If I had known this night would be like this I would have slammed the door on Lena and laid quietly in the dark.
Waiting for the whole world to move on and pass me by.
Forcing myself out tonight wouldn't have been a decision to be considered at all
At least the dark didn't ask any question.
"I slipped into the gown I had placed on the bed and walked softly towards the mirror stand"
I glanced at my reflection,
A red gown—my favorite once.And in that moment,it hit me."
These were the exact clothes I had worn to attend the engagement party.The Genesis of it all .where it all fell apart.
I fastened on the only pair of gold I had left,and proceeded to do a light makeup.to cover the shame not erase it.
To hide the only illusion I still hold on to deep within
I held the make-up brush-it felt heavy for a moment. like a weapon in my hands ,one wrong stroke ,one wrong move and the masks would break.My hands trembled like I knew the lie I was about to paint on my face.
Dressing up took longer than expected
After putting on the makeup I fell flat on the bed.l stared daggers at ceiling.
I wasn't ready to go out.Not yet. It was too soon I thought aloud.
But then again. There's too much bill to settle for me to waste my time living my pain over again.
A broken heart will not get you anything free.
This party was going to be fill with people from all walks of life.
Just one client can change my situation
Just one….
I hadn't done dishes in ages.little wonder the horrible stench .
Cockroaches had done justice to the left over pizza on the table.
Heap of dirt hid behind the door.
The floor looked like it needed some mopping.
My eyes wandered around the room until it rested on a portrait hanging beside my bed.
It was dusty,it was messed up.
It was a portrait of my younger self, smiling confidently beside the backdrop of red roses.it used to hang on my office wall back then when my name still meant something .now it just laid there covered in dust.just like the version of me I'd become.
I almost reached out to clean it ,but stopped halfway.of what use was it? That part of me didn't exist anymore.
The red roses on my bed side table drifted me back to my good old days.
The young and vibrant me.The young girl who had everything planned out.Who disliked hockey.
That lively self that runs round the river banks on her free time.
That goes to church on a Sunday morning and roast chicken on a Sunday afternoon..
I stood up from the bed.I had forgotten to put on lipstick.
I searched my dressing table for two minutes before i found it.
Red lipgloss -my favorite -but not anymore.
Red use to mean love,life ,celebration, power. Now it only reminds me of that night,the torn red curtain.The broken red tables and the red spotlight that caught every second of my downfall.
All i could see when I look back to that night was .The chaos.
The despair of the guests,their loud scream .
The angry look on His face.His advancing footsteps,my backsliding heels .
Blood spilled.Tears flowing
My head felt blank .I didn't know what to do.Where did the mistake come from .i remember asking myself for the hundredth time before leaving.
But before I left I saw something -or should I say i heard something that I wasn't suppose to hear....
The world didn't get to hear my own side of the story..
I was still deep in my thought when…..
"Don't tell me you are not ready" I heard Lena's voice from the room in the apartment beside mine.
"Ughhhhhh…"I muttered.using the back of my palm to hit my forehead . letting out a loud sigh..
I laid down back on the bed-before my back could reach the bed.Lena waltz's in.
" Clara!! What the hell do you think you're doing, we're late already " she screamed at the top of her voice.
"why this party Lena?. You've been in my neck for weeks and now all of sudden this party matters!."
"it's just a party. Clara."
"Unless this party has a job opening for a ruined event planner . I don't see the point Lena. What's the real reason you want me there ?"
"Clara,it's not just a party , okay. My brother is getting an award tonight,he asked if I could bring someone along ,and the only person I thought of was you. Please don't make me go alone "she said tugging at my arm.
"Don't go get yourself a boyfriend and stop disturbing my life "I replied chuckling.
"Clara…"
"Fine.fine I'd go, " I said reluctantly.
We both stood up from the bed.
She assisted me in brushing up and styling my hair.
We exited the room, bolted the door and out we were.
Immediately I came outside,a rush of wind brushed past my face.
"Hmmmn…" i inhaled.
A familiar scent hit my nose .oh I remember..
The scent of the atmosphere.A mixture of grass ,trees and that natural oxygen..
The street buzzed with traffic and chatter. Vehicles lined up in traffic.Told me something I needed to know.
"Life still goes on.."
While I was still having my episode the city still goes on-alive and uncaring.
We flagged a cab and entered.
Few minutes in the cab. I was getting bored already.
Lena was keen to her phone paying me no attention.
I had told myself earlier on that I wouldn't touch my phone.
I dipped my hand into my purse,what could go wrong in going through my phone.
I glanced through the phone only to see another post -another hate comment.
A rush of emotions clouded me .love.hate .pain and all the lot.
I couldn't.i dropped the phone and lifted my eyes.fighting back tears .
"Not tonight.." I whispered
Tonight wasn't suppose to be about the scandal. I looked up through the window. The view was eye catching.
Plazas lined up on the street and their different lighting's that added color to the street that night.
Short trees and grasses providing free oxygen. Waving at every zooming vehicle.
The peace of the city. Calm as a Dove.Every vehicle following the traffic light to rush-Gently.
After a while,The cab came to a halt.
A huge compound.The lighting was immaculate. The gate huge and black.
Even from the car you could see how tall the building was .It seemed familiar.
We alighted The cab and settled the bill.walking gracefully towards the gate with our invitation intact.
We got to the gate and there to was.
The Voss compound boldly written on the gate.
Immediately my head began to spin.my chest felt tight,i couldn't breathe .
All of a sudden I needed support,I couldn't stand ,my heels felt weak ,it couldn't hold the emotions in me .
I held Lena's shoulder,with my nails digging her flesh. I looked at her.
The guilt in her eyes were to obvious.
And I asked the only question that could come out form my mouth that moment.
"You knew?"
She hesitated and finally let out a nod
" Lena …." My eyes widened
To be continued...….