Hugo stared blankly at the raccoon-looking creature still greedily sucking down the tomatoes, and that's when it hit him — the bastard was eating his mom's tomatoes.
Hugo's chest tightened, his mother was going to kill him if she saw this.
He gripped the plank tighter, his knuckles turning white, and raised it like a bat. "You… stop that!"
His voice was louder than he expected.
The creature froze mid-chew. It patted its now-bulging belly and looked up at him, small hands resting on its stomach like it had just survived a royal banquet. Its face was smeared with tomato pulp, glistening under the moonlight.
"You called, master?" it said, voice muffled by the food still lodged in its mouth.
Hugo blinked, trying to process what he was seeing. "…You… what are you?"
The creature straightened, puffing out its chest as if that alone would lend credibility to its next words. "Me? I am a Lich King."
Hugo stared. "A what?"
"I am a Lich King," it repeated, tone serious, almost self-important. The gold silk robe rustled as it moved, sleeves dangling comically, but Hugo forced himself to ignore that.
Hugo had no idea what the hell a Lich King was supposed to be, or why it looked like an oversized rodent wearing a child's Halloween costume. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And… why are you here?"
"You allowed me to enter," the creature replied plainly, like he was explaining the weather.
That's when it clicked in Hugo's mind. The pop-up, the interface, the bizarre request for permission, then the mini earthquake. It all somehow made sense now.
"…You're Randalf the Lich Monarch?" he said slowly.
"At your service, master," the creature mumbled, patting its belly again and letting out an enormous burp that smelled faintly of fresh tomatoes.
"…Right."
He glanced around making sure no one was looking. The last thing he needed was a neighbor seeing him stand in the backyard arguing with a raccoon that claimed to be a monarch.
"Sigh. Come on," he said finally. "We need to get you inside before someone calls the patrol about a talking rodent."
"As you wish, master," the Lich replied, bowing like a servant in a royal court.
Hugo exhaled feeling a headache coming.
He bent down to pick it up — ridiculous as it was — and that's when Randalf snapped his tiny fingers.
The next instant, Hugo's feet no longer felt soil. The world tilted strangely around him. He blinked, dizzy. And then — he was in his basement.
"…What the…"
The dim basement light flickered, casting long shadows over the peeling paint and dusty furniture.
A faint hum of the old refrigerator filled the silence.
But before he had time to process what just happened, he heard it again.
Munch.
Sure enough, perched atop his small desk was the creature, cheeks stuffed full of cake.
His birthday cake.
"Splendid indeed!" Randalf exclaimed, crumbs flying in all directions. "Really splendid!"
Hugo's brain refused to keep up. He just stood there, watching as the creature inhaled slice after slice like some gravitational anomaly for baked goods. By the time Hugo found his voice, the cake near was gone.
Randalf let out a triumphant burp and rubbed its round belly as though performing a sacred ritual. "Now — at your service, master."
Hugo pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long, drawn exhale through gritted teeth. "Why are you here?"
"You summoned me, master," Randalf said cheerfully, voice still sticky with frosting.
"Yeah, I know that, but… why? From where? How? I just tore my token and got a D-grade Water affinity. I didn't sign up for… this. A fat, hungry raccoon in a gold robe?"
Randalf frowned, patting his robe as if adjusting the dignity of his situation. "First of all, I am a Lich, not this… raccoon thing you speak of. Secondly…" He paused, scratching his chin with a stubby finger. "Well… I have no idea either. I was just… minding my business when I sensed my master seeking a summon, so I requested permission to come."
Hugo rubbed his forehead, the headache crawling up like some unwelcome parasite. "And how exactly do you know I'm your master?"
Randalf stared into nothing for a moment, considering, then shrugged. "I don't know. I just… know."
"Great. Just great."
"What would you like me to do for you, master? You seem troubled," Randalf asked sincerely, though the sincerity was slightly undermined by the frosting smeared across his tiny muzzle.
Hugo stared at him. "Well, you could start by stopping that."
The Lich froze mid-lick, then snapped upright like a soldier standing at attention. "What else?"
Hugo exhaled, shoulders slumping. "I… don't know. What can you do?"
"Anything," Randalf said immediately, no hesitation.
Hugo arched a brow. "Anything, huh? Then… can you fix this damn useless affinity of mine?"
He said it half-jokingly, but Randalf didn't laugh. Instead, it hopped down from the desk with surprising agility and clambered up Hugo's leg like a determined squirrel.
"Wha—what are you doing?!" Hugo exclaimed, trying to step back.
"One moment, master," Randalf murmured, hands pressing lightly on Hugo's chest. Its eyes closed, face serene.
Immediately, Hugo froze.
A pressure unlike anything he'd ever felt pressed down on him, not just physical but deep, visceral, as if something ancient and vast was peeling back the layers of his soul, examining every hidden corner.
His breath caught, heart hammering.
And then, just as suddenly, it ended.
Randalf stepped back, brushing dust and frosting from its robe. "I could sense multiple slumbering affinities within you, master. Currently, only Water is active — stuck at D-grade due to your body's weakness. Would you like me to fix that?"
Hugo blinked.
He didn't understand what the racoon was yapping about, but something about "fix" sounded promising. "…Uh… yes, please?"
Randalf nodded solemnly. From within the folds of its robe, it produced a small bone staff, etched with faintly glowing runes.
It raised the staff, voice deepening and echoing slightly as if several mouths spoke at once, chanting in a language Hugo didn't recognize.
The air thickened.
Shadows stretched unnaturally across the walls, curling like living things. The room felt smaller, heavier, suffused with latent energy that made Hugo's hair stand on end.
"Uhm… racoo—Lich?" Hugo stammered, stepping back. "What exactly are you doing?"
But Randalf did not answer. Black tendrils of shadow rose from the floor, writhing like snakes, twisting toward Hugo. Before he could react, they wrapped around him, cold as ice, constricting his arms and legs.
Panic surged, but Hugo's mind struggled to comprehend, he could barely breathe.
Then, with a final word from Randalf, the tendrils recoiled, fading into smoke.
Hugo gasped, dropping to the floor, heart hammering in his chest. A faint blue glow pulsed in front of him.
[Affinity Raised]
[Water Affinity: SSS Grade]
Hugo just stared at it, blankly.
He wasn't sure if he should scream, laugh, or pass out.