Days went by and soon weeks flew by too. With each passing seconds,exam drew closer and the Principal increased my work load. Those weeks were the worst for me, I had never been made to read so much and so hard before. I usually laze around knowing I would pass without reading but now with the Principal and teachers breathing on my neck, carrying any form of assistance was out the options and since I wasn't in good talking terms with any of my class mates and had some as enemies because I bullied them at some point asking for their help was also out of the options. I felt helpless and lost on what I would do now . The garden and my new friend were the only things keeping me sane and preventing my mind from blowing up, literally. "You worry too much,you'll be fine",she had told me,"But what if i fail and...",I opposed ,"Emily you feel unprepared but you are not. Kept telling yourself you are prepared and everything would be fine",she said but I wasn't convinced at all. Eventually,I surrendered to fate to do as she pleased.
The exam started and while the other girls scribbled away on their papers,I stared at mine blankly. A teacher was behind me watching me closely as though I was someone of high importance. She was my personal invigilator while other teachers roamed about the hall,she remained rooted behind me like and Eagle watching it's prey.
Few minutes to the end of the paper,I began scribbling the first thing that came to mind on the paper. I wasn't sure of any of them but it was better to write something than submit an empty sheet, right? After all,they say "Half loaf of bread is better than none". "Pens up",the subject teacher shouted and I shivered a bit. The teacher behind me took my sheet away leaving me to stare at an empty table with no thought in mind. Other students submitted and left the hall but I remained sitted until I was the only student left. The paper had come to an unusual and unpleasant end for me.
In the garden,I swept as I narrated what had happened to her. "It's okay, it's not the end of the world. This is just he first day ,they will be other chances for you to do better",she encouraged," But I can't concentrate no matter how hard I try,I just can't. Each time I try ,I just lose interest in whatever I'm reading and my mind just wonders off. I ...I ... I can't fail ",I said in between tears." Emily don't be too hard on yourself,okay? No one can read and remember everything they read ,you just need to take things slowly at your own pace ",she adviced," But I can't. No one understands me like you do ,they all expect me to be perfect like my siblings ",I told her.
She sighed," Emily,you can only be only one person and that's you ,try all you may. Rather than comparing yourself to others try to be the best you ,you can be",she adviced. I wiped my eyes and sniffed back the mucus several times." Tell my Mum,she'll understand ",she said .I looked at her and wanted to say something but held my tongue. We sat in silence for the rest part of the night until I returned to my hostel to sleep.
The days the exam lasted were agonizing. Each day of the exam ended worst than the previous day. I felt this deep pain inside each time I walked out of the hall,I felt empty and hallow as well.i had never felt this helpless, hopeless,angry, confused and frustrated all my life. Oliver, that's her name, tried to console, encourage and cheer me up but couldn't. I remained gloomy and moody throughout the exam period.
The day the exam ended was the happiest day of my life,it felt as if a burden had been lifted up my shoulders and I felt light and full of energy once more .I bounced back to my former self and could now sit in the garden and chat freely with an clear and relax mind as the tension was finally over. Not too long after,the results were out and according to the school rule,it was to be given to our parents by the class teacher of each class.
Unfortunately,my Dad was the one who came to pick it up and me as well rather than Mum. My class teacher gave him the result without making a comment.i was so anxious,I wanted to snatch it from him and open it as it was kept on a white envelope.He thanked her and we left.
In the car,he finally opened in but I couldn't see it. I tried reading the expression on his face hoping to get something but got nothing as he kept a straight face. He opened the door suddenly and got down,"Get out",he commanded and I did.He began walking back to the school building and I found out hard to keep up his pace . When ,we finally arrived at the Principal's office,he knocked and went in but I was almost out of breathe. When I went in I was greeted with a stare of disappointment and anger which had me thinking,"What the hell was going on?Was the result that bad or what?".
"Emily,sit down",she said and I say beside my Dad who sent daggers at me with his eyes."After hours of extra lessons,is this the best you could do?",she asked dropping the result in front of me.i stared at it without touching it like it was some kind of forbidden object. I had a lot of D's, and few E's. I raised my face to meet her disapproving look. She went on to talk about it, criticizing it but I didn't care to listen because her words were meaningless to me.
She turned to my father and said,"Mr. Huston, I'm sure we can make her do better, all we need is time amd her cooperation so I suggest she stays back during the holiday for more lessons",she dropped the bomb on me," I don't want to ...",I was saying when he interrupted me," Fine by me",he said ," What? No,how can you say that?Why can you...",I protested," That's enough ",he shouted angrily at me.
" I want to see a better result or else...", he said and stopped," Why can't you just be like Vanessa and Victor?Why must you be so...",as I listened to thosr words the anger in me burnt hotter," Then why don't you stick to them and LEAVE ME ALONE ", I yelled at him and stomped off slamming the door.
With few students in school,the garden was empty so I sat under the tree and sniffed back the tears that wanted to spill. I hated him ,I hated the school and hated everyone. No one tried to understand me and they expect me to live up to their stupid expectations without considering what I wanted. I stayed there under the tree,all morning,all afternoon and all evening. Night fell with me still in the garden trying to stop myself from falling apart.