difficult. Your love is reckless, raw, naive, rebellious, and so deep like an ocean. It carries all emotions and personalities. It's hard to love you the way you love me—but I'll love you in my way. I'll love you the way Zhao Shiza's Yuan loves Zhao Shiza.
I blushed again.
You look cuter when you blush. I just discovered that, he said.
I chuckled.
And like this, we got lost in the city lights of Shanghai. Evening turned into night, cold breezes started blowing, but our confession made our hearts light and calm...