POV: In the pouring rain, I cry... I'm crying in front of a grave covered in red Geranium flowers. I don't know why, but this mixed feeling, this guilt, this sadness, this regret, everything is overflowing. This unbearable pain makes me feel like a walking corpse; I'm only breathing without feeling alive.
Then a question pops into my head (Is this what emotions are? Why does it hurt so much? Why must I suffer if it's all meaningless?) Everything feels useless. I cry, I suffer, and then I'll just die and slowly rot. It feels like an empty box that's never filled.
"Forgive me, forgive me, I don't deserve to live. Please, somebody save me, I can't bear it anymore!" I screamed because this suffering keeps burning me, this intense pain leaves me only able to cry and beg for help.
I sit at the grave for quite a while, it's quiet, there's no one here, I'm just alone in the non-stop pouring rain. The sensation of being wet covers my entire body, my clothes, my fingers are wrinkled from being wet for too long, my body hasn't moved an inch from where I was. The sensation is cold. I might catch a cold because of this, but I don't care... Because maybe this is the only way for me to atone.
"God! If you are truly real, why aren't you helping me now?"
(No, I know... even if He is real, He won't help me, because I am being punished by Him.) When I realize that, I tilt my head up to look at the overcast sky raining on me. I remain silent for a long time, then I hug the grave in front of me... so tightly that I feel extreme pain.
Damn, my eyes won't stop crying for a long time. The added rainwater continuously getting into my eyes makes them sting. I've been at the cemetery for quite a while, and I don't know how long I've been here. It feels lonely because there's no one here.
I look at the grave with a blurred vision, making the name on the tombstone unreadable, and there is blood on the gravestone (I know this grave is not he's, but mine.)