Alright. She was enjoying this a little too much. And it was kind of hard to plot how to get rid of the guy when she slept in his embrace. The asshole was a blanket hog, but at least he hogged her just as well. The first class dicking she got was just the cherry on top, it seemed.
And if she wasn't pregnant after that one... Well, Orochimaru had a lot to answer for already. But if all the shit he had filed away on her was true, then Tayuya's reproductive organs were in perfect working order.
She liked to blend out the other stuff that was in there. Like, the potential for cross-breeding. With nonhumans. Shit. She was just so fucking glad that someone killed the asshole before she had fully grown up. Props to that guy. Or girl. Who did they say did it again? She couldn't remember. Not after hard sex for most of the night, she couldn't.
Okay, okay. Now. Uh, what now?
She poked at him with her elbow. He stirred but didn't wake.
Yep. Sneaking out it was. She wormed her way out of his grasp and had to suppress a shiver. Dammit. The nights were still cold. She slipped into her clothes, almost broke a toe at the bed, and silently left the room with her bag. All the while, Loverboy kept on sleeping, the blanket curled around him.
Giving him one last look, she couldn't help but roll her eyes. He was annoying but... not that bad. Welp, that's that.
Tayuya closed the door with a soft click. Good thing the father of her kid wasn't an asshole-
"Hey."
HOLY MOTHER OF-
He stood there, fully dressed, and blocking the hallway in front of her. How in the world did he get out here?
Tayuya scowled at him. "Hey."
He smiled. "Time to go, is it?"
She sighed. "Yup. Early birds and all that rot."
He laughed, took the bag from her, and walked down the stairs.
"Asshole," she muttered under her breath. Well, at least now she had someone to carry her shit.
The sun gave Tayuya another reason to hate the Land of Fire. If you weren't in a stupid forest, you were out on a grass plane being scorched by the sun and marinated in your own sweat. Well, she would be, if not for blondie's shadow. She glanced at him, almost annoyed at how the sun haloed his face the very moment he grinned down at her. But only almost. Because it looked supremely stupid, that's what it did.
It must have shown on her face.
"What?" he asked.
"You look stupid," she laughed, elbowing him.
He pouted at her. "Hey. I'm not stupid. I'm sexy."
"You are not sexy," she snorted, laughter bubbling in her voice. "You look decent enough to make a cute kid."
He grinned widely at her. "Oh? Was that a compliment?"
Well, to some degree. "No," she deadpanned.
He returned the elbow shove. "Mean."
"Stupid."
"Sexy."
Rolling her eyes, Tayuya tripped him up. The reflexes that every shinobi out there should have failed him spectacularly. Blondie's face hit the dirt without him even trying to break his fall. Wow.
"Get up, you dolt," she huffed. "The sun's annoying."
"I'm hurt," he returned from the ground, giving her the trembling lip.
"No. You are stupid. There's a difference."
Shrugging, Tayuya continued walking.
"Oi! Don't leave me!"
Oh, she would if she could. But that idiot was just so damn... fast? Or just very, very sticky. Hard to get rid of. Kind of like... a rash. She snickered. Yeah. A blonde rash. With a dick. Right... now it was getting weird. She discarded the thought just as he pulled up beside her, providing shade again.
"Good boy," she praised mockingly, pinching his butt.
He yelped. "Ouch! What was that for?"
"You liked it."
"Did not!"
"Oh, you did, I'm sure."
"Did not!"
"Did too."
He pouted.
Her victory.
"So... where are we going?"
Tayuya took the sandwich he offered her. She scrutinized it. Where did he get that from? Well, if he was hoping to poison her, he would be surprised how much of an immunity she had to that stuff. She took a bite. It was... quite good.
"South," she said in between bites. Dammit. Was that mustard? Tasted great.
"South where?"
She elbowed him. Dammit, her elbow was beginning to hurt. Stupid muscles. "South on the map, you dipshit."
"Oh, who would have guessed."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you being sarcastic with me?"
His grin annoyed her as much as it amused her. Oh look, he thought he had impressed her. Like a damn puppy. A rash puppy. That made sandwiches.
With a dick-
...
Yeah, she needed to get out of the sun.
The bench they sat on was no longer in the tree's shade it stood under. She glared up at the sun. Cruel, cruel sun. "Hey, get over here."
"Hm?"
Yep. If he had a tail, It would be wagging.
She patted the bench right beside her. Blondie immediately hurried over. "Turn around."
"Uh... how?"
She rolled her eyes. "Back to me."
He did as told. With his back to her, Tayuya pulled her legs up and leaned back against him. Now she had her shade back. Nice.
"You good?" he asked jokingly, leaning his head atop of hers.
"Peachy," she returned.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, something Tayuya hadn't thought blondie capable of. The soft breeze and his calm breathing almost lulled her to sleep when he suddenly spoke up.
"Say, why did you want to have a kid so bad?"
She lazily opened an eye to stare up at the canopy. "To have a family, of course."
"And you... couldn't just have found one, you know, without getting pregnant?"
She shrugged against his back. "I'd rather not."
"No?"
She shrugged again. "People suck. You thankfully suck a little less, which made you eligible to get me a cute kid I could spoil." Spoil like she never got to be spoiled. Loved like she never got to be loved.
"Well, you don't suck," he said.
Tayuya smirked. "I could. But your dick is just too big. I'd probably bite it off." Or choke. She wasn't into gagging.
He sorted, a laughing shaking his entire body and hers with it. "That's not what I meant."
"But now you're thinking about it."
"... True."
She pushed herself further up his back, turning her head so she could whisper in his ear. "Then keep on dreaming, Loverboy."
His heartbeat picked up to an almost audible speed and his ears reddened. Yet another victory.
"Mean," he muttered, turning his head back so he'd look her in the eyes.
"On purpose," she said.
Tayuya had to admit; his eyes were kind of nice. Warm, honest, and... a tad sexy. Not that she as ever going to tell him that. And he smelled... well, acceptable. She had a sensitive nose, one not easily pleased. He did alright, though.
She sighed, unbidden. Was he trying to stare through her eyes into her damn soul or something? Why was his stare making her nervous? The uncertainty annoyed her.
"Why did you so easily agree to knock me up anyway?" she asked, turning back. Her traitorous heart beat a mile a minute.
"I'll have you know, I didn't think you'd be so upfront about it," he huffed. "I thought you needed help with something you couldn't say aloud." He paused. "Or something."
"Fucking goody-two-shoes."
"Well, you did."
Heh. That one wasn't bad. "True enough. So?"
He shrugged, leaning his had back onto hers again. "I mean... I kind of liked the idea."
"Of us fucking without a condom?"
She imagined his ears were bright red after that one. "Uh, t-that, too." He coughed unconvincingly. "But... having kids, you know?" He flailed his arms around in her peripheral vision, a gesture of uncertainty, she was sure. "I just... wanted to."
"That's so fucking lame," she laughed. "At least I had a plan."
"I seriously doubt that."
Tayuya elbowed him. Hard. "Fuck you."
By evening blondie had led them to a neat little roadside inn that only shinobi knew of. Tayuya doubted that. The thing was right by the main road of all things. Back in the day, shinobi at least tried to hide. This was just stupid. But that didn't matter anyway.
"Does it have good beds?" she asked, scrutinizing the plain building. It didn't look like anything special.
Blondie shrugged, moving her bag from one shoulder to the other. "I mean... I guess?"
Well, it would do. "Fine. But if you get any funny ideas that I didn't have first, I'll castrate you."
"So... you have some ideas, then?"
Hehe. She liked how he was thinking. After all, if you couldn't get rid of it, make use of it. "You're gonna find out soon enough."
They checked in with no questions asked, got a room with a single bed - which did earn them a look from the reception guy - and soon enough found themselves alone again. At some point during the check-in, Tayuya wondered how long she was gonna entertain blondie. Or rather, how long was she have him entertain her? She would have to get rid of him at some point and he didn't seem too inclined to ever budge from her side.
As long as she was pregnant with his kid.
Well, it was too late now to act as if it wasn't his.
And it wasn't like it could possibly be anyone else's.
So. Killing him? Probably impossible. Ditching him? He was, like, the second-fastest thing on this star right after his father. Telling him to fuck off? She already tried that.
...
Just... roll with it?
Hm. Fuck. That was just about the only thing that didn't sit well with her. Killing him was okay because it wouldn't be the first time she murdered in cold blood. But taking him along? Like, actually taking him as part of her family? Yeah, she doubted that. She seriously doubted that. But maybe. MAYBE. Maybe if he could prove himself.
She didn't need half asses in her life. So his diehard commitment was a point in his favor.
"Whatcha thinking about?"
He stuffed her bag onto the sleek looking wardrobe of their room, all the while keeping a curious eye on her. Or maybe it was lecherous. Honestly, she could deal with both.
"Nothing much," she said, letting her cloak fall off her shoulders, pooling around her boots just as she slipped out of them.
Ah. The cool floor under her feet was heavenly. Fuck yeah. She was still too warm, though. Glancing at Loverboy, she barely suppressed a grin. The buttons on her tunic came loose with a few practiced flicks of her fingers and soon enough she was pulling both the tunic and her undershirt over her head. Mm. That hit the spot. Stupid sun. Was it stupid that she could probably like the sun if she were on a tropical island with a coconut to drink from in hand? Maybe.
She pushed her pants down the next moment and skipped forward, throwing herself onto the surprisingly soft bed. "Aaaah, yessss," she hissed, enjoying the cool sheets against her skin. "I needed that."
Tayuya smirked into the pillow. She could all but feel his eyes on her. Right. This was kinda fun. Now just arch the back a bit, raise those hips...
He swallowed loudly and dropped something.
Heh. Neat. Maybe she was a tad more attractive than she had thought. Or maybe blondie was just that weird.
"That's uh, a lot of scars," he said after a prolonged pause filled with intense staring.
She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Yup. You into those, too? Damn, you are one hell of a weirdo."
"All Shinobi are weirdoes," he deflected, undeterred in his ministrations. "That aside, scars are sexy."
She snorted. "Then I must be pretty damn sexy, huh?"
"Well, yeah."
Alright, he was definitely working himself into her good graces.
Tayuya almost flinched when his fingers unexpectedly traced one of her many scars, the one on her left shoulder blade. "Where'd you get this one?"
She took a steadying breath, ignoring the goosebumps his touch left in its wake. "Right from the Snake Pedo himself." From his stupid sword, no less.
"Looks like he got you with Kusanagi," he murmured. "I have one like that too."
She turned her head just as he lifted his shirt. The scar across his abdomen was indeed a lot like hers. Discolored skin, etched into his stomach. "Hell, the acid burn got you good, huh?"
"Felt divine," he quipped brightly.
She laughed. "Don't I know it."
His hand moved lower, to a bunch of scars that spanned all over the middle over her back, crossing her spine. "What are those?"
"Lashes," she said. "For insubordination." Tayuya was damn proud of those. Every single one proof that she never gave in, that she never surrendered herself.
"Should have guessed it."
That little-! She lifted her foot and kicked him as best as she could. "Asshole."
His hand moved lower to a puncture scar, the rest of which was visible on her front. That bone lance of that Orochimaru loving prick had thankfully missed everything vital. Didn't make it hurt any less to be pinned face-first to a tree by it, though.
"If you finally moved on to fondling my ass, as it was your intention all along, we could get this started a lot faster." His hand withdrew from her hips. Then he pinched her butt. "Ouch," she deadpanned.
"Heh," he laughed softly, pinching her again.
"The pain," she said flatly. "What the hell are you trying to do?"
"Dunno," he shrugged. "Your ass is soft."
Oh man. "What are you? Sixteen?" She paused. "Don't tell me you are."
He scoffed. "No. I'm ten years over that."
"Sure you are, baby face."
She saw him scowl out from the corner of her eye. Then she yelped as he pinched her ass hard. "Oi, the fuck was that about?" She picked up the pillow and slammed it in his face before he could get a word out.
He fell off the bed.
What an idiot.
Tayuya glanced over the edge to see if she should chuck the blanket at him, too, only to receive the pillow right back into her face.
"Alright." She pushed herself up, kneeling at the edge of the bed like a prowling lioness. "You wanted it." And she pounced.
Tayuya hadn't ever had a pillow fight before, much less with just one pillow, but she made sure she won that one. Mostly by smothering blondie's face with her breasts while simultaneously assaulting him with the pad until he fled onto the bed for air. She pinned him there, arms on his back and face pressed into the mattress as she sat on his head.
Yeah. Victory. Again. Nice.
"Ready to surrender?" she asked, slightly out of breath.
His rebuttal was lost to the mattress.
"Thought so," she huffed triumphantly. And because she was such a nice woman, Tayuya bit her thumb, drew a tiny seal onto each of his wrists, and effectively bound them together.
He could probably break out of that with ease, but he was such a goody-two-shoes he would just remain there like that.
She climbed off his head and down to straddle his legs. "My turn," she said, winking at him as he turned his head to glare halfheartedly at her.
"Your turn at what?"
"Fondling your ass." She pinched him for emphasis.
"Ouch." Just as deadpan as her. Ah, she almost laughed, dammit!
"Cry for me," she quipped. Then she busied herself with studying his scarred back.
He had lots, too. His were obviously earned in battle, though. "People like shooting arrows at you, huh?" she remarked, prodding the seven or so scars around his right shoulder. "All in the same spot?"
"I was hiding out with some rescued prisoners," he said. "Kids, really. If I'd moved, they'd have found us."
"And you hid in, what? On a shooting range? Or better yet, in the fucking target?"
He averted his eyes.
Wow. She snorted. "You're stupid."
"I'd call it desperate, thank you very much."
Another pinch shut his sass up. There was curious looking scarring at his side. Mostly curious because it looked like a bite wound. A huge one at that. "The hell bit you there? A lover I should know about?"
He huffed, lifting his head. "No. It was... a fox."
"A big ass fox," Tayuya mused, caressing the smooth skin with deft fingers.
"With nine tails," he added.
Tayuya raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh? Isn't that thing sealed in your mom?"
"Well..." He experimentally tugged at the seal that held his wrists together. "We did try to let him out if he was docile."
"Backfired, huh?"
He snorted. "Like you wouldn't imagine."
Hm. He didn't seem to have lied to her just yet, but Tayuya knew from experience that that could change without batting an eye. So his actions had to speak. There was still quite the stretch of land between them and the coast. If by then he had proven himself to be a decent human being with not too much of a chip in his shoulder, Tayuya thought she might be able to consider him actually seeing his spawn.
If not, well...
She might just have to reverse-summon herself. And then survive the Doki's wrath. And get out of their realm without dying.
...
Okay, so maybe she was stuck with the idiot. Dammit.
She sighed, blew a few hairs out of her face, and simply laid down atop of him.
"Comfy?" he asked, glancing at her from over his shoulder.
"No," she complained, "Your muscles are too fucking hard." She elbowed his back, like a cat trying to make her sleeping place more comfortable.
"Ouch! Well, excuse me!"
"No," she yawned. "You're not excused. Now shut up and let me sleep."
Hm, this was not as uncomfortable as she had thought. Though his stupid hands-
She pinche his side. "Hands off the pussy," she said lazily, scooting her hips a tad to the side, away from his hands.
Great. Now it was even more uncomfortable. She sighed. Well, the mattress was softer anyway.
"Scoot over," she grumbled, rolling off him.
Shit, now where did the blanket go? Mm. Too tired to look for it. Ah, maybe she shouldn't have tried to tie him up in it.
Tayuya laid down onto her side and closed her eyes. She might even have fallen asleep when suddenly, the blanket was draped over her. Blondie's warm body slipped into place behind her, and the pillow came with him.
"Don't get a big head now," she murmured, lifting her head onto the pillow. "Just 'cause you're a nice body pillow."
He laughed softly into the crown of her head as he pulled her flush against him, his arm warm around her waist. "Same to you."
"Asshole," she drawled sleepily, relaxing into his touch. Sleep came wonderfully easily that night.