Kyle stood in front of me, leaning on the doorframe. He looked so fine with his untucked white shirt, the sleeves folded at the elbow. His brown eyes stared at me, steady and unwavering.
My eyes widened in shock; I never expected to be standing face to face with Kyle in my room, alone—together.
"Kyle?" I gasped.
Why is he here? Is he in the wrong room?
"Can I come in?" he asked, his brown eyes piercing into my soul.
I awkwardly gave him room and our shoulders brushed slightly as he made his way into my room. I feared that he would hear my heart pounding as he passed me.
The plan was to stop having feelings for him but this wasn't helping at all. I gently closed the door then turned slowly to face him. I couldn't believe that I was in a room alone with Kyle.
My room wasn't anything to be proud of, it had a bunk bed which I shared with Kyle and a tiny closet that barely fit our clothes squeezed next to it. The room was so small that it could only accommodate one study table , so we had to take turns using it and don't get me started on the bathroom that was basically falling apart.
No light bulb, no hot water and sometimes no water — this was the life Jack and I were used to. We did complain to the caretaker to fix things but she didn't seem to care.
We survived living there for three years, what is one more year?
There were other students like Kyle who lived on the new hostels that were more expensive, but they were way better than the one I lived in.
He was looking around in my room—probably wondering how I survived—and then it hit me that I had left my notebook open. I literally jumped on my bed, closed my diary and shoved it under my pillow making him turn around, his eyes widening.
" So how can I help you?" I asked, sitting upright.
He faced me, eyes gentle and leaned on the chair by the study table.
"You didn't come to the library today," he said softly, " I just wanted to see if you are okay."
His voice was low and deep and it vibrated through the small room.
What the hell is happening? Did Kyle just come all this way to check up on me!
I secretly pinched myself on my thigh just to confirm that I was in fact not dreaming.
" I wasn't feeling like studying today," I mumbled as I played with my fingers, too nervous to look at him.
I could feel his eyes on me as he stood there with his hands crossed over his chest. He seemed like he wanted to tell me something but didn't know how to.
" Do you like me?" he asked casually .
The fuck!
I couldn't believe my ears.
" Huh?" I looked at him with utter confusion written on my face.
" Don't play dumb now. It was really easy to tell when all you do is stare at me" he said with a grin on his face, like he was getting comfortable talking to me.
He moved and sat on the bed and the mattress sunk beneath him.
" I do but I want to stop," I whispered as I gathered all the courage had and looked him in the eyes.
"Why do you want to stop?" Kyle asked with concern, his voice soft.
"Because it isn't right and you know how it will be when people find out," I replied exasperated. I got off the bed and went to stand near the door with my eyes still on him.
" I don't think it's worth it,"
He stood up and moved closer to me, eyes never leaving mine.
" I was just hoping that we could give this a try no one has to know. It will be just you and I," he whispered while leaning in.
My back was directly on the door, I couldn't escape. I knew I would give in, I knew myself—I had no backbone, especially when it came to Kyle.
My face heated up and my mind went blank. I couldn't think logically. All I could see was Kyle. All I wanted was him. I felt happiness flood within because he was finally within my reach.
He then removed one of his hands from his pocket and started playing with my black tie.
I could feel my stomach buzz as his eyes moved from my eyes to my slightly parted lips. I didn't want him to stop.
Finally, I was reaching a milestone with my crush instead of just watching and longing from a distance.
Lost in the moment, I took in his features, his brown eyes, his high nose, sculpted jaw and his soft smooth and delicate lips that curved upwards in a grin.
"Hey Simon, do you know what Luke11:9 says?" He asked me.
"What are you on about," I scrunched my face .
"Someone has been skipping his daily readings, aren't you like one of the Christian leaders?" He smirked still looking down at me while inching closer towards me that our chests were almost touching.
I was starting to feel rather uncomfortable because even though I was a Christian, I didn't feel like it. These forbidden feelings that I was entertaining— and actually hearing him calling me a Christian made me feel even worse.
" Ask and you shall receive….." he whispered grinning widely.
I had never seen this side of him before and I was really surprised that he was so straightforward.
" Where are you going with this?" I wondered.
He let go of my tie and then held my hand. His hands were soft and larger than mine. I felt like I could last in this moment.
" Would you like to date me?" He asked me his eyes directly on mine.
I should have felt guilty, I should have remembered every verse in the Bible that warned me not to feel what I was feeling but I chose to ignore it. I chose Kyle.
"I don't know but I am willing to try,"