The apartment was an escape to the low-keyed colors and gentle light, an extreme contrast to the neon-filled chaos that had turned out to be the new reality of the Mia world. The warm light of a single lamp in the living room brought with it the subdued odor of cedar and old books, a welcome relief to the whiskey-laden air of the dive bar which still lingered in her nostrils. The beat of the city, the faint rumble of crimson and sapphire, throbbing through the curtains, had thrown faint shadows on the hardwood floor upon which Mia sat upon the plush sofa, her legs curled up. Her jeans were old, and the fabric rubbed against her flesh, a kind of comfort she was accustomed to, but which did not help much in relieving the tension that was coiling in her chest. It was a day since the mysterious message of Jace had fallen on her desk, with its daring handwriting--I was thinking of you--a sort of incessant refrain which was eating away her determination. The sterile humming of the office and the probing look of Emma lingered in her mind, making the deceitfulness over Lucas seem even more fragile, and the weight bearing against her rib-cage with every breath. Lucas, with his broad body, came out of the kitchen, a mug of tea in his hands simmering. And his hazel eyes, smoothed by the lamplight, looked up at her in a silent worry which made her heart stutter, and he moved across the room to sit by her, the cushion sinking under his weight. You have not spoken a word since yesterday, you see, the voice rumbling low like a rumble that vibrated through the air between us, and touched her nerves. He placed the mug on the coffee table, where it clinked against the ceramic material, and turned to face her, his knee touching her, the touch leaving her with a shiver up her spine. She said yes, her throat contracting, the lie she had told Emma, that they were just friends having fun, and it was like a bad taste in her mouth, it did not match the earthiness of the tea. It has, she said, in a voice that was little more than a whisper, and Lucas put his hand over hers, his fingers interlacing with hers in a gesture that was both caressing and painfully erotic. The touch caused a sensation of warmth to spread through her, her heart racing wildly as the thumb of his hand brushed the rim of her palm, a slow, deliberate movement that awakened a fire in her chest. She despised the reaction of her body, the tightening of her nipples under her sweater, a response she could not manage and she sat up, her thighs closing to suppress the pain in her belly. Lucas himself looked softer, yet there was something there, a tenderness she had not perceived in him, and he drew a breath, and his chest heaved as though setting himself. I have something to tell you, he said, and his voice was coarse with feeling, and Mia jumped a little, her heart sinking in her stomach with an anticipation and horror she felt. He reclined, still holding her hand and the quietness was oppressive and filled with the things we can never say. Not the co-worker- the high school girl. His voice broke and Mia could see a shadow pass across his face, a memory that made his features darker. My first love or at least it was my belief was her. We were inseparable, we had a future together. Then she went-went over the nation without any explanation, and left me a note, which said I was not enough. His hands clenched hers in a reflex action and Mia could feel the sting of his words, the reflection of her insecurities. My dad was also walking out about the same time and I vowed never to allow anyone near me and be hurt in a similar manner. Until you. The confession was hanging in the air, crude and naked, and the breath of Mia stopped, her heart closing with a kind of sympathy, and something more. The weakness of Lucas had taken away the veil of their deception, and shown her a man who had erected barriers to shut out the outside world, and the discovery made her shiver. His thumb touched her cheek, his hand brushed her skin and she felt the tenderness which made her eyes sting, and she leant in to him, and her body betrayed her, her whole body flushed, her face and her very heart. You are not her, he said, with a caressing low voice, and the words set a fire in her, and her lips parted as she struggled not to bring them together. The pain in her belly was more, a desire she could not describe, and she wondered whether he was experiencing it as well, the tension that was in the air. The knock at the door was a sharp intrusion that startled Mia out of the intimacy and her heart was racing as Lucas got up to open the door. She pulled her sweater, her fingers shaking, his hands still warm on her, when the door opened and a delivery man appeared carrying a small package. Lucas took it, and his forehead wrinkled as he came back, the box undecided except that her name was written in large letters--in the hand of Jace. She gasped, and the chill fear mingled with the warmth that was still running through her, and she picked up the package with trembling hands, the cardboard coarse to her palms. It contained one black rose, the velvety and stark petals, and a note: A reminder of what is to come. The very words sent a shiver along her spine, the flower a dark promise that did not bode well with the comfort of Lucas apartment. The sight of the rose was a physical connection to the presence of Jace, his obsidian eyes flashing in her mind, his touch a burn that did not auger well with the comfort of Lucas apartment. She placed the box on the table, her fingers still on the petals, and Lucas observed her and his concern grew even more serious. What, he said, his voice straining, and she hesitated, the lie she was about to say--nothing important--seeming to her a betrayal. She instead gave him the note and her throat tightened as he read it, his jaw clenching. Not, he will, Lucas said, his hand on her shoulder, which was a kind of protective burden, and yet the presence of the rose was like a shadow. The evening passed in a tense silence, the neon beyond the window making the shadows long and dark, and falling across the room. Lucas went to the kitchen, and came back with a glass of wine to her, the ruby stuff a distraction that she did not resist. This time he sat beside her, and his thigh was against her, and the touch gave her a shiver, and her body answered it, in spite of the feeling of guilt that was tearing her. I do not wish to lose you, he said, and his voice was hoarse, and she turned to him, and he was scared, and she read the fear in his eyes, which were like her own. The wine had kindled her throat, and softened her tongue, and she said, I am afraid too, and her voice shook. His hand was encircling her face, his thumb following her jaw, and the closeness of the situation was overwhelming her, her lips trembling as she struggled against the desire to kiss him. The tension was mounting, a physical presence between them, and Lucas was about to cross the border. The pondering of her heart, the pang of her belly, made her lean her head, and the mouths of the two came together in an exploratory kiss that shook her. His lips were tender and flavored of wine and pledge, and she melted in him, her hands on his breast, the stuff of his shirt warm-skinned on her palms. The kiss grew more and more serious, his tongue playing with hers, and a moan came out of her, which gave the fire that burned her. His hand moved to her waist and drew her to him and she could feel the hardness of his arousal against her hip, and she was reminded sharply of the desire she had repressed. Guilt fluttered, Jace rose a dark whisper, but Lucas touched her and she was held and her heart thumped, the intensity of it making her dizzy. The kiss broke, their foreheads were resting together, and the force of it left Mia dizzy. The hand of Lucas was still on her waist, his thumb stroking her under the sweater and she could sense the pressure of his confession, the silent facts that held them together. The rose lay on the table, a silent menace, but just then the presence of Lucas was a protection, an assurance that the shadows of uncertainty could be dispelled yet.
